Hello everyone, this is Ji-eun. It seems like it's been about five months since I got married. During this time, I wanted to gather my thoughts on my experiences in married life and share them with you. Recently, there have been many discussions online about whether married life or single life is happier and more fulfilling. Today, I want to talk about this from my subjective perspective. The reason I can share my thoughts is that I lived a life centered around myself until my late 30s before getting married, so my marriage came quite late. There are significant differences between enjoying a glamorous single life and living in a married relationship. I have experienced both.

I will let you know what some of the differences are. The first is that there is a significant difference in the feeling between dating a boyfriend and truly thinking of him as my husband. This is something I am experiencing for the first time, and Julie and Trina also feel differently about this aspect. In the past, he was just my boyfriend, my partner. Of course, I loved him and was very happy, so I could give him things and do things for him, but ultimately, my body was my own, and his body was his own. There was this ambiguous feeling. During marriage, at first, I didn’t really feel it; it wasn’t just the love between a man and a woman anymore. It was more of a connection as equals, as if we were the same. How should I express it? Maybe I should say it feels like triplets. It approached me very differently. For example, it’s like this: Where is my husband?

If someone is sick or has a problem, of course, it's upsetting and quite unfortunate, but it's not my body. So, I couldn't really empathize with that much. However, now that he has become my husband and we are experiencing life together, I find that his physical condition and health are as precious and important to me as my own. This is mutual; if one side has an issue, ultimately, we are a community. I feel that the emotional depth of our relationship has grown beyond the typical romantic love that I used to associate with being a man and a woman. I used to think that love between a man and a woman reached its peak, but now it feels like it's expanding into another realm of love. This may sound silly, but Julie tells me that I feel like a daughter to her, while sometimes I see her as a son.

I think the emotions that start to emerge when you become a couple are unique. Once you are properly tied together and connected by the name of being a couple, you make heartfelt vows in front of many people. Even after that, you engage in team play, whether it’s the journey of finding a home together or going to the bank to get a loan. As you experience this process of working as a team over the course of a year, you come to realize that you truly are on the same side. You start to envision living with this person for the next 50, 60, or even 100 years. The idea of gaining my partner, my soulmate, seems to be one of the great advantages of marriage. There’s also joy in doing things I love together. That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy being alone; it’s just that there’s a special fun in sharing experiences together.

I've come to prefer doing things together rather than alone. For example, I really enjoy playing games solo, but when I team up and play in a party, it becomes much more fun. In that sense, my hobbies have become more enjoyable, and I feel like the things I used to love in my daily life have become richer. Recently, I've realized that there are times when I'm going through tough situations, feeling exhausted, or not in good condition. Even if I don't expect someone to solve my problems, just having that person's presence can be a source of strength. Just knowing that there is someone standing next to me, walking alongside me, allows me to release some of my mental burdens. After all, the resolution is something I need to take charge of, so having someone there doesn't directly solve the problem. However, just being there and saying, Yeah, I'm here, it's okay, provides a certain comfort.

I think it has been helpful in the process of doing this work to realize that there is something that can give strength just by being present. I wonder if the feeling of stability that comes with marriage is something like this. When you form a bond as a couple, it feels like a real family. After living together for 30 or 40 years, I wonder what that truly feels like. It's not just about loving my husband; it feels like we are living life together, which creates a deep emotional connection that strengthens the relationship of marriage. It's really fascinating, especially in our country. Since I am in an international marriage, Julien and I have had many conversations about the differences in our cultures. Most of the time, these conversations arise from Julien not fully understanding Korean culture. I focus on my work, my career, and my personal relationships.

I lived a focused and optimized life, but the moment I got married, I had to greet the elders during holidays. I wondered what I needed to do for the elders. The moment I got married, it felt like all those roles suddenly expanded. Some of you may have experienced this feeling. When I first got married, I had a lot of arguments with my mom about this. I thought it was unreasonable that, just because I got married, I suddenly had to prepare for all these things that I had never done my whole life. I guess it's still part of our culture. However, my in-laws are not Korean parents, so I only feel this from my side of the family, which is a very limited perspective. If both sides felt this way, the differences between before and after marriage would be even more pronounced.

I thought that the gap might feel quite large. On the other hand, in life, I am my only priority. I am the most important; what I want to do, what I want to buy, what I want to eat—it's all about me. This is one of the advantages of being single, isn't it? For example, if the weather is nice, I want to go shopping quickly. If I'm single, that's completely possible. When I want to do something, there's no one to worry about. And there's no need to feel guilty either. 

So, what about married people? Oh, I have to go to Paris next week! If my husband can't go next week, then we have to figure out when we can go together. It's about adjusting to each other’s schedules. I absolutely love shopping, but my partner might prefer visiting places like the Palace of Versailles. So, we have different styles.

It's very different, right? So now, after reaching some level of agreement, I might spend a few days shopping and a few days on sightseeing, gradually mixing things up. It seems like what the other person wants and what I want are blending together. Even if we spend the same amount of money, in the past, I would spend it all on myself. But when two people come together, even if the income increases, I find that I don't spend all of it on myself. As a result, the single life allows for spending entirely on myself, and since I have a lot of time to do things alone, I have more time to work out or do other activities by myself. So, I think there's also the advantage of being able to manage myself a bit more. Happiness isn't something that can be quantified, right? Living a happy life doesn't mean you have to own a luxury car. The idea that happiness can only be defined by numbers is something I don't agree with.

I think happiness has various standards depending on the person. However, these days, when I look around, there are those who live really well on their own, like the so-called golden sisters. A friend might say, Hey, she doesn't have a husband. Just wait ten years; she'll definitely regret it. How lonely must she be in her own home? Conversely, someone who is single might look at those who are married and think, In the past, I used to dress up and go out, but now it seems like I've become an aunt, and I don't look happy at all. They should take better care of themselves. Of course, I know that their life is happy, and that's something to be grateful for. But if that is true happiness, then it's normal to think, Wow, there must be happiness in life in this way as well. It’s negative to assume, That person will definitely be like this.

If I start to think negatively or evaluate things in a negative light, the happiness I feel is likely to be a false happiness. It's not a genuine feeling of happiness from my heart; rather, it is tied to material and quantifiable things. For example, I might think, I attend a good university, I have a car, so I must be happy. In this case, everyone who does not have those things appears to be unhappy because their standard of happiness is based solely on such criteria. However, as I mentioned earlier, true happiness is not determined by what one possesses or by conforming to certain standards. Of course, there is a type of happiness that can be felt in those moments; for instance, if I bought a Ferrari outright with cash, I might feel a sense of success and think, I am really amazing. In that moment, happiness can be experienced, but that is not the entirety of happiness.

It's not the happiness that comes from owning a Ferrari, but rather the sense of achievement that comes from being successful enough to afford one. You can feel a sense of accomplishment, but you can also find happiness in very trivial things. I was happy when I achieved a hundred million because of my career. However, the happiness I felt then is comparable to the joy I experienced when I simply ordered tteokbokki while watching Julien, the black-and-white chef, on the weekend. That kind of happiness is unmatched in life. Is the magnitude of that happiness really different? It's not; happiness is hidden in the little things of everyday life. How can you compare that? How can someone say they are unhappy simply because they don't own a private apartment, or because they aren't married, or because they don't have children?

I believe that those who say, You don't really know happiness, are the ones who truly don't understand happiness themselves. No matter how materially abundant someone is, or how beautiful their face or body may be, it doesn't mean that person has a sense of fulfillment. The things that fill me from within are different from external factors. For a while, I focused heavily on external appearances, but I felt empty because my inner self wasn't fulfilled. No matter how much I tried to buy things or show off my abilities to prove my worth, it just didn't work. My self-esteem, which is filled from within, and the sense of fullness and happiness I feel in daily life are what ultimately lead to true peace of mind and happiness. However, such people can never compare their lives to mine.

I usually think that they have their own happiness, and I don't compare life too easily. Therefore, I believe there is no reason for married and unmarried people to be in opposition. A person who is meant to be happy will find happiness regardless of where they are, what they do, who they live with, or what actions they take. Those who are stuck in their daily lives, unable to see the happiness that surrounds them, will struggle to find joy no matter what they do. I also believe that marriage is not a necessity; I have lived with that mindset and still hold that belief. Even though I have gotten married, I want to emphasize that thoughts can change depending on the situation. Just because one chooses a certain path doesn't mean that the other is wrong. Today, I want to compare my experiences as an unmarried person and as a married person.

I think the main point is this: those who complain are ultimately dealing with their own issues. It's not that marriage is bad, parenting is bad, or childbirth is bad; it's simply their own problem. Many others feel happiness even in those situations, while the likelihood is very high that the person complaining is unable to feel that happiness themselves. So, I wanted to encourage everyone to take a closer look at their own lives and to be a bit more discerning when listening to such comments. Well, I'll leave it at that for now, and I'll bring more TMI stories next time. Goodbye.

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운동을 좋아하는 85년 소띠 지은띠의 TMI🙌
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