케일린 파트로우: 자폐증과 개인적 성장 탐색하기

### 단절 탐색하기: 자기 발견과 옹호를 위한 케일린의 여정
* 🌟 케일린 파트로우는 평생 타인과의 단절감을 느끼며 **참여자라기보다는 인간 경험의 관찰자**처럼 살아왔다고 회고합니다.
* 자폐증 옹호자이자 작가인 그녀는 **"뇌의 모든 불안한 생각은 팔을 타고 손과 물건으로 이동한다"**고 말하며 피젯 장난감을 이용해 불안을 관리합니다.
* 💭 그녀는 자폐증 및 기타 학습 장애 진단을 통해 명확성과 정체성을 확립하기 전까지 어린 시절 학교에서의 실패로 인해 자신이 **'멍청하다'고 믿게** 되었다고 밝히며 자기 인식에 대한 어려움을 이야기합니다.
* 🐶 케일린은 어린 시절 개에 대한 집착을 회상하며, **자신의 독특한 관심사가 종종 사회적 오해와 고립감**으로 이어졌다고 설명합니다.
* 💔 그녀는 자신의 삶에 만족하고 있지만, 특히 조용한 순간에 외로움이 밀려올 때 **대인관계 문제가 개선되지 않을까 두려워**합니다.
* ✍ 글쓰기는 힘든 시기에는 그녀의 피난처가 되어 **감정을 글로 표현**하고, 가장 우울한 기분일 때 **최고의 창의력**을 발휘하는 경우가 많습니다.
* 🏆 그녀는 **프로젝트 호프와의 여정**을 통해 과거 학업에서의 실패로 인해 간과했던 자신의 강점을 인식할 수 있었습니다.
* 🎉 케일린은 넷플릭스 시청 파티에서 친구들과 동료들의 응원을 통해 압박감 속에서도 잘 해낼 수 있는 자신의 능력을 깨닫고 **한때는 이룰 수 없다고 생각했던 대중 연설에 도전**할 수 있게 된 것을 진심으로 축하받았습니다.

케일린은 압박감 속에서도 인내와 자기 수용을 통해 도전을 강점으로 바꾸며 번창합니다.

- When have you experienced a profound sense of disconnection from others, and what did you learn from it? I don't know, since I gained consciousness, I think. It feels like I spend more time dissecting the human experience than having one myself. (gentle upbeat music) (ball bouncing) My name is Kaelynn Partlow. I'm an author, I'm an autism advocate, I'm a content creator, and I'm a Registered Behavior Technician. We came prepared. We have three fidget toys. How could you possibly screw up if you have three fidget toys? You could not. All the anxious thoughts from the brain travel down the arm and into the hand and into the object, and they no longer live in the brain. I think I like balloon dog the most. (bouncy upbeat music) What do you imagine other people assume about you? Hmm, I think people, in person, think that my life is easy and it is free from pain or significant issues,

and I don't think they realize that I'm intelligent to the degree that I am. (ball rolling) Is there a voice in your head that tells you how bad you are? That says, You're selfish, you're spoiled, you're stupid. Whose voice is that and when was the first time you heard that? I think when I was little, my perception of myself was that I was stupid. It meant I was stupid. And even if I didn't have a name for it, I felt stupid because I was failing the 3rd grade. And how do you fail the 3rd grade and have a good self-esteem, you know? You kind of can't do those two things at the same time. And so when I got assessed, it was pretty disappointing, I think, on everybody's behalf, that we got autism, we got ADHD, we got dyslexia, we got dyscalculia, we got dysgraphia, dyspraxia. You know, getting diagnosed,

it kind of put a word to it, so instead of stupid, I was dyslexic, which helped a little, not a lot but a little, just to have a word for it that wasn't dumb or wrong. (ball rolling) If someone doesn't understand you, what are you making it mean about you? In an ideal world, if somebody didn't understand you, they would just say, I don't understand that. But traditionally, that's not how most people communicate. They, I don't know, give me a normal person example. What do the normies do? Yeah, sometimes they just stop communicating. They don't tell you, Oh, I didn't understand that. They just are done with you. When I was little, I was really obsessed with dogs. And it wasn't enough to just play with my dog. And so for a very long time, I said that I was a dog.

You know, my name is Kaelynn, and it starts with a K, and I was nine years old, and so, therefore, I was a K-9. I think sometimes if I got lucky, you know, little kids at the age of nine would bark back, and they would play dogs with me, but eventually, they would get bored, or they'd be like, No, that's weird. We don't wanna do that. And that just didn't make sense to me. What action do you want to take but don't feel ready yet? My first thought was, I need a new car, and I don't want a car payment. But then, like, in consideration for what this activity is, probably, the answer we're looking for is that I've not prioritized interpersonal relationships. If I'm in a social situation, I have to think about looking at people's faces, intentionally listening to their words.

and filtering out my own brain noise. I have to think about my own facial expression and body language and posture to make sure that I don't send the wrong message. And so when you're faced with attempts that don't work or attempts that don't feel worthwhile, then it's really difficult to motivate yourself to continue when you know that you're not likely to encounter success. What are you most afraid will never change about yourself or your life, and why? I guess, what if my interpersonal issues never get better? Feeling big emotions and feeling them very strongly, and, by my own metric, being just a little bit neurotic to live with, being lonely, like, I'm pretty satisfied with how I am, but, like, you're meant to grow and change. And so I guess I'd be afraid that I'd stay like this forever. My relationship with loneliness is--it's worse nights, weekends, and holidays.

The loneliness kind of creeps back in because I'm no longer needed in a professional capacity. And, you know, I've got people who, more or less, need me in a personal capacity, but when those people don't need me or are busy, that's when the loneliness kind of starts to set in and you start to kind of look around and realize, Well, wait a minute, everything has stopped. Where did everybody go? Everybody else is out living their life. Everybody else is out doing things with other people. And I'm sitting here thinking about what things I might do at work next time. Sometimes I write when I feel that way and I'm a pretty good writer. And when I'm in a bad mood, I'm a really good writer, unfortunately. When I am sad or upset, I go inside my closet and close the door and it's incredibly dark and it's very quiet and there's just nothingness in there.

except for all of my feelings, which kind of fills up the closet and maybe then some. And I kind of channel that, I guess, through my fingers and into the words that I write until there's nothing else left, and sometimes I fall asleep. (object thuds) (ball rolling) What personal strength are you most reluctant to acknowledge, and how has it impacted your life? When you get diagnosed with multiple disabilities, you don't get the luxury of ignoring your personal weaknesses, and also you really cling to your personal strengths. And so when you spend a large portion of your childhood unsuccessful in academic environments, you come to the conclusion that, I can't do this. And I have evidence to support why I can't do this. Because every time I've tried, it's failed. And I could pull out all the paperwork that says that I have. But when I started with Project Hope, they gave me tasks and activities that I could be successful with.

I saw areas in my life in which I was successful and without a whole lot of help. And it's really kind of empowered me to take advantage of other opportunities I've been offered as a result of that. (object thuds) (ball rolling) When did you truly feel celebrated? Probably when I was on Netflix, and then we had the viewing party when it came out. (upbeat orchestral music) - [Speaker] Hello. - Hi, my name is Kaelynn. I'm 24 years old, and I'm single, and I'm looking for a boyfriend. To have such a large attendance at my viewing party, it was coworkers, it was casual friends, it was acquaintances. It was just a bunch of people who I knew. Everybody showed up, and I thought that that was particularly special. You know, the whole thing where they say, Do it scared? I realized just how capable I was of doing it scared.

So I, very quickly, in my own mind, became someone who thrives under pressure. What do we think about the fingerprint as the new symbol for autism? And the idea that I could be a public speaker was not a thing that I thought I could achieve. It was maybe a thing that I was interested in doing, but I didn't think it was possible. But with the newfound knowledge of me thriving under pressure, I could pursue things that were difficult. Not only could I tolerate them, but I could pursue them, and I could be successful with them. Please bring light, bring hope to those who need it. (audience cheering)

How my diagnosis changed the way I perceive myself | Kaelynn Partlow

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켈린 파트로우의 자기 발견 여정

작가이자 자폐증 옹호자인 케일린 파트로우는 평생 타인과 단절되어 살아온 자신의 경험을 공유합니다.

그녀는 불안한 생각을 관리하기 위해 피젯 장난감을 사용하고 사람들이 자신의 삶을 잘못 판단하는 방식에 대해 반성합니다.

켈린은 자존감과 학업에 대한 어려움으로 자폐증과 ADHD를 비롯한 여러 가지 진단을 받았습니다.

커뮤니케이션과 개인적인 어려움에 대한 이해

연사는 자신의 난독증을 되돌아보며 의사소통의 어려움에 대한 다른 관점을 제시합니다.

어린 시절 개에 대한 집착으로 인해 개와 자신을 동일시하고 또래와 장난스러운 상호작용을 추구하게 되었다고 합니다.

화자는 대인 관계에 우선순위를 두는 데 어려움을 겪고 사회적 상황에서 존재감을 드러내는 데 어려움을 겪고 있음을 인정합니다.

대인관계 문제 및 외로움으로 인한 어려움

화자는 대인관계 문제에 대해 걱정하고 있으며 개선되지 않을지도 모른다는 두려움을 가지고 있습니다.

이들은 업무가 없는 밤, 주말, 공휴일에 외로움을 가장 극심하게 경험합니다.

글쓰기는 이러한 힘든 시기에 대처하는 메커니즘으로 작용하며, 슬프거나 화가 날 때는 옷장의 어둠과 조용함 속에서 위안을 찾습니다.

연사는 자신의 감정을 글로 표현하고 이를 대처 메커니즘으로 활용합니다.

복합 장애 진단을 받은 이들은 학업 환경에서 어려움을 겪었지만 프로젝트 호프의 역량 강화 과제를 통해 성공을 찾았습니다.

넷플릭스 프로그램 시청 파티를 통해 두려움에도 불구하고 도전할 수 있는 능력을 강조하며 축하받는 기분을 느꼈습니다.

압박 속에서도 성공하기: 개인적인 여정

연사는 압박감 속에서도 성공하는 사람으로 변모한 자신의 모습을 돌아보며 도전에 대한 관점을 바꿨습니다.

자폐증의 새로운 상징인 지문에 대해 이야기하고 대중 연설가가 된 후 새롭게 찾은 자신감을 표현합니다.

연사는 도움이 필요한 사람들에게 빛과 희망을 전하는 것의 중요성을 강조합니다.