정체성의 함정: 겉모습에서 성취감을 추구하기

### 정체성 채택의 위험성: 일을 하지 않고도 누군가가 되고 싶은 이유
* 🏄 화자는 실제 서핑을 즐기지는 않지만 **서핑이 자신의 진정한 관심사와 맞지 않았기 때문에 서퍼가 되고 싶었던 자신의 욕망**을 반성합니다.
* 🧘 서핑을 통해 그는 **진정한 즐거움은 서핑이 제공하는 정체성**뿐만 아니라 활동 자체를 위해 무언가를 할 때 온다는 것을 배웠습니다.
* 📚 그는 이를 **작가가 되고 싶지만 실제로 글쓰기를 즐기지 않고 작품 없이 정체성만 추구하는 사람들**에 비유합니다.
* 💔 많은 사람이 자신이 싫어하는 활동을 하는 이유는 **그 활동과 관련된 정체성을 받아들였기 때문**이며, 이는 **불안과 불행**으로 이어집니다.
* 💪 필요한 용기는 단순히 적게 살거나 사회적 기대에 어긋나는 것이 아니라, **자신이 누구인지 모른다는 것**을 기꺼이 받아들이는 것입니다.
* 💰 세네카의 명언을 인용합니다: **"부자는 모든 것을 가진 사람이 아닙니다. 부자는 아무것도 원하지 않는 사람이다."**
* 진정한 자신과 일치하지 않는 정체성을 버리는 것은 **원하는 이미지를 포기하는 것**을 의미하더라도 자유로울 수 있습니다.
* 🌟 핵심 메시지는 진정한 성취감과 행복으로 이어지는 활동 자체가 아니라 **그 활동이 제공하는 정체성**을 위해 일을 하라는 것입니다.

진정한 즐거움보다 정체성에 대한 욕구를 파악하면 일의 본질적 가치를 위해 일하는 것이 얼마나 중요한지 알 수 있습니다.

[Music] You know, it's funny. I used to really want to know how to surf. I actually took lessons, like multiple weeks. I went down to Costa Rica and hired a teacher and all this stuff. It's probably like the most meditative physical activity I've ever done. And I think it's just because the whole sport is based on you reacting to the water. Like, you don't actually control what happens to you. You don't control whether you get good waves or not. All you can do is control how you react to the waves. It forces you into like a very kind of zen mindset. All I can do is show up today and do my best. And if that's good enough, that's great. And if it's not, then it's not. But I like the idea of being a surfer more than I liked surfing itself. I think that happens to us a lot of times, is like we want the identity of being something without actually having to do it. Because whenever you do something, there's like a

bunch of [ __ ] involved, like with surfing, you crash and water goes up your nose and you [ __ ] paddle forever, and it's exhausting. It looks cool, you watch like a movie, and you see a bunch of surfers. It looks awesome, but when you're actually going out and doing it, it's really, really hard. You know, surfing was like kind of taught me that lesson of there's a difference between actually enjoying something and just enjoying the idea of something. Yeah, so like, why do we do that? Like, why do we want to adopt these identities? Like, why do I want to be a surfer but I don't actually want to have to serve? And I think sometimes when we want things, it's because we think that they're going to fix something in our lives. They're going to fulfill a need in some way. I look back and I think I had a lot of desire to be this cool athletic dude. I don't know, that was like sexy and a

beach bum and all this stuff and like I thought that there was kind of like a hole in me that I thought sir being a surfer would fill that hole but that's not the same thing as actually enjoying doing something. And so I see a lot of people, you know, a lot of people. I get it with writing all the time. People come to me, they want to be a writer. They say, Mark, I want to write a book. Like, how do I start? [Music] Like, the way you start writing is you open up a word document and you start writing. The only question is, what's preventing you? And I think in a lot of cases, people don't actually enjoy writing, but they like the idea of being a writer. They think it will make them look intelligent or smart or be admired. I think accepting that wanting the identity of something is not the same thing as the thing itself. It's a hard thing to admit. Like, it's it.

was hard for me to admit that like. I don't like surfing. It's just I don't find it fun, and that sucks after you've spent a bunch of money in like a month of your life trying to be a surfer. And a lot of people torture themselves doing something they hate over and over and over again. And it's because they've adopted the identity of it, you know. It's like the lawyer that hates their job, but they get to be the rich successful lawyer guy, you know, and so they don't. They're afraid to let it go. It's hard because when you let those things go, you go back to that place where you don't know who you are in this life, and that's [ __ ] terrifying. It's really, really, really scary, and so there's a certain amount of courage that comes with it, and I think people mistake the courage for like the courage to live with less money or the courage to not be approved by your family or something like that.

and like there is that courage, but like the real courage is that courage to be willing to not know who you are, to be willing to not know what the [__] you want to do. That takes a lot of courage. So I guess I would just ask people, like, what is it in your life that you're doing not because you love doing it, but you're doing it because you love the type of person it makes you or the type of person that you appear to others. Generally, it's those things. If you can spot those things in your life, those are the things that are causing the anxiety or the misery or the dysfunction. It just kind of has a ripple effect throughout other areas of your life. It creates unnecessary turbulence. It creates unnecessary fighting. You become defensive about this thing because it's like, no [__], you. I am a surfer. I promise there's some area of your life that you're not wholly aligned with. You're in it for the benefits, not for

the thing itself life is all about doing something for the thing itself. I think it was Seneca who said that like a rich man is not a man that has everything. A rich man is somebody who wants nothing. And the more stuff that you want that you don't have, the less happy you're gonna be. And the more you let go of those things you don't want, the happier you become. And so it actually like it was like lifting a burden of like, Oh, I don't have to be like this badass surf dude. I don't have to be a beach bomb. Like I can be a nerd behind a computer. Like it's not a big deal. There's a certain kind of liberation and comfort that comes with that of letting go of those parts of yourself.

Why We Do The Things We Hate

#1 NY Times Bestselling Author. World Champion Non-Fuck-Giver.

For all sponsorship/business inquiries please email Chad Boukzam at chad@cndentertainment.com


Mark Manson

서핑은 물결을 통제하기보다는 물결에 반응하는 마음가짐을 배우는 명상적인 스포츠입니다.

많은 사람들이 서퍼가 되고 싶다는 생각에 매료되지만, 서핑의 현실은 힘들고 지치게 만듭니다.

특정 정체성이나 라이프스타일을 채택하려는 욕구는 종종 그것이 욕구를 충족시킬 것이라는 믿음에서 비롯되지만, 현실은 항상 환상과 일치하지 않을 수 있습니다.

많은 사람들이 특정 활동이나 직업을 추구하는 이유는 진정한 즐거움보다는 그와 관련된 정체성을 원하기 때문입니다.

작가 지망생, 불만족스러운 변호사, 다른 직업을 가진 사람들에게서 이러한 투쟁을 볼 수 있습니다.

이러한 정체성을 버리는 것은 두려운 일이며, 재정적 또는 사회적 승인을 넘어서는 또 다른 종류의 용기가 필요합니다.

인생의 불확실성을 포용하는 용기

용기는 자신감뿐만 아니라 불확실성을 기꺼이 받아들이고 모든 답을 가지고 있지 않다는 것을 의미하기도 합니다.

많은 사람들이 자신이 좋아서 하는 것이 아니라 그것이 묘사하는 이미지를 좋아하기 때문에 불안과 역기능을 초래하는 일을 합니다.

이러한 정렬과 진정성의 결여는 삶의 혼란과 방어적인 태도를 유발할 수 있습니다.

세네카가 말한 것처럼 물질적 소유와 사회적 기대에 대한 욕망을 버리는 것이 진정한 행복으로 이어집니다.

더 많은 것을 추구하면 불만족으로 이어질 수 있지만, 단순함을 받아들이면 편안함과 해방감을 얻을 수 있습니다.

자신을 포용하고 사회적 압력을 내려놓는 것이 진정한 만족을 찾는 열쇠입니다.