what in your like what what makes a healthy set what's the healthiest set you've been on so for me it's it's it's the ones where we are all friendly and respectful because the fact is if I have to yell at you or belittle you or fight

you or kiss you whatever it is these like deeply intimate things that we do as actors yeah it's why like intimacy coordinators and that coming in I think is fantastic because if I know that I can touch you here to here then I have freedom yeah whereas if I don't know

where I can touch you or not then I'm tentative because I don't want to cross any lines but if I know that we love and respect each other I can hit you hard because you know I know you're safe I know you're good I know that as soon as

they call cut it means action to cut is free whatever because we know exactly how far to go and we can surprise each other but as soon as cut is called I got to come over and be like you okay I love you you know that's really good for me

so I don't I don't love the sets where there are manipulative tricks to try to make you feel something I want to be like I'm an example of that like I'm not looking for dirt but I'm just wondering well no I did a small movie where like

there was a kiss in the scene so I knew that it was coming but like the director told him to do it early and like to like genuinely surprise me and I wasn't upset about that because of the kiss part and like crossing that boundary but I was

like I'm an actor, my job is to live as if and not anticipate and like trust again, again, like trust me, right? The fact that you did that suggests that you don't think I know how to do my job, right? Right? Right? Um, which is to live in the

moment, so I just, I dislike those kinds of things. Um, it's just interesting, when I asked you what a healthy set was, you went right to like actors that you feel like, yeah, yeah, I mean, well I guess because that's my primary, you know, connection, I think the bad experiences

I've had on set never come from crew, it's always other actors, it's always other actors. Yeah. Um, but yeah, that, that feels healthy. I, you know, I always looked at that and I was like, wow, if I'm ever in the position to be the

person who like has some authority, like that's what I want it to be, I want it to be a space where anyone felt like they could voice their creative ideas, right? That like this is a collaborative thing, we are all building this wall together, um, so let's, let's

take each other's ideas and bounce off and feel that that sense of like there are no dumb ideas, but just ideas we might not use. Sure, sure. Um, maybe that's also because I, that's what I want because I'm a little afraid to speak up

and share my ideas, that like the idea of being in a space where that would be like, what do you like, Afra? Like, what, when you say like you're afraid to speak up and share your ideas, like what are you afraid of? Someone's got like, what

Are you afraid of, I mean, you do know, like, do you, you know, like, in your, in your mind and you're like hanging out like on set or wherever, like, you know, you're pro, you're like, I mean, you're smarter than most of the people around

you do, you know that, I know you, I know you probably can't say that, but you're definitely smarter than the people I, I, I am proud of my intelligence. Yeah, I don't know that we need to use words like smarter than or, but I mean

like come on, I'm proud of my intelligence, but I don't feel cared for or written for. Mhh. So, have you ever, here and there, Eric Olson loved Eric Olson, and I, oh, like there's a part of me that because he gave me that episode because he wrote Karen the way

that he did in that third season, I really like, I, I love him. He will sit in my heart with, like, you talk about, like, favorite people to work with, like, he's up there. And he took, talk about big swings, right? He took big, big swings with

like that, I didn't even see it, but reading it on the page that, like, black box episode for Vincent's character, right? Like, he took, he took risks and he pushed for it. Um, so I, I really love him. And then when it came around time for Karen's episode, he

listened to me. I sat down with the writer and she and I, like, really worked on things. This was a, a backstory that had been building for years and they let me be a part of that. The director, we sat down, we did rehearsals beforehand and

like in his crime noir show he took the crew, you know, the entire crew upstate for a week to film a family drama in the snow and and and gave me a dream, right? Like satisfied a dream for me to be sort of like the lead, like to have that I'm

going to get emotional to have that moment of sort of like you, the hard work and the dedication and the like, constantly being there actually does mean something because the squeaky wheel is what gets the grease, not the reliable quiet one. I don't get rewarded very

often for hard work and that felt like the one time that I did, right? That he like saw that I had been consistently trying to do the best, best thing that I could with this role and he honored it. And that's the best way to honor it, like

I don't want an award, I want you to give me great material and and responsibility to the story. That's what I want. Um, so yeah, I will always, I'm really, really very grateful to him. I mean, I've been on sets where people tried to get

me fired. I've been on sets where, you know, I've been written out of things and, you know, I've had all those things, but um that, that's a good one. Eric gets my, my stamp pro. I want to work with him again deeply, but we'll see. Yeah. Why, why you

think you got emotional there? Like why? What do you think that's about? I mean, I think just, just what I said, right? That it doesn't, the kind of work that I do doesn't, it, it's not flashy, so it doesn't pay off in tangible ways very often and so I

very much have cultivated a sense of like if I feel good about it, then that's all that matters, right? I don't have, I can't, I love external validation but I can't rely on it. So you know, I'm one of those weirdos who

doesn't watch anything I do ever, because that starts to put it on an external thing. I want to leave at the end of the night and be like, okay, do I feel like I found something, I had a moment that was real that I connected in some

way? If that's true, then I'm happy and I can, that's all I need. So when something like that happens where another person vouches for me and says like, like I got emotion up the top of this when you were saying nice things, you know, um

that stuff feels really good, it feels really good. And it's, it's validation of you know, the little girl that has loved this forever and usually either was ignored or sort of shunned for it, you know, um, you know you talked about acting saving you and

you know, when I was very wildly unpopular when I was younger, um, you know, I stopped talking for a while. There was like a, I talked at home, but like there was a time at school where I just didn't open my mouth because everything I said seemed to sort

of elicit some kind of insult or backlash of some kind, um, but I'd always loved acting and singing and dancing and doing things like that. So I went out for the play, I don't know why in seventh grade, like just did it and I, that was the only time

I talked at school, it was like for my lines in the show, and so there was a real part of like, and then and then uh, when I did finally kind of start coming back out of my shell, it was with those kids, right, like the kids that I'd done the plays with, and they became my like lifelong best friends. So there is a sense of this part of me that is childlike, that wants to be 12 forever, but was so slapped down at that time for being that, anytime I get any little like, oh I like 12-year-old Deb, yeah, like that little girl needs that healing so badly.

Yeah, um, I did this, I do a lot of Dungeons and Dragons, and I did this Dungeons and Dragons show called Relics and Rarities, and literally it was like 12-year-old Deb brain on a paper that I handed to some people, and they made a set and we hired people and we did the show, and it, you can watch it, you know, and I didn't realize it at the time, and then when it came out and people had positive things to say about it, it

floored me because it was, it was validation that I didn't even know I needed because that girl had been so quieted within me, um, and I had poured her into this show, and people were like, oh I like this, and that was enough to kind of make me shake.

I'm a little shaky now, um, I'm needy I guess in that way, and you think, you, this like all stems like 12-year-old Deb, like what was going on in your life then? I, I hate it, I hate that like, you hate what that like 13-year-old kid

I'm a little shaky now, um, I'm needy I guess in that way, and you think you, this like all stems like 12-year-old Deb, like what was going on in your life then? I, I hate it, I hate that like, you hate what that like 13-year-old kid

like determine the rest of my life I mean like think about like how many people are like walking around with that right well I mean that's the thing right this is not a unique experience I feel like most people uh had some form of ostracization or bullying when they were

at that age um and it's funny too because like I look back and I'm like nobody that I was dealing with were like psychopathic kids that love torture it's just like a natural weird societal order thing that seems to happen around that time

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