조롱에 대한 두려움 극복하기: 자유로 가는 길

### 조롱과 거절에 대한 두려움 극복하기: 진정한 삶으로 가는 길
* 🤔 많은 사람이 다른 사람의 생각에 지나치게 신경을 쓰며, 이는 **심리적 건강에 해로울 수 있습니다.**
* 🏆 현대 사회에서 사회적 검증은 종종 외적인 성공에 기반을 두기 때문에 **물질적 소유, 외모, 지위**에 초점을 맞추게 됩니다.
* 💔 외적인 성공을 추구하면서 내면의 발전을 소홀히 하면 **불행과 성취감을 얻지 못할 수 있습니다.**
* 이 '서구의 병'을 치료하려면 **내면의 성장을 우선시하는 보다 진정성 있는 삶**을 살아야 합니다.
* 이를 위해서는 **조롱, 거부, 타인의 비난에 대한 두려움**을 줄여야 합니다.
* 🏛 의도적으로 사회적 비난을 유발하는 방식으로 행동하는 고대의 철학적 관행은 **이러한 두려움을 극복하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다.**
* 🧠 이 연습을 통해 인간의 본성에 대해 더 많이 배우고 **비판하는 사람들의 의견은 종종 가치가 없다**는 것을 깨달을 수 있습니다.
* 궁극적으로 조롱에 대한 두려움에서 벗어날 때 **진정으로 온전히 살아갈 수 있게** 됩니다.

타인의 의견에 대한 지나친 관심은 심리적 건강을 해치고, 조롱과 거절을 받아들이는 것은 만족스러운 삶으로 이어지지 않습니다.

“Put up with being laughed at on occasion;
look around you, and give yourself a good shaking to find out who you really are.” Common sense tells us that a modicum of concern
for the opinions of others is useful in the cultivating of good relationships and the
maintenance of social cohesion. But most people care too much about what other
people think, and in this video, we will explore how this is damaging to our psychological
health. We will then look at how becoming more comfortable
with ridicule, rejection, and the disdain of others can greatly increase our chance of
living a fulfilling life. “It never ceases to amaze me: we all love
ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” In the modern West, a great emphasis is placed
on the attainment of social validation and on looking good in the eyes of others, and
this is creating a population of men and women who are stunted in their development. For social validation is derived primarily
from one thing – success in the external

world, or at least the appearance of it. Our job title, our material possessions, the
size of our bank account, our physical looks, and fashion choices, the status of the people
we associate with, such are the things that bring the validation that so many crave. But this excessive orientation to the world
of people, places, and things is not a healthy way to live for as Carl Jung writes: “The man whose interests are all outside
is never satisfied with what is necessary, but is perpetually hankering after something
more and better which, true to his bias, he always seeks outside himself. He forgets completely that, for all his outward
successes, he himself remains the same inwardly. . .Obviously the outward
lives of men could
do with a lot more bettering and beautifying, but those things lose their meaning when the
inner man does not keep pace with them.” Jung was no ascetic who denied the value of
worldly success rather his point was that

without a bettering and beautifying of the inner man, or what amounts to the state of our psyche, external success will leave us none the richer. We can surround ourselves with an opulence of material goods, we can attain the contemporary social-ideal of beauty and style, our peers can admire us, but if the inner man is neglected, misery and suffering will haunt our days, or as Jung explains: “To be satiated with the “necessities” [of external success] is no doubt an inestimable source of happiness, yet the inner man continues to raise his claim, and this can be satisfied by no outward possessions. And the less this voice is heard in the chase after the brilliant things of this world, the more the inner man becomes a source of inexplicable misfortune and uncomprehended unhappiness in the midst of living conditions whose outcome was expected to be entirely different. The externalization of life turns to incurable suffering, because no one can understand why

he should suffer from himself... That is the sickness of Western man...” But if an excessive orientation to the external
world and an accompanied neglect of our inner development is the sickness of the West, what
is the cure? We should step off the path of conformity
– as to conform means to seek social validation through the ideal of external success – and
we should re-orient our life so as to bring more order, harmony, and strength to our psyche. We must, in other words, live a more authentic
life, a life that heeds the call of our inner man, or as the 16th-century philosopher Michel
de Montaigne explains: “Whatever it be, whether art or nature,
that has inscribed in us this condition of living by reference to others, it does us
much more harm than good. We defraud ourselves out of what is actually
useful to us in order to make appearances conform to common opinion.

We care less about the real truth of our inner selves than about how we are known to the public.” But to be one of the few who stops living by reference to others necessitates a diminished fear of ridicule, rejection, and the disapproval of others. For one who fears such things will remain a conformist and thereby forever susceptible to the sickness of which Jung spoke. And so, in recognition that a fear is best diminished by exposure to the feared object, we can turn to the ancient philosophical practice of intentionally behaving in ways that elicit social disapproval. The Roman Senator Cato, a follower of Stoic philosophy, who lived in the first century BC, was an advocate of this practice, and as William Irvine writes in his book A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy: “[One] way to overcome our obsession with winning the admiration of other people is to go out of our way to do things likely to trigger their disdain.

. . .Cato made a point of ignoring the dictates
of fashion. . .According to Plutarch, Cato did this not
because he “sought vainglory”; to the contrary, he dressed differently in order
to accustom himself “to be ashamed only of what was really shameful, and to ignore
men’s low opinion of other things.” In other words, Cato consciously did things
to trigger the disdain of other people, simply so he could practice ignoring their disdain.” Another famous figure who engaged in this
practice was Diogenes the Cynic, who lived in the 4th century BC. On an almost daily basis, Diogenes took actions
that evoked ridicule, rejection, and disdain. As but one example, he would walk backward
into theatres, against the flow of everyone who was exiting, for the purpose of acclimating
himself to acts of non-conformity. When he did this, people would mock him and
question his purpose, to which he replied:

“Aren’t you ashamed that while you’re walking in the wrong direction in life, you scoff at me for walking backwards?” Diogenes was so successful at detaching himself from any concern of what other people thought of him that he reached a level of freedom most can only dream of – the chains of other people’s opinions no longer constricted him, the burden of social validation did not weigh on him, and instead of shaping his life to look good in the eyes of others, his sole purpose was to cultivate a greatness of self through mastery of body and mind. “When someone said to Diogenes, ‘Most people laugh at you’, he replied, ‘And doubtless donkeys laugh at them; but just as they pay no heed to the donkeys, I pay none to them.’” This approach to life did not result in Diogenes being looked down upon by all of his peers; rather, many famous figures admired him. Alexander the Great was so impressed with his character

that he stated: “If I were not Alexander, I would like to
be Diogenes!” While the great Stoic philosopher Epictetus
considered Diogenes to be the rare example of a real-life sage: “But I can show you a free man, to save
you from having to search any longer for an example. Diogenes was free.” To move toward the ideal of a Diogenes, we
may find it useful to adopt the following mindset when engaging in our practice: we
are not performing acts of non-conformity merely to look like a fool, nor to attract
attention or annoy people. Our purpose is to learn more about human nature
and more about our own potential. We are practicing what Nietzsche called “psychological
observation,” and so when our actions elicit ridicule or disapproval, we can follow the
advice of the philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer who counselled the following: “If you come across any special trait of
meanness or stupidity.

you must be careful not to let it annoy or distress you, but to look upon it merely as an addition to your knowledge – a new fact to be considered in studying the character of humanity. Your attitude towards it will be that of the mineralogist who stumbles upon a very characteristic specimen of a mineral.” Another way to ease the sting of ridicule is to remember that very often the people who are quickest to judge and the most excessive with their insults, are those whose opinions matter least. They are not men and women of sound mind, but individuals consumed by the sickness of the West who use criticism as a means to project their misery and self-hate onto others, and as Epictetus wrote: “Who are these people whose admiration you seek? Aren’t they the ones you are used to describing as mad? Well, then, is that what you want – to be admired by lunatics?” This ancient philosophical practice of voluntarily exposing ourselves to ridicule and rejection

will teach us an important lesson: the world
does not end when someone shames us, and no harm really comes to us when others disapprove
of our ways, so long as we are comfortable with the actions we take. With time, insults and negative judgements
by other people will become mere empty words that may pass through our ears but do not
disturb our mind. We will no longer feel compelled to live by
reference to others, and if we are then willing to listen to the call of our inner man or
woman, a greater life will open before us. Free of the fear ridicule, we will be free
of the sickness of Western man. “The greatest height of heroism to which
an individual can attain is to know how to face ridicule; better still, to know how to
make oneself ridiculous and not to shrink from the ridicule.”

Why Caring What Others Think Breeds Mental Illness

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사회적 검증을 추구할 때 발생하는 피해 효과

다른 사람의 의견에 지나치게 신경을 쓰면 심리적 건강을 해치고 자기 계발에 방해가 될 수 있습니다.

외적인 성공과 외모를 통한 사회적 검증을 강조하는 현대 사회는 외부로부터의 검증을 추구하는 데 집착하는 사람들을 만들어내고 있습니다.

칼 융의 관점은 내적 성장과 만족의 중요성을 강조하며, 내면의 자아가 발전하지 않으면 외적 성공은 의미를 잃는다고 말합니다.

외적인 성공을 추구하면서 내면의 발전을 소홀히 하면 설명할 수 없는 불행과 고통이 찾아옵니다.

치료법은 순응의 길에서 벗어나 정신의 질서와 조화를 추구하고 내면에 충실한 진정한 삶을 사는 데 있습니다.

이러한 변화는 외부의 의견에 따르기보다는 진정으로 유용한 것에 집중할 수 있게 해줍니다.

대중의 비난에 대한 두려움 극복하기

조롱과 거절에 대한 두려움을 줄이는 것은 타인의 기준에 따라 살아가는 것을 멈추기 위해 필수적입니다.

로마의 원로원 의원 카토와 냉소주의자 디오게네스가 주장한 것처럼 의도적으로 사회적 비난을 불러일으키는 방식으로 행동하는 고대 철학적 관행은 다른 사람들의 찬사를 받고자 하는 강박관념을 극복하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다.

이 연습을 통해 개인은 진정으로 부끄러운 일에만 부끄러워하고 다른 사람들의 낮은 평가를 무시하는 데 익숙해질 수 있습니다.

디오게네스의 파격적인 삶이 주는 자유

디오게네스는 다른 사람의 의견을 무시하고 자기 통달에 집중함으로써 드문 수준의 자유를 얻었습니다.

그의 비정통적인 접근 방식은 알렉산더 대왕과 에픽테토스와 같은 유명한 인물들로부터 찬사를 받았습니다.

인간 본성을 이해하기 위해 비순응을 수용하는 것도 비슷한 해방감을 가져올 수 있습니다.

조롱과 부정적인 판단 극복하기

조롱에 대한 우리의 태도는 괴로움보다는 호기심과 배움의 자세가 되어야 합니다.

가장 빨리 판단하는 사람은 자신의 불행에 사로잡혀 자신의 의견을 가장 중요하게 생각하지 않는 사람일 때가 많습니다.

자발적으로 조롱에 자신을 노출하는 것은 우리가 수치심을 당한다고 해서 세상이 끝나지 않으며, 시간이 지나면 타인의 부정적인 판단이 우리를 지배하지 못한다는 것을 가르쳐줄 수 있습니다.