So in this video, we're gonna talk about how to heal from
narcissistically abusive parents, and I want to give you the
essence of this video upfront. It doesn't really matter
whether your parents actually would fit the clinical
diagnosis for NPD or not. The fact is that you,
by watching this video, you've looked at the
definition of narcissism. You've looked at the definition
of narcissistic strategies, and that tells me, at the very least, if you think your parents are narcissistic or a parent is narcissistic, they're going to be extremely vindictive, extremely envious, and jealous of you. They're going to be cruel,
they're going to be exploitative. They'll have taken things from you, and they will have emotionally abused you. How to heal. This isn't a happy video,
it's not a fun video, it's not a nice video, but the essence of what
I'll be talking around here.

is around giving up. Giving up on the idea of that parent, or of both your parents, ever actually showing up as a parent in your life, is essential to your healing and is essential to you moving on. I understand this. I had to go through this process with one of my parents eventually because remaining stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment, hope and disappointment, hope and disappointment, was driving me mad, and the easier thing to do was to just say, Okay, this parent is never going to show up as a parent. Biologically, he is my parent. Biologically, I came from him. But in the world, in terms of function, of fulfilling the duty of a parent, he completely failed. He's always going to fail, and I need to give up on that. And it actually made my life an awful lot better. That's healing. I don't think there is any healing in the world that typically happens without grief. Healing usually requires that we let go.

from something that we grieve for something, and that we experience a certain degree of sadness. I can't give you a way around that. I would suggest that anybody who claims they can give you a way around that is probably not being completely truthful with you. So, healing from narcissistically abusive parents, in its essence, is letting go of the idea that they're ever gonna show up as parents and grieving for that loss. I suggest to do that, that you acquire the assistance of a qualified mental health professional, not life coaches, not people on YouTube or Instagram. You're not gonna be able to read posts and get better. You're not gonna be able to watch YouTube videos and get better. You have to take the time and spend a little bit of money to find a mental health professional, a therapist, or a counselor who knows what they're doing, who specializes in the area of grief and family relationships, and preferably narcissistic abuse, as well.

and then spend some time
having conversations with them in order for you to process
what you're going through. It's a big deal. It's not a little thing, it's a big thing, and you should take the
time out of your life to say, Okay, this is a period of my life where I dedicated a certain
amount of time and effort and money to overcome
the fact that really, I was stuck in this abusive
cycle with one of my parents, and it was dramatically
affecting the quality of my life. It's well worth taking the time to do that, but please take it seriously. Now, why does this happen? When you are born to
narcissistically abusive parents, you can't consent because you're a child and they have total power over you. But what starts to form
is a covert contract that operates between you, that's rooted in some sort of bait. All narcissistically
abusive relationships, emotionally abusive
relationships, have to have bait.

because why else would you go back? Like if you came on this video,
and I just swore and said, You're an idiot for
clicking this video, go away. I never wanna see you again. You would probably just stop
the video and disappear. Why would you come back? You'd be like, Oh, I watched
one of that guy's videos. It was terrible. I hated that. I'm not going through
that experience again. Why would you do it? Well, if you had a reason to do it, even if I was being abusive, you would. If there was something within the videos like, I don't know, there's something that you particularly needed
to get from within these videos in order to live your life, you would put up with all of the abuse. There'd be a bait there. Why do we put up with abuse
from narcissistic parents? Because the bait is, I could
win the love of my mother.

I could win the love of my father. As a child, who's now grown
into an adult human being, what is more powerful
than your creator's love? They're gods to children. They are gods to us. Your mother's love, your
father's love, your mother and father's validation,
their approval, their support. If you're watching this video and you received those
things, you're blessed. Many of us didn't. Instead of getting validation,
love, approval, and support, we got abuse, we've got exploitation. For some of us, the abuse was violent, for some of us, the abuse was sexual, and it does massive damage because that should have been
a source of love and support, and in fact, it was a
source of evil and chaos. It's very, very difficult to overcome, which is why I am heavily
advocating in this video that people are struggling with this issue find a therapist, find a counselor.

Go through a few. Find somebody that you
can really get on with, that you would like to
do this kind of work with, and learn how to grieve
for what's being lost. The covert contract is formed
on the basis of the bait, and then once the covert
contract is formed on the basis of that bait, the bait being I can win my mother's love,
I can win my father's love, and then she will become a
mother, he'll become a father. Then what happens is you plunge into an abusive relationship with them that's best understood in
accordance with the work of a Dutch psychoanalyst called
Sander as a shared fantasy. You are then engaged in a type
of communication with them that creates a little world
that you live inside of. It's a shared fantasy. You have shared goals, shared coordinates, a shared narrative about
what that relationship is and isn't. The only relationship
with a mother or a father

that you've ever known is the shared fantasy relationship you've had with your own mother or father, right? That common sense, right? That means you don't know, you couldn't possibly know, as I couldn't possibly know from your subjective point of view, solipsistically, what a normal relationship with a mother or father looks like, what a non-abusive relationship with a mother or father looks like or feels like. So then the job that we have is to destroy this shared fantasy because effectively now you're living inside of a world of illusion. You are living inside of a simulation, a matrix style simulation that that parent has plunged you into and is effectively exploiting you and enslaving you from that point of view to give themselves narcissistic supply for life. There are no moral boundaries with these people. There's no moral boundaries with this psychological personality type, so even if they can see that it's making you suffer,

that it's making you physically
sick, which it often does. That it's giving you a
lower quality of life, they don't care because
they're all about themselves, and even the destruction
of their own children doesn't move them to change their ways. If you don't heal this shared fantasy, even if you move country
and never see them again, even if they die, it still continues. You carry your mother and
father within you as interjects. You carry the mother and father within you, and the shared fantasy
of your relationship with your mother, your
relationship with your father, if they were narcissistically
abusive, forever unless you do this work. I have a course that helps people overcome narcissistically abusive
relationships in work environments, in romantic relationships,
and in family units. The course, if you get it, is called Unplug from the Matrix
of Narcissistic Abuse. If you do choose to work with
a therapist or counselor.

have the therapist or counselor contact us, and we will give them access to the course so they can see exactly what you're doing, and you can work with them. If your therapist or counselor
has a question about the work that I've offered you, or
they have a suggestion for other exercises, or what we can do, they have a direct line to me, and I can change the course
or moderate the course in accordance with what your therapist or counselor suggests or asks for. Any clarity you need, they
can come straight to me. If you're interested, the course is called Unplug from the Matrix
of Narcissistic Abuse. It's available now from richardgrannon.com via this link down here. Sorry, the video is a
little bit of a downer, but nevertheless, I
thank you for your time and for your attention, and I look forward to speaking to you again very soon. Hello, folks. Just to let you know, we now have a new course
out, it's finally finished.

It's called Unplug from the Matrix of Narcissistic Abuse, and it's available from richardgrannon.com. Just hit this link right here, and you can go get it.

WATCH THIS if You think your Parents were Abusive

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