[Music] So recently, I had gotten a comment from a viewer who expressed that they were quite convinced that they'll never find a life partner and will just wind up spending the rest of their life alone. One of the things that they said, and I want to try to be as accurate in this as possible, was that a lifetime of failure in dating and relationships had led them to a nihilistic viewpoint in life and existential loneliness and despair. Now, when I read those words, it was like reflecting back on my own life, at my own perspective, not so very long ago. Up until just a few years ago, I would have described my own life in very much the same words. As I've gotten older, I've come more and more to terms with that possibility. The reason I'm sharing all that is because I'm sure there are many, many other people who can relate to all of this as well, who feel a growing sense that perhaps they'll wind up alone for the rest of their lives. Now

For me, my whole life, as far as relationships go, has been a long series of disappointments. Recently, I've been single for several years now. The last serious relationship I was in, I had thought that perhaps this might be the person I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. Looking back on that now, I realized that there's been quite a few times when I thought that about the person that I was in a relationship with. Suffice to say, none of them were. By the way, I should probably also mention that most of the relationships that I've been in did not end on my terms. It was often the other person who came to that decision all on their own, against my own wishes. In addition to that, I've experienced a great deal of rejection in the world of dating, and I found myself alone for long periods of time between relationships, never quite recovering from all the rejection. So, I've experienced a great deal of heartache. I've had periods of excruciating loneliness and deep despair.

now the last relationship I was in, which ended much like the others. I found myself soon after beginning to look for someone new to open myself back up to meeting someone. And for several months, I was in fact meeting a number of potential partners, but none of those situations evolved into anything. And I was being revisited once again by that feeling of rejection. And on top of all of that, because of my own personal growth, I was finding myself becoming increasingly more particular about the kind of person I was open to being involved with. I found that the vast majority of people in this world are very superficial and shallow, especially when it comes to relationships. And I don't have any interest in any of that nonsense, in all the drama and conflict that most people create. And so I've limited my prospects down to a very narrow perimeter. And this means that for me, the dating pool is more like a very tiny puddle. And within that very tiny puddle, there are certainly going to be those who don't consider me as a

potential partner. So, in some sense, I've increased the potential for rejection. And so, with all of this combined, all the dating and relationships which didn't work out, the fact that I've narrowed my prospects, and so on, it occurred to me, as it had a few times in the past, that perhaps I'll never find a lifelong partner, and that perhaps I may end up spending the rest of my life alone. And not to say that I might not ever experience some romantic relationship again, but given my past experience, I have to consider that any future relationship is also likely to be tempered. So, that ultimately, it's really a question of whether or not I'll ever find myself in a lifelong partnership. What if I never meet someone who I spend the rest of my life with? What if I just end up spending the rest of my life alone? And when that thought first comes up in the mind, it can be very unsettling, disturbing, depressing, because we don't want that. We want just the opposite of that, which means even though we're considering this as a possibility, we don't really accept

it we're resistant to it and putting both optimism and pessimism aside and just being realistic. I had to face that possibility that it's a very realistic possibility, not to say I had completely closed myself off from the possibility of ever having a light partner or that I wasn't open to meeting such a person, but I was having to consider that both of these situations were valid possibilities. So, to be realistic, there is that realistic possibility that one may spend the rest of their life alone. And I know a lot of people who are in that place in their lives would like to be comforted with some kind of reassurance, for someone to tell them, Don't worry, you'll meet someone one day who is going to be a perfect match, and you'll spend the rest of your lives together. And I've had people tell me that, and it's nice to hear, but when you're in that place, it's very difficult to believe it, considering the current situation and considering all the previous experiences. It's very difficult.

to imagine that this may be true. We want for it to be true. We want to believe that we will indeed meet that person with whom we will live happily ever after. But there's a part of us which is deeply skeptical of this, and until we actually find ourselves in that situation, the tendency is to continue to be skeptical. Well, I'm not the kind of person who goes around offering people fantasies and false hopes, so let's just not even play that game. Let's consider the very realistic possibility that perhaps you will end up spending the rest of your life alone. Instead of trying to distract from this or to convince ourselves otherwise, let's just consider it a real possibility. In fact, let's just imagine for a moment that the future is predetermined, and we've gotten it from a very reliable source that we are indeed destined to be alone for the rest of our lives. If that were an absolute fact, could we accept it? If it were set in stone and there was absolutely nothing that we could do to

change it. Could we just accept it? Because what's the alternative? If we're in a situation that we cannot change, we really only have two choices. We can accept it, or we can resist it. And resistance always causes us to suffer. Because even though the situation is as it is, in our mind, we reject it. We won't accept it. Psychologically, we're resisting reality, and that causes us to suffer. And no amount of suffering can change anything, so the whole thing is unnecessary and useless. So the only other alternative is to accept it. And I mean really accepted. Because oftentimes, we say that we accept something, but what we really mean is that we acknowledge the situation or the possibility, which is not really the same as acceptance. Because you acknowledge something, and you still refuse to accept it. And as long as there's any psychological resistance at all, that means we haven't fully accepted it. Acceptance means to drop all of your resistance. So after having been in a relationship for a few years and once again finding myself single and also finding myself

rejected by one person after another. I was coming back to this possibility that perhaps I might be alone for the rest of my life. But instead of resisting that possibility, I decided to just accept it. What if I just let go of the need to be in a relationship? What if I just embrace being alone? What if I embrace the possibility that I might not ever find a lifelong partner? What if I let go of whatever resistance I have to all of that and just relax into this moment right here, right now? And as I came to terms with all of this, letting go of the resistance and coming into a space of acceptance, I found myself experiencing a great sense of liberation and inner peace. And I've been single now for several years, and I've also been happier than I have in all my life. I really enjoy being alone, and I don't have any interest right now in being in a relationship. And I've said before that I'm not closed off to that possibility if I happen to meet someone who I'm

really aligned with, and it evolves into a romantic partnership. I'm open to embracing and exploring that, but I'm not looking for it. I'm content where I am, and I know this probably seems difficult to imagine. If someone had come to me when I was in that place of deep despair and loneliness and told me all of this, if they had told me that I could be happy just being alone, I probably wouldn't have believed it. I might want for it to be true, but I think I would find it very difficult to believe. I would probably think they don't really understand my situation, that they haven't experienced this for themselves, that they don't really know what it's like to be lonely and depressed. Even if they said to me that they had been through all of that, I would probably be a bit skeptical because when you're in the midst of that despair, that's all you see and experience. It's like being in a thick fog, and you can't see anything beyond that, so the assumption is that the fog is everywhere.

that it extends out indefinitely in all directions, but the reality could be that fog is actually very small, and you just happen to be right in the middle of it, which means you can't see how small it actually is. Your perspective is obscured by it. Someone standing outside of the fog might see that it's only occupying a very small area and that everywhere else it's clear and sunny. But to the person who is in the fog, all they see is fog and nothing else. And from that perspective, it can seem as if this is how it's always going to be, especially if you've been there for a long time. And if that's been your experience for most of your life, then you begin to get the sense that it's always going to be that way, and it's hard to be convinced otherwise. Well, let's suppose that it is that way. I'm not gonna fight anyone on that. If you have the sense that it's always going to be that way, then I would challenge you to just fully accept that. Because if you

really believe it's never going to be any better than this, then why not just accept it and I mean really accept it. Because when you fully accept something, it no longer bothers you. You're at peace with it. So if this is something which is still bothering you, that means you're still resisting it. So can you let go of that resistance and just accept things the way they are? And like many things, this is going to seem like it's a lot easier said than done. It's easy to talk about acceptance. It's easy to have some conceptual understanding of it, but to actually do it is something altogether different. And that's going to be entirely up to you. No one is going to do it for you. So you're going to have to commit to it, to commit to letting go, to releasing whatever expectations and attachments you may have, whatever resists you have in regard to all of this, and to embrace where you currently are in your life, to embrace the reality that you are

alone right now without a partner, and to find value and opportunity in that. What benefit might there be in them? Perhaps it's an opportunity to really go more deeply into yourself and discover who you are. Perhaps it's an opportunity for you to pursue your passion or to develop some skill, to really focus on whatever you need to be doing for yourself without the distraction of a relationship. Because relationships can be very distracting; you have to give so much time and energy and attention to this other person. Maybe right now what you need is to give yourself that time and energy and attention. So, find the opportunity, see what this situation has to offer you, not by trying to force it in any way, but just by looking at it and asking yourself, What can I learn from this? How can I grow from this? And perhaps by observing whatever emotional disturbance is going on in you—the loneliness, the sadness, the frustration, and so on—and asking yourself, What desire or expectation is behind this feeling? And can I release that? Can I let go of that? And rather than dwelling on

the future, whether on the possibility of finding a partner or spending your life alone. Can you bring your attention back to this moment right here and just embrace the current situation, the current reality, just as it is? Because the future is unknown. We don't really know what's going to happen. We can only speculate. All we have right now is this moment. So why not forget about the future altogether and just live right now in this moment fully and attentively and let the future unfold of its own? If you find value in this content, be sure to LIKE, share, and subscribe. [Music] [Music]

Are You Destined to Spend Your Life Alone?

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