However, when you meet someone like this narcissist, you don't easily fall into their manipulation. Narcissists find it difficult to deal with people like that. Narcissists are most uncomfortable and have a hard time with individuals who have stable self-esteem. But the reason is that ultimately, stable self-esteem comes from a stable and firm identity. So, what does it mean to have a stable identity? It means having the ability to perceive oneself as a very individual existence. Therefore, there is a clear distinction between myself and others. My strengths are my strengths, and my issues are my issues. What the other person does well is their accomplishment, and what they do wrong is their mistake. People with clear boundaries like this are talking about having a clear identity. But why is having such a clear identity important for stable self-esteem? Ultimately, it's because I am...

When you are clear about the good and bad parts of yourself, you can be less influenced by the environment. For example, if we are doing well environmentally, achieving good results through hard work, and receiving rewards to some extent, it naturally feels good. It's like, I've worked so hard and achieved this much. I'm doing well. You can appreciate yourself positively, but just because external situations are going well doesn't mean you should think, I'm the best, no one can follow me, I'm perfect. This is because even though things are going well in the environment, you are still aware of your shortcomings and weaknesses. Conversely, even if you are struggling in some external aspects, putting in effort may not lead to results.

When we experience failures, it is natural for our confidence to decrease and our self-esteem to be affected. Because we are human, that's how it is. However, just because some environmental aspects are not going well doesn't mean I am truly useless, I am really a worthless person. I don't think highly of myself to that extent. Why? Because having a clear identity, being aware of my weaknesses, and also recognizing my good qualities clearly, allows for stable self-esteem. That's why having a clear identity can lead to stable self-esteem. Narcissists, on the other hand, need external success because their identity itself is unclear. Therefore, self-esteem, which may seem very high externally, especially in terms of overestimation, can appear as arrogance and thinking highly of oneself, but the most important thing inside is unstable self-esteem and.

So, without any external praise or recognition of identity, self-esteem can plummet dramatically. Therefore, one may show emotional responses such as anger or depression. However, when a narcissist meets someone with a clear sense of identity, that person who has a clear sense of identity can recognize not only themselves but also others as integrated individuals with both strengths and weaknesses. That's why when observing a narcissist, it can be very uncomfortable because behind the image that the narcissist wants to show outwardly, there are eyes that can see the integrated parts of that person. This can be very uncomfortable for narcissists because what they fear the most is the situation where the other person sees their flaws, as they themselves do not want to acknowledge those flaws.

People who are confident about their own or their partner's identity often feel uncomfortable. These individuals are very aware of their strengths and weaknesses, so they are not easily manipulated by narcissistic control. Narcissists use various manipulative methods, such as gaslighting and attacking the weaknesses while undermining the strengths of the other person. However, if you already have a strong sense of self, you won't be easily shaken by the manipulation of such narcissists. That's why dealing with narcissistic people can be challenging. More social issues than we think are linked to unhealthy narcissism. This is why issues like self-harm among teenagers in families have become severe nowadays. Ultimately, the emotional issues of such children are at stake.

There are too many cases caused by parents with prominent narcissistic tendencies, and issues such as child abuse by certain children, very prominent parent-child conflicts in Korea, are highly related to narcissism. In relationships between men and women, issues such as dating violence, infidelity, and possessiveness, as well as workplace bullying, harmful work environments, and sexual harassment, are linked to unhealthy narcissism. There are numerous studies connecting various social issues such as bullying, extreme conflicts between groups based on race, gender, or political views, online abuse, and various crimes to unhealthy narcissism. Therefore, I really feel that there are far too many unhealthy narcissistic connections to various social issues in society.

Because we are connected, we focus on this part more and believe that by understanding it more and making changes, we can change many issues. Many people tend to think that narcissism only has positive meanings. For example, there are those who only know the positive side, such as loving themselves greatly and valuing themselves highly. On the other hand, there are also those who understand narcissism, which we are talking about now, in a negative sense. In fact, narcissism exists on a continuum from healthy narcissism to pathological narcissism. Dr. Craig Malkin described well in a book how a person with healthy narcissism can appear.

You have described narcissism in this way. Currently, having a healthy narcissism that values oneself and believes in one's own worth and abilities can allow a person to dream and enjoy fantasies about achieving great things without becoming too obsessed or fixated on them. In other words, people with healthy narcissism desire attention and praise but do not feel the need to constantly prove their abilities. They pursue the belief that they can achieve great things but do not get discouraged by the big or small failures that may occur along the way. They feel the desire to focus on themselves and strive for success but are willing to control their actions appropriately when the cost of success, such as harming others, becomes too high. Therefore, this content illustrates how people with healthy narcissism can behave.

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외도, 갑질, 갈등의 중심인 나르시시스트...이런 사람은 휘둘리지 않습니다 (정신과 의사 원은수 3부)

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