자기애적 분노의 이해와 관리

### 나르시시스트와의 관계에서 분노 이해하기 및 관리하기
* 😡 건강한 분노는 무례함, 정당한 요구의 무시, 핵심 가치의 위협에 대한 이성적인 반응이지만, **자기애주의자는 비이성적으로 분노에 접근**합니다.
* 🧠 나르시시스트의 분노는 **세상이 자신을 중심으로 돌아간다는 믿음, 우월감, 공감 능력의 부족**에서 비롯됩니다.
* 🚧 경계와 독립적 사고를 자신의 통제에 대한 도전으로 여기며, **당황하거나 노출되는 것을 두려워**합니다.
* 🛣 나르시시스트의 비이성적인 분노를 다룰 때는 자신의 관점을 설득하려고 하지 말고 **자신의 가치, 필요, 가치를 지키는 데 집중**하는 것이 중요합니다.
* 💪 자존감을 유지하는 방식으로 **자신을 옹호하는 자기주장**을 연습하세요.
* 🧘 침착하고 존중하며 안정된 태도를 유지하여 **합리적인 분노 관리**를 유지하세요.
* 🚫 나르시시스트는 양심이 발달하지 않았고 수치심을 방어 메커니즘으로 사용하기 때문에 **논리를 과도하게 사용하거나 수치심을 주려고 하지 마세요.**
* 📚 나르시시스트와의 관계에서 분노를 관리하고 대처하는 데 도움이 되는 **치료 또는 리소스**를 찾아보세요.

나르시시즘적 행동에 직면했을 때 이성적인 분노를 이해하고 관리하는 것은 존엄성과 자기 보호를 유지하는 데 매우 중요합니다.

we've received quite a bit of interest in my free to be Workshop. So to that effect, beneath this video is a link that will give you a description for the workshop, and we've also included a special discount. So if that's something you would be interested in, I would invite you to click that link, and I hope that you would find the course to be quite beneficial. [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]. As many of you are aware, I have a deep history of doing work in the anger management category. I've written books on the topic, I've conducted seminars and workshops. In fact, one of my webinars here on this channel is about managing your anger properly, and whenever I talk about the subject, one of the first questions that I like to start with is, is it ever reasonable or rational to have an experience of anger? Now the answer is yes. Now so many people have such bad experiences with anger. Sometimes it comes from within themselves, sometimes it's at the hand of

other individuals who don't manage it well that we just think of anger categorically as being a negative emotion, but really there are two factors that go into the making of reasonable, rational anger. One is we have to ask, well, what is it that's triggering it, and then number two is, and how do you manage it. In its best case scenario, the anger is going to be your response to someone showing disrespect to your dignity or your worth as a human. The anger can be a response to people ignoring your valid needs, particularly in a repetitive way, or anger can be a response to people coming against your core values and beliefs and standards. And when you look at it that way, it's like, well, there's simply times when you just need to stand up yourself. Anger taps in your sense of self-preservation, so it is possible to be rational in the way that you maintain anger. Now, you'll also notice implied in what I'm saying is there's a certain amount of self-restraint that we need to maintain, and we need to, uh, to curtail.

egotism and things of that nature, which then takes me to The Narcissist. Narcissists do not approach anger with any kind of rationality, and I want to give you seven reasons why I would say that. It's going to be so essential for you to know what you're dealing with because they're going to come at you with a great deal of irrationality, and they want to hook you in ways that allow them to have dominance over you. And we can't let that happen. The first thing we're going to say about narcissists and what they bring to the topic of anger is the entire pattern of narcissism is built upon an irrational Foundation. I hope you hear that fully because so much of what emanates from them is coming from a place of falsehood. They operate with an alternate reality, thinking that the world is supposed to revolve around them, and it becomes your task to figure that out and conform to who they are and what they think. That's their starting point, and it makes

no sense, given the fact that we're also deeply interconnected with each other. So that's the first thing we need to understand about where they're coming from. Second, one of the things that the narcissists bring to the equation is they honestly believe that you're supposed to be impressed by their interpretation of events or relationships. They have a deep hunger for affirmations. So when they say, here's the way I think it needs to be or this is how I interpret it, they want you to affirm that, oh yes, you make sense. And if you don't, or if you don't do it strongly enough or quickly enough, then here comes the anger. And so much of their anger is fed by that yearning that they have to be the ultimate person who gets to uh to be affirmed on so many different levels. A third thing that we need to understand about narcissists with their anger is they truly think that they are unique in a very superior kind of way. You know, we each are going to be unique.

but they're unique. This is like, well yeah, but I'm unique better, uh, than everybody else. And so, uh, knowing that they think that way, it makes it easy for us to then recognize that when they have an anger outburst, they're going to be coming at you from a superior position. I'm better than you, which means you're lesser than. And so, that informs the way that they conduct themselves during anger episodes. A fourth thing that we want to remember is that to the narcissist, you're a nuisance, you're a nobody, you're not allowed to have a voice. Keeping in mind that part of the definition of narcissism involves a lack of empathy. They don't care what you feel and they don't even want to take into account, uh, what's going on inside of you. They'll, they'll not make any effort to learn and to, uh, to, uh, base their responses based on a healthy understanding of you. No empathy meaning, uh, you're just a nuisance. If you say, hey, wait a minute, I've got something I want.

you to consider it's like shut up. I don't need that. That's how they think. That's part of their starting point. A fifth thing to keep in mind is that part of narcissism involves such a heavy and persistent need to control that it causes them to become fearful of your non-con or non-conformity to their control. In other words, when you are an independent thinker, they take that as a direct challenge against them. As opposed to saying, well, I know everybody likes to think for themselves, they can't think that way. They've got to control, and that control then becomes part of the way that they manage anger. And then going right along with that, number six, because of their controlling and authoritative drive, they don't know what to do when you set boundaries. Let's keep in mind that boundaries arise from you having a strong definition of who you are and you're going to live inside your definition of yourself. Their thinking is but your boundaries are ill-relevant. You just need to do what I say. And they.

never been a boundary that they just won't step all over, and so that becomes part of their use of anger, or what they bring to the anger equation. And then finally, the seventh thing that's we need to remember is a narcissist absolutely dread feeling embarrassed or exposed as petty or silly or childish, and so if you come along and say, What you're saying doesn't make sense, or I don't know how you arrived at that conclusion, boy, that's going to set them off because it's like, Oh, so you think I'm just a nobody. And in fact, it may be now if you just take a look at who you are, it really is absurd. They can't deal with that in the least. They don't make healthy corrections, they certainly don't accept impulse input from you, and so that's part of their beginning point there. So when we ask, can narcissists have rational anger, like I say, there's hardly anything about their approach toward life, much less conflict, that's going to lead to that. So how are you going to

respond knowing that that's what you're going to be faced with. One of the first things that I coach people up in when they're dealing with a narcissist who is going to have an irrational approach to anger. You know that the irrationality can come with lots of accusation and rage and harshness and stubbornness and mean-spirited. And that's what I mean when I say irrational. First thing you want to remind yourself of is stay inside your lane. Keep in mind that healthy anger means that you're standing up in preservation of your own worth, your valid needs, your legitimate convictions, and values. It's not your job to convince the narcissist of that message. And that's one of the biggest mistakes that people make. They think, well, I've got to get that person to understand. What is nice to say it would be. No, you don't. Stay inside your lane. Your number one task is for you to stay as reasonable as you can despite their lack of rationality. Another thing for you to remember

remember, if you're engaging with these people, make sure that your own management of your anger is indeed rational. Way too many times, I have people who complain about that irrational narcissist with anger, and then they'll tell me how if they had these, uh, their own really disoriented kind of responses back. Understand what assertiveness is. Assertiveness, which is a healthy form of anger, means that you're going to stand up for yourself in such a way that ideally people would be able to walk away with their self-esteem intact. Uh, now the narcissist is so thin-skinned that they still may not. You want to have, uh, apply what I refer to as higher priorities along with your anger. Yes, I'm feeling angry, but my higher priority is I want to be calm. I want to have respect. I want to be stable and steady in the way that I maintain myself. Make sure that you have welcome conceived ideas about that, and I have other resources relative to all of that. Another thing for you to recall

remind yourself of is regrettably when you're responding to the narcissist you can't afford to overuse logic. Now you may say, well, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to bring some reason to the situation. A narcissist's conscience is underdeveloped. They don't see right and wrong in the same way as you and I do. Their idea of right is, it's me thinking it, therefore it must be right. And so, if they declare it, then you're supposed to feel what they want you to feel. But instead, you don't need to go in and try to sell them on the notion of what is logical and what's illogical. It's not going to work. You're going to have a stone wall right there in front of you. There's another thing right on the heels of that. When you're responding to that irrational narcissist, don't try to shame them. They learned a long time ago how to block shame. They put shame onto you as a deflection against their own.

struggles with their own self-loathing and fear of being judged. And fear being exposed is imperfect. And so if you come along and try to shame them, you know you should be ashamed of how you're handling this. They learn how to reverse that very quickly a long time ago. Uh, that language doesn't work but instead stand in your own reasonableness and then expect and make room for the fact that they're just going to respond in their continued illogical irrational kind of way. Build that in. Factor it into the equation and don't be shocked when they continue in their ongoing dysfunction. Isn't that sad? I mean like I say, uh, anger and your emotion in the midst of conflict is something that we need to recognize as part of our Humanity. Narcissists, those simply want to shut you down, they want to maintain dominance. They will not, um, self-reflect or have self-examination because that means they have to take responsibility and they don't do that. Their goal is to make you feel weak and

defeated. I'm hoping that you can recognize that there is normalcy when you feel your emotion of anger, and there may even be some normalcy inside the narcissist's anger, but they mismanage it so much that it flies out the window pretty quickly in the narcissist's lack of rationality. I'm hoping that you can remind yourself, Well, my anger management style, ideally, would be a collaborative effort, but if you're not able to join me in being rational, then I'm going to go ahead and manage my anger well as a solo act. I hope that videos such as this can give you some good awareness of what you're dealing with. If you've not already hit the Subscribe button, I would encourage you to do so, and we're going to keep more videos like this coming towards you. I so appreciate you allowing me to be on your journey with you. Knowledge is power, and I hope that you have good knowledge about who you are and what you're up against. If you have a need for therapy, and I know many times when you're trying to

deal with situations like I'm describing it. You could use somebody that can help you unpack it. I'm so pleased that for years now I've been sponsored by the people at betterhelp.com. There's a link below to their website that would introduce you to a whole team of licensed professional therapists, and they can assist you in this. And by the way, if you go through our link, you'll get a 10% discount on the first month, and so that could be good. It's accessible, it's affordable anyway, so I would encourage you to take that up as the need is there. Likewise, I have my therapeutic courses, and these are extensive. It's like signing up for an online class with multiple videos per course and written documents, as well as questions and things like that that are guiding you through. We have Ready Set Connect about making good connection skills. This is me about establishing those boundaries with a narcissist. Free to be finding yourself despite their efforts to the contrary. We have my webinars, and these are webinars that

I've already presented, but they're still available for purchase for you. And we're building up a good library of those as well as mine surviving narcissism podcast. My books are on our website with many articles, lots of resources. Okay, anger is going to be a part of a relationship when you have any kind of conflict and strain and tension. It's so necessary for you to know what you're dealing with on their end and how you're going to manage it on your end. And I'm hoping you can decide despite their irrational approach, I want to be rational. I want to live with dignity, respect, and civility. And it's possible to do that even in the midst of difficult moments. And in doing so, then you can then be poised to remain a person of peace. [Music]

How To Respond To A Narcissist's Irrational Anger

Surviving Narcissism

분노 관리 및 나르시시스트 대처법 워크숍

이 워크숍은 분노 관리에 대해 배우고 싶은 참가자에게 특별 할인을 제공합니다.

이 워크숍에서는 무례함, 정당한 요구 무시, 핵심 가치에 반하는 행동에 대한 반응으로서 분노의 합리성을 강조합니다.

또한 이 워크숍에서는 나르시시스트의 분노의 비합리성을 다루며 그들의 행동을 이해하고 대처해야 하는 7가지 이유를 제시합니다.

나르시시스트는 긍정의 욕구가 강하고 자신이 우월하다고 믿으며, 이를 인정받지 못하면 분노를 표출합니다.

공감 능력이 부족하기 때문에 다른 사람을 귀찮은 존재로 여기고 통제에 대한 욕구가 강해 독립적인 사고를 하는 데 어려움을 겪습니다.

나르시시스트는 권위에 대한 욕구가 강하기 때문에 경계를 다루는 데 어려움을 겪습니다.

나르시시스트의 비이성적 분노 다루기

나르시시스트는 수치심이나 노출에 대한 깊은 두려움을 가지고 있으며, 이것이 비이성적인 분노를 불러일으킵니다.

나르시시스트의 분노를 다룰 때는 자신의 가치에 집중하고 나르시시스트에게 무언가를 설득하려고 하지 않는 것이 중요합니다.

대신 가능한 한 이성적인 태도를 유지하고 건강한 경계를 설정하는 데 집중하세요.

나르시시스트를 대할 때 분노와 자기주장 관리하기

나르시시스트를 대할 때는 침착함과 존중을 우선시하면서 자기주장을 내세워 합리적으로 분노를 관리하는 것이 중요합니다.

나르시시스트는 양심과 수치심을 차단하는 능력이 발달하지 않았기 때문에 논리를 남용하고 수치심을 주려고 하는 것은 효과적이지 않습니다.

나르시시스트와의 감정 및 갈등 관리하기

나르시시스트와 상대하려면 자신의 합리성에 서서 그들의 비이성적인 행동이 계속될 것으로 예상해야 합니다.

나르시시스트는 사용자가 약하고 패배했다고 느끼게 만들어 자기 성찰과 책임을 회피하는 것을 목표로 합니다.

나르시시스트가 이성적으로 행동하지 못하더라도 자신의 감정이 정상임을 인식하고 이를 효과적으로 관리하는 것이 중요합니다.

관계의 긴장과 갈등에 대처하기 위한 유용한 리소스

BetterHelp는 제공된 링크를 통해 첫 달에 10% 할인된 가격으로 전문 치료 서비스를 제공합니다.

또한 웹사이트에는 추가 지원을 위한 치료 과정, 웨비나, 팟캐스트, 책, 기사도 마련되어 있습니다.

관계에서 분노와 갈등을 관리하는 것이 강조되며 합리적이고 평화로운 접근 방식을 장려합니다.