There are even types of mothers who protect their children with a form of destructive motherhood. The first type of motherhood is the "Mirror Mother." The Mirror Mother.

A child stands in front of a mirror. Then, who is visible in front of this mirror? There are cases where the mother is the one being reflected. We commonly call this the "Mirror Mother" type.

This Mirror Mother type is basically someone full of narcissism. So what do they do? They use the child like a trophy...

so that they themselves are reflected well through that child in the mirror. For example, there was a household where the child studied reasonably well in middle school.

So, rumors spread in the neighborhood that the child was "smart." This child went to high school. They went to a specialized high school.

But this child, who was known for being smart, wasn't getting good grades. So they take the midterm exams. If the child's grades drop even once or just a little bit...

..then this mother goes into her room and refuses to eat. She doesn't eat, doesn't wash, doesn't go out, and just keeps crying.

But if the child's performance improves? She comes out with them. She dresses up to the nines and goes to the department store.

What this means is, the child starts to think, "Mom only smiles when I smile, when I shine." It unfolds in this manner.

But the problem is, what happens when this child becomes an adult? They'll live a life that isn't their own, constantly preoccupied with how others see them.

The second type is the "Refrigerator Mother." Refrigerator. There's a specific characteristic of a Refrigerator Mother.

She's cold and clinical. There are mothers who are completely unreachable emotionally. Mothers who are emotionally unreachable often say things like this: "Why is a boy crying?

" "Are you going to keep whining like this?" "You should focus on your goals." People who constantly receive these messages later, as adults, date. "How do you feel?

Because they don't know how to answer. These things accumulate over a long time and repeatedly create a certain framework.

This way of feeling is called an "emotional schema." Once this emotional schema is formed, I can respond within this structure...

..but once I step outside of it, I won't be able to respond at all. Nine times out of ten, people raised by Refrigerator Mothers are like "frozen humans." Because they feel like a certain type of person that we can't feel affection for, they always experience being abandoned.

It's quite a pitiful situation. Among these mothers, a symbolic example of destructive motherhood is the "Landmine Mother." You never know when you'll step on one and when it'll explode.

Sometimes she's furious like fire. Sometimes she's unspeakably cold.

Sometimes she's overly excited. So she's completely unpredictable. Among my clients, there was someone... I sometimes conduct counseling in a place that looks like a seminar room.

In that case, you have to take off your shoes to enter. But whenever this client entered, they kept checking if their shoes were placed perfectly.

So I asked, "Why do you keep looking at your shoes at the entrance?" It turned out this mother...

..would kick off her shoes messily when angry and line them up neatly when in a good mood. So, by looking at the state of the mother's shoes, the child could tell her mood.

Then, how would these people grow up? They grow up to be experts at reading the room. Not only do they walk on eggshells around others, but also their spouses...

..and eventually, they even walk on eggshells around their own children. Living their whole lives in constant anxiety and nervousness...

..life becomes a source of suffering. Right, exactly. And there's another truly destructive type of motherhood we should consider.

Many of you probably know this. There are "Patient Mothers." A Patient Mother isn't a mother who is actually sick, but one who turns her child into a patient.

This mother's purpose, whether conscious or unconscious, is just one thing. "I am a mother who takes care of my child like this." "By creating a sick child, she ultimately shows... how important her motherhood is.

This is a type of Munchausen by proxy, where she takes care of the child instead of herself...

..and makes herself take care of the child instead of a doctor. It's a very complex psychological structure and is considered a type of mental illness.

Among mothers or fathers, there are those who say things like this: "You're too weak to do that." "You're too weak, so you shouldn't do that." "If you do that... you'll get hurt." There are people who raise their children like this.

You can see this as a very mild level on the Munchausen spectrum.

This is how you should view it. This is important because the child feels, "I'm a sick person no matter what I do, and I can't do anything." So later, what happens?

They become 100% dependent on their mother for everything. Even when these kids go to college, they say, "This and that happened, so I couldn't go today...

..or I can't go." The mother calls the school. Even though the child is a senior in college. Ultimately, these mothers are the same even when they get old.

Even when the child gets a job, it's the same way. "Manager, Director, CEO, my child is sick...

..they're weak, they have to go to the hospital." But can a child like this get married? Whether it's a daughter or a son, can they get married?

They do get married. And what do they do after marrying? When a son-in-law or daughter-in-law comes into the family.

..it doesn't matter. She pushes aside everyone else and makes the children's hospital appointments herself.

I see these situations quite often in counseling. The next type is quite common in Korea: the "Martyr Mother." The mother does everything and sacrifices herself for the child.

"I staked everything on you." "I gave up everything for you." These are truly scary words.

Then what should the child do? They feel they have to make their mother happy. Why? Because they are in debt.

Staking her life, staking her existence... I am someone indebted to my mother. Doesn't this mean there's always a sense of obligation or guilt?

They are losing an important part of themselves. The fact that we cannot be separated. They can't properly break away, which is called "separation-individuation" in psychology.

It's not happening. Normal growth and normal maturity are all hindered by this role she plays. Ultimately, what will happen later?

I will have to take full responsibility for my mother. So later, a total role reversal occurs. The roles are swapped. To pay back the debt of what the mother did for me for a lifetime...

..I protect her and follow her around like a shadow, like a manager. You need to start realizing that the devotion and excessive care she gave wasn't something I asked for.

That was also the mother's own joy. Didn't she get her own satisfaction and fulfillment from it? With that alone, the mother has already been compensated.

So, practice filial piety in the way you decide. Don't do it the way your mother wants. You must start practicing filial piety with your own standards and boundaries.

Teacher, there's something we always long for. A mother who is like a friend. You think a friend-like mother or father is very good, right?

This is actually very dangerous. How dangerous is a friend-like mother or father? It's not just being a friend. There are no boundaries. "You can intrude on me anytime, and I...

must be able to intrude on you anytime." But growing up and becoming an adult means having your own territory. What do we call this? We call it secrets.

We call it privacy. But people without secrets are just children. But children under... but children under... You mentioned your mother's interference.

To what extent is her interference? When I fight with my boyfriend, I don't want to deal with it, so I just...

..take off my ring and throw it away, things like that. But my mom says, "Did you take that off your KakaoTalk profile again?" "Did you guys fight again?

" And then, "Don't take things like this off, put it back on." Let's say we fought.

Then if my mom went out, she'd say, "You guys... haven't made up by the time I got back?" Then I listen to her again.

Because I'm afraid of getting in trouble. So my mom says again, "You guys...

..still haven't made up?" Why am I so afraid of getting in trouble? It's been about two weeks now, but before I fought with my boyfriend...

..my mom found out. So she said, "Make up quickly today." So my boyfriend also said, "I...

..understand," but while doing that, I met him and we worked it out, but the next day... I saw my mom, but we didn't say to her, "We're sorry.

..sorry for making you worry." My boyfriend also felt, "Do I even have to... say sorry for something like this?

" He said that to my mom because he felt hurt, but my mom thought, "Is he... ignoring me?

" She chose to think that way. Now my mom is just nagging only me. And she says, "What is he saying? Does he have nothing to say...

..to me?" So I said, "Oh, I guess my boyfriend is a bit hurt too." Then she said, "I guess so." Instead of being sorry to him, she talked back saying she was hurt, and it escalated.

Things got a bit big, and she said, "He doesn't love you. If he... loved you, he couldn't act like that.

" She says things like that. We are the ones dating, so how can my mom interfere in that relationship? I said that...

..and said, "Mom, I feel like you know... everything about our lives." I guess she tries to mediate between you two.

Oh, due to the current situation, my future son-in-law is working with me. He works here? What kind of work do you do, ma'am?

A restaurant. That's why I've always said this. I run a restaurant, yes. For example, if they've had a fight, she knows.

Mom knows. But then that expression carries over to the customers. When customers come in, he's supposed to say, "Welcome," and greet them, but he doesn't.

Then I think, "Oh, you guys must have fought." He doesn't greet them, so I ask, "Did you fight?

If so, well, hurry up and make up." I don't think you would have spoken so softly when you had a disagreement like that.

Yes, I think that's right. I'd say, "Hey, seriously, why are you getting married if you're going to be like this?

" I'd attack them like that. So you have a bit of an aggressive way of speaking, an aggressive style? Then at home, we just stop talking.

Daughters have these emotions toward their mothers that are different from what sons and fathers have. So there are certain types of mothers that daughters really worry about.

The first type is the "General Yi Sun-sin" type. "Only my words are right. My daughter, shut up." Right?

The second is the "Non-communicative" type. There's no conversation. Just notifications. You live with a complete wall. The last is the "Authoritarian" mother.

"I gave birth to you, so I know everything about you. Do you know how much I sacrificed to raise you? Shouldn't you pay me back?

" Honestly, you'd wish your mother wasn't any of these types, but if you had to pick one that reminds you of your mom, which one would it be?

Is there one? All of them... Do you have a memory of being hurt by the way your mother spoke? This time, while we were fighting, she said, "I regret giving birth to you.

All my hard work is going to waste." Those words... So I said to her, "Did I ask to be born?

It's not like you told me why I was born this way, so why are you saying that to me?" We fought with a lot of emotion like that.

This time, so many bad feelings have built up that I'm trying to hold back my tears... But I don't think I can say everything.

So, on that day, the day of the problem, the recorded voices of the two of you... There is a recording. Then, Counselor Lee Ho-seon, what kind of program is this? What I want now is this is I gave birth because I wanted to, so I can't finish it.

So why is it like this, it feels like mine But what I felt while watching these two is how similar they are.

It's as if two sisters are having a huge fight; if you take out the word "mother," they are just like sisters.

This shows up clearly in the tests. The mother has a bit of high anxiety. She sees the various risks that might happen...

Because she has lived through life. The problem is, the mother's patience score is 42. If a problem arises, she has to solve it immediately.

And if it's not solved right away, she gets very flustered. She feels frustrated and like her heart is bursting.

But what's interesting is that while the daughter's autonomy is 44, the mother's is 25. Surprisingly, her autonomy is much lower.

This is why her level of involvement in the current situation is so high. It's not just about being involved. It's hard for her to be apart.

She needs someone by her side like a sibling or a shield, someone who stays right next to her. Like a friend. Until now, it seems like it was the daughters, especially one of them.

Actually, this trait the mother has doesn't provide comfort to the daughter at all. "My mom isn't someone who comforts me.

She's someone who pushes me, gets involved instantly, constantly interferes, and makes things hard for me." But from the mother's perspective, she wants her daughter to be okay. Why?

Because her daughter is her. My anxiety is very high. There's the anxiety itself, but if something goes wrong with my daughter, it's the same as something going wrong with me.

My daughter is like a second self to me. A second self. That's why the point where the mother attaches her heart to her daughters is much larger than the point where she attaches her heart to herself.

So we need to find out what this anxiety is.

I had breast cancer surgery. When... When did you have it? I've had it three times. Three times? Did it keep recurring?

It was caught early, so I had a partial mastectomy twice, and then it recurred again, so I had a total mastectomy, and now...

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