- Your anxiety is stupid. It lies to you. It tricks you. Doesn't even make sense. And by the time I finish
this ice cream cone, I'm gonna prove it to you. Number one, anxiety is not a bad thing. It's an important thing. Think about a few hours before you go on a date
with your biggest crush. You're anxious as hell. But is that a bad thing? No. You get anxious when
there's an important thing. Anxiety is a signal of importance. And if you're getting anxious about a bunch of stupid
unimportant things, it means you lack an
important thing in your life. Imagine if the thing that scares you cures your mom's cancer. How scary would it be? That's right. You'd do it anyway. And that's the other thing. Anxiety will convince you
that things are bigger and more unmanageable
than they actually are. So that thing that you're afraid of,

you'll start inventing
stories in your mind, imagining that it's this impossible feat, that there's all these complications and horrible, horrible repercussions, that the world's gonna end. But the truth is, the world
doesn't really give a shit. See, the way the human mind
works is that whatever you feel, you invent stories to justify. So if something feels scary, the mind quickly sets to inventing stories to justify being scared. One of the ways that you
can turn these stories in your favor is by practicing something
called negative visualization. Negative visualization is when you take those terrible
stories in your head, the worst case scenario, the worst thing that
could possibly happen, and you actually start planning
the contingencies for it. You start imagining, Okay, if I go in tomorrow
and make a fool out of myself and lose my job, how would I react to that? Well, I'd go get another job. I could talk to friends in my network

and see where other opportunities are. Hell, maybe one of those
other opportunities might even be better in my current job. Wow, maybe that's not so bad after all. Maybe I should go in and
say what I'm feeling. See, the thing is when you start working through the contingencies, you start to realize that
the worst-case scenario, 9 times out of 10 actually isn't that bad. And speaking of which, you're terrible at predicting the future. I shouldn't have to tell you this, but ever try to like pick stocks or bought a stupid meme coin or something? You realize how absolutely
terrible you are at knowing what's gonna
happen in the future. Why would it be any
different with your fears? Why would you somehow
miraculously be 100% accurate in your predictions of all the terrible things
people are gonna think about you, but completely inaccurate in all the other areas of your life? I mean, if you're such a
good prediction machine,

like, why aren't you a fucking billionaire like Warren Buffet? Most social anxiety is secretly
codependence in disguise. People who are terrified of what others are gonna think of them, it's not a social anxiety issue. It's a self-esteem issue. They've never learned
how to say no to others. They've never learned
how to disappoint others. They've never had something
more important to stand up for than to be liked by others. And so their entire self-worth is based on the opinions of others. When you work through the codependence and you develop your
own sense of self-worth, you realize none of that shit matters. Look, here's the thing that happens when you start saying no to people. The ones who actually care
about you will respect you. In fact, they'll actually
respect you more for saying no. And the ones who don't care about you will get pissed off and leave. In either situation, you're better off.

God damn, this is a good shit. Once you start developing the
ability to say no to people and disappoint them a little bit, you'll come to a really
profound realization, which is that nobody gives a shit. All those things you're
worried about in your head, nobody's worrying about it. They're too busy worrying
about all the dumb narratives that they've admitted in their head, all the stories that they've
become anxious about. What you start to realize is that there's a kind of liberation in realizing that most of the things that you say and do don't matter. In the long run, people either aren't paying attention, or it has no real
repercussions on their lives. So who gives a shit? By the way, your comparisons
are terrible anyway. We all do this thing where when we compare
ourselves to somebody, we only compare ourselves to the good things about that person. We don't think about all the
bad things about that person.

We don't think about all the sacrifices or rejections that they had to go through. It's easy to look at Bill Gates and think, Wow, he has like $100 billion. He's one of the most powerful people in the world. But did you know that Bill Gates went 30 years without taking a single day off or a single vacation? Do you envy that? When you look at famous athletes, it's easy to envy all of their accomplishments, their fame, their fortune, their incredible performances. But you realize half these guys like didn't even have childhoods. They didn't have real friends. They were like being followed around by the media when they were 16 years old. Like, do you envy that? Do you want that in your life? By the way, you should get off your screens, get off social media, fucking go outside, touch some grass. Not only does being on screens all the time give you

these fucked up comparisons
and unrealistic perspectives of what other people expect of you. But the blue light from screens has actually been scientifically shown to raise cortisol levels
and adrenaline levels, which, guess what, leads
to stress and anxiety. So once you turn the screens off, you should go talk to people face to face. Actually share some of your
insecurities and anxieties, because this is gonna accomplish
a lot of things at once. For one, you're gonna realize that most people relate to you. Most people have had similar
insecurities and anxieties. And you're not alone. The second thing is things
are not such a big deal. There's this like really
powerful thing that happens when you verbalize all the feelings that are going on inside your head. You realize they're much smaller
than you thought they were. They get miniaturized once
the words leave your mouth. And by the way, this leads
to the sponsor of this video.

BetterHelp. BetterHelp is therapy, wherever, whenever you need it. Did you know that over 40% of the people in the United States don't have access to mental healthcare? That's one of the things that BetterHelp is trying to solve. With BetterHelp, you can talk to your therapist through a text message, through a phone call, through Zoom meetings, however you want to do it. And if you're ever not satisfied, you can change a therapist at any time. Therapy is so important because it forces you to verbalize your anxieties and insecurities. And as soon as you verbalize them, they lose their power over you. So if you don't have access to a friend or a caring family member or just a random stranger who's gonna give a shit, BetterHelp will provide one to you. Going to therapy was one of the best decisions I ever made in my personal life. It helped me immensely in my growth journey.

and dealing with my emotional issues. I can honestly say that
there's a good chance that you wouldn't even be
listening to me right now if I never went to therapy. Use the link in the description to get 10% off your first month and start talking to somebody. 'Cause it's, honestly, it's more helpful than an ice cream cone. The most classic stoic wisdom
that applies to anxiety is to focus on what you control and try to ignore what you can't. The fact is, most things in
life you cannot control. Yet, we get so caught
up worrying about them, trying to predict them, trying to control them, trying to wish them to be
something that they're not. And this causes so much
unnecessary suffering in our lives. One of the most difficult
things to do in life is to accurately gauge
what is in your control and what is out of your control. One tool that can help you with this is

instead of creating a bucket list, all the things you want
to do before your diet, create a fuck it list, which is all the things that you refuse to give a shit about. This can help you deprioritize all the stuff that's
outside of your control and it's causing you to
suffer unnecessarily. My fuck it list includes
embarrassing myself in public. It includes reading and giving a shit about the hate comments on YouTube videos. I just refuse to be affected by it. You know what else can help you? Drink less caffeine, get
more sleep, drink more water, eat more vegetables. I know I sound like your fucking
grandmother, but it's true. And what you'll realize is that there's a real strong
physiological connection between your mental state
and your physical state. When you treat your body like shit, your body reacts with a
lot of stress hormones, which generates more anxiety. But when you start
treating your body well

your body processes everything much better, leveling out your hormones and helping you keep a level head on a day-to-day basis. And while we're on the subject of advice that grandma would give you, exercise. Exercise is like nature's antidepressant. Studies have shown that exercise is as effective as any other intervention for anxiety and depression. It could be something as simple as going for a walk looking at some trees. There's a thing called the green effect, which is that when you're in nature and surrounded by green stuff, it helps you relax. And finally, if you're having a full-on panic attack, regulate your breathing. There's something called the 478 technique, which is breathe in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and then breathe out for 8 seconds. This will help regulate your nervous system and calm your body in the moment. Between these three things, you'll discover that so much of your anxiety is

actually physiologically based. With these tools, you can help manage it
better on a day-to-day basis. By the way, anxiety is just an emotion. And emotions aren't reality. They're just biological suggestions. We evolved emotions as a form of feedback to help us survive. But our emotions are often
wrong or completely irrational. They make no fucking sense. I mean, when you were a kid, you used to be terrified of
a monster under your bed. Have you ever seen a monster
under your bed? I think not. So why would your anxieties
today be any different? So much of anxiety is about control. If you really wanna lock
in your physical health and help stay focused on the things that you can control in your life, implement more of a routine. Routine helps you spend time
on things that you can control. It helps you give a sense of purpose and a pattern to everything that you do. So much of anxiety is
just about uncertainty.

It's about not knowing what's gonna happen or what could potentially happen. And so the more you create
routines around your life, the more you limit external variables, and the more you diminish the anxiety. This is what the greats
throughout history did. Churchill suffered from
intense anxiety and depression. And he had very rigid
routines that he worked in, and he kept certain people
around him at all times. Lincoln, same thing. Emily Dickinson had
massive amounts of anxiety, yet she channeled it into
some of the most beautiful art that's ever been created. All of these people built systems
of routines in their lives and found people around them
to help manage their anxiety and helped them excel. Any emotion, whether
it's anxiety, or anger, or sadness, or whatever, it's just energy that
needs to be channeled in some productive output. So find the systems and routines that help you channel your
anxiety in a positive direction.

Now, you probably didn't know that. You probably assume that every successful person is fucking fearless. And the fact is, they're not. They've done a lot of research on people who are higher performers, and they found that high performers actually don't experience less stress or anxiety than other people. High performers simply have a different orientation towards that stress and anxiety. High performers see stress and anxiety as an important moment for them to be present, focused, and step up, whereas other people see stress and anxiety as something to be avoided and something to diminish and get rid of. So stop fighting against the anxiety, and instead see it for what it is, because ultimately you have to realize that we're all wrong about everything. You know, when I was in my 20s, I thought marriage was a social institution of oppression. Now, I've been married for like a decade. Things change. Our beliefs change. Our minds change. And you have to realize

that everything that
you're afraid of today, you're gonna have a different
perspective on years from now. Start opening yourself to
those perspectives today, and they'll have less of a hold on you, because ultimately there's
a little bit of success and failure in every
experience that you have. We like to imagine that experiences in the future are gonna be
100% success or 100% failure. And the truth is, no matter how well or bad things go, they have a little bit
of both inside them. Your successes, after
you've experienced them, you realize that there are lots
of trade-offs and sacrifices that you didn't anticipate. There's lots of headaches that come with achieving your dreams that you didn't think about. Whereas the failures, they come with lessons and insights that you never would've had otherwise. And finally, if none of
that shit convinced you, imagine you're on your deathbed. You're surrounded by your
kids and your grandkids

and everybody you ever cared about. You look back at a life.
You're like 90 years old. You've accomplished all these things. And somebody says something,
and it reminds you of that thing that you're
worried about today. How serious is it really? How much do you think
you're really gonna care? Chances are, it's not gonna matter at all. Good luck. (muffled music)

22 Reasons Why Your Anxiety is Lying to You

#1 NY Times Bestselling Author. World Champion Non-Fuck-Giver.

For all sponsorship/business inquiries please email Chad Boukzam at chad@cndentertainment.com
