정서적 학대 이해 및 무가치감 극복하기

### 정서적 학대 이해 및 무가치감 극복하기
* 💔 정서적 학대는 종종 언어적 학대와 얽혀 있는데, **누군가가 다른 사람을 조종하고 깔아뭉개서 자신에 대해 나쁜 감정을 느끼게 만드는 행위**입니다.
* 🤝 정서적 학대와 정신적 학대는 일반적으로 피해자의 정서적 안녕을 목표로 하는 해로운 행동을 수반하므로 **구분하기 어렵습니다.**
* 💬 과거의 트라우마에 대한 동정심을 받아들이는 것은 **자신이 겪은 고통을 인정**하고 처리해야 하기 때문에 어려울 수 있습니다.
* 👂 불편한 점에 대해 치료사와 소통하는 것도 중요하지만 궁극적으로 **공감을 받아들이는 것**도 치유 과정의 일부입니다.
* 🔍 특히 아동 학대 후 무가치감을 극복하려면 **부정적인 자기 대화를 바꾸고 학대가 피해자의 잘못이 아니라는 것**을 인식해야 합니다.
* 📝 소리를 지르거나 공을 차는 등의 신체 활동을 통해서라도 일기를 쓰고 감정을 표현하면 **억눌린 분노를 해소**하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다.
* 🧠 부정적인 자기 대화를 모니터링하고 바꾸는 것은 **자존감과 자신감을 키우는 데 매우 중요**합니다.
* 🏆 일기 주제는 **자신의 가장 큰 성취**를 되돌아보고 이를 공유하여 자기 성찰과 긍정적인 자기 인식을 장려하는 것입니다.

정서적 학대는 종종 언어적 학대와 결합되어 누군가를 감정적으로 조종하고 무가치하거나 끔찍하게 느끼도록 만드는 것을 목표로 합니다.

Hey everybody. It's finally Friday, sing it with me. We're gonna hit the road a running, let the good times roll, roll. I'm so glad it's Friday, oh my goodness. But I have to work tomorrow a little bit. A couple of clients. But then I get to sleep in on Sunday, yay! So I'm excited, anyways. And when it's Friday here at katimorton.com. I'm on facebook. So if you asked your questions on facebook using the #KatiFAQ, I went through and I already answered some. So if there is any of you wondering, I already answered like six other questions. So, I was busy. Now I have three very good questions as well. To talk about today. As well as a journal topic. So lets get crack-a-lacking. First question, 'Hey Kati, I was wondering what emotional abuse is.' 'I understand the concept. But how do you know if you have been emotionally abused?'

'Also, what is the difference between emotional and mental abuse? I hope you answer this, thank you so much.' So, emotional abuse is. So mental abuse and emotional abuse, 
I don't believe there is any difference. I actually don't even think there is a 
separation between the two. I don't think they actually call it mental abuse, 
we just call it emotional abuse. Now, emotional abuse to me goes hand in hand with verbal abuse, in a way. Because emotional abuse is a lot of, the best way to describe this is when someone in your life is taking advantage of you emotionally. So that can mean, let me get some examples because it's kind of hard to describe now that I am actually talking about it. In my head I was like 'Oh I know this', but now to explain it clearly, sometimes it's difficult. So, emotional abuse is when someone, let's just say a parent, says something to you like,

'Wow, that's all you did today. God, sometimes it's just so disappointing, the amount of things you do, and all you do is you sit here and suck off of me. And you are so ungrateful.' And they just kind of put you down, or in a way persuade you to feel a certain way. So I always think verbal abuse and emotional abuse are very similar in that because often times there is actions as well as words that go along with making us feel bad. And the whole point of emotional abuse is that they do things or say things in order to get us to feel bad, to feel worthless, to feel horrible. So anything that creates that in you that you find yourself feeling really terrible because family and friends, they know best how to poke our buttons right. And some people are really abusive with it, and they can turn that into abuse by saying things that are really hurtful and knowing how we will react to it. Is that clear? I know sometimes it's like it's hard for me to express what I am trying to express.

But that's what emotional abuse is. If you have any other questions, or you want me to do a full Monday video on it, let me know. Give this video a thumbs up, and comment and let me know. Because it is something that I can definitely describe more. But that's the easiest way for short, short video. Okay, question number two, 'Hey Kati, accepting sympathy?' 'I absolutely hate it when my therapist shows any sort of sympathy towards me. Is this normal?' 'I'm still working through some past trauma, and it makes me super uncomfortable to hear her say things like, 'I'm so sorry that that happened', or 'That had to be very scary for you'.' 'Or anything along those lines. Showing sympathy doesn't change anything, but it's not like she could ever really understand how I felt or feel about it.' 'In addition, it makes me more uncomfortable to hear her say I was 'abused'. I know that I was, but it feel like I am being labelled as defective or something.'

'Can I ask her not to say those kinds of things, or is it something that I need to hear/learn to accept? Thanks.' I thought that this was a good question because a lot of us, I know, have trouble with this. And the truth of it, and I'm just going to cut to the chase, I'm not going to sugar coat it too much. When we accept sympathy from bad things that have happened to us, we have to accept ourselves that they happened to us. And that can be really, really hard. And hearing someone say it so nonchalantly, possibly. Or so matter of factly. Like 'Oh I'm so sorry that happened, that had to be terrible.' We think, 'No, it wasn't terrible,' or 'I don't know, uh.' It sheds light on something that we have kept in the dark for so long. And it can be really shocking. Now to her question about should she tell her therapist not to say those things.

I wouldn't phrase it that way because this is something that you're going to need to hear and learn to accept. But you could say something to your therapist to the effect of, 'You know, I'm really struggling to deal with you saying these types of things to me. And could you be a little more careful with it. Or could we talk about that a little more.' About the phrasing, not the stuff obviously. But it can be really difficult. And it's mainly around the acceptance of the fact that bad things happened. And we feel shitty about it. And it doesn't mean you're defective at all. It's not a label. It's just helping you process through what happened. Okay. I know that's hard. But it will get easier the more we talk about it. So I encourage to keep talking about it. Okay. Question number three, 'Hey Kati, how can you overcome feeling worthless?' That's a good question. 'Throughout my childhood, I was sexually abused by my dad, and my mom did nothing about it.'

'I want to recover, but I don't know how to motivate myself when I feel so worthless.' Now I did a video. Oh, I don't even know. A long time ago. And I told this person in the comment as well to check it out. And it's called 'Self-hatred and how to overcome it.' And I would encourage you to search for that on YouTube and watch it. Because the struggle with feeling worthless has a lot to do with our overall sense of self. How we feel about who we are. And it sounds like for this person in particular, we derive that worthlessness over the fact that no one cared to do anything to help us, to save us, to anything. And we just feel like we are almost invisible, or worthless, or you know not important to anybody. And we have to start changing the conversation we have with ourselves about it. Now at times I've had clients when we're trying to work on this, there will be a period of time when it's very normal to feel extreme anger towards them.

Because right now you have anger towards yourself, not at your parents. Often times when we turn our anger in, that's when we feel anxiety, we feel depression, we can feel worthless, we can have self-harm, an eating disorder. A lot of it is when we turn our emotions in versus expressing them out. So part of, kind of the 'homework', I would tell you to start working on this sense of worthlessness, is first of all to recognise that it was not your fault and it's no defect of you or anything reflecting on you. It's actually the fault of the abuser. And the fact that another parent knew about it and didn't do anything, that's also their fault. Because I would hold them accountable. And I would encourage you to vent that through journaling, your emotions around it. And I would also encourage you to scream into a pillow, listen to angry music, kick a soccer ball into a cement wall over and over and over.

Try to get some of that anger out, because I have a feeling that you'll find there are a lot of other emotions hidden in there. And it's not just a sense of worthlessness that is the most pourable one, it's just the one that you're dealing with right now. After doing that and working on that continuously, I would also encourage you to notice and maybe journal or jot down what goes on in your mind day in and day out. Is it put-downs on yourself, is it 'I'm so stupid, how could I do that?' What is the we're having with ourselves? Because that has a lot, like a ton, to do with our confidence and how we manage things during the day. So when you notice that you are speaking really negatively to yourself, it can really help for you to focus in on that and try to change the conversation. So when you have something come up and you think 'Oh, I'm just so stupid. What the hell was I thinking? Blah blah blah.'

Notice and say, No, I'm not stupid. I made a mistake. I'm human, and people make mistakes. And that's okay. I'm going to try again next time. We're just trying to make it neutral, possibly turn it into a positive. But we want to make sure that it's not negative. Okay. Is that clear? So it's a little bit of homework, and it's going to take time. But through doing that, you'll find that your recovery, because she said, I don't know how to motivate myself to recover. You'll find that your recovery moves along with it. Okay. Now the journal topic today. Now this is one of my own. I didn't find any today on Facebook, so maybe people weren't feeling very journal topicy. But this is something that is really fun to do. And if we are struggling to find something to write about, I thought this would help. I have the question.

'What do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment to date? And why? What's your greatest accomplishment? It could be something as simple as, you know, 'I passed my math test and I didn't think I would'. It could be something as intense and complex as 'I made decisions to move out of my house and now I live on my own, I have a job.' It could be anything that you feel is your greatest accomplishment to date. And then I want to know why. And then I want you to share it with me. Tweet it to me, post it on facebook, put it on tumblr and tag me in it, share on instagram, whatever so I can see all the wonderful things you're doing. And I can be extra proud. Yay! Okay. Have a wonderful weekend. I love you all. I will see you on Monday. And on Tuesday I will be on tumblr, so ask your questions there. Bye! Subtitles by the Amara.org community

How Can I Stop Feeling Worthless?

Kati Morton is a licensed therapist, author and public speaker who is well-known for her YouTube channel focused on mental health where she covers a wide range of topics, including family dynamics, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, trauma, and more. In her videos, Kati offers valuable insights and practical advice on how to navigate the complex world of mental health. She provides strategies for managing difficult emotions, coping with stress, and improving overall well-being. Kati's non-judgmental approach makes her content accessible to people from all walks of life. She is the author of two best-selling books: "Are u ok?: A Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health" and "Traumatized: Identify, Understand, and Cope with PTSD and Emotional Stress". Through her work, Kati has become a leading voice in the mental health community and stresses the importance of seeking help when needed and dedicated to helping people lead happier and healthier lives.




Kati Morton

정서적 학대는 종종 언어적 학대와 동의어로 사용되며 피해자를 조종하고 정서적으로 착취하여 무가치한 존재로 느끼게 하는 것을 목표로 합니다.

정서적 학대와 정신적 학대는 그 효과와 증상이 대부분 겹치기 때문에 명확하게 구분할 수 없습니다.

가해자는 피해자의 기분을 나쁘게 만드는 말과 행동을 사용하며, 피해자를 감정적으로 조종하는 방법을 잘 알고 있는 경우가 많습니다.

치료에서 동정심을 받아들이는 것의 어려움

치료에서 동정심을 받아들이는 데 어려움을 겪는 것은 많은 사람들, 특히 과거 트라우마를 경험한 사람들에게 흔한 문제입니다.

동정심을 받아들이려면 일어난 일의 현실을 받아들여야 하는데, 이는 매우 어려울 수 있습니다.

개인은 치료사에게 동정심을 표현하지 말라고 요청해야 할지, 아니면 치유 과정의 일부로 받아들이는 법을 배워야 할지 확신이 서지 않습니다.

치료의 어려움 해결 및 무가치감 극복하기

치료사의 말이 어렵게 느껴질 때는 자신이 결함이 있다고 느끼지 말고 치료사와 소통하는 것이 중요합니다.

특히 어린 시절 학대를 당한 후 무가치감을 극복하려면 자신과 대화하는 방식을 바꿔야 합니다.

우리를 지지하지 않은 사람들에 대해 분노를 느끼는 것은 당연한 일이며, 회복에는 시간과 노력이 필요합니다.

분노와 감정 관리하기 치료사의 조언

분노를 내면으로 돌리면 불안, 우울, 자해로 이어질 수 있으므로 감정을 표현하는 것이 중요합니다.

가해자의 잘못에 초점을 맞춰 자신의 무가치함을 인식하고 책임을 묻는 것이 첫 번째 단계입니다.

일기 쓰기와 신체 활동을 통해 감정을 표출하면 숨겨진 감정을 해소하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다.

부정적인 자기 대화를 인식하고 내부 대화를 적극적으로 바꾸는 것은 자신감을 키우고 감정을 관리하는 데 매우 중요합니다.

실수를 포용하고 성과를 되돌아보기

실수하는 것은 인간의 일부이며 다시 시도해도 괜찮다는 것을 인정하는 것이 중요합니다.

자신의 가장 큰 성취를 되돌아보고 공유하는 것은 긍정적이고 동기 부여가 될 수 있습니다.

다른 사람들이 자신의 성취를 공유하도록 장려하면 서로를 지지하고 격려하는 커뮤니티를 만들 수 있습니다.