- What's going on in the YouTube land? Mark Manson here. If you've spent quite some time on YouTube, you've probably come across these videos where experts explain a particular concept in five different levels. So, they start by explaining it to a child, then to a teenager, then to a college student, and then to a postgraduate student, and then to an expert. I think Wired started this. The things you assume are simple topics or simple concepts, there is an infinite amount of complexity beneath them. So, I wanted to try that today just with the concept of the self. Yes, the self. There are five layers of complexity just for our understanding of oneself. So, stay tuned because I think the last one will leave you speechless. (fast-paced rock music) All right. So, level one, explaining the concept of the self to a child. It's actually very simple. Everything you feel or control in your environment is part of you. So, I can control my hand. That's part of me. If you can control your foot, that means it's part of you. If you can feel something happening when you push against your chest, that means your chest is part of yourself. And your self is separate from the rest of the things in the world because you can't control the chair without touching it. You can't control the light without pressing the switch. So, anything you can't control without touching it is not part of you

- for a teenager. So, for now, you have grown a little. You have some hair on your private parts, and you are probably starting to understand that your self is not simply limited to your physical body. There are certain abstract concepts that represent yourself that are untouchable or intangible. So, the fact that you are compassionate or a good friend, or good at biology, or have musical talent, these abstract concepts come to define you in the same way that, you know, your height or weight or physical appearance also define you. They are also a kind of abstractions more based on the social. You know, I was born in Austin, Texas. That's part of me. I like video games. That's part of who I am. I live in New York. All of these are socially constructed identifiers that determine who our identity is. Once you discover these abstract points of yourself, they are a source of obsession. They are something that constantly worries you. Do they think I'm smart? Do they think I'm nice? And a good friend, maybe I was a bit silly. Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought. These thoughts start to consume us around our adolescence because much of our sense of well-being is based on how others perceive us, right? And so, in this sense, the self is not purely physical, nor abstract, but something that is socially negotiated or tested based on how other people react to us or how the

I can think that I am intelligent, but if every person I come across treats me like an idiot. Then that stresses me out a lot because it raises the question that maybe I don't really know myself. Level three, - - What's up, brother. - explain the concept of oneself to a university student. Then we discuss how there is this tension between our self-definition and how the world comes to see us and how this can generate a lot of stress and anxiety in our lives. We also have certain mechanisms of psychological defense that protect our sense of identity. So, if I believe I am intelligent, but everyone treats me like a fool. Then I will start to tell myself stories to protect my self-definition. I will say: These people are, I am not the fool. These people are all the fools. Or if I see myself as a compassionate and kind friend, but all my friends treat me badly, then I will tell myself stories like, well, maybe I am not compassionate enough. Maybe I just need to be even kinder because that's the kind of person I am. This is the Freudian definition of the ego. The ego is basically our definition of ourselves for ourselves. And then we tend to protect that definition, either by pushing other people away or just lying to ourselves about what other people say. The word ego has had a bad reputation over the years, but the thing is we all need a bit of healthy ego, to some extent. A

Who you are, feeling very comfortable with the traits you have, and who you are as a human being in the world. And you are not afraid to defend it. We all need a bit of a healthy ego where the ego becomes less healthy and becomes very toxic when our definition of ourselves deviates quite a bit from reality. If I start to think I am a trapeze artist even though I have never been on a trapeze, that is not a very accurate self-definition based on my real experiences or what I do in the world. But if I believe it strongly enough, I will start defending it with all sorts of lies and coping mechanisms and emotional outbursts that made me dysfunctional in the world. So, what Freud accurately pointed out is that many emotional dysfunctions in the world, and many people who struggle in their relationships and struggle to get along with others, is because they have a poor definition of themselves and are simply protecting it from reality. This was a very profound insight, and that's why Freud is so important. And then he went on and talked about penises all the time. So that's why we make fun of him. It's okay. Level four, - - Hmm. - explain the concept of self to a graduate student. So, the concept of self is actually just an arbitrary definition. Like anything else, you know, it's like I have my definition of what friendship is. Maybe you have a different definition of what friendship is.

Friendship is something that we all develop definitions of based on our experiences, our environment, the culture we grow up in, and the things we are exposed to. There is no correct definition of friendship. We all have slightly different definitions based on what we have gone through in life. The same is true for self-definition; there is no correct definition of ourselves. We all invent it as we go along. So, this fluidity of the self is actually just another psychological mechanism that keeps us stable in the world and in our environment. The brain probably needed to invent a concept of the self or invent an ego because an ego helps us function as a social species. It helps us determine, are we treating ourselves fairly? Is someone taking advantage of me? Am I being threatened by a group in some way? If we didn't have an ego or if we didn't have a sense of self, it would be almost impossible to determine these things. And so, in that sense, the ego is just an evolutionary adaptation of our minds. It is something we just invented at some point, and it's not even really real. Level five, expert. (Group of people singing) There is no self. You do not exist. And the belief that you exist is just an illusion that your mind spins. And that is almost impossible to stop for a long period of time. There is nothing in particular. Everything is simply an incessant interflow of information that occurs at the subatomic,

Trillions of bits are processed and converted into patterns that create this illusion that the self exists, that something exists at all. You can train yourself to see this, feel this, inhabit this. You can train your mind to see through its processes to begin experiencing reality, not as the self or the ego, but as another manifestation in this infinite sea of existence; everything you love or care about is simply a temporary cessation of this imagined separation between things. Life is transitory and poorly defined. There is no such thing as death. Nothing lasts yet, nothing is lost. That's because everything is present and has always been; you are this, and this, and this. Make sure to like and subscribe, fuckface. (fast-paced rock music)

The 5 Stages to Figuring Out Who You Are

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