I had prepared a little bit of a deeper look into romantic compatibility for this evening, and we're not going to talk about how compatible some types are, whatnot, but we're actually talking about the individual components relating to romantic compatibility. So, why is that? Well, it's because I keep getting these YouTube comments talking about compatibility, and everyone is just zeroing in on compatibility from a nature standpoint and the golden pairs, which I don't mind people zeroing in on golden pairs because golden pairs still, at the end of the day, are ultimately the ideal. However, based on nurtural changes in the mind, etc., and how people perceive things differently, it goes way beyond that. The reason, so like for example, yeah, our cognitive functions can match all the way across, but why is it? Why is it that from, you know, when we talk about social compatibility, as stated in season 12, we did season 12, we were talking about social compatibility. Why is it the third highest social

compatibility is actually the most common, uh, the, uh, the most common marriage, for example, right? So, just because, like, from a relationship standpoint, your golden pair is your golden pair, that does not necessarily mean that that's what someone is going to naturally pick for, like, a life partner, for example, or what their marriage is, ETC, uh, so, um, with romantic compatibility, like, just like marriage, is so much more than just, like, raw functions going across the board, uh, and, um, I, I was planning on talking about this, like, about six months ago, but we ran into an issue with people taking our intellectual property, and we decided, Ed, you know, to go against that, and then we just went with the golden hairs, basically, but we need to talk about things beyond the golden hairs. So, for example, why is it ENTPs often get married to ISFPs? Why do ENTPs get married to INFJs? Why do INTPs end up with ENFJs? Uh, why do, um, INJs end up with ENFPs, right? We have a lot of these

different questions that wait a minute. Their functions don't exactly line up. Why is that? But uh, that's a whole another story entirely. Uh, but the point is, is that they found each other. They uh, they my infj uncle, mind you. Uh, they uh, they found each other. Uh, and they ended up having a really successful relationship. Yes, it had its ups and downs. Uh, but uh, they had a very successful relationship. They had three children. Uh, they were together for shoot. I don't know. 50 years, something like that. It's just an insane number that they were together. And they were able to just really make that relationship work. And well, how is that even, how is that even possible? Well, uh, it's because romantic compatibility goes outside of what people would consider a traditional golden pair. While a golden pair, and hope you guys can hear me properly here. Um, so while a uh, while a golden pair is definitely the ideal match, and then obviously you have the second highest compatibility. So like, for example, uh, take an istp. Their highest match is ESTJ.

but an ISTJ would certainly work as well. Uh, I have known an ISTJ-ISTP couple, another couple in my family. They've been together since they've been in second grade, and uh, and they've just known each other for that long, and now they're like 40 years old and have uh, three children. Very successful relationship that's had its ups and downs, but still very successful, you know, statistically over the way. But beyond just those standard social compatibility rules, there's like a lot more, because yes, we want our functions to line up, but then you got to think about priority. You break down a golden par compatibility, and all it is is highest emotional compatibility plus highest um, sexual compatibility, perceptual compatibility, right? Uh, where people um, experience sexuality, where they experience uh, beauty, where they experience um, nobility. That's all based on the perception functions, perceiving functions. You want perceiving functions to max. That's why I maintain this perceiving functions versus emotional compatibility decision-making functions. So, perceiving functions equals sexual

compatibility, and then you have emotional compatibility equals decision-making functions. Which one is more important? Honestly, it's the sexual compatibility. They're way more important in every way. It's just because you just can't get away from that human instinct. The human instinct is there, and it's important, and it's not going away. It doesn't matter how emotionally connected you can get really to somebody. It still matters technically slightly more than emotional ability. So, when I've been doing a lot of coaching, I've been coaching relationships like um entp istj, right? And that's been a very difficult pair uh to teach or um keeps these relationships together. It's just insane sheer loyalty, loyalty that comes from um uh s hero and Si inferior uh and then at least at least an Nemesis if the enf be a shadow Focus the relationship can work because the ni Nemesis can kind of become that Ally to the any hero and like provide enough desire for any inferior to be

okayish enough, but the problem is then you have SE demon that doesn't exactly help, so that then again SC Nemesis can also compensate as a result. So, there's a lot of different ways, you know, when you think of romantic prob just compensating, but that's not why the decision is made. So, if you zoom out from the cognitive functions, yes, we have Fe likes to eat Fi, and T likes to eat Ti, and then you have Ne likes to eat Ni, and so on and so forth within cognitive synchronicity Theory. According to season five that we have, yes, that's a thing, but you can actually zoom out and realize that there's a lot more benefits to be gained from certain types. Look at it this way: interaction Styles, temperaments, control types need to be with movement types, direct types need to be with informative types, initiating to be with responding types. Okay, so from an interaction style standpoint, you want the opposite for your relationship, but wait a minute, golden pair ENTP INTJ, you have, yeah, you have directed form, that's great, but then you have

movement movement wait a minute that's not necessarily the best. So even with your golden pair, for example, there's still advantages and disadvantages all the way across it. But there's still advantages and disadvantages. And like, uh, so like with um, disadvantages and advantages, uh, it goes even further, like temperament. Um, here's a problem with again ENTP-INTJ relationships. Speaking about my own golden pair, here's the other issue. It's double systematic. It's completely systematic. Where's the interest? Why is having interest so important? This is why ENTPs, for example, often marry INFJs very often. They're getting those perceiving function compatibility is fine. There isn't very much high emotional compatibility, but at least the Fe child can hang out with the FI critic. At least the Te-TI child can hang out with a Te critic because a little kid can hang out with a grandparent just fine. So at least they have that kind of emotional compatibility, and it works. But they're gaining the advantage of getting the fact that the idealist is an interest-based

type so it really becomes wait a minute pick your poison so when you're looking at romantic compatibility. It ultimately comprises of three separate things: cognitive functions, okay um, so um, so cognitive functions, cognitive synchronicity. So cognitive synchronicity is one, the second one is uh, interaction styles and temperaments, uh, and where they match, and then the third thing is nurture, human nurture, super important. Now remember, human beings in relationships, the Venn diagram of two different things, okay, so the Venn diagram, okay, so you have nature, you have nurture, okay, and they come together, and in the middle, you have the human being, right, within this Venn diagram. So that means nature versus nurture really only makes up about 60, up to 60% of the equation with a person, and it really depends on what a person has been through. It really depends uh, so with that, with that uh, with that being said um, how does how does that work uh, when you have a a situation where so nurtur support what what makes up the nurtural components.

like so how do how do you determine nurture king warrior magician lover Queen Mother matron lover these indices make up a person's nurture biblically speaking and I know I use biblical Concepts all the time but there's a verse that says do not become unequally yolked right do not be unequally Yol that's super important I I cannot stress how important it is to not be unequally Y and this applies directly to the nurture side not the nature side this is the nurture side do not be unequally y so when you're thinking about having a long-term uh relationship with somebody or long-term sexual relationship or even a marriage whatnot you really want to look at okay am I equally yolked with this person right super important so like if you're a man like what's your king ability right I mean so like a um you when you give uh when you're a man the uh you know you've completed ging officially when you have your own place your own car

your own job, your own budget, your own plan for removing and eliminating debt, and you have your own, basically your own wedding ring created. Understood, it's your signet ring, it represents your crown, it's like the crowning achievement, right? And this is assuming a traditional masculine-feminine relationship, sh outside of homosexuality, of course. But again, if we are going to talk about homosexuality, you can kind of apply the same concept. Just understand that when we're talking about like what I presented in season 17, episode 4, talking about how some types of triple feminine, triple masculine, you know, and they have these different U, these different approaches to gender, obviously in a homosexual relationship, one person would take on the feminine roles based on human nurture, and one would take the masculine roles, for example, and that's perfectly natural. And during their relationship, those roles may switch and switch back and forth, or per situation within the relationship, they switch temporarily. So again, from a homosexual standpoint, still applies. So I'm not saying that it's just

for regular relationships. Is that why I'm cooking with a demon? I cook with a demon all the time. Yep. So, um, I'm probably doing it tonight. It's so hot. You could just see the sweat on my face. My gosh. So, so it goes, uh, it goes even more when you have um, you don't want to be unequally yoked. So from a king, warrior, magician, lover standpoint, you got your ring, you finished. King warrior means you're taking care of your health. Uh, so uh, you would obviously want to be with somebody who's the same light range of health for you. You'd also want to have someone who would appreciate your level of king, right? Um, you would also want to be with someone who has strong relationships with their own gender because you should be having strong relationships with your own gender through a magician, right? And then obviously you would want to have someone that enjoys life at the same level as you do. If they are not very experienced in things, it's probably because you were

the are yourself are not experiencing things, but from like a king, warrior, magician, lover standpoint, you want to have each level within each of the four archetypes, the mature masculine, the mature feminine, to be about the same or very close to each other, right? That's why we have uh, we're releasing uh, something uh, in the future that goes into uh, details to what that means uh, but the point is that eventually we'll get to a point we can actually measure out what that is, what that me, and then through those measurements, you can actually basically measure your nurture in relation to what other people uh, have, and that could be a fellow men, fellow women. It could be people that you're trying to have relationships with, that's fine, right? So, romantic compatibility, there's so many more uh, variables to keep track of now. Golden pairs, they're the default, yeah, they're the ideal technically because if you think from a primary versus secondary yin and yang equilibrium, okay, because everything is primary, secondary, yin and yang within psychology, everything, your ego is

primary. Your Shadow is secondary to your ego. You always, always have that at all times, um, and that's always, uh, you're never going to get away from that. So, with that being said, while cognitive synchronicity, it is primary temperaments, interaction styles, and second, it really is still important, you know, and then you look at, uh, human nurture, it's like even tertiary to a point, right, going down to different levels in terms of levels of importance, right. So, yeah, golden pairs are important, and yes, but they're the default, they're like the starting point of compatibility in the middle, and then people branch out from there and develop their relationships from there based on each according to their own need and desire, etc. And there's not much that you know we can do, um, to uh, you know, to get around that. There just is, uh, so why is that relevant? It's relevant because if you're not able to, a relationship with your golden pair does not necessarily mean that's a bad thing, uh, because for example, um, oh, I forgot.

um, so cognitive synchronicity, Temperance interaction Styles. Oh, there's a third point in there, the third one, and then the fourth one is actually the nurture part with king warrior m l. The third one is also what we call, um, gosh, what is it called again? I want to say cognitive focus and, uh, yes, another glossary term, LOL, but let me define it right now. Let me actually define it right now. Um, so cognitive focus is basically what side of the mind a person focuses on the most, using the most. And just because you're an INTJ doesn't mean that you're not focused on having that ESFP, uh, so you could be an ESFP-flavored INTJ or an ENTP-flavored INTJ, right? It's kind of like, uh, you're playing a video game, and your class is INTJ, but your prestige class is an ESFP, for example. It's the same thing. So, whatever your cognitive focus is, whatever your focus of which side of the mind is, it can cause things differently.

so look at it this way: from a romantic compatibility standpoint, you're looking at focus. You really want to have one person who's subconscious-focused. They're very happy, but they may not be the most mature person in the world. That's important; we'll discuss why. And then you want someone who is very mature but not necessarily as happy and shadow-focused or unconscious-focused for the relationship. This is very important, very, very important. So, it's important because when you look at human nurture, king, warrior, magician, lover archetype, for example, how are you going to enjoy life? The technically more immature person, but because they're immature, they're kind of more happier in life. They have a lot more to offer in terms of experiencing life because they're just experiencing life. They're Taylor Swift, you know what I'm saying? They're just all about, they're just Taylor Swift in it like crazy. But that Taylor Swift, that Taylor Swift definitely needs some solid ground to stand on. Someone who's super mature that she can come home to.

that's not going to abandon her and just be that solid ground and that foundation for her. But then she also shares those fun experiences with that super mature person, so they don't miss out on life either. While simultaneously, Taylor Swift is safe, not making new songs about ex-boyfriends every 10 minutes, and might be singing about the fact that her trip to Italy with her actually mature lover, how great it was, etc. Yeah, but that's why. So when you think from a romantic compatibility standpoint, keep that in mind. It's another index as to how romantic compatibility is calculated. So we have these four different ways, and each of them, when you bring them together, creates romantic compatibility. It's four pillars, the four pillars of romantic compatibility. Yes, cognitive synchronicity is number one, most important thing. Yes, temperament interaction styles matter, is number two thing. Number three thing is cognitive focus, and the fourth thing, oh wait, that's five H, and the fourth thing really, really is, hey, what's our nurture, the king warrior.

magician, lover, Queen, uh, M lover, etc. It all applies. Each of these things really comes into play when it comes to uh, romantic relationships. They have different needs done. So, it's funny because the SFJ is still systematic like the uh, like the NTP is right, and it's also like the ENTP is. It's still movement-oriented like the ENTP is. It's still within the same quadr as the ENTP right. It has all of those things with it. It's still informative. It still has the exact same uh, interaction style even they had before right. The difference is is the temperament concrete. Yes, it technically should go with the abstract just like movement should go with control. The difference is that based on a person's nurture, each human being actually ends up valuing these things differently. One human being who she values informative right. She also values movement. She values systematic. So, each person, they value certain traits of an interaction style and certain traits of a temperament which actually causes them to preferentially naturally seek out a

different type than other people, so people value different things. Hey, uh, Chase, I have a question. Yes, sir. So, uh, let's say ISFJ has ENTP subconscious, correct? ISFJ, yes. So, uh, say for me as INGEN, ENTP is the golden pair. So, what if there is a person who mostly lives in his, is her, in her subconscious, so in her ENTP? Would it be, um, the same relationship with her? Well, will it be similar to True ENTP who, like, no, whose ego is ENTP versus ISFJ who mostly lives as ENTP? Do you see my question? Yeah, there's a difference. So, like, depending on what your cognitive focus is, again, it's a different flavored of a different type. And I'm going to be, I'm going to do a lecture on this, uh, in the future. But, um, so like we were saying, like, Prestige classes, I mean, and the classes are important because if you, if you guys have been paying any, it just became a competition, right? Or if someone who's subconscious focus who can have more fun.

who can be happier, right? That's another problem. So, you guys have to understand that calling the focus really, really matters. So, romantic compatibility, while your golden pair is definitely your ideal in terms of cognitive synchronicity, it may not be enough to cover all the bases that you yourself are looking for. Because the bases really include your cognitive focus, the bases really include your cognitive synchronicity. Of course, that's very primary; it's a very primary thing. But you're willing to sacrifice emotional compatibility in some cases. You still have your sexual compatibility within your colleague of synchronicity. But then you're sacrificing. Maybe you need some more control in your life because your life is just too chaotic because you're a movement type. You don't know what to do. So, you need someone who's very controlled. So, Mr. Matthew here said he's in a relationship with an ENTJ, you know, and he's gaining the benefits of having control from an ENTJ, even though he's a movement type, even though his golden

pair is an INFJ, which is another movement type. So perhaps in his life, he needs more order because it's just what he needs based on past experiences of his SI inferior. And then as a result of that, he's getting that control from an ENTJ relationship, right? And this could be from, you know, a lot of various, you know, aspects. So romantic compatibility is extremely complicated. It's extremely complicated. You have to keep track of these four different pillars when you're understanding, you know, okay, how relationships actually work. It can be tracked, and yes, I have developed mathematics around being able to keep track of it to come into an understanding as to which relationship is really going to work and how to identify what person values what. And that's really, and it's a really complicated process. It can be done, but again, like, and don't forget, like, the fourth pillar we talked about, which is nurture. If you're not, nurture is like the most complicated part, but it's also the most important because don't be unequally yoked. You can have

your cognitive focus hand. If you can have your cogal synchron, you can have what you're looking for in interaction styles and temperaments. But if you have incompatible nurture, it's just not going to work still. And this is why you still end up having successful marriages between ENFJ and IFJ, for example, my aunt and uncle, or between Jeff and his wife, ENFP and ISFJ, or in some cases, ENTP and ISTJ. These kinds of relationships that overvalue emotional compatibility, but because they've had these lives with her looking over their shoulder all the time, they need somebody who's very safety-oriented like they are, for example, because their nurture demands it or because they don't want to be unequally yoked. Here's an example of someone of an unequally yoked relationship: you have a man who is 250 lbs, and he just happens to be with a woman who's 95 pounds, for example. That's an example of unequal yness right there.

and that could be a source of conflict, as well as a source of judgments, unfair judgments, and pain within the relationship. Do not be unequally yoked. Nurture matters. It's very hard to calculate. I do have a way to do it, but it's um, move down. Does a balanced person need a balanced person? No, not necessarily. It really depends on what they value, uh, because you could have a balanced person, nurturally speaking. You could have a very integrated person, you know, here and there, but remember everyone is still working to develop their super ego at the end of the day, which means there's still work to be done in their shadows and their subconscious on both sides. They still need a lot of work in those areas in their minds to be able to get their super ego. You can, the thing is too, is that if someone else in a relationship, you know, and you got CAU in synchronicity, got compatibility going on, you got CAU in focus, you got temperaments and interaction styles locked down based on

what you want the nurture is going pretty well, but you're very integrated in their not as integrated as you. They'll integrate faster because of it. If you're more patient, it really comes down to your own decision based on how patient you are, right? So keep that in mind. That is a very serious approach. Letter dichotomy tests like the MBTI are... This is why people even struggle so much trying to use the type gr, the type people, because there's just so much more information, right? So kind of as a follow-up to that then. So like an ENFP that is focused on, let's say, creating a new tradition, for example, would have that traditionalist tendency from ISTJ subconscious. But since they're still a base future thinker, that's where that would kind of play in as an example. Yes, that was yes, right? Yeah, all right, cool. All right, Helen saying, did you say or Shang, sorry, did you say both subconscious focused golden pair works fine or it's a nightmare? It can be a problem when you have people in a golden.

pair who are the same cognitive focus. It usually almost always leads to conflict. Okay, so this. Okay, so look at it this way. Hollywood. How much Hollywood drama is there really? Hollywood actors typically are in their subconscious statistically 80% of them. They're live their subconscious focus. Okay, and when they get in relationships with each other, it almost ends up being like this tabloid news story. Divorce super quick, you know, like Rock getting with Pamela Anderson. LOL, right? Let's be honest. They're both subconscious focus and not appropriate, right? But then you look at those people who are in relationships with people that are not celebrities, and those non-celebrities, they're very Shadow focused, and then they end up doing really well in their relationships. And that's been consistent, consistent over time. It's kind of funny though if you've noticed that the celebrities that don't get news coverage about their relationships are the ones who have that figured out. They're with Shadow focused people who are there drawing upon the maturity of the Shadow.

Focus people versus the subconscious. Focus right very important to understand. Uh, so if you're in a golden pair or looking to have a golden pair, identify your own focus, find out what their focus is so that you know. It's very important. All right, next question. Let's see here. Okay. Oh, there just comments. Okay, cool. Awesome. Coming up on our uh, one hour here for the conference. Cool. Um, so remember folks, four pillars of romantic compatibility. Cognitive synchronicity is number one, and it is primary cognitive functions and whether or not you have. And then underneath that cognitive synchronicity umbrella, you have emotional compatibility and sexual compatibility. Sexual compatibility equals perception functions. Emotional compatibility equals decision-making functions. That's pillar number one. Pillar number two. Okay, pillar number two is uh, and we'll actually call this. We'll call this conference um, the four pillars of romantic compatibility and put it up on our website available to the Ruby patrons um, for that uh. The second one is your temperaments and interaction styles. Knowing which ones you value, knowing which ones they value, and seeking out

those um for example. I value someone who's interest-based and control right. That's I. I really need those things right. For example, from a temperament standpoint, uh, interaction style standpoint. I need someone who's direct right. Uh, like those. Those are my preferences right. So, so when you look at uh, so always understand you know what your preference is or what their preference is or what someone else's preferences are from a temporary interaction style. And that's the second pillar. The third pillar is Con of focus, which we discussed at length. And the fourth pillar is their nurture, which is where your king, warrior, magician, lover as a man rests. And where their Queen, Mother, Maton, Lover is as a woman to the point where you are not what we call unequally yoked. The goal of pillar four is to become equally yoked. And these are the four pillars of romantic compatibility. Aome. And since we are now at the end of our conference, I would like to take the next

couple minutes for anyone to have any questions that they would like me to answer. Jas, when you talk about domains, yes interaction, which of the four did those follow, or did the domains fall under, or is it separate? It's, it actually applies to all four pillars, actually. Okay, because domains can manifest from each of the four pillars. Because like you look nurtural speaking, you know, when you're looking at King versus queen, who has the responsibility of being the breadwinner, whose domain is that, for example, right? That's very nurtural focus. You know, cognitive synchronicity wise, you know, whose role is what in the bedroom, right? Or, you know, like different domains apply to different cols. Awesome. I was just to say, it kind of sucks for the abstracts because you're trying to find somebody now that's subconscious or shadow focus and being rare as hell. That's true. But the thing is, think about it this way though, it's actually a good thing because the way our brains are, it just goes to show that you really

can have a relationship with just about anybody depending upon the circumstances while our minds are pre-programmed to have certain preferences and those preferences are important. We like there's all these um backdoor mechanisms backup mechanisms to allow for human beings to basically have the opportunity to have really good relationships with people um and that way the race continues to propagate because if no one wanted to be in a relationship with each other outside of you know then I guess we'd stop having children altogether. It's it's just hardcoded into our minds to make sure that we still can have healthy relationships with just about anyone even if it's a high-comma relationship. It's still possible. Can I get the logo as a tattoo or would I get sued? All right, cool. Well, uh, it's good to see you folks uh. Thank you all for being uh.

The Science of Love: Four Pillars of Romantic Compatibility | The Cutting Edge| CS Joseph

The Science of Love: Four Pillars of Romantic Compatibility | The Cutting Edge| CS Joseph