부모의 한계 이해하기: 연민으로 가는 길

### 컨디셔닝 그 이상의 이해: 연민으로 관계 탐색하기
* ☕ "어머니가 자신을 이해해야 한다고 믿는다면, **어머니가 아니라 자신의 마음이 만들어낸 엄청난 부담감**을 갖게 됩니다."
* 🧠 어머니가 자신의 인생 선택을 이해해야 한다는 믿음은 **어머니의 행동이 아니라 자신의 생각**에서 비롯된 것이므로 불행을 초래할 수 있습니다.
* 🌱 어머니의 한계는 **어머니의 조건의 산물**이라는 것을 인식하면 어머니의 이해에 대한 욕구를 내려놓을 수 있습니다.
* 🕰 **1년에 한두 번, 며칠씩 정기적으로 방문하는 것만으로도 부담스럽지 않게 관계를 유지**할 수 있습니다.
* 💔 어머니의 비판이 자신의 조건화된 신념을 반영한 것일 뿐이라는 점을 이해하면 **죄책감과 좌절감을 완화**하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다.
* 💖 어려운 상황에서도 조건에 따른 반응 너머에 있는 **진정한 자아를 엿볼 수 있는 연결의 순간**은 여전히 존재합니다.
* 🌈 궁극적으로 어머니가 나를 이해하든 이해하지 못하든 현재의 순간은 변하지 않으며, 어머니의 승인이나 이해와는 별개로 **내면에서 평화가 온다는 사실**을 깨닫는 것이 중요합니다.

어머니를 이해하는 것은 자신의 마음이 만들어낸 짐을 인식하고 내려놓는 것보다 덜 중요합니다.

For 46 years, I've been constantly criticized by my mother for everything. I always felt fear in her presence, trying to fulfill her expectations. I couldn't handle her criticism anymore, and three years ago, I decided to stop any contact. But I suffer painful fear, guilt, and hatred. I'm exhausted. Please help. Yes, so you've gone from one unpleasantness into another kind of unpleasantness. If you see that your mother, whatever your mother says, is totally conditioned by her mind. She's playing the same old record, CD. It's not records anymore, but nowadays, what do you play? The old download or whatever? What? Yeah, so to realize whatever comes out of her mouth is her mind regurgitating the conditioning throughout her lifetime, and perhaps being conditioned by her mother, and so on in that way. So perhaps you've been thinking all those 46 years, or whatever it was, that there was some meaning or significance to what your mother said, but basically, it was just the noise of her mind. And she believed in it. She believed that whatever her mind

repeated and repeated was the truth. There were certain patterns she could never get beyond being the mother. [Music] She knew better, of course, when you were four or five, but she didn't. Couldn't let go of the belief that she knew better when you grew up. She couldn't let go of the role of mother. It continues to play in her, and so can you see that what she is doing is simply a replay of her mind without believing that it has any significance? And so approach in a state of compassion because she's completely at the mercy of her conditioned mind. And you don't have to buy into what she says because, of course, many people think, I really, I need my parents to understand me. I want my mother to understand me. And they feel very unhappy if they're not being understood. And it may be beyond the capability of your mother to understand you. And it certainly is beyond the present capability of your mother to understand you. So she is limited. You have to recognize her limitations in this lifetime. Maybe before she dies, she

will go beyond before death is possible, but for the time being, she is very limited in her state of consciousness. And that is not to look down upon her, but to see it with compassion that what she does is extremely repetitive and not to believe your own mind when it tells you that she needs to understand you. I need my mother to understand me. Do you? Yes. Okay. What happens if your mother's understood you? The mother says, Now I really understand you, how you live. Oh, thank you. And now what? It's just another same present moment. Or before the mother says, What you do is all wrong. You shouldn't have done this. Why didn't you do that? Okay, same thing. It really makes no difference whether she understands you or doesn't understand, except that your mind is telling you that it does make a difference. You visit your mother, you have a cup of tea with her, she understands you, you go off and you look at the sky and you take a breath, and it's the present moment, and then you remember, Oh, my mother understands me.

or you go and have a cup of tea with her, and she continues with her old patterns, and say goodbye and go off, and you look at the sky and take a breath, and you say, Oh, she's still in her old patterns. Well, that's how it is. Makes no difference unless you believe your mind when it tells you that it's dreadfully important that your mother should understand you. And that happens when you believe every thought that comes into your head, and then the thought can make you unhappy. My mother doesn't understand me, and you feel something huge is missing in your life because your mother doesn't understand you. But that's because you believed in the thought that says that this should be when it isn't. And so you feel this enormous burden, which is not really created by your mother; it's created by your own mind. So, your mother is not to blame. You have to see that your own mind is creating this enormous burden, and when you see that, you can actually let go.

and allow your mother to be who she is in that particular conditioned form right now and allow her her limitations. I had a similar experience with my mother, although not as extreme as your experience. Probably my mother did not continuously criticize me, but she made it very clear that she was unhappy with the choices I made in life, and sometimes she implied it. She said, Oh well, you could have done so much, couldn't you? You had so many chances, didn't you? And with your intelligence, you could have done so much. And I was already 45, and she said, But you threw it away. Oh well, let's not talk about it. And so allowing her her limitations with, well, not as I said, not looking down on her and so, You are so limited, but compassionately allowing her. That's how she, that's her mental conditioning. She thinks in terms of a man needs a career, he needs to make money, he needs to get married and have children, and he needs to show that he's successful, and all those

things, and that didn't happen with her son, and she wasn't happy about that. So, she couldn't go beyond the conditioning of her mind because that was conditioned by the particular culture she grew up in. And I could see that, and it was fine. Now, a little earlier, we talked about likes and dislikes. I had love for my mother because I could occasionally glimpse beyond her conditioned mind, and occasionally, you could see her being shining through her eyes when she stopped talking, and that was just wonderful to see that aliveness in her eyes and the beingness in her. And even when she was talking, I could still sense it in the background. So, I didn't have to react to her words. I can allow the words to pass through me like some sound of leaves in the wind without any particular meaning or significance, and that was fine. And yet, talking about likes and dislikes, I didn't like being staying with her for more than a few days because it got too much. Although I loved her, my preference was

After five or six days, to say, Okay, I have to go now, and she got used to that, and it was fine. I would come once a year, sometimes twice a year, and visit for a few days, and that was surrender to that. My choice was not to say, Okay, I'm going to now spend three months at my mom's place, but if that had been inevitable, if I had been forced for some external reasons to do that, it would have been fine too. I would have surrendered to it, but it's a few days was usually fine, was enough. As you know, rum dust tells us, tells you that as the great test whether you're enlightened. If you think you're enlightened, spend two weeks with your parents [Music], and that's the great, that's the test. This mind-made sense of self is also much more focused on the negative than the positive. To be free, you awaken to who you are beyond your history and your life situation. You

Eckhart Tolle On Parental Criticism

Eckhart Tolle

엄마의 컨디션 조절이 미치는 영향

엄마의 역할과 신념이 깊이 뿌리내려 반복적인 행동과 비판의 패턴으로 이어질 수 있습니다.

어머니의 한계와 어머니의 사고방식을 형성한 조건을 인식하고 연민을 가지고 접근하는 것이 중요합니다.

부모에게 이해를 구하려는 노력은 고통과 죄책감으로 이어질 수 있지만, 부모의 말은 단순히 자신의 조건화된 마음을 반영하는 것일 수 있다는 점을 인식하는 것이 중요합니다.

화자는 어머니의 제한된 의식 상태에 대해 반성하고 어머니의 반복적인 행동의 본질을 강조합니다.

어머니의 이해가 궁극적으로 현재에 아무런 차이를 만들지 못한다는 것을 암시하며 어머니의 이해의 중요성에 의문을 제기합니다.

화자는 이해의 중요성에 대한 마음의 믿음은 환상이라고 결론을 내립니다.

기대 버리기: 가족 역학 관계에 대한 성찰

어머니가 자신을 이해해야 한다고 믿는 것은 엄청난 감정적 부담을 줄 수 있지만, 사실 이러한 감정은 자신의 마음에서 비롯된 것입니다.

상황에 굴복하고 받아들이면 더 건강한 관계로 이어질 수 있습니다.

진정한 자유는 자신의 역사와 삶의 환경을 넘어 자신의 정체성을 자각할 때 찾아옵니다.

화자는 어머니의 문화적 조건에서 비롯된 자신의 삶의 선택과 어머니의 비판에 대한 불만을 반성합니다.

화자는 어머니의 한계에 대한 연민을 가지고 어머니를 있는 그대로 받아들이는 것이 중요하다고 강조합니다.

어려움에도 불구하고 화자는 어머니의 눈빛에서 연결과 생동감의 순간을 발견하고, 어머니의 말을 아무 반응 없이 받아들입니다.