[Music] Hey, my name is Chelsea Fagan, and I'm the founder and CEO of The Financial Diet, a totally independently owned and operated company of women who love to talk about money. Welcome to The Financial Confessions, a weekly show where we talk to people about their personal finances, their professional industry, and how money shapes their lives. You can listen to or watch new episodes of The Financial Confessions every week on YouTube or your preferred streaming platform. You can also support TFD and get exclusive access to our entire catalog of ad-free bonus videos, workshops, Discord Community, our book club, and more by joining our members-only community on Patreon or YouTube. Our 2024 goal is to be primarily supported by our incredible community, and joining our membership program is the best way to do that. Enjoy the [Music] episode. Hey, everyone, and welcome to our season finale of The Financial Confessions. As has become a bit of a tradition, I'm ending the season by talking to you guys. This was a unique season for us in that we only spoke or I

guess primarily spoke to quote unquote real people, which is always a strange term because obviously even people who have a public platform or a lot of money are also real people. And you know, just because they have those things doesn't necessarily mean they don't have, uh, you know, financial problems, uh, or things to talk about. But it was definitely something that we had been hearing for a long time coming into this season that you guys wanted more, um, people with, you know, everyday jobs, you know, middle-class incomes, people who were struggling financially. We interviewed, you know, people who, uh, were living out of their vehicle, people who were on disability, nurses, teachers, all of those kind of things, um, and I'm really glad that we did. I, uh, was a little nervous because frankly when you're very used to speaking to people who themselves are used to speaking on public platforms, it's just like a little bit more certain that the conversation will flow in a certain way. Although, to be honest, I think looking back at some of our

interviews over the years. Um, I think a lot of people with public platforms, um, or who are financially secure, are not used to talking about money. Um, like they just don't necessarily have, um, a lot of experience with it. It's not a question they're asked about a lot. So we have had in the past, prior to this season, people who've come on the show and talked about, you know, the issues we normally talk about, and the audience reaction has been very negative to them. I'm not going to, like, specifically name any names here, um, but you know, we've had people say really tone-deaf things or, you know, not really be aware of, you know, their financial privilege or things like that. And you know, we always want to strike a balance between editing people in a way that's, you know, fair to them and not unnecessarily putting them on blast, uh, but we also don't want to censor what people say. So although interviewing, quote-unquote, real people was a little nerve-wracking in the sense of, you know

a lot of people just aren't used to being interviewed. If that's not part of their day-to-day life, it was kind of a relief knowing that for the most part, they're speaking about issues that are just kind of inherently a lot more relatable to the average person watching. I really particularly enjoyed doing the interview about wedding culture. I still like think all the time about that woman getting charged $700 for a Sprite, and paying it, which I think is the more wild part of that anecdote. I think, you know, even in my most people-pleasing moments, I don't know that I would have coughed up the money, but either way, it really is interesting to kind of see how these conversations are unfolding anecdotally in my own life. My cousin is having a destination wedding next year, and I am so used to just that being, you know, an expense that you take on based on your proximity to the person, or maybe whether they attended your wedding, or what have

you like you just kind of expect to take the hit financially, and it wasn't until I was actually on the phone with my father talking about the logistics, and I went to their wedding website, um, for the first time to get details because I assume they had gotten a room block. Lo and behold, uh, they're, um, covering accommodations, food, Transit, everything for people for, uh, 5 days, um, which, uh, was honestly shocking, uh, in a positive way. I mean, um, I think, you know, that's what we did because we had a destination wedding, very small group of people, um, but it's not something I necessarily expect other people to do, and I was obviously very pleasantly surprised. I texted him like, that's so cool, blah, blah, blah, thank you, um, but it is interesting, like looking at that moment, like it's weirder that we would just expect, like offhand, to pay between airfare, on the ground travel, lodging, and some food if we stay beyond just the wedding itself, easily $33,000 for a couple, probably.

more. When you count all of the little odds and ends, um, it's just kind of weird that socially we've gotten to a place where that is the more normal expectation, that's the more sort of automatic default, and the opposite where you, I mean, we're still going to have to pay for airfare and things like that and incidentals, um, but the idea of it being covered is so out of the norm, um, that it kind of, you know, it takes you a, and I say that to say, you know, having the conversation with, you know, the three different people for the wedding series, that was something that I don't know that we would have done in a regular season, but reading the comments on it, and we also covered this a little bit in our, um, June video essay, like reading the comments about where things like wedding culture have gotten us. I think 90% plus of people feel the same way that it's gotten out of control, that it's not sustainable financially, that you know, we should not be putting these expectations.

on each other, even if you know someone can afford it, quote unquote, it's not necessarily a fair thing to ask of them. Um, and yet, you know, we don't necessarily see the changes happening in real time. Um, so kind of getting to be a part of that conversation, uh, felt really good, and I hope we have more of them because I think, unfortunately, with things like the social spending, the travel spending, the wedding spending, these things aren't really going to change unless there is a social pressure to change, and the first part of that social pressure is just kind of speaking honestly about these things. Anyway, shout out to my cousin, um, you're a real one for that. Very excited, I've never been to Tuscany, so I'm really excited to be # under the Tuscan Sun. Also, God blessed for doing it in June because I, I have not been to one. Well, I've been to Italy, this is a total digression, but I've been to Italy in July and August, never again. I mean, it is truly 100.

degrees every day in certain parts of uh especially Sicily was out of control um and I know more than one person who's been to a July or August wedding in Italy and they nearly died there's 's no air conditioning there I mean in most places um those are all digressions but okay so I'm going to so we asked for questions from the audience so we are just doing a little Q&A to end the season uh let's get into it how would you spend your birthday Alone um I love doing things alone I'm someone who H loves traveling alone loves doing day trips stations eating going to the movies going to the museums I like doing things alone um if I were to spend my birthday alone I would probably do like a like a weekend trip by myself on like the train go out to you know the beach or Upstate to the you know not the mountains really but you know some little Upstate little town um and just kind of you know bring some really good books go to some cute

restaurants do a little shopping museums wouldn't reinvent the wheel but I that being said I just want to say as the side note um people need to get into socializing alone more and especially traveling alone more um I think in in some ways part of the social spending crisis that we're in is because you know so much of our spending decisions are being really kind of you you know weighed on by friends group chats social media all these other you know outside influences that are not necessarily representative of the things that we would choose to spend our money on and sometimes these things align perfectly and people want to go to the same places and want to do the same things but it's really worth checking in with yourself that you're getting to actually do the things you want to do with your experience spending and that it's not always just kind of redounding to whatever the the group is is is choosing um how to deal with anxiety Beyond meds and therapy any books or movies specifically that helped you um yeah

mean a lot of uh books. I'm actually rereading a book called How to Change Your Mind: The New Science of Psychedelics. Um, that's not the subtitle but it's something like that. Um, I really like alternative therapies in that regard. Um, and just kind of reading about the human brain as kind of an abstraction. I like reading and some of it is like very popsy Malcolm Gladwell type vibes. Not that book How to Change Your Mind is an exceptional book. Um, but I generally like books about brain science for the purpose of things like anxiety because I think the, for me anyway, the most effective way to think of it or to deal with it is to realize that it's irrational, that it's uh, your brain acting a fool, um, and just kind of responding in a way that is not regulated, that is not, it's not of your higher brain. It is responses that you can't necessarily control and that are not attuned to the world that we live in.

and not attuned to whatever circumstances happen to be making you anxious. Um, I actually made a video yesterday about how when I was first in therapy for anxiety, one of the things, um, that we talked a lot about was just kind of trying to intellectualize the responses of guilt or panic, which are two really, really common responses in anxiety, um, where you sort of your brain expends a lot of emotional energy, uh, on these negative emotions that don't actually accomplish anything, are not actually in any way helping the situation or making amends or preparing or doing any of the things that would actually offset guilt or panic, um, but they're, you know, natural responses. And again, our brains evolved in a circumstance that has literally nothing to do with the current circumstance that we live in, like everything happening on our phones. Our brains are not built for that. Like, we can't necessarily even understand, uh, what our brains are doing because they're just not. They didn't develop in an era of smartphones like I didn't even grow up with this as a child.

so um trying to intellectualize it and trying to understand the you know the brain chemistry. The evolution of the human brain. Why we're having these responses and really accepting that they are irrational and they are maladaptive. Um I personally this is a another digression but well kind of but I understand that for a lot of people the rhet around like my neurode Divergence or mental illness or whatever it may be is like my superpower or whatever. I understand that for some people that feels affirming or helpful. I think it's okay though to not feel that way. I do not feel that way. I do not. I prefer to be as and it's not even a question of like normal or you know healthy or any of those words. It's just about like well adjusted you know able to adapt to situations able to respond in a thoughtful way able to take your time able to overcome impulses that are not necessarily serving you. I think it's okay to separate yourself from you know issues your mind is having with.

dealing with certain things, and not necessarily needing to integrate it into your identity or your sense of self. I think both can be fine, but I think there is kind of a pressure sometimes to make it almost a personality trait, um, and I just personally don't like that at all. And um, it's helpful to me to separate myself somewhat from that aspect of my brain, because at the end of the day, like, we're just, you know, animals, and our brains are, you know, evolved the way any other animals' brains are evolved. They can help us or they can sabotage us, you know, and, uh, it's all about how we, uh, how we learn to adapt. If you had just one piece of financial advice to share, what would it be? Look at your money every day, like, be aware of it, have it easily on your phone, have a bird's eye view of your finances at all times available to you, and check it frequently. Um, this isn't just like very well demonstrated to help people with making better financial decisions, saving more.

investing more, etc. Um, it's also very good for, like, being on alert for things like fraud. Or what I like to think of is like self-fraud, where you spend on things you probably shouldn't be and would regret if you were to confront them more regularly. I think we have a tendency when we spend in ways that we don't think we should, is like we don't look at our bank accounts or we try not to overly investigate, you know, for example, when we're on vacation or on a night out or whatever the case may be, or a birthday. Like, we don't really investigate those purchases because we're like, I know nothing good is waiting for me on those statements. Um, and I do think that forcing yourself to confront your own sort of habits and tendencies financially is one of the most important things you can do. Are you still happy with your decision to self-publish your debut romance novel? Sure am, and I'm self-publishing my next one. Um, yeah, uh, I, uh, first of all, I just

like really have enjoyed the process a lot more, and um, creatively, it was a lot more fulfilling. And I like having all of the IP for things like licensing, or you know, anything like that. Um, but also, it's just really nice to create something and like it's become like a pretty solid source of monthly income for me. Um, and a that's like great financially, but also B, I think, I for a lot of us who work in, you know, Media or publishing or any of those spaces, we're so used to kind of the concept of you put something out, it lives for a minute, and then you move on and have to do the next thing. And that's often how compensated. So, to you know, to have all those royalties and to have that, you know, monthly check that I for work that I did a year plus ago, um, is just, I don't know, it's a great feeling. And you can theoretically get checks like that for traditional publishing, but like we've sold over a quarter million copies of the First Financial diet book.

and like my our royalties even after earning out the after earning out the advance and everything are have never been anything close to to royalties that I've gotten from self-publishing. Just because they're the percentages you get are orders of magnitude higher. So um, yeah, it's been Fab 10 out of 10. Can't wait to do it again. And this time I'll waste a lot less money because I've have already figured out. I I learned a lot of my lessons, uh, let's just say on the, you know, trial and error of marketing and Publishing and printing and distribution and all that. So it's going to go a lot better this time. It was already great before better this time. If you have a 401k account with Fidelity, would opening another with Vanguard be a bad idea? No, I have a 401k and a uh, non-retirement investment account in two different, um, with two different providers, and one of them is Vanguard actually, um, no, that's not a bad thing, um, usually. I mean, generally speaking, you

don't get to choose where your 401k is so you know if you like it great open another account with them. But if you could possibly um if if another I mean that being said like for the most part most of these funds that you're talking about are going to be pretty similar across all of these different um Banks. But I would just you know look to what is most intuitive to you um if you can get maybe a slightly better rate and also if you know the the back end is more uh you know easy for your brain to work with um there are ones that I like better or less you know that I find easier to understand or less easy but yeah what should someone do with a large sum of money if they debt-free I.E inheritance invest it um invested in well Diversified funds that will generally yield the highest returns uh most consistent returns rather um with the lowest annual fees um if you don't own property and are and that's something that you want to do and fits

into your current plans. Buying a primary residence could be a good option as well, but do keep in mind that real estate is more complicated than just investing in the market. It can be a great idea, but there's a lot of ifs with real estate. So, for example, when you're looking to buy a home, I would not buy a home unless you're basically sure that you can live in that home for the next 10 years at least. You may be able to sell it earlier, but real estate markets can be very volatile, as can things like mortgage interest rate markets and things like that. So, you just want to be sure that you can sell at a moment that's good in terms of equity. You also want to ideally be buying a property in an area that's appreciating, at least at the level the average level in the US, if not better. You want to be sure that your income is going to be consistent enough to support that mortgage in the medium to long

term uh so you know it can be a good idea to also buy a home but I think again and we've talked about this a lot at tfd but like people tend to present home buying is a lot more of a sure thing than it really is and I think I would just encourage everyone to really think about what is best for their life rather than treating owning a home as a must and working backwards from there. Favorite book series as a kid uh my favorite book as a kid was the Phantom toll booth my favorite book series as a kid I liked red wall. I still get hungry thinking about those books they're just describing all the feasts they're always eating I loved red wall. I like the um Angus Thongs and full frontal Snogging series that was a banger um like most basic American children I was obsessed with British things so um I love that I loved um I mean I have to say it Harry Potter uh and I have to say too I hope I don't think the kids these days have a

phenomenon quite like Harry Potter. And I don't think they, I don't think bookstores represent the same things for kids today as they did for us because we just didn't have the same access to, you know, I guess Tik Tok or whatever else kids are watching. Um, but like those memories of like dressing up in my little wizard outfit and like waiting at midnight at the bookstore and then staying up all night to read the new book, like I don't know, that's such wonderful memories and I hope children are still doing that. Um, obviously as someone who doesn't want children, it's not my place to, um, you know, make assessments about screen time and things like that, although there are many studies out there that I would suggest, uh, brushing up on. Um, but I do hope that even for kids who are spending a lot of time on screens, um, that, you know, they're still getting those magical experiences with books. Um, very unfortunate that JK Rowling turned out to be the person that she is, but I will say this and do I say

it as a huge Woody Allen fan, probably, but I think the whole conversation about separating the art from the artist is, I mean, very American, smoke cigarette. Um, I think it's silly, right? Like, if you think about great art and how many people who have produced that great art are uncompromised ethically, morally, as people, like, we're, we don't have a lot to work with. Like, literally, name a mo, like, name a music biopic about a very well-established musician whose Canon is beloved. Literally, almost none of them are good people, like, by the standards of, like, what we would consider to be a good person or an ethical person. Um, and do I think that there should be limits? Of course. Like, if Woody Allen drops another movie, I'll illegally download it, um, not going to give him money, um, and I actually don't really watch his new stuff anyway. But do I like need to retroactively, like, pretend that I don't love his work? Um, no. And do I also think that, like, again, name any

other number of people whose work uh is beloved who were not good people um do I think I have to like scrub my brain and pretend that I don't enjoy those things no and do I think that we need people to be you know consistently good in order to enjoy their artistic output also no I think the need for I think the need for us to make superheroes out of celebrities first of all um and artists is silly um but anyway all of this is to say with JK Rowling's nonsense um I understand totally like I I don't engage with new Harry Potter products a because I'm 35 years old and it's a little weird to me people my age are are still obsessed with like children's um but I wouldn't anyway because I don't want to support her financially um but that being said I don't think anyone should feel bad like you could go back and reread a Harry Potter book if you wanted to you don't have to feel bad about having loved that

as a child having it been a huge part of your experience, and I don't think um, I just don't think we should put the pressure on ourselves to only enjoy or celebrate art from people who are good. I think that that's like a silly standard. Also, once you get past a certain point in history, like I don't know anyone who's producing art before like the 1970s, I guess, or even '80s, like you know, they had some wild ideas, right? I mean, like, was Mozart a good person? Was Bach a good person? Was Shakespeare a good person? I don't know, where does it end? I say Shakespeare, even Shakespeare. Was Shakespeare even Shakespeare? That's the really, will you consider extending your Housewives podcast podcast with Aaron to more episodes? Absolutely, we're definitely going to do that because we have some, we have things to discuss, okay? Why do you have separate finances with your husband, and how does it work for you? I don't have totally separate finances. We, you know, a fair amount of our finances

are collective. But I have a lot of separate finances. Um, just because I don't really want to, um, have, I don't know, I just don't want to feel like we have to be like co-signing on every financial decision for each other. Um, and also I just like, as a woman, it gives me a lot of mental security to know that, like, I have a lot of money that is just under my name. Um, now obviously, as a married couple in the state of New York, if we get a divorce, like, our assets will be divided along, you know, the lines that we've agreed on, and a lot of this stuff will be treated as collective. Like, our home is a collective asset. We have a lot of collective assets. But, um, but I still think it's important as a woman to have things that are immediately accessible and are yours alone. Um, so yeah, but I don't know. I just also, I've always, and I know I've talked about this before on the channel, but I'm going to say it again, and the more I

like the more I have people around me, women especially, getting older, getting into a different phase of their lives, um, the more important I think it is that marriage and romantic partnership in general always be a very proactive choice rather than a financial necessity or obligation. That's not always possible, but if it's possible, to have to be very financially independent and solvent and savvy, and be able to take care of yourself and be able to have your money, um, that the effect of that is that it means that you being in that relationship is a proactive choice that you get to make, um, on your own terms rather than sort of having to go along with it. Um, I think a lot of heterosexual marriage is really bad, um, or at least mediocre. Like, I do think a lot more women, um, and women talk about this all the time, like it's, I, I think more and more women are beginning to experience this, is that a lot of hetero marriage for women can be a very losing proposition, um, and I just think that the more women

have that Access to Independence and self-sufficiency the more of an active choice that marriage will be, and the more leverage they have to set their own terms. Um, so yeah, I would encourage all women to have as much Financial Independence as possible if they're in a hetero relationship, especially. Um, and again, it's not always possible, but if it's possible for you, I think that's a very important mental um and emotional exercise. How do I beat inflation? It is currently kicking my ass. There's only one way, and that's to earn more money. Generally speaking, the best way to earn more money is going to be to increase your compensation at your primary job. Um, it looks like you're a woman. Um, most women, um, on average, women negotiate far less than men do. Um, they, uh, often are being underpaid, not just for, not just in comparison with men, but for, uh, what they're doing at a given company versus what they could be earning for the same job at a different company, especially if they have been at the

company for longer than a few years women do also tend to be more loyal to jobs to professional situations um so first and foremost is um either negotiate more compensation at your primary job or start looking for um another employer um because usually those are when you'll realize your biggest increases in salary um or base income and then on top of that you can take on you know other side gigs side streets of income um another way to beat inflation is invest you know investing is not a perfect hedge to inflation but it's a lot better than a savings account so that's another place too um to put your money someone says how do I begin investing in stocks um if you know 0.0 uh percent of what to do for investing in stocks my advice would be to start with a robo advisor because it makes the entire process of investing extremely intuitive and basically impossible to mess up so I would start there and then as you get more Savvy with it um you can start branching out

to more actively managed investment accounts. But yeah, Robo advisors are great to start with. What are your favorite places to write in New York City? Hotels, always hotels. I love writing in hotels. I hate writing in coffee shops. I think the vibes in coffee shops are cursed. Everyone's always so stressed out and anxious, and honestly tweaking on caffeine. And there's always such a pressure to buy more things or leave. And also, it's becoming more and more common for laptops to say no LA or for coffee shops to say no laptops. This happened to me twice this weekend. Um, which literally, I went to a coffee shop in my neighborhood and it was like no laptops on weekends. And there was nobody in there. And of course, I didn't go in. I'm not going to like disobey and use my laptop. But I'm also just like, guys, we are dying for third spaces. And I understand if there's like a ton of people waiting for a table not to just squat forever and not really buy much.

but I would have bought a fair amount of things, and there were so many open tables. Can I just hang out and work? But in hotels, there's never a pressure to rush yourself or to not take up space because people are often spending all afternoon there, whether waiting to check in or waiting for a flight or things like that. It's very transient. You see all different kinds of vibes. It's not that much more expensive than a coffee shop. Like, I'll usually get like a large bottle of sparkling water and a cappuccino, and I can sit there for several hours. And you know, with tip, it's probably like under 20 bucks. Also, you see people cheating on their spouses in there. There's just like a lot of very interesting people watching weird stuff, like especially on the Upper East Side. The vibes there are always very Lynch in to me, like these very Lial spaces where people are coming in and just behaving in a strange way. You see a lot of glamorous outfits, a lot of people.

who look like they're up to Monkey Business. Um, yeah, it's a really good vibe. Although one time I really did humiliate myself. There's um, there's a hotel downtown and I can't remember what the name is. It's like a very, very, very upscale Hotel. Um, it's in like Greenwich Village. Um, it's got like a really beautiful fireplace. Anyway, I went to this really, really nice hotel. Um, and I like walked in and I like sat down and I you know took out my computer and I was just waiting for the waiter to come by. And this like man, this like Mater D comes up to me and he's like very discreetly. He's like, Miss, could I have your room number please? And I was like, oh, I'm not staying at the hotel. I was just going to get a bite and a coffee or whatever. And he's like, oh, I'm sorry. This is actually only for hotel guests. And I was like, okay. And so I had to like pack my stuff up and leave, walk back through like the winding Lobby just

everyone staring at me. It felt like it felt like the grounded version of walking past first class to get to coach. Um, how do you balance paying off loans while saving? Um, well, you have to walk and chew gum. There are very good calculators that will help you determine um what, uh, you can do like paying loans versus investing calculators, which will help determine based on the terms of your loans, the, you know, the current market conditions, um, sort of the right ratio of how much to put toward loan payoff versus investing, um, to just be more financially, um, interesting in the long run. So I would use one of those calculators. How do you feel your hosting has changed since before and during the pandemic, and are there elements of Hosting Gatherings that you don't see anymore that you'd like to bring back? I wouldn't really say it's changed that much. I just, I definitely appreciate it more. I love having it and in my life. Also, lest we forget the pandemic for me was also two years of my husband not

living in the country, so it was a very distressing time. Um, and you know, so just having the whole Squad together and having people over now feels even more delightful than it did, uh, it did beforehand. Um, I actually had a really good dinner party this weekend, um, that was so much fun, and yeah, I appreciate it now more than ever. Life insurance opinions, uh, well, uh, yes, major opinion is that, uh, whole life insurance is a scam, um, and we have a great episode of to good to be true that goes into that in detail that will link in the description, um, but yes, I think it can be a very important thing. We have, we have life insurance, my, my husband and I, um, so if you see him drop dead anytime soon, you'll know why. No, I'm kidding, um, no, but we have life insurance, uh, and it can be very important to have, especially, you know, if you're young and have people that you want to be cared for in your absence, um, but some of it is a scam so

Choose wisely and listen to get to be true. How's the TFD business going? Very well compared to last year, flawlessly. I want to buy a place I've been renting for years. How to approach the landlord? I mean, there's not really. I mean, I've never just asked a landlord, Hey, can I buy this place? But um, I would imagine you just straight up say, Hey, I would love to buy this place. Is that something you'd be interested in exploring? Um, but you have to accept that they not, they may not want to sell or they may not want to sell on terms that would be agreeable to you. But I, I, you know, never hurts to ask is the way I treat all financial, you know, uh, adventures. What to do when friends make poor financial decisions and leave you feeling isolated. You need to accept that you can't control anyone else's financial decisions besides your own. And especially as you get older, you need to accept that some level of financial compatibility is going to be crucial for

friendships, especially intimate friendships, people you might travel with, people who are going to play a big role in your life, people that you might rely on or vice versa. You know, being very financially irresponsible has a lot of knock-on effects in all aspects of a person's life, and especially in their relationships. And if you're with someone whose finances are creating chaos for them, are making life very difficult, are bleeding over into your friendship, like, yes, you can try and have a conversation with that person and try and offer any resources you might be able to, or advice, or lessons that you've learned, or things that have been helpful to you, or whatever the case may be. But ultimately, as a friend, it's really not your place to manage their finances, and it's up to you to accept that only someone with whom you share at least some level of financial values and compatibility is probably going to be able to be a close friend long term.

I this is like a me thing, but I very much struggle with. I've always struggled with, um, people, with women specifically, and this is not necessarily always fair, especially, you know, once couples have children. It's totally understandable that women, you know, might make the decision to, um, you know, remove themselves from the workforce, partly or entirely, and, you know, that's women shouldn't be required to work. And I, I don't think they are, but I've always personally struggled in, in friendships, especially close friendships, with women who are in heterosexual partnerships where they abdicate 100% of their financial planning responsibility, future, all of that, to their husband. Um, I find it quite frankly a little triggering, um, and upsetting, and I get very anxious on their behalf. And I, um, it's hard for me to bite my tongue in those situations, and it's hard for me not to have some level of, to be honest, judgment about it because I feel like it's whether or not you're even contributing financially that should not

absolve you from having to take an interest in your own financial future and protect yourself. Women have historically worked very hard in this country and around the world to uh emancipate themselves financially and to have the even the ability to take care of their own finances um or to have a say in their finances. So when I see women who are just kind of hitting autopilot and not taking that responsibility on, I do struggle to be close with that. Personally, I'm not really close with straight men to begin with as friends so that's not a problem on the other side. Although if a man were in a relationship like that too, I would have the same feelings um but for women that is something I've struggled with and I've learned through the years that it's probably better for me to you know just not necessarily ratchet those friendships up to a very close level because it will be difficult for me not to be um stressed out by it and it's ultimately none of my business.

allowed to do whatever they want. Hi, my husband and I are trying to balance saving for bougie travel versus home. I mean, there's no secret sauce, right? Like, you have to do both, and obviously finding the best places to put your savings accounts. I think Ally right now has the best um interest for high-yield savings accounts. Um, you know, just kind of creating um like a general sense of uh, you know, prioritization is very important. You know, having your sinking funds. I generally recommend taking on any kind of extra income you can during that time to help put it exclusively towards travel and things like that. Um, because travel can be quite expensive. Bougie travel, though, is there's a difference between travel and bougie travel. And I don't know what bougie means to you, but I will say if things like nice hotels, um, flights, things like that are important to you, you are the prime candidate for things like card hacking, um, points hacking, getting really, really into um, all of those kinds of sort of, you know.

Arbitrage level um ways to approach travel and purchasing things um you know there are tons of great resources for people who like to travel um at a certain level and want to optimize you know like for example filtering all of your purchases through certain cards and immediately paying it off in full um just to rack up a ton of points a ton of Miles things like that those are um all you know really good Solutions available um but ultimately at some level you will have to save more and so yeah where is Mona at home you know I've really been going through it lately because Mona has had some minor health concerns um she has a heart murmur um so she's going to get an echocardiogram um uh at the end of the month um because she has to be put under for her teeth cleaning um and her teeth have also presented some problems lately so you know she's she's going to be 10 in October you know she's not the puppy she once was although you wouldn't know it being around her um but

you know dealing with the mortality of a dog is uh it's it's a real thing. So you know I'm not going to say that it's anywhere on par with a human, but you know dogs are are very special, especially for you know people who don't want children. An animal dog especially takes a very special place in your life, you know, and Mona, it's not just any dog, you know, she goes everywhere with us, she does everything with us, she's you know she's our shadow, um, and our lives will change a little bit when she's no longer able to to uh to hang uh the way she once was, um. So you know it's something I'm thinking about a lot, but overall she's great, she's really cute, um, you know she doesn't love this weather, it's been like a heat index of 100 degrees every day, so she can't be outside very much, um, especially with her little heart flutter, um. So you know we'll see, but waiting for the results of the test at the end of

the month would love your thoughts about planning to get married to someone who has a lot of debt. Well, the most important thing to decide is how you will treat that debt, um, collectively. I highly, highly, highly recommend a prenup in this case, um, and to very, very thoroughly address how you plan to divide any kind of debts and liabilities, um, and to what extent it's going to be your responsibility to pay for them. You know, I have a good friend who herself paid off basically all of her husband's student loans, um, and in no way felt kind of, uh, what's the word I'm looking for, and it didn't feel like an obligation. She did it out of love and wanting to, you know, treat their finances as jointly as possible. That's one choice. Another choice is to keep it quite separate and to not take on the debt to the same extent, um, but all of those things really need to be decided, and you need to be very, very clear with yourself and with your partner to what extent after marriage this debt is

considered your debt joint debt. What's a good amount of money to have in savings? I work two jobs, one is $15 an hour, one is $20. In general, we always recommend in savings to have at least 3 months of base living expenses saved up, so whatever that is for you. For me, you know, I typically prefer to have a lot more than that available in cash, but I think three months is definitely the minimum for an emergency fund. When is the next book coming? I have two books coming out next year, another romance novel and a book about hosting and entertaining, so next year. Should the lay person use a financial adviser or learn enough to manage their own money? You could do either, but ultimately financial advisers are typically for the lay person. If you're yourself a financial expert, you probably wouldn't be looking at using a financial adviser, so that's really what they're for. My husband and I use a financial adviser, and you know, we're both pretty savvy with money.

but I think ultimately it's not just about someone who can help you um. It's also about sort of outsourcing some of the brainpower of, you know, things like your investment allocations um, you know, your long-term planning, things like that. It's just nice to have someone else who can help with that um. It feels and it also adds structure to it like we have our monthly check-in um, or quarterly check-in, you know, and we can bring our list of questions. We look over where we're pacing with our various goals, all of that kind of thing. And I think that is something that at least for the way my brain works is very, very helpful and makes um managing long-term money feel more accessible and more um, I don't know, more like an integrated part of my life. But yeah, it's up to you um, as a last question, uh, what do you do when you've done a pretty good job saving money but now you struggle to spend it um. One thing that I would really recommend is to have put a

certain portion of your money each month or each paycheck, or whatever it is, into a specific account that is just for you, that is just for spending, and really treat it as like, this is kind of the money I have to spend on myself. Um, I think by having that set amount that is dedicated to spending on yourself and knowing that the rest of it is being saved well, invested well, is already handled, and this is just kind of what's left over, um, I think at least mentally, that can be very, very helpful. Unfortunately, um, that was never my problem, and, uh, it is probably the better problem to have long-term financially, is that you're too good at saving and too prudent and too frugal, um, but I do think having, ultimately, I think in any financial goal or um, decision, having dedicated accounts for different things is always the way to go because that way your brain can already sort of process the fact that it has been accounted for, and you don't need to decide in the moment what it's going towards because

having to decide where your money is going. I mean, you could struggle endlessly with those decisions, so reducing some of that decision-making load and therefore fatigue is, I think, always the way to go. Um, but yeah, those were just some of the questions you guys asked me. This has been another wonderful season TFC. I was so, so happy to do it, so happy to talk with all of these cool people and their cool lives. And um, I've been really loving the video essays. Uh, I hope you guys have been enjoying them. Um, obviously, they're, you know, people seem to really like them. They're, you know, the views are great, and especially the comment sections on them are always such a fascinating little forum. Um, and so we're just really excited to be able to keep doing this content that we love. Um, and so thank you, and we will see you back here very soon for all the cool new stuff we have cooking up on the channel. Bye, thank you so much for joining us, and be sure to tune in next week for an all

new episode of The Financial Confessions. The Financial Confessions is created by The Financial Diet and hosted by me, Chelsea Fagan. It is produced by Alexa Brooks, Majors, and Holly Trantham. Recording and editing by Emily Fiser. And music and sound effects are from Epidemic Sound. Want more of our content? Head over to our YouTube page, The Financial Diet, to see our monthly deep dives, videos of this show, and our entire backlog of videos and podcasts. I'll talk to you next week. [Music]

Chelsea Q&A: Wedding Spending, Side Hustles, And Friends Who Suck At Money

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