결혼과 독신 생활의 행복에 대한 성찰

### 결혼에 대한 성찰 신혼부부의 관점에서 본 인사이트
* 💍 결혼 5개월 차에 접어든 지은 씨는 독립생활을 하다가 뒤늦게 결혼에 골인한 경험을 강조하며 **싱글 생활과 결혼 생활의 차이점**에 대한 생각을 공유합니다.
* 💑 그녀는 **"우리 관계의 감정적 깊이가 전형적인 낭만적 사랑을 넘어섰다"**며 남편과의 정서적 관계에 큰 변화가 생겼다고 말합니다.
* 🤝 지은은 결혼 생활에서 팀워크의 중요성을 강조하며 **집 구하기, 재정 관리와 같은 공동의 경험**을 통해 부부의 유대감을 더욱 공고히 한다고 말합니다.
* 🎉 그녀는 혼자 하는 취미도 함께 하면 더 즐거워진다며 **함께 하는 활동에 대한 기쁨**을 표현하며 고독보다는 동행에 대한 선호를 드러냈습니다.
* 💪 지은은 힘든 시기에 파트너가 있다는 것의 편안함에 대해 이야기하며, **누군가가 곁에 있다는 것만으로도 정서적 지지**를 받는다는 것에 감사했습니다.
* 🌍 문화적 차이를 반영하여, 특히 가족의 전통과 기대와 관련하여 **결혼과 함께 확장된 역할과 책임**가 있음을 인정합니다.
* 💡 궁극적으로 그녀는 **행복은 계량화할 수 없으며 기혼자와 미혼자를 비교해서는 안 된다**고 믿으며 진정한 행복은 내면에서 비롯된다고 강조합니다.
* 🗣 지은은 결혼에 대한 불만은 제도 자체보다는 개인적인 문제를 반영하는 경우가 많다며 **행복에 대한 보다 안목 있는 시각**을 가질 것을 권하고, 앞으로 더 많은 개인적인 이야기를 나누겠다는 약속으로 이야기를 마무리합니다.

지은은 결혼 여부와 상관없이 진정한 행복은 일상의 순간에서 찾을 수 있다는 것을 알게 됩니다.

Hello everyone, this is Ji-eun. It seems like it's been about five months since I got married. During this time, I wanted to gather my thoughts on my experiences in married life and share them with you. Recently, there have been many discussions online about whether married life or single life is happier and more fulfilling. Today, I want to talk about this from my subjective perspective. The reason I can share my thoughts is that I lived a life centered around myself until my late 30s before getting married, so my marriage came quite late. There are significant differences between enjoying a glamorous single life and living in a married relationship. I have experienced both.

I will let you know what some of the differences are. The first is that there is a significant difference in the feeling between dating a boyfriend and truly thinking of him as my husband. This is something I am experiencing for the first time, and Julie and Trina also feel differently about this aspect. In the past, he was just my boyfriend, my partner. Of course, I loved him and was very happy, so I could give him things and do things for him, but ultimately, my body was my own, and his body was his own. There was this ambiguous feeling. During marriage, at first, I didn’t really feel it; it wasn’t just the love between a man and a woman anymore. It was more of a connection as equals, as if we were the same. How should I express it? Maybe I should say it feels like triplets. It approached me very differently. For example, it’s like this: Where is my husband?

If someone is sick or has a problem, of course, it's upsetting and quite unfortunate, but it's not my body. So, I couldn't really empathize with that much. However, now that he has become my husband and we are experiencing life together, I find that his physical condition and health are as precious and important to me as my own. This is mutual; if one side has an issue, ultimately, we are a community. I feel that the emotional depth of our relationship has grown beyond the typical romantic love that I used to associate with being a man and a woman. I used to think that love between a man and a woman reached its peak, but now it feels like it's expanding into another realm of love. This may sound silly, but Julie tells me that I feel like a daughter to her, while sometimes I see her as a son.

I think the emotions that start to emerge when you become a couple are unique. Once you are properly tied together and connected by the name of being a couple, you make heartfelt vows in front of many people. Even after that, you engage in team play, whether it’s the journey of finding a home together or going to the bank to get a loan. As you experience this process of working as a team over the course of a year, you come to realize that you truly are on the same side. You start to envision living with this person for the next 50, 60, or even 100 years. The idea of gaining my partner, my soulmate, seems to be one of the great advantages of marriage. There’s also joy in doing things I love together. That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy being alone; it’s just that there’s a special fun in sharing experiences together.

I've come to prefer doing things together rather than alone. For example, I really enjoy playing games solo, but when I team up and play in a party, it becomes much more fun. In that sense, my hobbies have become more enjoyable, and I feel like the things I used to love in my daily life have become richer. Recently, I've realized that there are times when I'm going through tough situations, feeling exhausted, or not in good condition. Even if I don't expect someone to solve my problems, just having that person's presence can be a source of strength. Just knowing that there is someone standing next to me, walking alongside me, allows me to release some of my mental burdens. After all, the resolution is something I need to take charge of, so having someone there doesn't directly solve the problem. However, just being there and saying, Yeah, I'm here, it's okay, provides a certain comfort.

I think it has been helpful in the process of doing this work to realize that there is something that can give strength just by being present. I wonder if the feeling of stability that comes with marriage is something like this. When you form a bond as a couple, it feels like a real family. After living together for 30 or 40 years, I wonder what that truly feels like. It's not just about loving my husband; it feels like we are living life together, which creates a deep emotional connection that strengthens the relationship of marriage. It's really fascinating, especially in our country. Since I am in an international marriage, Julien and I have had many conversations about the differences in our cultures. Most of the time, these conversations arise from Julien not fully understanding Korean culture. I focus on my work, my career, and my personal relationships.

I lived a focused and optimized life, but the moment I got married, I had to greet the elders during holidays. I wondered what I needed to do for the elders. The moment I got married, it felt like all those roles suddenly expanded. Some of you may have experienced this feeling. When I first got married, I had a lot of arguments with my mom about this. I thought it was unreasonable that, just because I got married, I suddenly had to prepare for all these things that I had never done my whole life. I guess it's still part of our culture. However, my in-laws are not Korean parents, so I only feel this from my side of the family, which is a very limited perspective. If both sides felt this way, the differences between before and after marriage would be even more pronounced.

I thought that the gap might feel quite large. On the other hand, in life, I am my only priority. I am the most important; what I want to do, what I want to buy, what I want to eat—it's all about me. This is one of the advantages of being single, isn't it? For example, if the weather is nice, I want to go shopping quickly. If I'm single, that's completely possible. When I want to do something, there's no one to worry about. And there's no need to feel guilty either. 

So, what about married people? Oh, I have to go to Paris next week! If my husband can't go next week, then we have to figure out when we can go together. It's about adjusting to each other’s schedules. I absolutely love shopping, but my partner might prefer visiting places like the Palace of Versailles. So, we have different styles.

It's very different, right? So now, after reaching some level of agreement, I might spend a few days shopping and a few days on sightseeing, gradually mixing things up. It seems like what the other person wants and what I want are blending together. Even if we spend the same amount of money, in the past, I would spend it all on myself. But when two people come together, even if the income increases, I find that I don't spend all of it on myself. As a result, the single life allows for spending entirely on myself, and since I have a lot of time to do things alone, I have more time to work out or do other activities by myself. So, I think there's also the advantage of being able to manage myself a bit more. Happiness isn't something that can be quantified, right? Living a happy life doesn't mean you have to own a luxury car. The idea that happiness can only be defined by numbers is something I don't agree with.

I think happiness has various standards depending on the person. However, these days, when I look around, there are those who live really well on their own, like the so-called golden sisters. A friend might say, Hey, she doesn't have a husband. Just wait ten years; she'll definitely regret it. How lonely must she be in her own home? Conversely, someone who is single might look at those who are married and think, In the past, I used to dress up and go out, but now it seems like I've become an aunt, and I don't look happy at all. They should take better care of themselves. Of course, I know that their life is happy, and that's something to be grateful for. But if that is true happiness, then it's normal to think, Wow, there must be happiness in life in this way as well. It’s negative to assume, That person will definitely be like this.

If I start to think negatively or evaluate things in a negative light, the happiness I feel is likely to be a false happiness. It's not a genuine feeling of happiness from my heart; rather, it is tied to material and quantifiable things. For example, I might think, I attend a good university, I have a car, so I must be happy. In this case, everyone who does not have those things appears to be unhappy because their standard of happiness is based solely on such criteria. However, as I mentioned earlier, true happiness is not determined by what one possesses or by conforming to certain standards. Of course, there is a type of happiness that can be felt in those moments; for instance, if I bought a Ferrari outright with cash, I might feel a sense of success and think, I am really amazing. In that moment, happiness can be experienced, but that is not the entirety of happiness.

It's not the happiness that comes from owning a Ferrari, but rather the sense of achievement that comes from being successful enough to afford one. You can feel a sense of accomplishment, but you can also find happiness in very trivial things. I was happy when I achieved a hundred million because of my career. However, the happiness I felt then is comparable to the joy I experienced when I simply ordered tteokbokki while watching Julien, the black-and-white chef, on the weekend. That kind of happiness is unmatched in life. Is the magnitude of that happiness really different? It's not; happiness is hidden in the little things of everyday life. How can you compare that? How can someone say they are unhappy simply because they don't own a private apartment, or because they aren't married, or because they don't have children?

I believe that those who say, You don't really know happiness, are the ones who truly don't understand happiness themselves. No matter how materially abundant someone is, or how beautiful their face or body may be, it doesn't mean that person has a sense of fulfillment. The things that fill me from within are different from external factors. For a while, I focused heavily on external appearances, but I felt empty because my inner self wasn't fulfilled. No matter how much I tried to buy things or show off my abilities to prove my worth, it just didn't work. My self-esteem, which is filled from within, and the sense of fullness and happiness I feel in daily life are what ultimately lead to true peace of mind and happiness. However, such people can never compare their lives to mine.

I usually think that they have their own happiness, and I don't compare life too easily. Therefore, I believe there is no reason for married and unmarried people to be in opposition. A person who is meant to be happy will find happiness regardless of where they are, what they do, who they live with, or what actions they take. Those who are stuck in their daily lives, unable to see the happiness that surrounds them, will struggle to find joy no matter what they do. I also believe that marriage is not a necessity; I have lived with that mindset and still hold that belief. Even though I have gotten married, I want to emphasize that thoughts can change depending on the situation. Just because one chooses a certain path doesn't mean that the other is wrong. Today, I want to compare my experiences as an unmarried person and as a married person.

I think the main point is this: those who complain are ultimately dealing with their own issues. It's not that marriage is bad, parenting is bad, or childbirth is bad; it's simply their own problem. Many others feel happiness even in those situations, while the likelihood is very high that the person complaining is unable to feel that happiness themselves. So, I wanted to encourage everyone to take a closer look at their own lives and to be a bit more discerning when listening to such comments. Well, I'll leave it at that for now, and I'll bring more TMI stories next time. Goodbye.

어떤 삶이 더 행복할까? 정답은… (늦게 결혼한 언니 ver)

운동을 좋아하는 85년 소띠 지은띠의 TMI🙌
유산소용 콘텐츠 전문채널
먹는거, 사는거, 입는거, 노는거, 바르는거, 등등등등
‼️직업: 100만 유튜버 


TMI JeeEun

30대 후반까지 자기중심적인 삶을 살았던 지은 씨가 결혼 5개월 후의 결혼 생활에 대한 경험을 공유합니다.

그녀는 연애할 때와 결혼했을 때의 느낌의 큰 차이를 언급하며, 서로의 삶에서 더 깊은 감정적 연결과 상호 중요성에 대해 강조합니다.

지은은 로맨틱한 사랑을 넘어 더 깊은 공동체 의식과 삶을 공유하는 관계로 사랑이 확장되는 과정을 설명합니다.

부부가 된다는 것은 진심 어린 서약과 함께 인생을 함께 만들어가는 팀플레이와 함께 특별한 감정을 불러일으킵니다.

경험과 취미를 공유하는 기쁨은 관계를 더욱 돈독하게 하고, 힘든 시기에는 파트너의 존재가 힘이 되어줍니다.

결혼을 통해 형성된 유대감은 깊은 정서적 유대감을 형성하여 안정감과 가족애를 제공합니다.

결혼을 하면서 저자의 역할과 책임이 확대되었고, 문화적 기대치 때문에 어머니와 갈등을 겪기도 했습니다.

저자는 죄책감 없이 자신의 욕구와 필요를 우선시할 수 있었던 독신 생활의 자유로움에 대해 회상합니다.

결혼을 하면 서로의 일정과 선호도에 맞춰야 하기 때문에 욕구가 뒤섞이고 소비 습관도 달라집니다.

행복은 사람마다 다르며 결혼이나 물질적 소유와 같은 외부 요인에 의해서만 결정되는 것이 아닙니다.

타인의 삶에 대한 부정적인 평가는 잘못된 행복감으로 이어질 수 있지만, 진정한 행복은 소박하고 일상적인 순간에서 발견되는 경우가 많습니다.

행복의 크기는 반드시 업적이나 소유와 관련이 있는 것이 아니라 삶의 사소한 즐거움에서 발견되는 기쁨과 관련이 있습니다.

진정한 행복은 물질적 부나 외모와 같은 외적인 요인이 아니라 내면에서 비롯됩니다.

저자는 누구나 행복을 향한 자신만의 길이 있다고 믿으며 미혼과 기혼으로서의 경험을 비교합니다.

삶의 상황에 대해 불평하는 것은 종종 자신의 문제를 반영하는 것이라고 강조하며, 다른 사람들이 그러한 말을 들을 때 더 분별력을 갖도록 격려합니다.