So anger is not an authentic expression. Uh, anger is a is a smoke screen for actually admitting to yourself that you've been hurt. And that's super counter-intuitive. How many years is it going to take you to learn that and stop being angry? That'll take a lot of years.

If you're anger-prone, how about with suffering? Suffering is one of the most counterintuitive things. When we suffer, the obvious thing that we do is we recoil and we try to kind of shut ourselves off from the suffering, create that little piece of armor there.

And to distract ourselves from the suffering. One of the most counterintuitive things you can do in life is to actually open yourself to the suffering and fully feel it with full mindfulness and consciousness and really suffer it, like really suffer it extra hard.

And from that, actually you will be able to dissolve your suffering. It's in the resisting of suffering that most suffering gets created. That's so counterintuitive and so challenging to embody. You can know this logically, but then to be able to embody it in everyday

life when you're actually in a moment of deep suffering, that's really difficult. That takes a lot of training and that's a lot of what spirituality is about. And that's also why spirituality is so counterintuitive, one of the ways is because you know

This is a classic technique that spiritual masters and gurus and yogis have used for thousands of years is that they deliberately make themselves suffer by lying on a bed of nails, for example, or sitting and meditating on a hard rock in

a cave somewhere this creates a lot of suffering but this is exactly what spiritually purifies them and ultimately makes them a happy person is because they went through all that suffering see that's so counterintuitive most people what they want is they want to do the opposite they want to surround

themselves with a cushy environment where everything is perfect and idealistic and or idyllic rather and um and and in that situation actually you become soft and you become weak and then even the littlest agitation will make you suffer enormously whereas

the person who lives in a cave for 10 years to him he can endure enormous suffering and no problem because he's trained himself on it and that's the whole idea behind asceticism fear is also a great example of counterintuitiveness

a lot of people when they're faced with a challenging situation they'll worry about that situation and they'll think about it and they'll ruminate about all the stuff that can go wrong with it and uh the idea being that if you worry so much about it that

somehow you're gonna prevent it but actually what ends up happening is the exact opposite by law of attraction you end up attracting those things which you think about so if you're worrying and you're thinking about negative stuff you tend to attract that so if you're fearful about lack of money

that tends to actually instill and program you within with a poverty mindset and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy if you're fearful about love and you think you're going to end up alone and that makes you needy and clingy when you do get into that

relationship with your perfect partner, you're going to be so needy and clingy, and so fearful of losing their love that actually you're going to repel them away and they will leave you for your neediness. And then that creates a self-fulfilling

prophecy. That's why fear is so dangerous and so toxic. What's really counterintuitive with fear is to face it head-on. Our natural inclination with fear is to try to resist it or distract ourselves from it, is to avoid the thing that we fear the most.

And uh what spirituality teaches us that we have to go into the fear and face our greatest fears head on. And then through that we conquer our fears. We realize that our fears, all fear is just illusion, but that's so counter-intuitive because a fear does not appear like an illusion.

It appears like reality, but then again that's precisely what an illusion is. An illusion is an appearance which mimics reality but really isn't. How about the example of arrogance? It's counter-intuitive to be humble. Have you noticed this? Or blame, it's counter-intuitive not to blame

other people when something goes wrong. How about criticism? It's counter-intuitive to listen to criticism. Our natural inclination when we get criticized is to again create armor and shut ourselves off, and to instead demonize the person who is criticizing us.

to invalidate their criticism because their criticism is pointing out some weakness in us that we need to work on and fix. But of course we don't admit that we have a weakness. The ego doesn't admit that. The counterintuitive thing is to actually listen to feedback.

and that's counterintuitive because it's emotionally difficult to do that because then you have to open yourself up to the possibility that other people might know more than you do

Understanding Anger, Suffering & Negativity

Actualized Clips

Counterintuitive approaches to anger and suffering

Anger masks underlying hurt; overcoming it takes time.

Suffering's counterintuitive solution: embracing it mindfully.

Resisting suffering creates more suffering; fully experiencing it dissolves it.

Embodying this requires training and is a core aspect of spirituality.

Spiritual practices often involve deliberate suffering for purification.

Worrying attracts negative outcomes; facing fears directly conquers them.

Fear of lack creates a poverty mindset; fear of loneliness leads to neediness and repulsion.

Spirituality advocates confronting fears head-on to overcome them.

Fear, though seeming real, is ultimately an illusion.

Counterintuitive approaches to arrogance, blame, and criticism

Humility is counterintuitive, as is avoiding blame and accepting criticism.

Natural inclination is to defend against criticism; the counterintuitive approach is to listen.

Listening to feedback requires acknowledging weaknesses, challenging the ego.

Openness to others' knowledge is emotionally challenging but beneficial.