Isolation is not to be conflated with loneliness. There is a process that most men will go through between the ages of around 22 to 25, with the spiritual relevance being in the number 24.

You know, we work in twos. I've come to understand this as ego birth cycle and ego death cycle.

So around the ages of 12, we split from the self, from the soul, from the numen and the present moment, and we develop intellect and ego.

We become obsessed about the prospect of who we are in the world, when somebody thinks of us, what do we represent to them in their mind's eye?

I actually based a lot of my early identity around the music that I listened to.

It becomes our skin, our costume that we don. This is where you get the archetypes like the emo, the goth, the sporty types at school.

This is particularly poisonous, as anything that doesn't fit your mold you reject, for it doesn't conform to the idea that you have created for yourself.

This character you shroud yourself in becomes your foundation. It grounds you for a while because it acts as a very strong reference point for your behavior.

Who do I associate myself with? What do I eat? What do I listen to? What do I consume? But it makes me narrow, it makes me brittle, and if you are brittle, you are easy to break.

It closes you off from opportunity and the majesty of the present moment, for you always look to the mind in the present moment, for the ego and the intellect only know how to cut and divide and split.

God and the universe cannot be understood through dissection, only experienced as the whole.

In many ways, it is the limitations of science, or the control measures, or a naive attempt to understand a beautiful painting by analyzing it in separate components instead of standing back far enough to absorb and experience and breathe in the majesty and the artistry as a whole living, vibrating entity.

If you are a man watching this, older than 24, you'll understand you exist as a completely separate character now. I don't even recognize that man I was back before 24.

For 24 comes the dissolution of this ego, a shattering, a destruction, a dismantling of self-limiting concepts you use to give your life order and direction.

It is the manifestation of chaos itself. It is the feminine. It is Tiamat.

It is terrifying. You become lost. I recall throwing all of my clothes away pre-24 because there was a jacket, had a fur coat, and I mean all of my clothes.

It just felt wrong. It felt like I was wearing somebody else's belongings or somebody I recently buried, and it's probably more accurate to the feeling that I was experiencing in my body when I tried to wear these garments.

Your attention shifts from ego and intellect back into the whimsy and the chaos of the present moment. You kind of stop this autopilot process.

You grab the yoke yourself and begin to fly your life manually. Opportunity and freedom comes back into your consciousness. I have come to know this as God's calling, universe's calling, spirit's calling, whichever word brings you the most peace, tranquility, and knowing.

It is a necessary component in this spiritual evolutionary process that can be triggered under the rubric of trauma.

It shakes your ego like you might shake a fruiting tree in attempt to take satiating refreshment in its produce.

The divorce of your parents, a bad breakup, you lose your job, or in my case, a drug over overdose.

Well, it wasn't an overdose. Somebody, somebody spiked me, technically speaking. Many revel too long in the shaking and breaking of the tree, which kind of represents your ego, and they fail to take refuge in the fruits that kind of drop from that shaking process, which is the freedom to take into full possession your life.

It can be your designs, not fate's designs. This can be represented as a crushing isolation you feel pressing down on your, on your chest, or your sense of ego disillusionment, which is technically a misrepresentation.

Instead, perceive this quiet as a liberation from the ego and a prospect to reconnect with the source.

Do not fight this. Do not drown this gift in needless consumption of the 3D, in media, in music.

This is a friction, a resistance to a call. Your peace can be found in listening to source. So revel, revel in those meditative practices, and then the antithesis of consumption, creation.

Creation for the source is the manifestation of creation. It is which all fruits have come from.

This is God's power innate to us because we're born in His image, being split apart from, from the whole, having this human experience, being born of one breath, you know, divided into many, becoming and rediscovering the pneuma, the spirit, coming home to realize the Atman or the domestic Christ in the home of our flesh.

I will end how I began. It is a mistake to conflate isolation and loneliness, for the quieter you are, the more you can hear.

You're not lonely. You're being called.

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