In 1967, Ronald Reagan became the governor
of the State of California. In his inaugural address, he talked about the peaceful
transfer of power, something he described
as “the simple magic of the commonplace routine, which makes it a near miracle
to many of the world’s inhabitants.” He then went on to utter an iconic phrase
that would be repeated by politicians for decades to come. Freedom is a fragile thing, he said, And it's never more than one generation
away from extinction. Now like countless others,
I have used that quote many times, but I have a confession to make. I never really believed it. Surely, after 250 years of this stuff, we no longer have to worry
about losing it. I'm not pleased to report
that I actually believe it now. The first cracks in my confidence came during one of those commonplace
routines of transferring power as Lieutenant Governor
of the State of Utah. It was my duty to certify
the votes of the electors

for the presidential election. While the meeting to do so
was open to the public, it was so commonplace and routine
that no one ever showed up. As I walked into the room, I was stunned to see dozens
of angry protesters screaming that the election
had been stolen and demanding that we violate state law and change the votes of the electors. Now, I know what you’re all thinking, and you're probably wrong. This was not 2020. This was 2016, and the protesters
were Hillary Clinton supporters. Now, it got far worse somehow, four years later. With the election less
than two months away, a friend and I were talking and lamenting about the state of our country following a summer of destructive protests by the extreme left and an extreme right that was already undermining
the validity of an election that hadn't even happened yet. Isn't there something
you can do, she asked. Well, that question
haunted me all weekend.

so I picked up the phone
and called my opponent. By the way, I was running
for governor at the same time that Trump and Biden
were battling for the presidency. I called my opponent, a Democrat named Chris Peterson,
whom I respected, and I said, Hey, Chris,
this is Spencer Cox. I have a crazy idea. What if we filmed a campaign ad together? I could almost hear the confused
look forming on his face. To his credit, he agreed, and one week later,
we were in a studio together. Let's watch. (Video) I'm Chris Peterson. And I'm Spencer Cox. CP: We are currently in the final days
of campaigning against each other to be your next governor. SC: And while I think
you should vote for me -- CP: Yeah, but really,
you should vote for me. SC: There are some things
we both agree on. CP: We can debate issues
without degrading each other's character.

SC: We can disagree
without hating each other. CP: And win or lose,
in Utah, we work together. SC: So let's show the country
that there's a better way. CP: My name is Chris Peterson. SC: And I'm Spencer Cox. (Together) And we approve this message. (Applause) Well, the response
was instantaneous and overwhelming. The ad went viral. Neither of us saw it coming. There were media requests
from all over the world, millions of views and shares. Perhaps there really
is an exhausted majority. I remember thinking to myself, and maybe this is the message
they want to hear. I could actually feel my faith
in the American idea start to rekindle. The popularity of the ad validated my hope that most people really do want
their political leaders to uphold the values
that we teach our kids. That we can disagree
without hate and contempt, even that we can find ways
to treat each other with respect.

even when we disagree. It seemed like there was a hunger for architects instead of arsonists. My hunch was confirmed one year later, when a professor submitted a version of our ad to the Stanford Polarization and Social Change Lab as part of a huge depolarization experiment. It was chosen as one of 25 interventions to be tested on over 30,000 people. The result? Our ad actually had a measurable depolarization effect, including a reduction in urges towards violence. It turns out there really are things that we can do to alter the trajectory of the United States. Now look, I get it. It's easy to feel a little hopeless as Americans once again barrel towards an election with unsatisfying candidates and campaigns. But there is good news. Over the past six months, 20 governors from all across the country have filmed similar ads, most of them with a public servant from the opposing party. And the data continues to show that people really are hungry

for something different. According to polling from More in Common, 70 percent of Americans hate the divisiveness in politics. And it also turns out that ... Americans aren't as far apart
as we think we are. The problem isn't how far apart
the average Republican and the average Democrat is
on the actual issues. In fact, we're not much different
than other Western democracies. The problem is how far apart
we think we are. Due in large part
to conflict entrepreneurs in both the media and politics, both sides overestimate
the extremism on the other side by about 30 percent. Now interestingly, this perception gap is actually strongest amongst progressive activists on the left and amongst extreme
conservatives on the right. So the people most engaged
in the political process also have the most inaccurate
views of the other side. But perhaps the best news of all is that there are very practical things that every one of us can do every day to help heal the divides in our nations
and our neighborhoods.

First, we can start
by turning off and tuning out some of those conflict entrepreneurs. My wife and I, we stopped watching
cable news 11 years ago and immediately saw an improvement
in our marriage, our family, and our mental health. (Laughter and applause) Now that always elicits a laugh,
but we’re not alone. Studies have found that more time
spent on the latest headlines, whether through social media
or traditional media outlets, is really bad for our mental health. Psychologists refer to this
phenomenon in different ways, like media saturation overload, or doomscrolling, or headline anxiety. You see, more news, on all the time,
isn’t making us smarter, it's just stressing us out. Second, we can spend more time,
preferably offline, with real people
who are different than us. In the words of Bryan Stevenson,
proximity will empower you. You see, it's just harder
to hate up close.

Tell me more about why you feel
that way, is a magical request. Twenty years ago, we rarely identified each other
by our political identities first. As for me, I'm a father. I'm an NBA fan. I'm a terrible aspiring bassist in a band. I'm a Utahn. I'm an American. How about you? You see, if we look
beyond our political tribes, we can actually find shared
identities and friendships that unite instead of divide. Now, third, we can serve others. Service and volunteering
help build up communities and improve our outlook on life
and the people around us. Some forms of regular volunteering have even been associated
with lower blood pressure. There is nothing better for the soul
or society than giving back. Aristotle really was on to something when he described and summed up
the essence of life as: “Serve others and do good.” Fourth, and finally, we can work to develop
the classical political virtues.

of humility, patience, and moderation, without which, as John Adams explained, we all become ravenous beasts of prey. Now look, I know it’s almost laughable to talk about words like humility in political discourse, but I truly believe that it is the only way for us to remember how to disagree without hate and contempt. In the words of Judge Learned Hand, who so eloquently stated, “The true spirit of liberty is the spirit which is not too sure it is right. The spirit of liberty is the spirit which seeks to understand the minds of other men and women.” And I started with a quote from Ronald Reagan. He went on to say that freedom is not ours by way of inheritance. It must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people, and those in history who have known freedom and then lost it have never known it again. Ladies and gentlemen, it is our solemn duty in our generation

to once again secure the freedoms endowed to all of us from on high. We cannot wait for politicians
or the media to do it. It will take real work, hard work by each of us. But we must remember
how to disagree without hate. We must rise up and meet that radical call
to love our enemies -- even, especially, our political opponents. It's... It's not an... It's not an easy answer,
but it is a simple one. If we really want to change the world, we have to start
by changing our own hearts. Thank you. (Applause)

How to Disagree with Respect — Not Hate | Spencer J. Cox | TED

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How to Disagree with Respect — Not Hate | Spencer J. Cox | TED

How to Disagree with Respect — Not Hate | Spencer J. Cox | TED

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