There's a widely-held belief that self-discipline
means being able to do something when you don't actually want to do it. People who believe this think that self-discipline
means going to the gym, reading books, or eating chicken and broccoli when you don't
actually want to. For them, self-discipline means ignoring your
authentic self in favour of your ideal self. But this view of self-discipline is completely
deluded. Imagine that you've been taken prisoner by
a criminal, and the criminal starts making demands of you. He says, Cook me dinner. Now clean my house. Now go sleep in that corner. If you do these things even though you don't
want to, if you suppress your authenticity in favour of his ideal, does that make you
disciplined? Or does it just make you a really good slave? An obedient prisoner? And what do you think will happen to you as
you live more and more like a prisoner, continuing

to do things that you don't want to do, suppressing
your authenticity in favour of his ideal? Will you love your master and be happy? Or will you become resentful, angry, and full
of sadness, regretting the life you never got to live? Obviously, the answer is the latter. Suppressing your authenticity comes at a cost. I know this from first-hand experience. There was a time in my life when I lived very
inauthentically. Instead of following my sincere desire to
become a psychologist and philosopher, I studied engineering. I neglected my authentic self and followed
the ideals of society. I thought I was doing what I should do in
order to succeed and be respected by society. And in order to follow society’s ideals,
I had to repress my authentic self. I told myself that psychology and philosophy
were a waste of time, even though I felt called to study them. I told myself a life full of money was more
important than a life full of purpose.

And I told myself that society, and the people
around me, knew what I should want out of life better than I do. And by repressing my authentic self, I became
out of touch with my own true feelings, desires, and instincts. And this loss of connection took a very real
toll on my health, causing me to develop lots of GI issues. For a deeper look at the science behind the
connection between authenticity and health, I recommend reading Dr. Gabor Mate's new book,
_The Myth of Normal_. Suppressing your authenticity will always
take a real cost on your health. Forcing yourself to do things you don't want
to do is not self-discipline. It's slavery, and every slave eventually becomes
resentful, revengeful, and regretful. Sacrificing your authenticity for society’s
ideal will make you miserable, not happy. And no matter how long you force it, you will
always eventually fail in the long run.

And that’s a good thing too, because who
wants to live their whole life as a slave? So what does it really mean to be self-disciplined? A truly self-disciplined person is a disciple
of themselves. They're an eternal student. Rather than trying to suppress, repress, control,
or force their genuine feelings in a specific direction, they try to understand them. And through understanding, they learn how
to allow their authentic self to flourish. And by allowing their authentic self to flourish,
they live lives of wholeness and happiness—not resentment and regret. But how does someone become a disciple of
themselves in the first place? By discovering their own ideals, not society's. They follow their own interests and confront
the challenges that they personally feel called to confront. They walk a path that is their own, not the
path society has laid out for them. They pursue what they genuinely want, not
what society tells them to pursue.

For the person who becomes a disciple of themselves,
self-control is never an issue. There are no issues of control, because there
is nothing to control. They move as one harmonious unit. If you force yourself to do things you don't
want to do, if you follow society's ideal, your ideal-self will repress your authentic-self. You will become a slave in your own body,
and your body will take its revenge. But if you become a disciple of yourself,
if you understand your own genuine feelings, desires, and nature, if you discover your
own ideal, your ideal-self will work harmoniously with your authentic-self to promote growth. So here’s the secret to self-discipline. Self-discipline is not about forcing yourself
to meet society's ideal, but rather becoming a student of yourself. It's about discovering your own ideal and
allowing your authentic-self to flourish.

Why You Keep Failing At Self-Discipline

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