You know what? Most of the suffering you go through in life stems from it. It stems from you caring too much. You care too much about other people's opinions of you, your work, all the tiny inconveniences that happen to you on a day-to-day basis.

If you put too much emphasis on these things, it can lead to a life full of unhappiness. But once you dive deeper and understand why you care so much, you can control your habitual response to certain situations and you can develop a mindset that lets almost nothing phase you. This video is

going to be divided into two parts. The first part is going to go over why you care so much about the things that are having a negative impact on your mental health. And in the second part of the video, I'm going to go over how I learned or

unlearned, I should say, to care so much about these things that are having a negative impact on my life that I really should not care about. So I advise you to watch the whole thing to get the entire scope of understanding as to why you care.

Alright, so let's get into part one. Where does our incessant caring come from? It really comes from these three basic needs that every human wants, and these are our need to feel in control, our need for acceptance or connection, and our need for consistency. Our need to feel in

control explains our attraction to stuff like knowledge, food, shelter, wealth. These are things that we want to be able to control within our lives. That's why we care so much about them. When we start to feel like we're losing control to one of those things, it

signals something in us to, you know, act upon it to gain back that control. This is also why we try to control other people's opinions about us by people pleasing. A lot of people are big people pleasers because they don't want to feel like they can't

control someone's opinion of them, and even though they can't, if they people please, they know that they'll have a better chance to. It also explains our attraction to risk-taking, fortune-telling, or novelty because these are ways for us to test or improve our control, and we want to be

in control because this is how we developed in an evolutionary perspective. If we don't have control of our environment, of the things that are around us, of our thoughts, then we aren't going to be able to survive. The second one, which might have the biggest impact on most people's mental

health, is our need for acceptance and connection. There's very little as humans that we can achieve alone. Evolution has hardwired us to assume that we stand a better chance at survival if we are accepted by everybody, and obviously, this is completely outdated now. You know, we aren't fighting for our

lives to survive every single day like prehistoric times. We don't need that group necessarily, and we all want to feel attractive and seductive to people because we want that connection and we want the chance to be able to reproduce with someone. This is again

our outdated mind overpowering how we really should feel. I'm very certain that those guys do not give a [expletive] about what people think about them, and this is why so many of us have a hard time spending time alone with ourselves, not only because we haven't self-actualized, we haven't

learned to love ourselves, but also because when we spend a lot of time alone, we feel like we don't really fit in with any group. And also, self-actualization besides connecting with people, we also want to feel connected to the world around us.

to what we do, to who we feel we are. And this is why emotions and stories, and not facts and numbers, resonate so deeply with us. And lastly, our need for consistency supports the first two. The only way we know that there's breaks in consistency is if we aren't in

control of something or if we aren't putting together connections with things we want. Our life to be consistent because then it's easily controllable, because we know what's going to happen next. A lot of people have anxiety when they can't predict their future. It makes them care more so when

something goes wrong in our lives that's different from the norm, or we get a bad opinion about us, we start to care more naturally. This oddly explains also why we are so attracted or care more about mysterious things, because they're unpredictable.

It makes us care about them more. This happens a lot with like relationships with people. If you don't know a lot about someone, if they're not very upfront, if they're not on social media posting all the time, it gives them sort of like a mysterious vibe.

And we naturally care about their lives more. And from a biological perspective, it was in our best advantage to pay attention to inconsistencies within our environment, within people. This makes sure that we're paying attention to the right things that aren't predictable that could possibly cause harm to us.

and one more idea that I want to add to this that I think is left out a lot of the time is society's programming to get you to care about those things or emphasize those things even more. You know, the way that society, the way that our society at least in the West is

set up is to really overvalue status and your looks. These above all determine your worth in modern society, and that is through the media, that is through the things we consume. We think that these things really, really matter to us more than personal fulfillment, more than happiness, more

than finding meaningful relationships. You should value status and how you look, how attractive you are, and when you see things in the media that put these things on a pedestal and you don't get them, you don't achieve them, it makes you care way more. Now, here's what most people

forget before we get into the second part of this video. I just want to say one statement: you can control your reaction to any situation you are presented with in your life. A lot of people forget this, that they have control over their mind. They can take back their

control and they can choose to not care about these things that they really shouldn't let have a negative effect on them. But obviously, that's a lot easier said than done, so what do we do? Let's get into part two: how can we stop caring? Understanding

all of the reasons as to why we care so much about things we shouldn't care about is a good start. You know, it makes you become aware of these things, and once you do become aware of these things, you can think to yourself, once you feel that

You're starting to care about something that is having a negative impact on you too much. You can say, okay, which one of these needs is producing this amount of care in me? And then you can just say, okay, this is something that has been wired into me. It's something that is a

biological need. It's something that I can overpower as a self-aware human, as a modern human who knows how to control their reactions to situations. But that doesn't exactly completely destroy all the caring about those things. It just helps you cope with them better. So what it really requires us to do

is to adopt a new mindset, to adopt a new perspective on how we view the world, and not just the world, I guess I would say the entire universe, about what life really is. This is what I have adopted, and this is what I'm going to tell you guys right now.

Now, I would not call myself a nihilist because I do think there is meaning to life. I think that the meaning to life is just to experience what life has to offer, to get the most out of life, whatever that means for you. Being successful, doing what you love,

positively impacting people, all while making a living off of it. I think that that is the true meaning of life. But something that I always come back to when I, like, start to realize I'm caring too much about something that I really shouldn't care about,

or when I'm going through a really rough patch or getting a lot of criticism, I just realize how insignificant my problems are compared to the rest of the universe in the grand scheme of things. The human perspective of one single human is absolutely nothing. You are a single human.

in a single state in a single country in a single continent in a single Earth, or a single planet I guess I should say, in a single galaxy among trillions, I think trillions of galaxies. Once you realize that and once you take in this perspective

it just dissolves all of your problems, or at least almost all of your problems, because you realize, wow, a lot of my problems, a lot of the things I care about are completely insignificant, they don't really matter. I think a lot of us tend to forget about how short our time

on Earth here is compared to how long the universe has been and how long the universe will continue to be. And you can compare your problems to other problems that are happening in the world that are at such a greater scale, and you can realize that you have a

small amount of time on this Earth and that nothing is permanent. The biggest thing for me is just realizing the impermanence of everything. That one day everyone is going to die, that one day all of your problems are going to cease to exist, that one day

all the memories that you've had are going to be nothing. And for a lot of people, this is a really depressing thought, that nothing is going to matter one day, but it's the most liberating thing ever. Once you realize this, you realize that you

can do anything that you want in life. That if someone is criticizing you for being who you truly are, who you like, your authentic self, like they're they're giving you grief for that, that does not matter at all. We're all gonna end up in the same

place which is buried underneath the ground, which really makes you think, is one person really better than someone else? This whole life is just one big game to get the most out of, to experience the most. It's not about who has the most money, it's not about

who has the highest status, who has the most friends, all that stuff doesn't matter to me anymore once I adopted this mindset. And it allows me to just act according to my authentic self. I'm not afraid to freaking dance in public. I'll do pranks

in public, like I have, I have tons of videos here on YouTube where I'm doing pranks in public, or just talking about, or I'm just talking about subjects on the internet and in real life that people will criticize me for. That I know that they'll criticize me for, but you

know what, it, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I just want to live my life the way I want it to, and if I'm judged for that, which you absolutely will be if you're not a people pleaser, then whatever, it doesn't matter anyway. I have the only

reason that I used to care about these things is because I would let my old, biologically programmed brain control me. If nothing is permanent, how are you going to overvalue all of these opinions that other people have about you, or you know, stuff that happened that was bad or that you

regret in the past, or what could happen in the future? The fact that the future is unpredictable, it, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things anyway. So just live your life how you want to live it, be the person that you truly want to be.

and be the person that makes you the happiest. This is the most powerful way to relieve yourself of the cares of your mind and of your body. Now, if you guys enjoyed the video, if this video helped you, I'm just gonna keep that in there because whatever, I don't care. Exactly, you see if this video helped you and educated you, then leave a like on it. I really hope that this opened your eyes to a fresh new perspective on things and

made you understand why you care so much, which is super important. Yeah, leave a like on the video, really helps push this out to more people, helps on my channel. Or don't, you know, maybe leave a dislike if you guys want to talk more about this subject

with me. Leave a comment below, leave your thoughts on it. I love to hear your opinions and I'm happy to engage with you guys down there. And it's a way for me to build more relationships with you guys. Thank you for watching until the end. I

love you guys so much and I'll see you in the next video where I do stuff that I don't care, but I care about helping you. Yeah, you

Why You Care So Much (and How to Stop)

Cole Hastings

많은 고통은 다른 사람의 의견, 업무, 일상의 불편함에 지나치게 신경을 쓰는 데서 비롯됩니다.

이러한 것들을 지나치게 강조하면 불행으로 이어집니다.

우리가 왜 관심을 갖는지 이해하면 대응을 통제하고 탄력적인 사고방식을 개발하는 데 도움이 됩니다.

이 동영상에서는 과도한 배려의 이유와 이를 극복하는 방법을 살펴봅니다.

과도한 배려가 필요한 이유: 인간의 기본적인 욕구

통제에 대한 욕구는 우리가 지식, 부, 위험 감수 같은 것에 끌리는 이유를 설명합니다.

수용과 연결에 대한 욕구는 사람들을 기쁘게 하고 사회적 소속감에 대한 욕구를 불러일으킵니다.

일관성에 대한 욕구는 예측 가능성을 갈망하게 만들고, 상황이 표준에서 벗어날 때 불안감을 유발합니다.

사회적 프로그램이 지위와 외모를 지나치게 중시하면서 이러한 측면에 대한 관심이 높아졌습니다.

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과도한 치료의 필요성을 인식하는 것이 출발점입니다.

삶과 우주에 대한 새로운 관점을 받아들이는 것은 매우 중요합니다.

인생의 의미는 온전히 경험하는 것입니다.

광활한 우주에 비하면 개인의 문제가 얼마나 사소한지 깨닫게 됩니다.

모든 것의 무상함을 이해하면 자유로워집니다.

이러한 관점은 다른 사람의 의견에 대한 중요성을 줄이고 진정한 자기 표현을 가능하게 합니다.

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