You bastard! Should I break this door? I'll break it! Fuck you! (Jesse): Get out of my way! (Jeffrey Jr.): You broke the glass, right? Mine is broken too! (Jeffrey Jr.): Are you kidding me? (Jesse): Damn... Damn. (Jeffrey Jr.): What have you done? (JR): Are you bleeding? (Jesse): Yeah... Damn... Damn. Let's go. Can I come to your house? (Korn): Yeah... I can't take it anymore. Juliet, you should come too. You have your stuff here. Ouch, damn... (JR): Oh my God.

You think there’s a present inside the gift bag, right? (Jeffrey Jr. & Corn): *laughs* (Jesse): Mom, can you bring me some napkins? (Jeffrey Jr.): Jesse, I knew how much you loved Eagle Landing... *Jesse imitates Jeffrey Jr.* So I thought you’d want something you could naturally return. *Jesse throws a napkin at Jeffrey Jr.* (Jeffrey): *laughs* (Jesse): I want to throw this crap at you. (Jeffrey Sr.): Don’t put that on the table! (Jesse): I was just - oh, are you talking to him? (Jeffrey Sr.): Yes! Mom, we need more things to wipe with. We need disinfectant. (JR): Oh my God, this is the worst. There’s no way I’m letting this guy ruin my birthday. (Jesse): My birthday... (JR): That’s not funny. It’s the worst.

Where is Dad? Jeff! I'm going to sing now! (Teresa): Jeff! (Jeffrey Jr.): Dad, hurry up. (Jeffrey Sr. from the bedroom): I'm coming! The game is still on. (Jeffrey Jr.): Just come on already. (Teresa): It's our son's birthday party, so I'm going to sing. (Jeffrey Sr.): I know! But I thought we would do it on the day itself. You said we would celebrate today. (Jeffrey Sr.): Whatever... So, are you really going to sing? (Teresa): Yes, Jesse. (Everyone except Jesse): ♬ Happy birthday to you ♬ ♬ Happy birthday to you ♬ ♬ Happy birthday dear Jesse ♬ ♬ Happy birthday to you ♬ (Jeffrey Jr. is teasing Jesse with a silly singing voice) (JR): Yay! (Applause) (Jeffrey Jr.): Now, it's on the great cake. (Teresa): Did you ask? (Jesse): I did.

Jeffrey Senior: What did you wish for? Electricity? A new house? I wish for Jeffrey to grow up quickly before we eat the cake...

Jeffrey Senior: My wish is that you guys don't fight.

Jesse: Let's open the presents before the cake. First, the presents.

Teresa: Let's do that.

Jesse: Mom, can you get the cake ready? Hey, this was wrapped by Corn, right?

Corn: *laughs* 

You can tell by the wrapping. Is this recycled paper?

Corn: I'm not a professional wrapper.

Corn: *laughs* 

Even if it's someone's birthday, you buy things that are left unsold at Walmart at two in the morning. That was last night, right? What is this... a garbage bag? A basket? *realization moment* 

Corn: *laughs*

Jesse: You jerk...

JR: What is it? It's a ping pong ball. It's exactly the same as last year. It's the same silly gift every year. It seems like you're not planning to stop.

I understand… I won’t say anything. Can I open this? (Jeffrey Senior): I can’t believe it… (Teresa): What’s the matter? (Jesse): Corn, are we playing Mario Kart tonight? (Corn): Of course!  
*Teresa and Jeff are arguing in the background* It’s because Dad broke the last one, and then he kicked me out of the house. If I say any more, he’ll kick me out again. Seriously? You’re going to kick me out on my birthday?  
(Teresa): It’s this kid’s birthday, you know? Can you calm down a little? (Jeffrey Senior): I want to calm down too. (Jeffrey Junior): Jesse, there might be crap on that.  
(Jesse): You didn’t give me anything either, so shut up! Happy birthday. (Jeffrey Senior): Stay out of it!  
(Jesse): Mom, I’m not trying to cause a scene. I really can’t believe it… (Jesse): If I could sync with my old gamepad…  
(Jeffrey Senior): Is there a computer too?

(Jeffrey Senior): That's right.  
(Jesse): So, this is a replacement for that.  
(Jeffrey Senior): Why buy the same thing again?  
(Jesse): It's a birthday present.  
(Jeffrey Junior): Jesse, not another tantrum...  
(Teresa): It's not my fault you broke it! What do you mean, Why did you buy it again?  
(Jeffrey Senior): I can't believe this...  
(Jeffrey Senior): Why didn't you consult me?  
(Teresa): Was that really necessary!?  
(Jeffrey Senior): Yes, it was!  
(Teresa): It's not even your birthday!  
(Jesse): Wait, hasn't Dad bought me anything? That's right! I thought this was from both of you, but it seems not. I don't want to say this, and I don't want to lose our home, but... why didn't you buy me anything for my birthday? You know what we've been through! Just letting me come back home should be enough.  
(Jeffrey Junior): You're going to throw another tantrum.  
(Jeffrey Senior): JT, stop it.

(Jessie): I'm buying the same thing again! *argument* (Jessie): Fuck you!  
(Jeffrey Jr.): *laughs* Fuck you!  
(Jeffrey Sr.): Thanks a lot.  
(Jeffrey Jr.): *laughs* Ah, my hands are all sticky with cake. *Jeffrey throws the box*  
(Jeffrey Sr.): What a lovely day.  
(Teresa): This is too much.  
(Jeffrey Sr.): Get out of here!  
(Jessie): Let's go.  
(Jeffrey Sr.): Hurry up!  
(Jessie): What have you done…  
(Jeffrey Jr.): Jessie! Jessie, you forgot something...  
(Jessie): I don't want this shit!  
(Jeffrey Jr.): *laughs*  
(Jessie): You can live with Dad in that house! *dog barking* Damn it! *dog continues barking* Shut up!!! *dog still barking* Shut up!! *still barking* This… crap!

(JR): I'm excited!  
(Jessie): No, I'm not.  
(JR): It's not my birthday!  
(Jessie): I don't want to turn 23. Right now, I feel happy being 12 again. So, what do you think the present is? You bought it, right? That pink one...  
(JR): I bought it, but that's not it.  
(Jessie): Isn't this it?  
(JR): No.  
(Jessie): The pink bag, is it from you?  
(Corn): *laughs* Obviously! Mom, is the cake ready?  
(Teresa in the kitchen): It's ready, birthday person! Why are there five candles? Two and three... it means 23.  
(Jessie): Didn't you have a big number candle?  
(Teresa): No.  
(Jeffrey Junior): What’s with that gross decoration?  
(Corn): *laughs*  
(JR): I tried hard!  
(Jessie): This is definitely weird. I just accidentally used the thick one.  
(Teresa): It looks nice!

(Teresa in the kitchen): I'll bring a cloth. Is this from Mom?  
(Teresa): Yes!  
Do you want to see what I'm opening?  
(Teresa): Yeah, just wait a moment...  
(Jesse): *sigh* This is really the worst.  
(Jeffrey Senior): Enough already, pick this crap up.  
(Jesse): Thanks.  
(Jeffrey Junior): Okay, okay.  
(Teresa): Do you need one too?  
(JR): I'm fine, it's just the smell... Where did it fall?  
(Jeffrey Senior): It's everywhere. Just don't drop it in the cake. Actually... I figured out what this is! Hahaha! This is awesome!  
(JR): Oh, Mario Kart? Yeah! I remember having it before. Thanks!  
(Jeffrey Senior): Why would you get something like that?  
(Jesse): Isn't it from both of you? Isn't it a birthday present?  
(Jeffrey Senior): That doesn't matter. After all the problems we've had, to give something like that again... Wasn't the one we used to have broken by Dad?

What are you talking about? There's no computer! (Jeffrey Senior): What is that? (Jesse): It's a gamepad! Just a controller. (Teresa): Just leave it alone! Why are you butting in? (Jeffrey Senior): This is ridiculous! What are you doing, Dad? Damn it! (Jeffrey Junior): *laughs* (Jesse): What are you doing? *crashes into the Wii U door* (Teresa & JR): *screams* (Jesse): What have you done! (Corn): Jesus! (Jeffrey Senior): That door! (Jesse): It's a birthday present! (Jeffrey Junior): *childish laughter* (Jesse): Dad! What have you done! *laughs* (Teresa): Oh my God. (Jeffrey Junior): *laughs* (Jeffrey Senior): Enough with the games. (Jesse): I'm really fed up. (Teresa): Are you stupid? Why would you do something like that?! It makes no sense! (Jeffrey Senior): Why don't you understand?

(Korn): Yeah, that's right.  
(Jesse): That's quite a lot, one star.  
(Korn & JR): Ah...  
(Korn): That was all there was. I don't even have a ping pong paddle.  
(Teresa): I'm getting garbage. Lately, I've been the one with the temper...  
(Jeffrey Junior): Here we go, the temperamental one. It's true. So, really, this isn't from you?  
(Jeffrey Junior): It's me. Seriously?  
(Jeffrey Junior): I didn't know your favorite store, so Victoria's Secret? That's hilarious. What on earth did you buy? Wait... what is this!?  
(JR): Oh my God!  
(Korn): *laughs* This is seriously messed up.  
(Jeffrey Senior): Why would you buy something like that?  
(Jeffrey Junior): *childish laughter*  
(Jesse): There's dog poop on the table.  
(Teresa): Jeffrey! Why would you do something like this?  
(Jeffrey Junior): Don't stick your hand in without checking what's inside.  
(Korn): *laughs*

Psycho Kid's Birthday Bash

Scripts