Hey everyone. Christ is risen. Thanks a lot for tuning in. I have a reflection for you today that I'm entitling Stop Torturing Yourself. Stop Torturing Yourself. This reflection comes from the magnificent text called The Unseen Warfare, this classic in demonology that was originally written by Lorenzo Scupoli, and then was edited by St. Emus of the Holy Mountain, and later by St. Theophan the Recluse. This is what it looks like. I hope that you are familiar with this text. It's a classic to be read, especially during the fasting periods. The subject, of course, of demonology is exceedingly important. Spiritual warfare is a central theme, of course, in the life of every Christian, in the scriptures themselves, and in the writings of the church fathers. In fact, it's one of the most popular lecture series at patristicnectar.org, is our series on demonology, six lectures on demonology. So if you would like to dive into that more deeply, I would

recommend that you go there. The title comes, in fact, from the very title Stop Torturing Yourself or A Thousand Falls. Both of those come from the last chapter in the Unseen Warfare, in which St. Nicodemus offers these incredibly encouraging words and important words. After he has spent nearly 300 pages of a very in-depth teaching on how to fight the devils and how to conquer sin and win the spiritual war, it's important to recognize, as I read you these words, that this is the last word of St. Nicodemus, closing the subject of spiritual combat. He decides to end this with an encouragement towards continual hope and continual repentance, and a command which he actually delivers twice in this small chapter to stop torturing yourself. Once he says stop torturing, once he says it's translated stop tormenting yourself. He speaks in this very last word about the continuing struggle. It's not as though if you master the principles of spiritual warfare or if

you illumine your mind as a Christian disciple of Jesus Christ, Our Savior, about spiritual combat. Then you're going to win all the time, and you're going to never have to struggle because you know how it works. Well, knowing spiritual combat and becoming victorious in spiritual combat, these are two different things, very different things. Of course, studying spiritual warfare is learning from the scriptures and from the fathers of the church about how to hold fast to God and not to give in to the Devils. This is extremely important. Learning facilitates the practice of this Warfare, but one only becomes competent in it through many struggles, many battles, and many failures, many losses, and standing up and trying again. No one becomes a spiritual expert in this life and doesn't struggle to the end, no one. So stop looking for this. There will be no cessation to conflict in this life. This is a falling world, and it lies in the power of the evil one. For us Believers, the realm of this life in which God has placed us is the

opportunity for us to demonstrate our love for him and to become, through the cross-bearing that he's assigned to us, the struggles that he expects us to engage in, to become who we need to be, to bear his Beauty, to be in his presence, and to be deified by his light. That is the intent of God through allowing us to struggle and mature. So don't look for the escaton before the escaton. Don't expect the struggle to end. It will end at the return of our Savior. We will be definitively and completely delivered from every sick sorrow and sighing. Every tear will be wiped away from our eyes, but that is at the return of Christ. Right now, it's blood, it's tears, it's struggle. Listen to his beautiful counsel. Every time you fall into some pardonable transgression, even if it happens a thousand times a day, let me stop there. Let me stop there. Listen to this beautiful word from the great Saint. Listen to this word that in Nicodemus says, Every time you fall into some

pardonable transgression. Even if it happens a thousand times a day, I doubt for you it's happening a thousand times a day, as sometimes I think it's happening to me a thousand times a day, or I should say I am falling, not using the passive. I fall sometimes a thousand times a day. This is his counsel: as soon as you notice it, do not torture yourself and so waste your time without profit. That's what self-torture is: wasting your time without profit. But at once humble yourself, and conscious of your weakness, turn to God with hope and call to him from the depths of your heart. Oh Lord my God, I have done this because I am what I am, and so nothing can be expected of me but such transgressions are even worse. If thy Grace does not help me and I am left to myself alone, I grieve over what I have done, especially because my life has no righteousness responding to thy care for me. But I continue to fall and fall. Forgive for me and give me the strength.

not to offend thee again, and in no way to digress from thy will. This is the counsel of St. Nicodemus. Notice, don't be shocked, don't be shocked at your falls. Sometimes that shock is pride, thinking you were something when you're not. Don't be shocked even if it's a thousand times a day. Number two, establish yourself in humility born of reality. He says here, I am what I am. Don't be shocked, don't be shocked. Be grieved, of course, be grieved. Don't reconcile with your selfishness, don't reconcile with your self-love. Of course, we're in war, but don't be shocked by it. Don't be shocked. What do you think you are if you're shocked instead? Establish yourself in the humility that's born of reality. I am what I am, so nothing can be expected of me but such transgressions or even worse. And then lastly, he says in this paragraph, Don't torture yourself. It's fruitless. It doesn't help at all. The Lord doesn't

receive any pleasure from you torturing yourself. You don't obtain grace by torturing yourself. In fact, it's called here by St. Nicodemus a waste of time without profit. Instead, he says humble yourself. That's the appropriate response every time we fall, even if it's the first time of the day or the thousandth time in a single hour. He continues in the next paragraph, having done this, do not torment yourself with thoughts as to whether God has forgiven you. This is also a subset of the torturing of yourself, right? Don't torture yourself, he said, and then don't torment yourself with thoughts that somehow God has not forgiven you or won't forgive you. The Lord is near and listens to the sigh of his servants, so calm yourself in the certainty, having regained your calm, continue your usual occupations as though nothing had happened. Don't be shocked, calm yourself in the certainty of God's love, regain your calm, and continue your usual occupations as though nothing has happened. You must do this not once but

if necessary, a hundred times in every minute, and the last time with the same perfect trust and daring towards God as the first. In doing this, you will render due honor to the infinite goodness of God. Far from being presumptuous, being humble and calling on the mercy of God and resting in that Mercy, this is not being proud; this is giving God the due honor for his infinite goodness and his immeasurable love, which is far greater than our sins. Where sin abounds, Grace Super abounds, St. Paul says. Even a hundred times in every minute, do this, and at the last time with the same perfect trust and daring towards God as the first. In doing this, you will render due honor to the infinite goodness of God, whom you must always see as full of infinite loving kindness towards us. Then you will never cease to make progress in your life and will go on moving forward without waste of time or labor. What a word, what a way to finish this incredible text on spiritual warfare, this massive injection of Hope.

and confidence in the goodness of God, his infinite loving kindness for man. God's patience and love for you is greater than your sins. Don't torture yourself with thoughts that are unworthy of God. Calm yourself in the certainty of God's forgiveness. Do this 100 times in a row if you have to, each time doing it with the same perfect trust and daring towards God. By doing this, you will render due honor to the infinite goodness of God, to his loving kindness. And then he ends the entire text by saying, Then you will never cease to make progress in the Christian Life. Look at that. Don't be surprised that you haven't made the progress that you would like to. This is how he stops, how he starts the concluding chapter. Don't be surprised, don't torment yourself when you fall even a thousand times in a day, but be confident that by taking this counsel, by being humble and having the trust in God's goodness that renders him due honor, because this is our God, a man-lover who wishes no one to perish.

but all to come to repentance. This is the very means by making of making spiritual progress. Then you will never cease to make progress in the Christian Life. I hope this is a great encouragement to you, dear ones. Stop torturing yourself. Stop tormenting yourself with thoughts that are unworthy of the goodness and the infinite loving kindness of God to all those who repent. Christ is risen. Patristic Nectar Publications is pleased to present Enduring Love: Laying Christian Foundations for Marriage. Marriage preparation, together with the sacred institution itself, has fallen on hard times in the post-Christian West. It is more important than ever for couples to saturate their hearts and minds with the glorious vision of holy matrimony presented by the church in holy tradition and lived by countless saints. Here in these pages, couples will find inspired teaching from the holy scriptures, the writings of the holy fathers, and the service text of the sacrament itself on how to live in a genuinely Christian marriage in which

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Stop TORTURING Yourself

Stop TORTURING Yourself

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