I really enjoy watching the YouTube channel Pyeongsu's Law of Physics. When I was dating my wife, she hid the fact that she was not married anymore. I understand that, but she deceived me and intentionally got pregnant. Due to that, there were many twists and turns, but I still got married out of a sense of responsibility for the child, and we are now living well. However, now I have a scary, kind, and foolish person inside me. He always blames others, is very selfish, and lacks the ability to consider things from different perspectives. My wife now sees everything as negative and complains too much, making it difficult for us to live together honestly. So, I thought this might be another problem, and last week we took a psychological test together. I came out fine, but my wife shows severe symptoms of depression and anxiety, indicating that she needs treatment. Initially, her temperament turned out to be quite the opposite. Therefore, we are now having counseling sessions with a counselor.

When I tried it, it turns out my wife had been a victim of a certain crime two years ago, and the incident was quite serious, leaving a severe trauma. It seems to have been a major factor. However, children still reflect their mother's emotions like a mirror. Now, the children are only one year old, but they are very worried. Should I isolate the children from their mother and focus on treatment to help them, or should I, considering the children in my own way, figure out how to wisely maintain a harmonious family with this person beside me so that we can live together? Please give me wise words from a monk. Yes, she wasn't forced to marry this woman, nor was she forced to be sexually assaulted by her. Anyway, it's not right to be together just because you like it. Yes, so, it's like buying stocks, thinking they will go up, and sometimes they do go up over time, like these days.

Just as there are times when you may suffer losses by being apart, you have to accept the excesses of your own fate. It can be said that this is a fundamental path of the world. If you try to avoid this, the world becomes noisy, conflicts arise, but if you gratefully accept the excesses of the fate you have created, you can overcome difficulties without regrets later. That's how it goes. So, if you think that you are living with children just out of obligation and because of them, you and I are living together against our will, then when only the children grow up, the husband may leave your side, you may live with this fear. If you live with this fear, especially if you already have trauma, this fear will only grow. Therefore, you may end up giving a bad influence to your children. So, if someone says they can't live because of their wife, really, anyone can't live like this, and if it comes to this, like, We should get a divorce.

Everyone has the right to make their own choices, so it is possible, although it may be difficult to hear, but it's not at that level yet. If you think like this, firstly, the first thing to prioritize is for the wife to go to the hospital, receive counseling and treatment from the doctor. Secondly, during the treatment, if the person takes care of the baby while leaving work, someone in the family needs to take care of someone, whether by paying money or temporarily looking after the baby so that the wife can receive sufficient treatment. People with trauma, in other words, people with emotional wounds, are different from ordinary people. If you get too close, you might feel burdened and if you move away a little, you might think you are being abandoned, so you might doubt. Therefore, ordinary people cannot do this or that. Is this what you mean by saying this?

Sometimes I feel frustrated, so in such situations, I need to establish a relationship like this. Therefore, if my wife refuses it, I should take a step back and give her some space. If she turns away a bit, I should approach her a little closer. Instead of saying, I can't match your feelings, it's better to think that my wife is currently unwell and needs some care. If you think from this perspective, it can be a challenging relationship if you consider her as a normal person, but it becomes easier if you see her as a patient. Because even if she gets a bit annoyed or complains, if you have nursed a patient who endures it and even eats with your hands or points with strange behaviors, you should consider it fortunate. It's fortunate if she just eats the food you make or even cleans the house a bit, and it's fortunate if she takes care of the children. By finding such moments of fortune, even though she may have a certain illness, it's still fortunate to be able to handle it.

When you think about it this way, there are many things to be grateful for. If you consider the standard as a patient, the condition is quite good. If you consider the standard as normal, it's impossible to live. However, now the doctor hasn't revealed the examination results yet. Oh, there are symptoms of depression, and the patient has severe trauma. Since the physical body is visible, we acknowledge that the person is a patient. But mental illnesses, well, since nothing is visible, people keep saying, If you just try harder, you'll be fine. Wake up mentally. If you keep approaching like this, it's difficult to live together. So, think of yourself as a patient in your mind, no matter how capricious you are. Ah, the patient is experiencing these symptoms now, it's a symptom of the disease. Think like this and just go with the flow. Don't think it's difficult. As mentioned earlier.

Just by not avoiding or feeding, it's really easy to take care of someone. So if you have this perspective, it won't be too difficult. Therefore, it's good to pray in the morning, get up and bow, or pray, saying, My wife is a patient, or My child's mother is a patient, I will take good care of her. By doing this, the child grows to a certain extent. Right now, since the child is young, it greatly affects the mother's psychological anxiety. However, you cannot isolate the children from their mother. Currently, the mother is not at a severe level of mental illness where she needs to be hospitalized. If it reaches that point, isolation would be necessary, but I don't think it's at that level yet. So, if you take good care of your wife, wouldn't it be okay, even if it's difficult? Instead of feeling unjust or resentful towards others, I don't think it's necessary. Let's strive for good things.

Sometimes, even when you do something, the results may turn out poorly. Two years ago, young people were swept up in the coin craze, and then the real estate boom happened. Now, they are suffering greatly. They have to pay interest, their house prices are dropping, and their personal credit is being affected. Still, compared to those situations, this state is better. So, when they were thinking of getting married, instead of gaining something, they are in a position where they have to suffer losses and help. It's a bit difficult. They may have feelings of regret, but still, what can they do about it? From the wife's perspective, she might feel like she has no choice but to stick with it because the person seemed good, attractive, and financially stable. It's understandable from that person's point of view. Even though they are not eager to get married, if a woman gets pregnant, the husband keeps thinking about the past incidents.

Continuously blaming each other for who did wrong will only lead to resentment while living together. So, instead of nitpicking those things, think about the reality. Even though you are married and have children, if your wife is ill, how will you overcome this situation? Comparing it to other difficult situations, it's not that big of a deal. If you feel a bit overwhelmed now, it's not a major issue. Therefore, if you pray in the morning, believing that things will get better as the day goes on, I believe you will overcome it well. If you have more questions, feel free to ask. However, two years ago, I experienced a serious crime that threatened my life and even the lives of my wife and her family. The police provide treatment support now, but they say that a few people out of ten are not cured and are sent back. Yes, my wife is one of those people now, so she is undergoing treatment.

I received it, but now it's not working well because the criminal is in prison. If he is released in a few years, I feel too anxious, and my mind can't be at ease, and I feel like I'm not getting better. If this treatment doesn't work, and his original personality is different, and this treatment doesn't work, then I don't need to think about it now. So, he has the same illness as his wife. If his wife still has the illness and the person is still in prison and hasn't been released, what if he hurts me? Then, the disease will spread. If his wife also has the illness untreated, what will happen to me? It will become a cycle. It's like the disease is contagious. So, if his wife thinks about it and worries about it, her illness will worsen.

He also doesn't know if his wife's illness will affect him or not. If he talks about it in advance, he will become anxious psychologically and ultimately, he will end up suffering from the illness. So, it's better to try the best treatment first. There was a case like this. At first, he thought his wife had a bit of a personality issue because she looked fine on the outside, but when they went to the hospital for tests, they found out there were certain reasons for her illness. So, even though the body seems fine, always feeling tired without knowing the reason, but after going to the hospital for tests, they found out her liver function was very poor, which made her feel very tired. So, they understood. Then, instead of always looking at it from the perspective of raising, they should rest a bit. Rest. Rest. Like this. They thought it was difficult to live together because of the wife's personality issue, but after trying, they realized.

I see that there are past wounds, so if it turns out like this, then focus on treatment now. Treat it as if you are nursing with that kind of heart, so you should try treatment for 2 to 3 years. By doing so, in my opinion, if you pray a little and put your heart into it, the chances of improvement are high. It's difficult to treat just by yourself, but if you do it with your kids' moms, thinking that you have to save these kids in your heart, it's better for these kids if I live. If I die, it will be hard for the kids. Due to maternal love, which is very strong, if you are in such an environment, if the treatment doesn't work, not only you but also the kids will suffer. However, on the contrary, if you think positively, the possibility of treatment is quite high because of the presence of children. So, in a way, we can also see it like this. Therefore, a little help from me is appreciated.

It's a bit difficult to break up saying, How can I live in this world as a human being? At least we have become fated to meet as a couple and become the parents of our children. So, even though the children's mother is currently facing difficulties and hardships due to illness, I hope you can show a caring attitude. But that's not easy. People are selfish creatures, but now that we have a family, I hope you can take care of the children's mother a little more, even if there are problems within me. Because when the children's mother is comfortable, our children will also be better. I hope you have an attitude of taking good care of the children's mother. Yes, it's very challenging in the early stages of marriage. If you overcome it well, it becomes a memory of the past, but if you can't overcome it, it becomes a big burden in life. Yes, Reverend, I listened to your wise words very well, but may I ask for one more thing to see?

Maybe, yes. I told the monk that if I do well, my wife will be fine. Now I am thinking that I just need to do well. If it's not a big deal, I thought I just need to do well, but I started to doubt whether it's a big deal or not. I mentioned this, and currently, my parents are well-off, so we rely on our parents financially, receive some economic support, and even help with the house. However, even though our expenses exceed our income by more than a month, my wife still can't spend money as she pleases. She says it's uncomfortable for my parents, but my parents don't nag or complain and just quietly help out, saying they are fine. They even come to visit the kids. But maybe she feels anxious herself, so she acts that way. So, I think I need to reduce the money a bit, so I think I need to adjust these expenses a bit.

Because one's own thoughts are too right and firm, if things don't go as one wants, one gets stressed and, unable to handle the stress, may resort to hitting children or engaging in such behaviors. At those times, it's a bit difficult to simply accept and listen to all of one's spouse's opinions. Yes, when it comes to financial issues, it's best to address them if there is financial flexibility. Also, seeking help from a doctor or counselor can be beneficial. If it helps with treatment, you can consider spending some money on medical expenses. If not, then one should live within their financial means. It's important to acknowledge what is not possible and not to fight over it. Instead of bringing it up for a fight, say, It's not possible like this. If the mother and father come over frequently to see the children, and if the wife feels uncomfortable like a guest, she should talk to her mother and father and ask them not to come over just for the sake of the wife's treatment. People are quite strange, aren't they?

If it's for the child, we exist for the child. It doesn't make sense for me to say I want to go because I miss it. It's not that adults exist because they need children. It's the other way around, children exist because adults are there. So, I told my parents that my wife is currently experiencing some mental difficulties, so please refrain from coming and going for a while. During the year of treatment, trying this out, it's not because of my mother-in-law, not because of my husband, even if I do well and my mother-in-law doesn't, problems still arise. If problems arise even when I do well and my mother-in-law doesn't, then I realize that it's not because of others, but because of myself. This is an opportunity to realize that it's my own problem. There are still excuses, right? There are excuses for someone, excuses for someone, excuses for someone. So, excuses can be adjusted by us. Excuses about money, it's not that I have infinite economic resources, so I need to manage that.

Just do it, and if you get angry with the kids, don't say, Why are you doing this to me? like that. Instead, say, Darling, honey, let's take care of the kids a bit. In this perspective, always see your wife as a patient. Don't see her as a normal person. So, you should see what your wife wants, whether it's about parents or about me, if possible, it helps in treatment. So, rather than doing things your way, as you do that, excuses to blame others will gradually disappear, and self-awareness will arise. If you have excuses, it's always the other person's problem, then there's no self-reflection. That's why the reason we go deep into practice is that when you go deep into the mountains, there are no excuses. Who else can you blame? So, in a way, the environment for living without excuses in mental illness is to eliminate excuses a bit.

Helping and then receiving it from the perspective of a patient is a good idea. Thank you for your words. That saying that it's possible is really a bit like opening up a new horizon for me, so it seems to have been quite helpful. Thank you.

1990. 트라우마가 있는 아내와 어떻게 하면 지혜롭게 살 수 있을까요?

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