자신감 키우기: 성공, 자기 의심, 그리고 정신적 요령

### 예언적 사고를 통한 자신감 구축
* 🧠 자신감은 흔히 성공에 대한 일관된 느낌으로 정의되지만, **성공하기 위해서는 자신감이 필요하지만 자신감을 느끼기 위해서는 성공해야 하는 이중적인 상황**이 발생할 수 있습니다.
* 🎭 타반 박사는 예언적 완전 시제라는 문법 시제와 유사하게 **미래의 성공에 대해 이미 일어난 것처럼 말하는 '예언적 사고' 접근 방식**을 제안합니다.
* 🤹 이 접근 방식에는 **선택적으로 마음의 특정 부분을 끄고 다른 부분을 전면에 내세우는 것**이 포함되며, 반드시 자신에게 거짓말을 하지 않아도 됩니다.
* 🎪 그는 아직 예약된 공연이 없지만 출연자를 유치하기 위해 **자신감을 보여야 하는 음악 페스티벌 기획자**의 예를 들어 설명합니다. 기획자는 거짓말을 하지 않고 자신감을 유지하기 위해 신중하게 상황을 구성합니다.
* 🔮 미래에 대한 추정된 비전을 만들고 이미 일어난 일처럼 이야기함으로써 **가시적인 성공을 거두기 전에도 자신감**을 키울 수 있습니다.
* 🎯 타반 박사는 이러한 접근 방식이 완전히 확실한 자신감을 만들어내지는 못하지만, **특히 초보자에게는 유용한 임시방편**이 될 수 있다는 점을 인정합니다.
* 💡 핵심은 **성공을 가정하는 방식**으로 자기 의심에 대응하여 시간이 지남에 따라 점차적으로 추진력을 쌓고 진정한 성공을 거두는 것입니다.
* 🌱 일단 성공하기 시작하면 이러한 정신적 요령이 그다지 필요하지 않지만, **자신감을 키우는 초기 어려움**을 극복하는 데 유용한 도구가 될 수 있습니다.

의심을 선택적으로 차단하고 미래의 성공을 이미 이루어진 것으로 상상함으로써 초기 성공 없이도 자신감을 얻을 수 있습니다.

I'm Dr. Orion Taban, and this is Psyx Better Living Through Psychology, and the topic of today's short talk is how to be confident without success. So I've talked about confidence a number of times on this channel. My working definition of confidence is that it is the consistent felt experience of success. This dovetails nicely with another definition I heard recently from Alex Horoi. He says you don't become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror, correct, but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. So a stack of proof is consistent success, right? That said, I would say that as a final step, it is necessary to integrate that success emotionally. This is because I know and have worked with plenty of people who have a good deal of proof, but because of where they're focused, they don't yet feel the emotional correlate of that proof, which is confidence. So that's what I would add. Hero's definition, but it's a very good definition nonetheless. That said, I can imagine some people out there rolling

their eyes at these definitions. Why, well, if I need confidence in order to do the thing, and I need to do the thing in order to feel confident, then how am I ever going to feel confident, right? It's sort of like the problem we all experience when we first enter into the job market. Like, I'd like one job, please. What is your experience? Well, I don't have experience, that's why I need the job. I'm sorry, but we're only hiring people with experience. Like, you see, it's this weird double bind, and unfortunately, it's always hardest at the beginning, whether we're talking about confident action, or employment, or dating, or fitness. Like, the incipient phase is always the most challenging, and this is unfortunate because beginners are typically the least able to respond effectively to these challenges. However, there's really no way around this problem. If you want to be confident, then you have to do the thing, which means that you're likely going to have to do the thing before you feel authentically confident. And it is possible to feel a kind of confidence.

without that stack of proof or that consistent experience of success, it might not be fully developed authentic confidence, but it will kind of have to do for the time being. It does require a bit of mental gymnastics to accomplish, but in my opinion, it's worth doing, at least as a stop-gap solution. Back when I was an adolescent and a young adult, I had like this psychotic confidence in my own ability to succeed. I call this psychotic because I actually failed a lot of the time. However, on some level, I just never really considered that it wouldn't work out. And frankly, that might be a consequence of not really thinking some things through. Like there is a time to think things through, and there is a time not to think things through. Why? Because the more you think, the more you're subject to analysis paralysis, and the more you open the door to self-doubt, which will undermine your capacity for confident action when you need to do something a little risky, especially if you need to do something a little risky in order to avoid inaction that is even riskier.

it can be really adaptive to limit the amount of forethought you're willing to entertain. Like put yourself in the situation and trust that you'll find a way to make it work. Because on some level, if you need to, you will. So, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary, my advice is to just assume that you can do it. Like you'll find out soon enough whether that was true. If it was great, you did it. And if it wasn't, well, I guess that was a learning experience, wasn't it? But why not assume you can do the thing until proven otherwise? Now, before I go any further, if you're liking what you're hearing, please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message. Because it's word-of-mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow. You can also tip me in proportion to the value you feel you've derived from this video. Either through the YouTube thanks button or through the donation button on my website. I use those donations to make all of this

happen. I don't do big product placements or corporate sponsorships, so I really rely on your support in order to make this all happen. Thank you very much. Finally, I will be starting a Weekly Newsletter soon, so if you want to opt in, you can do so on my website. Okay, let's get back to it. Now, to feel confident before you have a stack of proof, sometimes requires selectively turning off certain parts of your mind and allowing other parts to come to the forefront. And when I recently explained this to a client in a consultation, he responded, Oh, so you mean lie to yourself. And I can see where he's coming from, though I don't entirely agree. My response to that pushback was, Is it a lie or is it just not true yet? Like, what temporal horizon are you operating under? Yes, maybe you can't do it in this exact moment, but the self-doubt that thinks that may not be looking at the bigger picture. If you have a compelling and extrapolated vision for your future and if you

believe that over a long enough timeline, you will either find a way or make a way. Then, on some level, you've already done the thing; you just haven't done it yet. There's this fascinating grammatical tense called the prophetic perfect tense. It's a verb tense that is often used in religious texts, and it's used to describe events that are so certain to happen that they are referred to in the past tense as if they already happened. I'll say that again: the prophetic perfect tense describes future events that are so certain to happen that they are referred to in the past tense as if they've already happened. So, as an example of that, I could say something like, After listening to the next episode of Psyx, my audience understood the nature of confidence and went on to have happy, successful lives. Like, I'm so certain that this next episode will have helped you that I'm already talking about the outcome as if it's already happened. Does that make sense? So, if language is a reflection of our thought, then the

prophetic perfect tense suggests that there is a way of thinking about our future action from even further in the future, and this is possible when we have an extrapolated vision for what we want to happen. This is sort of akin to being the promoter for a music festival. Like imagine you want to organize this fantastic event where lots of people are going to come together to enjoy some phenomenal acts. That's your vision of the future. Now, if you already had a big headliner on board, it would be a piece of cake to attract other bands. But let's assume that you don't. Let's assume that you're right at the beginning and you have nothing and no one. How are you going to be confident about making this festival a reality? Well, you're going to start picking up the phone. Opportunity isn't going to come to you. You got to go to opportunity, right? The issue is that when you call someone up and say, Hey, I'm a promoter for this festival and I'd really like to book you for my event,

guarantee that the next thing out of this person's mouth is going to be who else is going to be there, and this is reasonable as who else is going to be there is a metric for how big and interesting this opportunity is. Now, if you respond, nobody, you're the first person I'm even talking to, it's like click, you're not gonna get anywhere with that. So, while you shouldn't lie, you also can't really tell the truth. So what do you do? You gotta say something like, well, the set list hasn't been finalized yet - not a lie, you don't have a set list yet, and I can't actually disclose who else is on board - not a lie, no one else is on board, so you can't disclose something that doesn't exist, but I will tell you that we're exploring some very exciting options - not a lie, you're excited about talking to the person that you're talking to, options that you've heard of - not a lie, the person you're talking to has heard of him or herself.

and things are really starting to come together. Not a lie, you did just start. You see, talk like that, and the other person might at least stay on the line. Now you call the next guy, and when he asks you who else is going to be there, you can answer, Well, I'm currently in discussions with the first person. Not a lie, you're now talking to this person, and when he responds, Yeah, but did he commit? you can respond, Not yet, but I feel they're really close. Not a lie, that could be your feeling, and if he says, Yeah, well let me know when they actually commit, you can call back the first person and say, Hey, I just got off the phone with the second person, and he sounds like he'd be on board if you're on board. What do you say? Not a lie, you were just talking to this person, and you kind of go back and forth and back and forth until you get somebody to commit. And when you get one, it will be much easier to get two, and then pretty soon you'll be off to the

Races. The point is to kind of respond to your self-doubt, the way this hypothetical promoter responded to the push back he received, until he eventually got what he wanted. You don't have to lie to yourself, but you do have to respond to your doubts in a way that kind of already assumes that you've succeeded, which, as we've discussed, is possible using the thinking behind the prophetic perfect tense. And all of this is facilitated by having a compelling and extrapolated vision for the future. Once you start to succeed, you won't need these mental tricks anymore, but they're really helpful when you're just getting started. Hopefully that makes sense. What do you think? Does this fit with your own experience? Let me know in the comment section below. And if you've gotten this far, you might as well like this episode and subscribe to this channel. You may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like the priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation. As always, thank you for listening.

How to be confident without success: be your own prophet

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.


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자신감 키우기: 성공과 정서적 통합 사이의 관계

자신감은 자신의 능력에 대한 부인할 수 없는 증거에 의해 뒷받침되는 일관된 성공감입니다.

그러나 진정한 자신감을 느끼기 위해서는 이러한 성공을 정서적으로 통합하는 것도 중요합니다.

진정한 자신감을 느끼기 전에 행동을 취해야 하는 경우가 많기 때문에 자신감 형성의 초기 단계는 어려울 수 있습니다.

자신감 키우기: 제한적인 사전 고려의 힘

진정한 자신감을 가지려면 많은 증거와 지속적인 성공이 필요하지만, 일시적으로 자신감이 부족하더라도 여전히 가치가 있을 수 있습니다.

지나친 생각은 분석 마비와 자기 의심으로 이어질 수 있으므로, 미리 생각하고 자신의 능력에 대한 신뢰를 제한하는 것이 적응력을 키우는 데 도움이 됩니다.

그렇지 않다는 것이 입증될 때까지는 성공할 수 있다고 가정하는 것이 귀중한 학습 경험이 될 수 있으므로 유익합니다.

자신감은 미래에 대한 설득력 있는 비전에 집중하고 시간이 지나면 현실이 될 것이라고 믿으면 얻을 수 있습니다.

미래 사건을 과거 시제로 표현하는 예언적 완전 시제의 개념은 일이 실현될 것이라는 확신을 나타냅니다.

이 시제의 사용은 미래 결과에 대한 강한 믿음을 반영하며 긍정적인 사고와 자기 긍정의 힘을 보여줍니다.

비전 계획에서 예언적 완전 시제 사용

예언적 완전 시제는 행사에 대한 비전을 가진 뮤직 페스티벌 기획자처럼 더 먼 관점에서 앞으로의 행동을 생각할 수 있게 해줍니다.

헤드라이너 없이 공연자를 유치하려고 할 때는 자신감을 갖고 적극적으로 기회를 만들어야 합니다.

"아직 세트리스트가 확정되지 않았습니다", "흥미로운 옵션을 모색 중입니다"라는 접근 방식을 사용하면 거짓말 없이 잠재적 출연자의 관심을 유지하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다.

자기 의심에 자신감 있게 대응하면 다른 사람들로부터 약속을 확보하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다.

가상 시제를 사용하면 마치 성공이 필연적인 것처럼 대화를 이끌어갈 수 있습니다.

미래에 대한 명확한 비전이 있으면 목표를 추구하는 초기 단계에서 이러한 정신적 트릭을 쉽게 사용할 수 있습니다.