짝사랑과 자기 인식 문제 이해하기

사람들은 종종 자신이 사랑받을 자격이 없다고 느끼기 때문에 좋아하는 사람에게 불안감을 투사합니다.

### 보답받지 못한 감정 이해하기: 부적절함의 심리적 주기
* 💔 많은 사람들이 좋아하는 사람이 자신의 감정에 보답하지 않아서 종종 **부적절함과 수치심을 느끼는 좌절감의 사이클**에 빠지게 됩니다.
* 🗣 결혼 전문 심리 상담사로서 저는 연애 상황에서 어려움을 겪는 사람들이 **다른 사람들과는 잘 소통**하지만 관심 있는 사람과 마주하면 흔들리는 것을 자주 관찰합니다.
* 🤔 이러한 내적 투쟁은 **어색함, 더듬거림, 자신을 표현하지 못하는 것**으로 나타나며, 의도치 않게 상대방을 불편하게 만들고 자신이 사랑할 수 없는 사람이라는 믿음을 강화합니다.
* 💭 김씨처럼 누군가에 대한 감정이 생기면 **거절에 대한 두려움**과 일치하는 상상의 버전을 만들어 상호작용을 왜곡하고 부정적인 인식으로 이어지게 됩니다.
* 🔒 이 주기는 종종 어린 시절의 경험에 뿌리를 두고 있는데, **사랑받지 못하면 무가치하고 부적절하다는 느낌**을 갖게 되어 연애 상황에서 자존감이 급격히 떨어질 수 있습니다.
* 🌱 이러한 악순환의 고리를 끊으려면 이러한 잘못된 감정을 인식하고 대신 **자신감과 긍정을 투사**하여 상호 작용 중에 서로를 지지하는 모습을 상상함으로써 진정한 관계를 형성하는 것이 필수적입니다.
* ✨ 무가치감을 해소하고 자기 수용을 수용함으로써 개인은 **자신의 진정한 모습을 표현**할 수 있으며, 이를 통해 **자신의 매력이 빛을 발**하고 그 대가로 **호감을 얻을 가능성**이 높아집니다.
* 💖 궁극적으로 이러한 심리적 메커니즘을 이해하는 것은 **건강한 관계를 구축**하고 긍정적인 상호작용에 필요한 자신감을 가지고 다른 사람에게 다가가는 데 매우 중요합니다.

There are people who appeal, saying that the person I like doesn't like me back, and strangely, only those I'm not interested in seem to like me. This is true. People around me actually say I'm okay, and there are people who genuinely like me. However, whenever I meet someone I like and am interested in, they don't seem to like me back. The reason this keeps happening is because there is a divine secret behind it. It's not a coincidence, everyone. But this happens consciously, and many people don't realize that. 

I am a psychological counselor who helps with marriage. Do any of you think, This is my case? These individuals have something in common. They can communicate well with others, maintain eye contact, and smile easily, but when they meet someone they like, they unknowingly struggle to speak, their voice tone drops, and they stutter or can't get the words out. Additionally, they inadvertently make the other person uncomfortable.

I find myself asking questions or acting in ways that put pressure on others, and I really don’t know why I do it. It’s so frustrating. So today, I want to talk about the secret behind why the people I like don’t seem to like me back, and what I can do to make someone I like take an interest in me. 

I’ve developed an interest in someone named Kim. The first thought that crosses my mind is that this person probably doesn’t like me. When that thought occurs, something happens in my heart that makes me create a version of Kim in my mind, someone who doesn’t like me at all. When I have a real conversation with this person, I’m not actually interacting with the real Kim in front of me, but rather with the version I’ve imagined, the one who doesn’t like me. So, when something happens in reality, I want to approach this person because I’m interested, but somehow I end up...

My expression becomes awkward, and suddenly I run out of things to say. I stammer and get tense, which makes me shrink back. Then, how do you think the other person perceives me? Naturally, they would feel uncomfortable around me and wouldn't develop any fondness for me. As a result, this person becomes someone who doesn't actually like me in reality. In truth, this person keeps pushing me away and doesn't have any affection for me. But the more unfortunate thing is that I don't realize that I made them feel this way. Instead, I think, See, I was right, and later when I meet someone else I like, the same situation repeats itself. So why do I keep acting this way only towards the people I like? If I grew up without receiving love from my parents, I internalize the belief that I am unlovable and inadequate. This thought and feeling become a part of me.

It gets engraved in my heart. But when I feel like I'm lacking and not deserving of love, I feel a lot of shame, and my self-esteem drops. So, I hide that feeling deep inside and live with that seal intact, thinking to myself that I'm an okay person, that just being decent is enough. I manage to get by like that, and I even attract some people's interest; there are those who like me. But when I meet someone I am truly interested in, that seal I've hidden in my heart automatically breaks in front of that person. I feel like I am someone who doesn't deserve love, someone who is lacking. In reality, whenever I develop feelings for someone, my self-esteem suddenly drops. Some people say this, but it's not that my self-esteem drops out of nowhere; it’s because that seal is being broken, revealing the feelings of unworthiness I’ve been carrying.

I feel this way because of that. However, when I am in front of someone I like, the seal suddenly breaks, and I feel unloved and insufficient. Do you know how that feels? I feel so insignificant, and I hate this part of myself. I want to escape from it. So, what I do is make my own feelings into the other person's feelings. This is called projection in professional terms. I think of myself as insignificant, and I dislike myself; yet, I keep feeling like that person sees me as insignificant and doesn't like me. So, whenever someone I'm interested in comes along, even though that person doesn't know me well, I keep feeling like they don't like me, and this cycle continues. Now, let me talk about what I need to do for someone I like to have a positive feeling towards me. When someone I'm interested in looks at me...

It feels like I'm someone they don't like. I need to quickly realize that this is a false feeling. That person still doesn't know me well. Instead of presenting myself as someone they don't like, I should present myself as someone they do like. When I actually talk to that person, if I think of someone who truly loved me, imagining that person in their place, I naturally become more relaxed. I gain confidence, and my words and actions become more appealing, making that person genuinely like me. You can also apply this during interviews. Imagine the company interviewer as a mentor who cared for you. This way, I unconsciously relax, gain confidence, and respond better, leading the interviewer to take a liking to me as well. Finally, I want to be loved.

I have to deal with the feeling of being a worthless existence, of feeling inadequate. Only then can I avoid feeling shabby about myself and not dislike who I am. This way, I also won’t feel that others see me as shabby or that they like me for it. I can't express how much freer and more comfortable my heart becomes. Naturally, when I meet someone I’m interested in, I can radiate my charm better, and the other person will likely develop a liking for me. So, dear subscribers, approach others with confidence! Instead of saying, Try to initiate fun conversations, I talk about these psychological mechanisms because understanding why I act this way is essential for building good relationships. If I don’t even know why I’m acting this way, trying to approach someone with confidence or initiating fun conversations could actually backfire. Many of you may have experienced this. This was your relationship consultant, Byeol Won. See you next time, everyone. Goodbye!

나를 좋아하게 하려면, 반드시 이 방법을 쓰셔야 해요 (Feat. 심리상담사 추천방법 ) / 별언니의 연애, 결혼, 관계, 사랑

결혼 도와주는 별언니

심리 상담사인 화자는 자신의 감정에 보답하지 않는 사람들을 좋아하는 패턴을 경험합니다.

화자는 관심 있는 사람과 연결하려는 노력이 어색한 상호작용과 불편함으로 이어진다는 것을 알게 됩니다.

마음속으로 좋아하는 사람의 비호감 버전을 만들어내는 화자의 성향이 짝사랑의 악순환에 기여합니다.

부적절함과 사랑받지 못하는 것의 순환

화자는 사회적 상황, 특히 좋아하는 사람들과의 관계에서 어색함과 긴장감으로 어려움을 겪으며 비호감으로 인식하게 됩니다.

이러한 행동은 어린 시절의 사랑 결핍에 뿌리를 두고 있으며, 자신이 무가치하고 부적절하다는 감정을 내면화합니다.

진정으로 관심이 있는 사람을 만나면 화자의 숨겨져 있던 비호감의 감정이 되살아나 자존감이 떨어지고 다른 사람을 밀어내는 악순환이 반복됩니다.

화자는 특히 자신이 좋아하는 사람들 앞에서 자신의 무의미함과 자기 혐오감으로 어려움을 겪습니다.

이는 다른 사람들도 자신과 같은 방식으로 자신을 본다고 가정하는 투사의 순환으로 이어집니다.

이 사이클을 깨기 위해 화자는 자신을 상대방이 원하는 사람으로 표현하고 긍정적인 시각화를 통해 자신감을 얻고 상호작용을 개선하는 것을 목표로 합니다.

무가치함과 부적절함을 극복하면 마음이 더 편안하고 자유로워질 수 있습니다.

이러한 감정의 심리적 메커니즘을 이해하는 것은 좋은 관계를 구축하는 데 필수적입니다.

자신감을 가지고 다른 사람에게 다가가 재미있는 대화를 시작하면 호감도와 매력이 향상될 수 있습니다.