Although born under similar conditions, some people lead successful lives without envy, while others live rather miserable lives. The stark difference in the lives of these two individuals, even under the same conditions, largely comes down to whether they understand the concept of human nature that I will introduce today. Have you heard of the drop in the bucket effect? According to the book Stick, when humans are overwhelmed by the scale of a problem, they feel that their small contributions are insignificant, like dropping a single drop of water into a full bucket, and thus they do not take any action. For example, rather than being affected by the fact that 3 million children worldwide are suffering from food shortages, we are more emotionally stirred when we see a stray cat shivering from cold and hunger. Poor little kitty, what should we do?

We won't even offer a glass of water to the three million starving children, yet we will gladly sacrifice a can of tuna for a starving stray cat. Why? Because that small drop of water from my little glass will create a significant ripple for the stray cat. In this way, humans tend to trivialize overwhelmingly large issues such as food shortages, climate change, low birth rates, and pension problems. It seems like no matter how hard I try, nothing will change significantly anyway. However, the more serious issue here is that this drop of water in the bucket applies not only to social problems but also to our lives. My life feels like a gigantic bucket, and my current efforts, a tiny drop of water, seem utterly meaningless. So, I dismiss it lightly, or rather, I grit my teeth and ignore it. Since nothing seems to change, it feels uninteresting. But when we do that...

Therefore, the conclusion is that even if there are no immediate waves, we must become the kind of person who drops a single drop of water into the vast bucket of life. Brief moments of reading, ten minutes of exercise, or checking on the beach are not going to change our tomorrow right away. However, there is one thing that changes immediately: our identity. A small drop of water can change our identity. The choice is ours. It may seem insignificant at first, but will you be someone who manages the vast bucket, or will you be someone who handles a small glass that creates noisy ripples? Just knowing this will elevate your value to a higher level. Be someone who prefers questions over answers. The Godfather of Monsters said, Everyone wants to be a meaningful existence, but they do not want to prepare for it. That is why people prefer to reveal what they know rather than ask about what they do not know. In this way, the unknown...

Human nature is more about wanting to reveal what we know rather than asking questions. It's a rather flawed setting, but rather than just being someone who provides extraordinary answers, I am ready to ask questions and learn. Because of this, if you consciously reference your instinct to answer and cultivate the habit of asking questions and learning, your future will change significantly. So, if you've only been talking about yourself until now, from now on, try to adopt a learning attitude and the habit of asking questions. Surprisingly, there are not many people who ask questions, so the effects will appear quickly. Even in chaotic and stressful situations, there is a way to make wise choices without losing your judgment. If you watch this video until the end, you'll be able to make calm and good decisions in any situation. If you need to make a judgment in a confusing and hectic situation, use the STOP technique. The STOP technique is from the author of the Harvard Resilience Course, Gail.

Dr. Gaze has a method for coping with crises called the STOP technique. The acronym stands for Stop, Take a Breath, Observe, and Proceed. Now, let me explain the STOP technique in detail using a stressful situation as an example. 

Imagine a man who is at risk of being late. Unfortunately, timing is not on his side. He reluctantly decides to call a taxi. I left my phone at home. If I'm late today, I'm really in trouble. What should I do? In such a chaotic and stressful situation, it's not easy to make the right judgment. 

So, let's apply the STOP technique to this crisis situation. First, Stop: he should pause and stop everything he is doing. Next, Take a Breath: he should take three slow, deep breaths. Then, Observe: he should carefully observe the situation he is in, almost like an outsider.

Imagine observing from the perspective of a disciple. If you think about it carefully, there must be some good solutions. You can borrow the taxi fare when you get there, so for now, try to grab a taxi. Regardless of its size, praise yourself for the efforts you make. Please commend yourself for the choices you’ve made to prevent the situation from worsening. So, the conclusion is that the core of the stop technique is to look at the situation from the observer's point of view. Even if I can't solve my own problems tomorrow, I can at least manage others' issues at a managerial level. Don’t interfere; just embrace the situation. You did well, and you can resolve it with good judgment. Human relationships can be quite perplexing; despite my efforts, the relationship with the other person just seems to get more tangled. However, just knowing this can loosen the bond with them. It’s about checking if I am only giving lemons. According to the world-renowned management consultant Bodo Schaefer, when human relationships keep getting tangled...

We need to take a moment to calm our breath and reflect. Am I just giving lemons? What I mean by this is that while I may think I am showing consideration and dedication from my perspective, it may not be welcome from the other person's point of view. 

For example, a father wants to reconnect with his teenage daughter. He plans a family trip and makes an effort to drop her off at school. However, despite these efforts, the relationship with his teenage daughter seems to become more tangled. This is because what the teenage daughter truly wants at this moment is not attention, but rather appropriate distance and enough time. 

So, the conclusion is: give not what I want, but what the other person wants. It's okay if you can't provide what the other person desires. Just having the attitude of wanting to understand what they want can loosen the tightness in our relationship. A few days ago, a subscriber asked how to get rid of jealousy towards a friend.

You left a comment, and I'm sure everyone has experienced jealousy towards someone close to them at least once. This is because it's human nature, and it can't be helped. However, such feelings ultimately lead to chronic unhappiness. So today, I will introduce three skills from the book The Laws of Human Nature that can help reduce jealousy and transform it into something productive.

The first skill is to look closely. There is a famous quote by Charlie Chaplin: Life is a tragedy when seen close up, but a comedy in long shot. Often, those who appear glamorous from a distance reveal that it was all an illusion when we take a closer look. We need to strive to see not just their shiny facade but also the reality behind it. We should imagine what disadvantages they might face that come with their position. Of course, this is not meant to belittle them.

It's definitely not about words. Rather, it's about reducing the baseless jealousy we create through understanding the difficulties they face in their private lives. The second point is mitfreude. Simply put, it's not just about congratulating others on their achievements but actively trying to share in their joy. That's amazing! You passed! Oh my gosh! Initially, everyone may feel a momentary pang of jealousy. That's why it might feel awkward. Yeah, congratulations! That's great! However, if we can imagine what it feels like for someone else to experience happiness or satisfaction through training, we can not only shift our ugly jealousy but also build a bond with the other person. Simple congratulations are something anyone can do, and they are quickly forgotten. However, sharing in someone's joy is a form of empathy. Surely, the other person will appreciate that you are genuinely happy for their good fortune.

You will feel it in your entire body. Since such people are rare, the person being congratulated will think of you even more fondly. The third example is to aspire to be a role model. This is the most important thing. Instead of trying to bring down someone who has achieved more than I have, I should strive to elevate myself to their level. In this way, jealousy can become the driving force that enables me to become an exceptional person. However, having this mindset is not as easy as it sounds. But there is something I must understand: I have the ability to elevate myself to the next level. The choice is mine. I can either wish for that person to come down and remain in the mire for a lifetime, or I can enjoy living in a completely elevated and new world alongside that person. Sometimes, when buying Chinese tea or carrots, I feel uneasy, as if I'm being scammed. It's not that the seller is an outright fraud, but I have a sense that I'm losing something.

It seems that way. In such cases, try this method; I guarantee that the chances of being taken advantage of will significantly decrease. According to behavioral economist Yoo Choi, people tend to minimize their flaws and exaggerate their strengths, and they generally avoid outright lying. Therefore, if you ask questions that force the other person to respond with either a lie or the truth, you can catch them in ambiguous statements. For example, if you go to buy a used car and a neatly dressed dealer ambiguously states, This K5 has a clean exterior but is in very good condition, you should ask, So, it doesn't have any minor accident history, right? Make sure to ask questions that require them to lie outright. This way, even if they try to evade the truth, we can avoid falling for scams. I just feel that if the laws were strengthened, everything would get better.

Do you want to be a reliable presence that someone can trust and depend on, or do you prefer to be an untrustworthy and mediocre presence? In this three-minute level-up session, I will share two characteristics of a person whom others can trust and follow, based on the book Adlerian Communication. 

The first characteristic is optimism. Even if one currently has nothing, the most significant trait of a person who can be trusted and followed is having a positive personality. However, did you know that there are two types of positivity? There is pessimism and optimism. While both share the commonality of being positive, they exhibit a tremendous difference when it comes to gaining people's trust. For example, when faced with a problem, one might think, Is it true that I'm pregnant? What should we do now? What can we do?

I need to raise money, but it seems like no one is around to help us. Still, won't things work out somehow? Optimists tend to be positive, but they often give the impression that they are somewhat blind to reality, thinking that everything will be okay. It’s nice that you’re so positive, but dealing with such optimistic people can be tricky. It makes it easier to get close to them without feeling burdened. However, to be honest, I don't have much confidence. I can't assign important roles to someone like that. Unlike these optimists, we really have no one to help us. It won't be easy, that’s for sure. Still, I’ll take responsibility for any tasks that come my way. Optimists maintain a mindset that encourages them to believe in themselves and take on challenges. Those who have this mindset are indeed grateful for their counterparts.

It's about gaining trust. The second primary emotion of anger: how do you react when someone expresses intense anger towards you? Do you respond with anger as well, or do you shrink back in fear and just apologize, hoping to be forgiven? However, a wise person understands how to perceive the other person's primary emotions. When a person is angry, there are primary and secondary emotions at play in their heart. The primary emotions can include sadness, anxiety, worry, guilt, inferiority, and various other feelings. If the primary emotions are not properly addressed, they can escalate into secondary emotions, leading to anger. In other words, beneath every anger lies its own primary emotions. Mom hasn't come home from work yet. She's working overtime. But do I really have to ask Dad about it? No, I was just asking.

I know who to thank for you living in such a house, but why do you keep ignoring me? Yeah, you probably think I'm insignificant. If you can't understand the other person's initial feelings when they suddenly get angry, like when you say, Dad, why are you always so annoying? It's really frustrating, responding to anger with more anger will just escalate things. I'm really sorry; I’ll just make a meaningless apology to calm the other person's anger. However, if you can understand the other person's initial feelings and look into why they became angry, considering what underlying emotions might exist, then you can say, Yeah, you probably think I'm insignificant. Dad, I’ve never ignored you even once. And stop apologizing; you’ve always done your best for Mom and me. I really respect you a lot. This can fundamentally help heal the other person's anger. Are you really okay? It must be hard for you.

Sure, it must be tough. Nevertheless, even if you speak clumsily, there are people who can understand you perfectly and never cross the line, no matter how much they joke around. Aren't you curious about the secret of such perceptive individuals? In this three-minute level-up, I'll share two super simple self-questioning techniques based on two case studies of such people. 

First, the secret of a good listener. No matter what the other person says, you want to understand them perceptively. However, the reality is that the source of the conversation is really hot, or you’re eating at the guest table instead of in the kitchen. So, when it comes to life, you need to pay special attention. Oh, wait, did you not understand what I just said? Of course, understanding someone else's meaning at once is not an easy task. However, it’s not entirely impossible to become a person who learns quickly and understands things intuitively.

Just by developing summarization skills, comprehension and acquisition abilities can significantly improve. Summarization refers to the ability to grasp 20% of the information while capturing the remaining 80%. For example, when reading a book, if you understand just this part well, it can be said that you have comprehended 80% of the book. The ability to identify this crucial 20% is what summarization is all about. 

So, how can we enhance our summarization skills? It's not about passively listening or simply being exposed to hot sources; rather, it's about asking ourselves what we want to gain. The first step is to think about what we are currently learning. Then, we need to identify the key points. By consciously developing the habit of identifying the core elements, our understanding and acquisition abilities will improve significantly in all areas, whether it be work, study, or communication. Of course,

It doesn't get better overnight. However, everyone knows that a simple shift in daily attitude can bring about tremendous change. The secret of someone who respects boundaries well is, Oh, I sincerely want to rip my nostrils off because of the moldy dog food. Even if they make somewhat inappropriate comments or jokes, there are those who cheerfully brush it off, saying, Hey, I washed up this morning! Look, my hair is clean. But then there are others who, despite not wearing a chef's hat, seem to have a lot to say. Why is that? Because hair is becoming extinct? There are people who can't help but cross boundaries. Do you know the difference between someone who respects boundaries and someone who doesn't, regardless of their appearance, gender, age, or level of intimacy? The difference lies in whether they have recognized the deficiencies of others or not.

Everyone lives with their own deficiencies. That’s why people who are good at maintaining boundaries first consider, What is this person's deficiency? They assess the deficiencies of others. There are two main types of deficiencies: the real deficiency of those who lack something and the deficiency born from the desire to become more perfect because they already possess something. Of course, it is not necessary to go out of your way to fill another's deficiency. However, at the very least, do not touch it. You can touch everything else, but you must never carelessly interfere with someone else's deficiency. If you just keep this in mind, a major disaster due to lack of sensitivity is unlikely to occur. 

Now, as a chef, what do I do if I can’t even operate a torch? I really want to do well, but things in the kitchen aren't going the way I want. Hey, junior, I noticed that the torch was in bad shape last time. Oh, really? Yeah, the valve in the back is stiff, so you have to put in a lot of force to turn it.

Thank you for letting me know. Wow, now you really don't have to wear a chef's hat anymore. Have you ever met someone with truly high self-esteem? I'm not talking about those who have a fragile ego and mistakenly think they have high self-esteem. In this three-minute level-up session, I will share two characteristics of people with genuine self-esteem based on two reference materials. 

The first is the right to be wrong. Those with low self-esteem or fake self-esteem do not have this right, but do you know what the right is for those with genuine self-esteem? It is the right to be wrong. What do we call the phenomenon of consumers buying products based on trends? Generally, people with low self-esteem experience something like the bandwagon effect, but they hesitate to act because they fear being wrong. They are unable to take any action out of concern that they might make a mistake, and they have fake self-esteem, or rather, just a strong ego.

People say the answer is Speedwagon. Speedwagon, but unfortunately, that's not correct. That guy is definitely right, but if the professor is confused, he won't admit that he's wrong. It's because his pride is too high. However, a truly confident person knows about the Veblen effect. The Veblen effect refers to conspicuous consumption. The correct answer is the bandwagon effect, which is also called the conformity effect. You all have S and image, right? It's okay to make mistakes; we know we have the right to be wrong. We are human, and we make mistakes. Everyone has that fundamental right. But, you know, I actually knew it. I just said that to be funny. The reality is that too many people have given up that fundamental right themselves. Secondly, there are people around us who subtly affect our feelings.

Isn't there always at least one person who speaks negatively? It’s a bit ambiguous to question someone who doesn’t particularly look like a baby, but still, it’s unavoidable that it feels really bad. In those moments, please remember just one sentence: I am not the main character. In Buddhist philosophy, there are three marks of existence, one of which is anatta, meaning non-self, or the absence of a fixed self, among other things. It's a very complex and broad philosophical concept. Just think of it this way: even if it seems like the other person is speaking with awareness of me, often they have no such intention at all. It’s just my ego interpreting it that way. I'm sorry, I took too long; I'm really sorry. Oh, what? It looks completely the same! How could this happen? Are you trying to copy me? Generally, people with low self-esteem genuinely feel that they are just beautiful. I’ve really noticed it for a long time, and it’s quite unfair.

The protagonist tries to become the main character in what the other person is saying, interpreting it as if the other person is targeting them. However, a truly self-confident person would think, We both just wore this for the first time today, so it must be a coincidence. They wouldn't take it personally because they know that there are far more instances where they are not the main character in what the other person is saying. 

Is that so? That's interesting. Oh, I came out really early, but the bus is taking forever to arrive. What’s going on? Is it possible that the speed wagon effect is ranked number one on Musinsa? 

Do you know what kind of person is unforgettable for a lifetime? It's someone who has broadened my perspective. In this three-minute level-up, I will refer to the book Life Changes Begin with Your Tone of Voice and share two characteristics of a respectful person with a wide view of the world. The first is situational awareness. Humans each have their own appearance and thoughts.

Everyone is different, but there is one thing that everyone has in common: we all live from a first-person perspective. Excuse me, could you please serve me the same as before? I’d like one of those red drinks, please. No need to shout; I can hear you just fine. Why is he yelling like that? It seems like he has no filter. Most people view the world only from their own perspective. That’s why. Thank you for your hard work today. Oh, thank you, brother. To me, those people might just seem noisy and rude. However, it’s possible that they’ve gotten used to speaking loudly because of the noise at the construction site, or maybe they’re just feeling a bit off. People with a broader perspective can see much more, even when experiencing the same events in the same space. It’s not just from my point of view.

It's important to consider the perspective of others, and furthermore, we shouldn't cause harm to other people. That seems a bit excessive. The approach of looking at things from the perspective of multiple parties, not just as a third party, is called the perspective detection method. By using this method, we can figure out how to deal with that manager Kim. We shouldn't judge emotionally. But how does that manager Kim perceive you? He probably sees you as someone to be wary of. It's essential to shift away from a single viewpoint and look at the problem from new angles. How do you think the other team members view you and manager Kim? Well, since everyone has been with manager Kim for a long time, they might have a negative impression of me. This method helps broaden our narrow view and allows us to make more rational judgments. But isn't that a bit risky? Of course, it's up to you to manage that.

잘하겠지만, 두 번째 타임라인을 틀 세우기. 인생을 살다 보면 작은 힘든 시련이 생기기 마련입니다. 그런데 대부분의 사람은 지금 당장 힘든 일이 생기면, 선생님, 저 진심으로 인생이 개망한 것 같아요. 제 인생 주제에 더 열심히 공부했어야 했는데, 지금까지 시간만 갖다 버린 것 같아요. 초점을 자연스럽게 과거에 두고 의미 없는 후회를 하며 시간을 낭비합니다. 하지만 이런 순간에, 그래, 지금 시우가 힘들어하는 거, 선생님도 잘 알고 있어. 근데 있잖아, 뭐 하나만 물어봐도 될까? 만약 10년 뒤에 시우가 지금의 시우를 본다면, 뭐라고 조언을 해 줄 것 같아? 시간의 틀을 조금 전환하여 초점을 과거에서 미래로 옮긴다면, 아, 생각은 안 해봤는데, 아마도 찡찡대지 말고 그냥 할 때 좀 열심히 해서 대학에 오면 좋은 친구들도 많이 만나고 나름...

You'll accumulate many fun memories, so I think it's just about encouraging yourself to hang in there. You can develop a perspective that allows you to see life in the long term. The difficulties you face today, when viewed within the framework of the present moment, may feel overwhelming. You might say it's because you haven't experienced the workplace. There’s no such thing as an MG employee. Honestly, these days, I feel like I'm barely surviving. Freelancing isn’t as easy as you think. At least you don’t have to worry about losing work. I'm genuinely exhausted; everything feels overwhelming and difficult. But hey, you’re not stressed out because of people, right? For me, every day is a continuous struggle. If you understand that feeling, then looking at the present from the perspective of the future, this pain that feels like it could kill me is just another episode that will pass. It’s not as significant as it seems, and there will surely be moments that feel brilliant.

찾아올 거거든요. 여기 빨간 뚜껑 한 병 추가요, 사장님. 여기도 빨간 뚜껑 하나 부탁드릴게요. 3분 안에 레벨업 치 키를 구독하시고 실전 자기개발 버프를 받아가세요. 

I will be coming by. Please add one more bottle with a red cap here, sir. I would like one more red cap here as well. Subscribe to the Level Up Chi Key within three minutes and receive practical self-development buffs.

내면이 성숙해지는 방법 [모음집]

⬇️ 전자책 구입하기 ⬇️

비즈니스 문의 : mothstory.cs@gmail.com


비치키

내면의 성숙을 위해서는 작은 노력이라도 꾸준히 실천하고, 질문하는 습관을 통해 배우려는 자세를 갖추는 것이 중요하다.

또한, 혼란스러운 상황에서는 STOP 기법을 활용하여 객관적인 시각으로 문제를 바라보고, 타인과의 관계에서는 상대방이 진정으로 원하는 것을 파악하려는 노력이 필요하다.

질투심을 다스리고, 타인에 대한 넓은 시야를 갖추며, 긍정적인 태도와 공감 능력을 키우는 것이 성숙한 내면을 만드는 데 도움이 된다.

비슷한 환경에도 성공적인 삶과 비참한 삶의 차이는 인간 본성에 대한 이해에서 비롯됨.

인간은 문제의 규모에 압도되면 작은 기여가 무의미하다고 느껴 행동하지 않음 (물 한 방울 효과).

인생을 거대한 양동이, 노력을 물 한 방울로 여겨 쉽게 포기하게 됨.

작은 노력(독서, 운동 등)이 즉각적인 변화를 가져오진 않지만, 정체성을 변화시킴.

질문하는 사람이 답을 제공하는 사람보다 가치 있으며, 질문하고 배우는 습관을 통해 미래를 바꿀 수 있음.

혼란스러운 상황에서 현명한 판단을 내리는 방법: STOP 기법

STOP 기법(Stop, Take a Breath, Observe, Proceed)은 위기 상황에 대처하는 방법임.

STOP 기법은 멈추고, 심호흡하고, 상황을 객관적으로 관찰한 후 진행하는 것임.

핵심은 관찰자 시점에서 상황을 바라보고, 문제 해결 노력에 대해 스스로를 칭찬하는 것임.

인간 관계 개선: '레몬'을 주고 있는지 확인

관계가 꼬일 때는 자신이 배려와 헌신을 하고 있다고 생각하지만, 상대방에게는 불필요할 수 있음을 인지해야 함.

상대방이 원하는 것을 이해하려는 태도가 관계를 부드럽게 함.

질투심 극복을 위한 세 가지 기술

첫째, 가까이서 관찰하여 화려한 겉모습 뒤에 숨겨진 어려움을 이해해야 함.

둘째, mitfreude(함께 기뻐하기)를 통해 타인의 기쁨을 적극적으로 공유하고 공감해야 함.

셋째, 질투를 동기 부여 삼아 자신을 발전시켜 타인의 수준으로 올라서도록 노력해야 함.

상대방의 모호한 표현에 대해 거짓말이나 진실을 말하도록 강요하는 질문을 통해 속임수를 피할 수 있음.

신뢰를 얻는 사람의 두 가지 특징: 긍정적 태도와 감정 이해

신뢰를 얻는 사람의 중요한 특징은 긍정적인 성격이며, 낙관주의와 비관주의적 긍정이 있음.

진정한 긍정주의자는 현실을 직시하면서도 스스로를 믿고 도전을 감수함.

상대방의 분노 이면에 숨겨진 슬픔, 불안, 죄책감 등의 감정을 이해해야 함.

분노에 맞대응하는 대신, 근본적인 감정을 이해하고 공감하면 분노를 치유할 수 있음.

상대방을 잘 이해하는 사람의 두 가지 비결: 요약 능력과 타인의 결핍 이해

요약 능력을 통해 이해력과 습득력을 향상시킬 수 있음. 핵심은 정보의 20%를 파악하여 80%를 이해하는 것.

요약 능력 향상을 위해서는 현재 배우고 있는 것을 생각하고 핵심 요소를 파악하는 습관을 길러야 함.

타인의 결핍을 인지하는 것이 경계를 잘 지키는 사람의 비결임.

타인의 결핍을 함부로 건드리지 않는 것이 중요함.

진정한 자존감의 두 가지 특징: 실수할 권리와 객관적인 시각

진정한 자존감이 높은 사람은 실수할 권리가 있음을 인지하고, 유행에 휩쓸리는 군중심리에 덜 영향을 받음.

타인의 부정적인 말에 '나는 주인공이 아니다'라는 생각을 통해 객관성을 유지해야 함.

자존감이 높은 사람은 타인의 행동이 자신을 겨냥한 것이 아니라고 생각함.

잊을 수 없는 사람의 두 가지 특징: 상황 인식 능력과 다각적 관점

상황 인식 능력이 있는 사람은 모든 사람이 자신만의 관점으로 세상을 본다는 것을 이해함.

타인의 관점을 고려하고, 타인에게 해를 끼치지 않도록 노력해야 함.

다양한 당사자의 관점에서 문제를 바라보는 '관점 탐지법'을 활용하여 합리적인 판단을 내릴 수 있음.

미래 관점을 통해 현재의 어려움을 극복하는 방법

현재의 어려움에 압도되지 않고, 10년 뒤의 자신이 현재의 자신에게 조언을 해준다고 상상하며 장기적인 관점을 개발해야 함.

미래의 관점에서 현재의 고통은 지나가는 에피소드일 뿐이며, 빛나는 순간이 찾아올 것임을 이해해야 함.

🤔 삶의 거대한 문제, 작은 실천의 중요성

비슷한 환경에서도 다른 삶을 사는 이유는 **인간 본성에 대한 이해**에 달려있다고 합니다. 거대한 문제 앞에서 무력감을 느끼는 "물통에 물 한 방울" 효과처럼, 작은 노력이라도 삶이라는 거대한 물통에 꾸준히 떨어뜨리는 사람이 되어야 합니다.

작은 독서, 짧은 운동 등이 당장 내일을 바꾸진 않지만, **정체성을 변화**시킵니다. 질문하는 사람이 되기를 권하며, 의미 있는 존재가 되기 위한 준비를 강조합니다.

🛑 혼란 속 현명한 판단: STOP 기법

혼란스럽고 스트레스 받는 상황에서 현명한 판단을 내리는 방법으로 **STOP 기법**을 소개합니다. 이는 멈추고(Stop), 숨을 쉬고(Take a Breath), 관찰하고(Observe), 진행하라(Proceed)의 약자입니다.

STOP 기법의 핵심은 **상황을 제 3자의 시각으로 바라보는 것**입니다. 자신의 문제를 해결할 수 없더라도, 타인의 문제를 관리자 수준에서 바라볼 수 있다는 점을 기억해야 합니다.

🍋 꼬인 인간관계 해결책: 상대방이 원하는 것을 주기

인간관계가 꼬일 때는 **자신이 '레몬'만 주고 있는 것은 아닌지** 되돌아봐야 합니다. 즉, 자신의 관점에서 배려라고 생각하는 것이 상대방에게는 불필요할 수 있습니다.

**상대방이 원하는 것을 주는 태도**를 갖는 것만으로도 관계의 긴장을 풀 수 있습니다. 원하는 것을 제공할 수 없더라도, 이해하려는 노력이 중요합니다.

질투심은 인간 본성이지만, 만성적인 불행으로 이어질 수 있습니다. 질투심을 생산적으로 바꾸기 위한 세 가지 방법은 다음과 같습니다.

첫째, **가까이서 보기**: 겉모습뿐 아니라 그 이면의 어려움을 이해하려고 노력해야 합니다. 둘째, **함께 기뻐하기**: 단순히 축하하는 것을 넘어, 상대방의 기쁨을 적극적으로 공유해야 합니다.

셋째, **롤모델 삼기**: 타인을 끌어내리려 하지 않고, 자신을 발전시키는 동기로 삼아야 합니다. 질투심을 통해 **자신을 더 높은 수준으로 끌어올릴 수 있다는 점**을 기억해야 합니다.

사람들은 자신의 단점을 축소하고 장점을 과장하는 경향이 있습니다. **상대방이 거짓말을 하거나 진실을 말하도록 강요하는 질문**을 통해 모호한 진술에서 진실을 파악할 수 있습니다.

👍 신뢰감을 주는 사람의 특징

타인에게 신뢰를 주는 사람의 첫 번째 특징은 **긍정적인 성격**입니다. 하지만 맹목적인 낙관주의가 아닌, 현실을 직시하면서도 도전을 받아들이는 낙관주의가 중요합니다.

두 번째 특징은 **상대방의 분노 뒤에 숨겨진 감정을 이해하는 것**입니다. 분노의 근본적인 감정을 파악하고 공감하는 것이 중요합니다. 분노에는 슬픔, 불안, 죄책감 등 다양한 1차 감정이 숨겨져 있습니다.

👂 공감 능력 향상: 요약 능력과 타인의 결핍 이해

타인을 잘 이해하는 사람의 비결은 **요약 능력**을 키우는 것입니다. 핵심적인 20%를 파악하여 전체의 80%를 이해하는 능력을 의미합니다. 이를 위해서는 무엇을 얻고 싶은지 스스로에게 질문하는 습관을 들여야 합니다.

경계를 잘 지키는 사람은 **타인의 결핍**을 먼저 고려합니다. 타인이 가진 것의 부족함, 혹은 더 완벽해지고자 하는 욕망에서 비롯된 결핍을 파악하고, 함부로 간섭하지 않아야 합니다.

진정한 자존감을 가진 사람의 첫 번째 특징은 **틀릴 권리**를 인정하는 것입니다. 실수를 두려워하지 않고, 인간으로서 당연히 틀릴 수 있다는 점을 받아들입니다.

두 번째 특징은 **타인의 말에 자신을 주인공으로 해석하지 않는 것**입니다. 부정적인 말에도 크게 개의치 않고, 자신을 향한 의도가 아닐 수 있다는 점을 인지합니다.

🌍 존경받는 사람의 특징: 상황 인식과 시간의 틀 세우기

존경받는 사람의 첫 번째 특징은 **상황 인식 능력**입니다. 모든 사람은 자신만의 관점으로 세상을 바라보지만, 넓은 시야를 가진 사람은 타인의 관점도 고려하고, 피해를 주지 않으려고 노력합니다. '관점 탐지법'을 통해 다양한 시각으로 문제를 바라볼 수 있습니다.

두 번째 특징은 **시간의 틀을 세우는 것**입니다. 현재의 어려움에 압도되지 않고, 미래의 관점에서 바라보는 것입니다. 현재의 고통은 지나가는 에피소드일 뿐이며, 긍정적인 순간이 찾아올 것이라는 믿음을 갖는 것이 중요합니다.