This video is sponsored by Mantis Sleep. Get the highest quality sleep masks using the link in the description and use code WONDER for 10% off. Romantic love is an illusion; it is the misguided result of Romanticism, which revered passion and feeling over reason.

The mythos of love at first sight and happily ever after... Love has been commandeered by market opportunities for profit. Hallmark, Disney movies, greeting card and jewelry companies, and so on; they all fan the flames of love with dollars. In the end, love hurts all

those who believe in it. No real love story ends well. There's no such thing as 'the one.' These are perhaps a few of the things a realist or pessimist might say, or at least think in the privacy of their mind about love.

Perhaps this kind of person is, and has always been, a realist about everything, and so they are also a realist about love. Or perhaps they have witnessed a relationship crumble and destroy those involved. Perhaps their parents, or perhaps they've experienced it themselves; terrible pains

caused by their own experiences of love's failure. Whatever the case may be, let's grant that on some level it is all true. It is true that romantic love, as an ideal, is a lure. It is true that romantic love has been contorted by

hands needing money, and it is true that love will never bring everlasting happiness, and no instance of it will ultimately end well. So now what? Is this the end of one's hope for love? It doesn't have to be. In truth, why

Would love be any different? What in life isn't immensely painful, confusing, uncertain, and hard? What in life isn't idealized or romanticized? What hasn't been commandeered and exploited for profit? What in life ends well? Life doesn't end well. The problem, at least,

for those of us who have found ourselves considering love through a sort of realist, pessimistic lens, isn't love, but our definitions and expectations of it. Love is often viewed as a proxy for happiness, at the very least. Many people view romantic love as a means to

happiness. This is arguably where the disaster starts. We build our romantic hopes on the haphazard and foolishly optimistic foundation that love will solve things it cannot. For most of us, the sort of everlasting, potent happiness endorsed in the oversaturated, final

scenes of a romance story is not a particularly likely goal. No matter what happens in our lives, we will all likely struggle with terrible bouts of misery, anxiety, and regret, regardless of whether we are single or in a relationship, regardless of essentially anything. At best, life is fundamentally

difficult; at worst, it is fundamentally suffering. And so, take the sort of ultimate happily-ever-after happiness off the table and assume a pessimistic attitude toward love, and then redefine it, or at least work toward understanding and practicing a more realistic, functional version of it.

Of course, there are things in life that do increase our well-being, and there are things that add meaning to our lives: family, friendships, relationships, mutual support and care, novel experiences, notable achievements, and so on can and do play a role in one's quality of life.

And a sense of meaning, and the sort of shared, mutual intertwinement of experience through love, can both provide and augment the potency of these aspects of life. Harry Reis, PhD professor of psychology, says many studies have shown that people who are in relationships, on average, are happier

than people who are not in relationships. This simply means that, on average, people who are not in relationships, over the course of their lifespan, are unhappier in many different respects than people who are in relationships, in reference to the impact of marital status on happiness over time.

Psychologist Richard Slatcher says couples still end up staying happier than they started with, but essentially that declines a little bit over time. A study done at Michigan State University by psychologist Richard Lucas has also shown that married couples adapt to their relationship circumstances and return to their relative baseline of

well-being. It appears that having a healthy, functional romantic relationship tends to have a positive effect on one's well-being, but once one has a reasonably healthy and cooperative relationship, there is a limit and relative timeline to which a relationship can increase one's happiness. It is not as if there is

some other better person or relationship that will make a significant improvement beyond one's general optimal baseline of happiness. With this in mind, on average, one should strive for a supportive romantic relationship, but not expect or depend on it to be some sort of bottomless well of

contentment. Another belief that can cause destruction and disappointment is the notion of 'the one'—one person who is perfect for us, who will always understand our every need and impulse, who will cater to our every quirk and neurosis, and yet have none themselves. For

Most of us will not simply click automatically and enduringly with anyone. We will, of course, click more, or notice a greater potential to click more, with some people over others. This is undoubtedly relevant, but equally relevant is recognizing that properly clicking and staying clicked is not

going to be simple, or easy, or even really possible in any absolute sense. The gears will grind as often as their teeth will sit perfectly into the base. A more reasonable prospect of love starts not with the ideal that one can find someone who does not have

qualities that will be difficult to deal with, but rather that one can find someone with difficult qualities worth dealing with. In the words of the philosopher Slavoj Žižek, all too often when we love somebody, we don't accept him or her as what the person effectively is; we

accept him or her insofar as this person fits the coordinates of our fantasy. We misidentify—wrongly identify—him or her, which is why, when we discover that we were wrong, love can quickly turn into violence. There's nothing more dangerous, more lethal for the loved

person than to be loved, as it were, for not what he or she is, but for fitting the ideal. The prospect of reasonable and meaningful love is, like all things in life, found in the direction of effort, care, and thoughtfulness. The uniquely dangerous problem with romantic love is that it

can literally alter the chemistry of the brain and reduce one's ability to reason and think critically. The American anthropologist Helen Fisher wrote, 'Elevated levels of dopamine in the brain produce extremely focused attention, as well as unwavering motivation and goal-directed behaviors.' These are central

Characteristics of romantic love: Lovers intensely focus on the beloved, often to the exclusion of all around them. Indeed, they concentrate so relentlessly on the positive qualities of the adored one that they easily overlook his or her negative traits. As a result, knowing the

difference between being foolishly compelled toward a relationship and being foolishly dismissive of a relationship is anything but easy or clear. All we can do here is try our best to use the speed bumps of time and patience to help ensure our car doesn't fly

recklessly down the street in either direction. We all must be willing to take our leaps of faith in life. True, wise leaps of faith arguably are not in anything without evidence or prospect, but rather in things that are risky and uncertain but are possible, capable of

profound meaning and value if we land the dismount. And love, for at least some of us, can be that: the right person, the one, is who you settle on and fight for and with. There is no one other than the one you choose and make love of this

form is not cute or flowery; it does not go on social media or fit neatly on the final page of a novel. It is rather found in an open bathroom door, in helping with an unsavory ailment, in accepting and patiently sitting alongside an

unexplainable meltdown that continues all night. It is found in stopping a weird eating habit or working through a bad financial habit. It is found in uncertainty and struggle; it is found in freedom and friction; it is found in being told you did something wrong that

You cannot, for the life of you, understand, and it is found in accepting, at least on occasion, that you in fact probably did something wrong. It is found in working through this understanding, and it is found in understanding that some understandings will never quite be reached, and some problems will never

quite be solved. The author, B. Hooks, wrote, "True love is unconditional, but to truly flourish it requires an ongoing commitment to constructive struggle and change. The heartbeat of true love is the willingness to reflect on one's actions and to process and communicate this

reflection with the loved one." Of course, in the end, love will inevitably not end well. Life does not end well, of course. Love will be painful and filled with uncertainties and confusions. Life is a treachery of these things. Of course, we won't find someone

that takes the pain of life away. Nothing can. Of course, we won't ever find the 'right' person; there are no 'right' people. But ultimately, think to yourself: if you're going to live in and through this pit of existence with all its pains and uncertainties and challenges, do you want

to fight for and work towards something meaningful, or not? If yes, is having someone to help with and share in the sufferings together, to laugh at the absurdities together, and to occasionally triumph over the hardships together, meaningful? If yes, then try to love; work

toward it and learn to love. Make it a goal, like anything else—not to attain, but to get better at. When one wants to become physically healthier or financially more well-off, one doesn't accomplish these things by waiting around with the same know-how and skills. They put effort

toward understanding how to eat healthier or make better financial decisions, and they practice the habits and skills required to do so. In many ways, love is no different. We should not expect love to save us, but we can perhaps, with the right effort and patience, find that it can help make the

inability to ever be saved more endurable and worth enduring. Of course, love is not for everyone and will not work out for everyone, even if they do everything right. Like anything else, luck is the ultimate arbiter of success, and for some it might simply be of less interest than

living a meaningful life as a single person, which is entirely reasonable and achievable. Modern culture undoubtedly glorifies relationships as a universality, which they are not. What's important, however, is knowing what is important to you, what you value and find meaningful, and ensuring that your

perspective is not just the sour grapes of a misguided belief in an impossible ideal. If love is important to you, throw out the ideal and build something real, something you can attain and manage, and love something that, amongst very few things, you can look back on at the end

of your life and tear up about; not at the loss of it, but at the indescribable connection and meaning you got to experience and share with another person. You picked out that one person, you fought for that one person, you believed in that one person, you worked

through yourself and them with and for that one person. You learn more about and from that one person than anyone else. You loved that one person. In the words of Xek, 'love, for me, is an extremely violent act.' Love is not 'I love you' all; love means 'I pick out something, even if

This something is just a small detail, a fragile, individual person. I say, "I love you" more than anything else in this quite formal sense. Love is [Music] evil. Thank you for watching. According to a study, it turns out, interestingly, more satisfied couples tend to sleep in

closer synchronization. Multiple studies have also shown that sleep can be crucial to a relationship's success. Not only do synchronized sleep patterns indicate relationship satisfaction, but the duration and quality of one's sleep can deeply affect one's ability to find, achieve, and maintain

healthy relationships of all kinds. The professor of sleep medicine, Dr. Adrien Williams, says that sleep loss can reduce things like self-control, moral awareness, mood interpretation, and communication. Having a quality sleep schedule is essential, but managing one, single, or in a relationship, can be very difficult.

That's why this video's sponsor, Manta Sleep, is such a fantastic fit for this video. Whether you're a night owl, early bird, or frequent napper, for all of us, our friend when we are awake becomes our foe in sleep. The light, with Manta Sleep

masks, however, you can achieve 100% blackout without any sacrifice to comfort and sleep positioning. As a regular side sleeper who moves around quite a bit, other sleep masks are often uncomfortable or prone to falling off. With Manta Sleep masks, however, the fully

adjustable design sits perfectly on your face with full breathability and no direct contact to your eyes or eyelashes. Sitting like a soft pillow around your head with no points of bulge or pressure, Manta has a variety of options depending on your needs, like the cool mask, steam

Manta Pro mask, weighted mask, kids mask, silk mask, and sound mask, which has Bluetooth speakers in it with a 20-hour battery life. All masks are fully adjustable with premium quality materials, and the eye cups can be interchanged with cool or steam cups, which are amazing for headaches or

general relaxation. If you want to boost your REM and deep sleep and thus improve the quality of your life, you need the highest quality sleep mask, which Manta provides. Get your Manta sleep mask today by using the link in the description and using code WONDER to get

10% off your order. Manta is also currently running some last-minute holiday deals if you order soon. And of course, as always, thank you so much for watching, and see you next video. [Music]

Why You Should (Probably) Stay Single

Fostering reflection through powerful ideas and stories.

Wonder is the feeling of curiosity and appreciation inspired by something beautiful, inexplicable, or unfamiliar. At Pursuit of Wonder, we create work with the aim of producing that feeling. 

Through video essays, short stories, guided experiences, books, and more, we explore a wide range of topics related to philosophy, psychology, science, literature, well-being, and more. We believe in facing the challenges and complexities of life head-on, and in doing so, we strive to inspire a reconnection with child-like wonder and a comfort with the uncertainty and absurdity of existence.  


Pursuit of Wonder

환상과 사회적 구성물로서의 낭만적 사랑

낭만적 사랑은 이성보다 열정을 우선시하는 낭만주의의 산물인 환상으로 표현됩니다.

사랑이라는 개념은 다양한 산업에서 상업화되어 비현실적인 기대를 부추깁니다.

사랑에 대한 현실주의적 관점에는 종종 '영원한 행복'과 '그 사람'에 대한 냉소주의가 포함됩니다.

실패한 연애의 개인적인 경험은 사랑을 현실적으로 바라보는 데 도움이 됩니다.

낭만적인 사랑은 미끼로 인식되어 이익을 위해 악용되고 궁극적으로 불행을 초래합니다.

문제는 사랑 자체에 있는 것이 아니라 비현실적인 정의와 기대에 있습니다.

사랑은 종종 행복을 위한 수단으로 여겨지며, 행복을 얻지 못하면 실망으로 이어집니다.

이 영상은 인생에 내재된 어려움을 받아들이고 현실적인 기대치를 바탕으로 사랑을 재정의할 것을 제안합니다.

이 동영상은 상호 지원과 경험 공유에 초점을 맞춘 기능적인 버전의 사랑을 제안합니다.

관계를 포함한 삶의 다양한 측면이 웰빙과 의미에 기여합니다.

사랑을 찾고 유지하기 위한 현실적인 접근 방식

완벽한 호환성이란 비현실적인 개념으로 '단 하나'라는 개념에 도전합니다.

이 동영상은 관계를 찾고 유지하려면 노력과 타협이 필요하다는 점을 강조합니다.

결함이 없는 사람보다는 관리 가능한 어려움을 가진 사람을 찾는 데 초점을 맞춰야 합니다.

이상화된 환상에 기반한 잘못된 인식은 관계의 실패와 폭력으로 이어질 수 있습니다.

낭만적인 사랑이 뇌 화학에 미치는 영향은 이성적인 사고를 방해할 수 있습니다.

진정한 사랑은 헌신과 노력, 불완전함을 받아들이는 것을 포함합니다.

진정한 사랑은 일상의 지지와 이해의 순간에 그려집니다.

진정한 사랑은 갈등을 극복하고 해결되지 않은 문제를 받아들이는 것을 포함합니다.

진정한 사랑은 건설적인 투쟁과 변화를 위한 지속적인 노력이 필요합니다.

결론: 의미 있는 사랑 추구하기

이 영상은 인생의 어려움 속에서도 의미 있는 관계를 추구하도록 독려합니다.

사랑은 노력과 연습을 통해 개발해야 하는 기술로 제시됩니다.

사랑이 모든 문제를 해결해 줄 것이라고 기대해서는 안 되지만, 삶을 더 견딜 수 있게 해줄 수는 있습니다.

이 영상은 사랑이 모든 사람을 위한 것은 아니며, 만족스러운 독신 생활도 유효하다는 것을 인정합니다.

개인적인 가치관의 중요성과 비현실적인 기대를 피하는 것이 강조됩니다.

스폰서 메시지: 만타 수면 마스크

수면은 인간관계와 전반적인 웰빙에 매우 중요합니다.

수면 부족은 자제력, 기분, 의사소통에 부정적인 영향을 미칩니다.

만타 수면 마스크는 편안한 100% 암전 수면을 제공합니다.

만타 수면 마스크는 다양한 기능과 조절 가능한 디자인을 제공합니다.

만타 수면 마스크는 수면의 질과 전반적인 웰빙을 개선하기 위해 홍보되고 있습니다.