The Working Mother Paradox: Unpacking Stereotypes and Strengths

Working mothers possess unique strengths that enhance their professional capabilities, defying harmful stereotypes.

### Challenging Stereotypes: The Strengths of Working Mothers
* 👩 The term "working mother" often conjures up negative stereotypes, which can lead to **underestimating their capabilities in the workplace**.
* 📺 These stereotypes are shaped by societal influences, media portrayals, and personal experiences, but they fail to capture the **complexity of real individuals**.
* 📊 Research shows that assumptions about working mothers being **less capable** can result in **fewer job opportunities, promotions, and even job loss** for them.
* 💼 A study revealed that women with parental responsibilities are perceived as **less competent**, receiving **lower starting salaries** and facing **discrimination in hiring processes**.
* 📈 However, many working mothers report feeling more **efficient, empathetic, and motivated** after having children, leading to what is termed the "**motherhood advantage**."
* 🔍 A survey of over 400 academic mothers found that **83% felt they were better at their jobs after becoming parents**, gaining skills that **enhance their professional performance**.
* 🛠 To leverage this advantage, organizations should recognize biases, adjust job structures to accommodate working mothers, and understand that **each individual's experience is unique**.
* 🌟 Extraordinary working mothers, such as Ada Lovelace and Ursula Burns, exemplify the **invaluable contributions** that can arise when women are given opportunities, emphasizing the importance of **not underestimating them**.

let's start with the vision exercise. I'm going to say a term, and when I say that term, I want you to press pause and capture the first image that pops into your head. Okay, ready? The term is working mother. What do you see? Is your working mother busy, happily typing away at her desk, or is she slumped over, exhausted, in need of caffeine? What we instinctively think about people is based on our stereotypes, these widely held but oversimplified images and ideas, which are based in part by our surroundings, you see in the media, in movies and TV shows. Our stereotypes are also influenced by our own lives, how we grow up, our role models, our peers, who we associate with, and stereotypes can be unreliable or even harmful because they can never capture the wonderful complexity of a real human being. So, I'm going to share with you today why our common stereotypes of working mothers are untrue and result in women being underestimated at work, and there are important implications of this underestimation that affect not only the

moms themselves, but their jobs, their workplaces, their organizations, and beyond. What if I told you right now that there are women working throughout laboratories and collaborating and meeting rooms, and they're gonna be the ones to someday discover this cure to some horrible disease or innovate some new technology that we can't imagine living without. But instead of making these advancements, Belen said, leave the workforce because some manager along the way decided a woman wouldn't work as well after having a baby. There's a business case to be made for why working mothers should not be underestimated. That is, it matters to the bottom line as well. So just as your image may have been somewhat negative, I too once shared those negative assumptions. I used to work in a fast-paced job in New York City as a human resources professional, and I would coach managers on employee issues like maternity leaves. And you know, I was a freewheeling single young woman, always dressed in my polished, perfectly pressed business casual. And I remember thinking, Wow, having a baby sure interferes with your career. I

didn't get it right. All I saw in my co-workers is how they were limited because they had children. So fast-forward over a decade later, I'd quit my job, go back to school to get my PhD in management, and I become an assistant professor. And during those grueling, stressful tenure-track years, I have children of my own within 22 months of each other. And my experience when I became a working mother was exceedingly challenging. The pressure was on to publish research. I got back to demanding teaching and service commitments. My mom had died a few years prior. The rest of my family lived 2,000 miles away. After I had my first baby in particular, it was one of the most lonely times of my life. Of course, I loved my baby. I loved nursing her and smelling her hair and all those precious moments. But I was beyond exhausted physically and emotionally, just depleted from a difficult pregnancy, a two-and-a-half-day-long birth, and a highly spirited baby who liked to cry more than she liked to

sleep, but you know my experience was so much different from what I had expected it to be. Now, instead of wearing my perfectly pressed business-casual every day, of course, I'm just trying to get out the door without one or both of my kids spilling on me or peeing on me somewhere. The struggle is real. Things were different. They also realized there are ways I was better at my job, happier in my job, and more fulfilled in how I did my job after having kids. But that's not the common stereotype of working mothers, is it? That's not what we see portrayed in movies. That's not what's discussed in hiring meetings. People tend to assume, as I did, that when a mom returns to work after having a baby, that she'll be less capable or less committed than she was before. That working mothers are all sleep-deprived, baby-crazy, conflicted, and struggling with work-life balance. Don't get me wrong, that was my experience and then some, right? I mean, the stereotype is often at least partially true, but it's

not the whole truth, and this leads to what I refer to as the working mother paradox. That while we assume working mothers are less than they were prior to having children, they often end up having more to offer their jobs than before. And there are important consequences of these assumptions that impact every manager's behavior and decisions. As a result of these assumptions, women are offered fewer opportunities. Research shows that women are routinely discriminated against after having children. They are not hired for jobs, they're not selected for promotions, or they're even fired. And organizations then lose out on valuable talent as women are demotivated in their jobs or even end up leaving the workforce. A study by Shelley Carell and colleagues found that looking at resumes, right, their study looked at resumes and compared, and resumes that indicated someone was on a parent-teacher association, all those being equal, was half as likely to get called back for an interview. Those women were perceived as less competent. They received lower starting salaries. Mothers, but not fathers, suffer from a substantial wage

penalty, and all of these assumptions prompt academy-award-winning acting that women engage in when they return back to work. They try to pretend as if nothing has changed. They try to pretend like they're the same that they were before to avoid being treated differently, to avoid being stripped of opportunities, and all this only further depletes their own resources. So, I propose a counter-narrative to this working mother paradox that parenting helps us rather than hurts us, that being a parent should be considered an asset, not a liability. And this idea has been referred to by author Elissa court as the motherhood advantage. But there are skills and abilities gained from the experience of having babies and raising children that can then be applied to the job. I want to start a new stereotype. Gwyneth Paltrow built a 250 million dollar company with a hiring strategy that included a focus on hiring working mothers, saying, and I paraphrase, that lady will get things done. When a mom returns to work after having a baby, she may need

help. She may need temporary accommodations or support, but don't assume that because of that she's less than she was. She very likely will become more than she was. Different does not mean diminished. So, being a researcher, you know I wanted to investigate this idea. So, together with Sharon Kim, a fellow management professor who also had two babies while tenure track, we ran a survey with over 400 academic mothers who had recently given birth and returned to work. And we asked them a series of questions, open-ended questions, about their return to work experience and what we found just floored us. Yes, we heard a lot about the challenges and limitations. We heard a lot about the problems that they experienced. But what floored us was the bright side that 83% of our participants shared specific ways that they were better in their jobs after having children. So, this is studied already, right? This is studied in the field of work-family scholarship as family-to-work enrichment, that when you have personal and family experiences, through those experiences, you can engender resources.

that you can then apply to your jobs. So, we brought in an expert in this field to help us out, Danna Greenberg, to help us analyze and interpret our data. And I'll share with you now three really interesting ways that we found our participants were enriched. The first way was that they gained skills in efficiency. They became better at time management, multitasking, and prioritizing. When participants said, I am super efficient now. I prioritize ruthlessly. Another said, I get so much more done now after having my baby. I am more productive. The second way our participants experienced enrichment is they gained enhanced skills in being able to relate with other people at work. They shared how they got better at conflict management, at compromising, with enhanced abilities in being empathetic and compassionate with other people. One participant said, I'm a better and more confident negotiator now. I can attest about who doesn't become a better negotiator after having a toddler. Another said, I'm a better manager now. I can relate more to the challenges that people are experiencing with more

patience. The third way our participants were enriched is that they gained an enhanced perspective of themselves and of their jobs. Babies and children put a bad day at work into perspective. They influence how we're motivated at work, the meaning we derive from our jobs. Stakes are so much higher when you have little ones watching your every step and emulating your choices. One participant said, I now know I can juggle anything thrown at me. Another said, I used to be scared about things like teaching and speaking in public, and you realize now after having children, I am much more capable. Another participant said, My work has greater meaning to me since the birth of my child. So, those are our three categories of ways our participants were enriched. And now think about this, right? Being more motivated, better negotiating. Aren't these skills you want to see in your employees? And here's the best part: what happens when the pressures and challenges of babies and young children are alleviated, right? Kids get a little older, a little more self-sufficient. Do these skills just go away? No, they can

continue to be applied to the job in the years to come. So, while in the short term, there are challenges; in the long term, these gains remain. Okay, so now what can be done? How can we all leverage this motherhood advantage? I'll offer suggestions, and there are especially for those of you who anticipate you might become a working mom someday, for any of you who are in the throes of your own return to work experience right now, and especially for those of you who are in a position of influence to make decisions about the working mothers around you. My first suggestion is to know your biases. Being aware of them is the first step towards not letting them influence our decisions. As I learned, it's hard to understand something that you haven't gone through yourself. The second suggestion is to consider how to adjust jobs to accommodate employees. Jobs that are part-time, share, or flexible in some way can help to keep working mothers in the workforce, and such needs are often temporary. Other resources like accommodating or on-site daycare or paid parental leave can help.

to achieve this as well and has a bonus. Aren't employees likely to be even more committed and loyal to you because you helped to work with them through this temporarily challenging time? The third suggestion is to resist the power of anecdotal examples. Doing so expands your stereotypes. Every woman's experience is different. Just because one person needed two months off and a standing desk doesn't mean that the next one will. I once made a hilarious list of all these things I wanted to do during my first maternity leave. Just because I didn't accomplish any of those things doesn't mean that another woman wouldn't be able to do everything. My fourth suggestion is to remember that time matters. A study by Matias Craft and colleagues found that after working mothers had a baby, they were more productive in the long term of their careers, swallowing the short term. There may need to be some investment in some support in the long run. Employers are likely to get a return on that investment. So those are my suggestions, and I would argue that they're

applicable beyond working moms, beyond even working parents, that when any employee faces some personal or family challenge, don't assume they're only limited by those challenges, whether an illness to fight, an elder parent to care for, a death to mourn, an illness to overcome. Managers and leaders allow for your employees to use what they've learned from their challenges in how they do their jobs. This year my kids turn 2 and 4. I turned 40 and I finally earned tenure. And thank you. I didn't attend your in spite of having my children. I am Who I am now because of them and because of what I've been through. I am stronger and better because of what I've been through. And finally, let me leave you with this. I want to share with you a few examples of some extraordinary working mothers. Okay, ready? First, mathematician and writer Ada Lovelace. She published what's considered to be the world's first computer algorithm three years after having her third child. Esteemed award-winning astronomer Cecilia Payne Capuchin. She

was so influential. She had an astrophysicist award named after her, and she was a mom of three in the 1930s. She also shocked her Harvard colleagues back then by lecturing while visibly pregnant. Wasn't done back then, right? Ursula Burns, ranked by Forbes as one of the most powerful women in the world, grew her career at Xerox, ultimately becoming CEO. She has a daughter and a stepson. Pediatrician Mona Hanna-Attisha blew the whistle on the water-led contamination crisis in Flint, Michigan. How many lives has she improved and saved? And she's a mom of two. Two United States Supreme Court justices, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sandra Day O'Connor, also have children. All of these contributions to the world would have been lost had these women been denied opportunities just because they also happened to be mothers. Don't underestimate the working moms around you. Thank you.

Don’t Underestimate Working Mothers | Dana Sumpter | TEDxCSULB

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TEDx Talks

Stereotypes about working mothers are often negative and oversimplified, leading to their underestimation in the workplace.

These assumptions can have harmful implications, not only for the mothers but also for their organizations and society as a whole.

The speaker shares their personal journey from holding negative views about working mothers to experiencing the challenges themselves, highlighting the importance of recognizing the value and potential of these women in the workforce.

Working mothers often face stereotypes of being less capable and committed after having children, leading to discrimination in hiring and promotions.

Despite these assumptions, many working mothers become more fulfilled and offer more to their jobs post-parenting.

The narrative needs to shift, recognizing parenting as an asset and promoting the skills gained from raising children as valuable in the workplace.

The Positive Impact of Motherhood on Career Development

Research with over 400 academic mothers revealed that 83% experienced positive changes in their jobs after having children.

The participants reported improved efficiency, better interpersonal skills, and an enhanced perspective on themselves and their work.

These skills, gained from the challenges of motherhood, can benefit employers and persist even after the children become more self-sufficient.

Leveraging the Motherhood Advantage in the Workplace

Being aware of biases is crucial for making fair decisions regarding working mothers.

Adjusting jobs to offer part-time, flexible, or shared roles, along with providing resources like on-site daycare and paid parental leave, can help retain working mothers in the workforce.

It's important to recognize that each woman's experience is unique, and investing in support for working mothers can lead to long-term productivity and loyalty.

The Impact of Personal Challenges on Employees

Employees facing personal or family challenges should not be underestimated in their potential.

Managers and leaders can benefit from allowing employees to use their experiences to inform their work.

The speaker highlights extraordinary working mothers who made significant contributions while balancing their family responsibilities, emphasizing the importance of providing opportunities for all employees.