Hello, Winter. Hello, Winter, this is Jennie. I actually had a lot of thoughts about the first video of the New Year. After much consideration, I've decided to return in this way. First of all, I apologize if the sound isn't clear since I still don't have a separate microphone. Also, when I talk while just looking at the camera, sometimes the introduction gets lengthy, so I’ll be reading from some notes I've organized. I hope you can enjoy it in a relaxed, radio-like atmosphere.

To briefly update you on Kkul-tteok, the snow where I am has melted quickly, but Kkul-tteok is enjoying the beautiful white snow that he loves. He has been playing excitedly with new friends here and ends each day as a scruffy little dog. Kkul-tteok has some trauma related to people, so he is quite sensitive to city life and needs to trust people enough to feel comfortable.

I really love dogs, and among them, I have a very active personality. During night walks, I meet friends, and although it can be dark, I usually meet several people at once. Since I can't really film while walking, I haven't been able to capture separate scenes. After moving, there are so many retrievers here; retrievers are really common. I also meet a lot of other dog friends, like Sapsaree, Jindo, Shiba, Bichon, and Border Collie, among others. 

First, I took a moment to reflect on the past year and the experiences I had. Perhaps that was the turning point. I became estranged from my family and had to move to a place without any research facilities in a hurry. I can't share all the details in the video, but when I conveyed my situation, I found that many people could relate to similar experiences or situations. This kind of thing happens more often around us than one might think, and it's not just me.

We all live in our own extreme circumstances, right? So I would like to share my story of overcoming these challenges. The content might be a bit lengthy, but I believe that conveying this process will be more helpful for those receiving it than just throwing out a few good sentences. I hope you listen until the end. Since coming here, November has really felt like a painful month for me. I didn't even know why I was here. First of all, my family can access my resident registration details, but I took legal action to move so that my mother would no longer be able to know my residence. I want to explain this clearly, but it's still not easy for me to mention directly in the video. To put it indirectly, the restrictions on accessing resident registration details, as you can find by searching, are not something that everyone can do.

No, it has to go through a review for a specific reason. Anyway, when I finally made this proposal, I felt my tension release in my legs, and I suddenly sank down, feeling a refreshing and almost happy emotion. However, it seems that the situation at home has become quite overwhelming. November was really tough for me. I had a lot of dark thoughts about my situation, and my house is cold and doesn't get any sunlight. Because it's dark, I couldn't even feel how time was passing, and it felt like I was in a strange state of suspended time. I have been taking at least two walks a day for over three years with my dog, but during that time, I was surprised to see that it was already past 5 PM, and I ended up only going for one walk a day. If it weren't for my dog, I might have become a recluse.

As December approached, I remembered that I had registered for a broadcasting school. Upon checking, I realized that I still had final exams left. So, without thinking about anything else, I studied until dawn for a week to prepare for the finals. The lectures were in a state where they could be easily replayed, so I hurriedly listened to them. I thought about doing one thing at a time that I could and needed to do. Recently, I checked my exam results, and I got a perfect score. This isn't anything extraordinary, nor am I trying to brag, but in that situation, forcing myself to get up and go take the exam gave me a sense of meaning. As the results came in, the pride and sense of achievement grew stronger. After that, I started to think a lot about work and became more proactive in exploring ways to make a living, right before Christmas and the end of the year.

I sent it just a month ago, and I'm sorry, but I'm having a tough time right now. I'll contact you later; let's meet next time. I also met some friends whom I had been avoiding. One friend who was there treated me to a meal, and I handed over a sweet cake while feeling a bit anxious. It’s funny how there’s a friend who lives just a 15-minute drive away from a place I thought was deserted. You know those friends who feel comfortable even after years? My elementary school friend lives there, and she offered to cook for us, saying I could even bring my little one along. She even came to pick us up, and we had dinner at her house. So, even though this past year felt incredibly harsh, I was able to wrap it up with a sense of warmth, welcoming January 2024, with many things having changed. Of course, it’s not like I suddenly became financially well-off, like winning the lottery or anything. I did buy a lottery ticket, but I didn’t win anything.

I found that my heart is reaching a state of comfort. If I dare say, it feels almost close to peace. In November, I couldn't even feel hunger; when I ate, it would create problems because I couldn't accept it. But now, I can feel hunger and eat well. To summarize, I believe the first reason my heart has become so much better in such an environment is that I spent time fully embracing the pitch-black darkness with my whole body. I don't drink alcohol, and since I don't know much about it, I have thought about wanting to drink, but I only thought about it. I kept my distance from any avoidance and allowed myself to feel everything with a clear mind, and I think that is very important. Why, when we break up with someone we love, we often rely on alcohol for months, thinking that it’s a way to endure that person, but the time spent with alcohol is not the same as being fully present.

I believe that finally drinking a can of beer after enduring everything makes a significant difference. Secondly, not thinking too far ahead and just focusing on doing my best with what’s in front of me—if there's a sense of achievement, that would be it. Through this process, I have learned a lot. I can't share the entire story of my divorce, but I have seen comments asking why I lived that way without even having a wedding. I acknowledge that I did not grow up in a harmonious and happy family, which had an impact on me. It seems natural because childhood environments and experiences shape a person. Anyway, when I started my own family, I felt a sort of line drawn from my mother, and when that was broken, I went through this situation. During that time, I heard a lot of negative words regarding my divorce, and that part was really...

I had improved. If you raise a dog, who will take care of it? What will you do? Just stay still. How can you do that? I said. It was only a year ago that I had drifted away, and through this experience, I felt even more distant from the word year. A teacher told me, Why are you letting someone speak to you like that? Even if it's a parent, it's clearly wrong to speak to you carelessly. You don't need to listen to that; you're not that kind of person. So, as I sorted out the people who had been shaking up my life, I found that by eliminating the sources of my anxiety, I finally no longer felt that unease. I realized that everyone has elements of anxiety, but if there are aspects of anxiety that you can eliminate, then you should. The most important thing is that after sorting things out over a long time, I finally learned to love myself and to trust myself. Trusting myself was really difficult for me. What does it mean to believe in myself?

I thought about how I could imagine that everything will go well in the future. As these elements gradually came together, I found that only wonderful people remained around me, and within that, I realized I was being loved. This allowed me to keep saying and believing that 2024 seems to have good energy. There’s a saying that before a person’s fortune changes, they experience a series of major events like divorce, accidents, or surgeries. That’s exactly what happened to me. I went back and forth between a large hospital and Severance due to issues with my wife and thyroid problems, underwent surgery, and struggled for half a year with hormone medication before getting divorced. After that, I managed to rise again. I feel that I am doing quite well in this family and that I have become very resilient. So, to those of you who are struggling right now, I hope the story I share can provide some comfort or help you find direction.

It would be nice because you should just love yourself. Believe in yourself and think that everything will be okay. I hear those words, and I know them well. Anyway, instead of throwing out such simple sentences, I wanted to share this process. Oh, and I sometimes make videos like this where I talk directly about life, almost like a radio show. The sound of motorcycles is really loud, though. Of course, when that happens, I will prepare a better microphone. I would appreciate your feedback in the comments about what you think of this kind of video. Well then, goodbye!

상처만 주는 가족과 절연하고 나 자신을 믿고 나아가는 법

상처만 주는 가족과 절연하고 나 자신을 믿고 나아가는 법