국제 결혼: 아름다움의 기준과 개인적인 후회

### 아름다움과 결혼에 대한 환상: 개인적인 여정
* ✈ 한국에서 살면서 한국 여성들과만 사귀었던 저는 최근 일본 여행을 통해 **더 매력적인 비율과 스타일**을 가진 일본 여성들의 아름다움에 눈을 뜨게 되었고, 한국에서의 미에 대한 인식에 의문을 가지게 되었습니다.
* 👗 "평범한 외모의 일본 여성도 아름답다"는 말을 듣고 **한국 여성의 미적 우월성에 대한 믿음이 잘못된 것**일 수 있다는 것을 깨달았습니다.
* 💔 제 결혼 생활을 돌이켜보면 사랑보다는 사회적 압력에 이끌려 **성급하게 결혼**해 정신적 스트레스와 비현실적인 기대감으로 불행한 삶을 살았던 것이 후회스러워요.
* 👨 배경은 괜찮지만 진정한 애정이 부족한 사람과 결혼한 경험을 통해 **사랑보다는 조건에서 비롯되는 많은 결혼의 기초에 의문**을 품게 되었습니다.
* 💼 재정적 안정에 초점을 맞추다 보면 관계에서 정서적 연결의 중요성이 가려지기 때문에 **전문직 종사자와의 결혼은 종종 외로움으로 이어집니다.**
* 🏠 최근 한 결혼식에 참석하면서 **사회적 기대보다는 상호 존중과 경험 공유에 기반한 관계**를 추구했다면 어땠을까 하는 생각이 들었습니다.
* 🌍 국제 결혼을 둘러싼 문화는 관계에 대한 다양한 관점을 제공하며, **동반자 관계와 공동 책임의 중요성**을 강조하는데, 저는 이제 행복을 위해 매우 중요하다고 생각합니다.
* 🌅 저는 과거의 선택을 되돌아보면서, 다른 사람들이 더 늦기 전에 **사회적 압력보다 사랑과 정서적 연결의 가치**를 인식하고 자신의 길을 바꾸기를 촉구합니다.

일본 여성은 한국 여성보다 더 매력적으로 보이는 경우가 많아 일반적인 아름다움에 대한 인식에 도전합니다.

International marriage, speaking of which, honestly, I was just living in Korea, saving money and only dating Korean women. Recently, I went on a trip to Japan, and I realized how naive I was. There are many comments saying that Korean women are beautiful, especially in Asia, and I believed that too. However, after seeing Japanese women, I noticed that their proportions and looks are consistently attractive. Even those who are average still tend to be beautiful. This is not an exaggeration; I genuinely wondered why their heads are so small—could they be of a different ethnic group? 

Moreover, I noticed that even the girls who don't wear luxury brands but rather casual fashion have great style. While wandering around Japan, I realized that, on average, Japanese women are more attractive than Korean women. So, I wonder who spread the idea that Korean women are the most beautiful.

They did it. Out of ten, it's about seven. Please, I ask you. Hello, I am Bulkwang. Why did I say we should avoid stop lurkers? The biggest reason is that they are people who feel pressured. Just the existence of a five-year promise with a ten-year commitment or a seven-year relationship can cause immense mental stress for men. This is something that cannot be expressed in words, especially for men living in a generationally stagnant environment, where the stress is even greater. However, today, I am not here to talk about that. There are other reasons, in addition to the reasons for avoiding stop lurkers. What could those reasons be? People who are not loved have a very high chance of living an unhappy life. Those who got married without love, just looking at conditions, or those who were in love but are under the illusion that they are the only ones loving, so the other person...

This is a story about cases where love is absent. I regret my hurried marriage, which I entered with blurry eyes. I have been married for almost ten years and have one child. I had long and short relationships with ten different people before I met my current spouse through a blind date. At that time, I was 30 years old, and I felt a psychological pressure to get married before that age. I made the decision to marry someone with a good educational background, a decent job, acceptable looks, and an average personality. 

Look at this: such unhappiness stems from the belief that one must get married before turning 30, focusing on education, looks, job, and personality, and hastily getting married after a brief meeting. Can a marriage like that be happy? It is impossible. The notion that marriage should be based on love completely overturns that common belief. Only in that country do people rush into marriage like this. In other countries, people would find it hard to understand such a situation where love is absent.

Why do people get married? My friends kept saying that I was too good for marriage. There were significant differences in family support, household atmosphere, and hygiene standards. You know what’s frustrating? We look at appearances, educational backgrounds, jobs, and all that, but because of differences in money, friends start pointing fingers, and I'm stuck with a husband who doesn't measure up, right? So, are they perfect? No, if they were perfect, they wouldn't have married that man. And just looking at their mental state, it's clearly not normal. What do you mean by saying they are normally married? In that country, this is considered a typical marriage, and they are completely oblivious. You all live like this, and that's why you hear the term 'pompous man.' Stop spouting nonsense and face the man in front of you quickly. He may look okay, but he wasn't my type.

If I had only thought about dating, I wouldn't have met anyone. It seems that there are separate categories for dating and marriage, and this reflects the unique culture of that country. Marriage is reality, and this statement is the truth. I've done well with financial management and made some money, but my partner has no interest in financial planning. Honestly, I don’t want to engage in a lifestyle like that, but I feel forced to. My partner shows clear signs of liking me, and when we go to gatherings, my appearance stands out. However, my partner has let themselves go and has gained a lot of weight, while I haven't changed in weight since before marriage. Friends who have carefully chosen their partners feel they have achieved what they wanted, whether it's looks, personality, or abilities; they haven't compromised on their standards. There are also those who can't marry because their standards are too high. This leads to a significant misconception among those from that country, doesn't it? They should lower their standards to get married.

Some people say that those with high standards are still not married, which is nonsense. To be precise, nowadays, men are not getting married. I also had someone I really connected with during my dating life, but we couldn't continue because of our religious differences. This means that the person I truly loved didn't make any compromises for me; they didn't respect my religion. Their beliefs and religion were important to them, and yet they complain. It's a case of hypocrisy. The partner I met to marry, whom I once truly loved, was not someone I actually loved. I was just self-suggesting that I loved them. I feel like that person is not the same anymore, and my feelings have changed compared to before, which makes me regretful and troubled. There are people like me; how should I live? Just think about it: what kind of men would marry someone like this?

Can you be happy? It's nonsense. If I were unhappy, I would still be unhappy, but even if I earn money and put in the effort, I wouldn't feel any love. It's because the other person thinks of me in that way. I married because of the child; I lowered my standards to get married. That's the kind of thought process we're dealing with. 

And look at the next story. It's about marrying a professional. After the divorce, there's regret, and when I see the career path, it's another teacher. It's not the same person from earlier; it's someone else. When it comes to talking about wives, they dream of marrying a professional who is tall and comes from a well-off family. I didn't have a particularly good family background, and I have a strong tendency toward stability. Above all, I was captivated by the gaslighting that said women are scarce and men line up for them. It seems like those thoughts were somewhat intertwined, and I tried to work hard to fit in. Did you see that?

What is the secret of the profession? There’s a rumor that certain jobs lead to a good marriage, which makes them quite popular. So, many people choose those professions, and doesn’t that create a kind of competition? And what is it for? It’s to meet professional men. I’m not particularly smart to the point of becoming a professional myself. So, one of the easier options I chose was to become a teacher. While I enjoyed dating in college, I never thought any of those relationships would lead to marriage. I never considered marrying another teacher anyway; once I got my degree, I was seriously thinking about dating high-income professional men. I mentioned that the beginning of all couples' unhappiness often stems from conditions. I loved, but those men thought they were on my level and ended up breaking up with me. From the start, I aimed to meet only professional men with that kind of job.

You chose, didn't you? But can you really be happy with that kind of life? Is it even possible? It's only being maintained by money, and it could collapse at any moment; isn't that an unusual state? I got married in my late twenties, and a teacher at the same school found out that I was single and introduced me to someone they knew. He was a professional man, but I didn't decide to marry him just because of that. In fact, I wasn't particularly attractive, so I never thought that professional men would flock to me just because I was a teacher. I only had that hope. However, after meeting a few times, he also had feelings for me, and I thought that if he was a man of this caliber, I should grab the opportunity. So, we quietly and calmly prepared for the wedding, and that's how I ended up getting married. Even though I didn't love him, marriage... about this.

If I may say so, it hurts to speak about it. Isn't that the root of unhappiness? But now that I'm married, it's a battle against loneliness. My husband has a very busy job. To be honest, I didn't realize this before marriage. Since he earns a lot of money, I thought it was only natural for him to be busy. In fact, before marriage, I even found that admirable. He was the kind of man I respected and considered my ideal. However, once we got married and he became my person, I found myself spending lonely times without him when we should be together. So, what I'm saying is, I wanted to marry a wealthy man, someone who earns well, but I had no interest in how he makes that money or how he maintains his position. It's just that his absence next to me is incredibly frustrating, isn't it? I didn't expect it to be this way.

Did you think that making money off others is easy? That position doesn't just fall from the sky. It's not a place where you can just casually protect your family. And the next part is the most ridiculous. Last week, I attended a wedding of a junior colleague with my child. While I was there, I happened to see a senior who I had a sort of flirtation with during our study sessions in college. To be precise, I saw his family. He was being such a caring father to his child, showing consideration for his wife, and taking warm care of the child. At that time, I had distanced myself after passing the exam first, and I had no intention of marrying someone in the same field, so I let it slip away. But now, thinking back, I briefly wondered what it would have been like to live a life where I could share my time with a spouse in a similar situation, spending meaningful moments together. His wife seemed so...

It feels envious, but if you actually live that way, you might find yourself struggling with a tight salary and lingering feelings for a professional husband, not to mention the things you couldn't have, like owning a home in Seoul. It makes me think that perhaps it wasn't a good ending. This person's life seems to revolve around one main theme: materialism. And when that gets twisted in a strange way, it leads to the birth of such individuals. Even those who love each other dearly ultimately find that their professional status and the desire for a home in Seoul only add to their struggles. Despite this, they express regret about marriage, writing and complaining about their husbands here and there. I married someone like this, yet I am not satisfied with the money I earn, and instead of gratitude for love, I find myself resenting my husband.

You married someone who just peels pumpkin seeds, so how can you live happily? It's impossible, right? So what I want to say is that men have become smarter. A marriage without love means that people are getting older while insisting on avoiding a life of doing the dishes. They want someone to play with, saying, Come play with me. They feel bored. You see, in your twenties, that was the case. But looking at the comments, it seems no one is interested anymore. How was it in the past? People would ask, Where do you live? Where can I go? Can I go right now? There used to be a lot of these types of comments. But now men also know that if they go there, it will definitely go wrong. They think, Oh, if the atmosphere is good, it might even lead to a police station. So that person deleted their post because no one wanted to play with them. Men are angry because it doesn’t seem fair, and the better a man's capabilities are, the more they think about marriage.

If you look at the comments on the video titled Three Reasons Why Not, you will see that due to gender equality, men's rights are diminished while their responsibilities remain the same or even increase. Therefore, those who are capable are likely to regret the freedom they lose through marriage, so who would want to get married? The culture of boasting about giving a monthly allowance of 300,000 won to husbands in women-dominated cafes is proof that this country is going crazy. The very idea that a man receives an allowance is absurd, which is why many choose not to marry. There’s a saying: If protection continues, one thinks it's a right. No matter how high an earner a man is, if he ends up marrying someone strange, he could end up living a miserable life worse than that of a low-income person. Do you see these kinds of comments? Nowadays, men are not like before, serving as the fools who blindly check their partner’s love and family background the day before the college entrance exam.

I'm meeting women, and there's a story from someone who gained enlightenment. It's about a car company and international marriage. Honestly, after living only in Korea, I was saving money and thinking about whether to just meet Korean women. Recently, I traveled to Japan, and I realized how much of a depressed frog I had been. There were many comments about how Korean women are considered beautiful in Asia, and I believed that too. But after seeing Japanese women, I noticed they have smaller heads and better proportions. Even the average-looking ones are quite pretty. It's not an exaggeration. I wondered why their heads were so small; I thought they might be a different ethnicity. Moreover, they don't wear luxury brands, yet their fashion sense is good. While wandering around Japan, I realized that Japanese women are, on average, more beautiful than Korean women.

They say that someone spread the word, but who actually spread it? It was mostly the ministers who started it. The people from that country who say others spread it are the ones who are the most beautiful. You should be hit a bit for that. So what does this mean? Those who have been abroad know that I was living in a confined artistic area, ignoring the truths, and now I regret it. And it’s not just about having a pretty face or good style. The culture of preparing food is well developed abroad. Those who have international marriages know this, and those who are preparing for it know it too. You can have breakfast prepared by your wife here, right? However, if you are in the domestic sphere, you often can't have that. You can barely get breakfast, let alone dinner. Even if I am the sole breadwinner, it's like that.

In international marriages, the probability of certain outcomes increases, and it's not just that. In many countries, except for a few, if you are married, it is essential for the wife to prepare breakfast. Just think about it: why do you pay a lot of money for pizza when the food made by your wife is tastier? There's no need to spend money on takeout. However, the dining culture in some countries has developed because people don't cook at home; wives often go out to eat instead. But for those of you who marry internationally, you will now be able to enjoy home-cooked meals. You even saw earlier that it can be stylish! If you meet women from Japan or Southeast Asia, you might experience the miracle of your wife's features being passed down to your children. Why is it a miracle? Because, as you can see from those who have married, it's not just about the mother's current face; sometimes, the features from their middle school years can appear in the children.

Other countries tend to have less of a focus on the Holy Spirit. It's rare to find people whose faces look completely different from their middle school days, like mothers in our country. Do you realize how fortunate that is? Do you understand what a great opportunity this is? If you don’t, then go ahead and miss that great opportunity and see how it feels to regret it. By the time you regret it, it will already be too late. It’s time to wake up from the dream. Thank you for watching Red Sun.

깨달음을 얻은 MZ남자들

이슈에 대한 제 생각을 말하는 채널입니다.

불광이

아름다움에 대한 인식과 결혼에 대한 부담감

한국에서 살았던 연사는 변함없이 매력적인 일본 여성들을 보며 한국 여성이 가장 아름답다고 믿었던 순진함을 깨달았습니다.

장기 연애로 인한 남성의 정신적 스트레스와 사랑 없는 결혼이 가져올 수 있는 불행에 대해 이야기합니다.

강연자는 서둘러 결혼한 것을 후회하며 서른 이전에 결혼하고 학벌과 외모에 집중하는 통념이 진정한 행복으로 이어지지 않는다고 강조합니다.

사람들은 종종 결혼 결정에 대한 친구들의 압박과 판단에 직면하여 좌절과 자괴감에 빠지기도 합니다.

가족의 지원, 가정 분위기, 위생 기준의 차이로 인해 관계에 긴장이 생길 수 있습니다.

높은 개인적 기준과 파트너를 찾는 현실 사이의 갈등은 사랑과 헌신에 대한 후회와 혼란으로 이어질 수 있습니다.

화자는 외부 요인과 관계가 자신의 감정 상태를 좌우한다고 느끼며 행복에 대한 생각에 어려움을 겪습니다.

안정과 자녀에 대한 열망으로 결혼한 자신의 결혼 생활을 되돌아보고, 전문직 남성을 추구한 선택에 대해 후회를 표합니다.

화자는 돈으로 유지되는 삶에서 진정한 행복의 가능성에 의문을 제기하고 파트너를 선택할 때 경쟁의 역할에 대해 반성합니다.

결혼 생활에서 외로움과의 싸움

화자의 남편은 고소득 직업으로 인해 매우 바빠서 외로움과 좌절감을 느낍니다.

결혼 전에는 남편의 성공을 동경했지만, 화자는 이제 남편의 부재로 인해 어려움을 겪고 있습니다.

동료의 결혼식에 참석한 화자는 서로를 배려하는 가족의 역동적인 모습을 보며 부러워했던 것을 반성하고 물질주의가 관계와 행복에 미치는 영향에 대해 질문합니다.

결혼과 여성에 대한 관점의 변화

남성들은 사랑과 책임이 없는 삶은 매력적이지 않다는 것을 깨닫고 결혼에 대해 더 현명해지고 있습니다.

성별 역학 관계의 변화로 인해 남성의 권리는 줄어들고 책임은 커지면서 능력 있는 남성들은 결혼을 통해 잃어버린 자유를 후회하고 있습니다.

여성의 아름다움에 대한 인식도 변화하여 일부 남성은 여행 중 한국 여성보다 일본 여성이 더 매력적이라고 생각하는 경우도 있습니다.

국제결혼의 장점에 대해 널리 알린 것은 장관들이었습니다.

해외에서 살았던 사람들은 잘 발달된 음식 문화와 가정식의 중요성을 무시한 것을 후회합니다.

국제결혼은 가정식 식사를 즐기고 자녀에게 고유한 특징을 물려줄 가능성이 높아지므로 배우자를 찾는 사람들에게 좋은 기회가 될 수 있습니다.