Identity Crisis and Mental Health in Men

Men's depression often stems from a loss of identity and societal pressures undermining their masculinity.

### The Role of Identity in Mental Health and Well-being
* 👤 Masculine identity plays a significant role in men's mental health, with societal shifts potentially causing **shame and guilt around traditional masculine traits**.
* 🏛 "There has been sort of like a push to **destroy the inherent identity we have in being men**."
* 🧠 Shame is described as "a feeling that there's a part of our self that is **unacceptable**," influencing **self-perception** and **mental health**.
* 🔍 Therapeutic breakthroughs are rare, with a focus on **small, consistent changes** rather than **sudden realizations**.
* 💼 The therapist emphasizes the importance of **aligning lifestyle with values**, and the potential consequences of **neglecting personal values**.
* 💰 Financial security is highlighted as a **key factor** in achieving **personal goals and well-being**.
* 🎭 Balancing creativity and discipline is discussed, with **creativity seen as essential for mental well-being** but **discipline necessary for managing mental health issues**.
* 🛡 Developing a strong sense of self is described as crucial for mental health, serving as an "**inner citadel**" against external challenges.

### Unpacking Psychological Concepts and Personal Anecdotes with Eden Zurka
* 🧠 Eden Zurka, a counselor, and his brother discuss **various psychological concepts** and **personal anecdotes** during a live stream.
* 🌌 They delve into topics like **depression, counseling, identity, trauma, and fulfillment**, offering **unique perspectives and practical advice**.
* 🔍 Eden emphasizes the importance of finding **continuity between internal and external experiences** for fulfillment.
* 📝 Practical tips include **creating a list of core values**, **building routines**, and **externalizing goals for better memory consolidation**.
* 🎮 The brothers share personal experiences, such as their love for **Age of Empires and Rome Total War**, and how gaming influenced their **bond**.
* 🧑 They also touch on therapy dynamics, with Eden critiquing Dr. K's approach and **discussing the therapist-client relationship**.
* 👥 The live stream includes interactions with viewers, ranging from **insightful questions** to **playful banter**.
* 🤔 Overall, the conversation combines **psychological insights, personal reflections, and gaming nostalgia** in a **unique and engaging format**.

the root of depression for most men. He did say it's an identity thing, right? Yeah, I agree. I'm not going to debate that. Well, if I'm being honest, I think there has been sort of like a push to destroy the inherent identity we have in being men, right? Like, you remove men from their duties as men, of course, they're going to take away part of their identity, and of course, that's going to... And then, of course, they feel guilt and shame for ever wanting... for ever having any masculine sort of personality traits. Like, you're causing them to feel shameful for that. Of course, there's going to be a sense of... Listen, shame is what is shame, John. Do you know what it is? Here you go. There are a lot of philosophers who have said that once you lose your sense of wonder and creativity, this death of your soul is next. Final question for your brother. Does he eat the box? Can you ask him if the values need to change or the lifestyle at this point? Lifestyle, I think you're... He's

saying lifestyle is downstream from your values. Yes, there are a lot of people who actually do live a life that doesn't match their values. Like, they think of themselves a certain way, but yeah, the way they allow people to speak to them is very differently, right? I always say your thinking perhaps needs to change, your ex, the way you interact with people perhaps needs to change, right? If you are going to, and some values are sort of universal, I try to instill in my clients. You need to value yourself. What does that look like? You need to put up boundaries that will prevent other people from sort of, you know, getting through and making you do things at your own expense. Why are you doing things at your own expense? That's reinforcing a belief system that you are lower on the hierarchy. So, set up some boundaries. That's very important. And start to compound small changes in your life that are going to move you closer towards your goal. What if I don't know what my goal

is okay, so there's something to identify goals. We call it the miracle question, and maybe we could try it. John, how do you feel? I feel good. No, I'm just joking. How do you feel about trying The Miracle question? I'm down. Yeah, okay. So the question, and you guys could all use this on yourselves too, the question is: if a miracle happened overnight tonight and it resolved all of your issues, what would tomorrow look like for you? What would be different? How would you wake up? What would you be feeling in the morning? Where would you go to work? Where would you be? Who would you be with? Is it bad to say I'd just go live and still do the same thing? Like if I won the lottery today, I'd still go live, right? I need to expand my... because I need to expand my consciousness to the world. I need to be marked in history, right? Right. So yeah, yeah. If all my problems were fixed, I'd go live. I'd do the same thing I always do. What would be different about your life?

if your problems were resolved tonight, would you wake up in this bed, in this house? Um, damn, I don't know. Where would you be living? No, no. Uh, I think I'd be on the beach somewhere. I think I'd be oceanfront. That would be great. There you go. And I think I would be doing more, like more, taking on more responsibilities, hiring professionals to always be around me, corporate professionals, fighting professionals, athletic strength and conditioning professionals, right? I think I would just do everything I'm doing to the next level. That is interesting. So, it's like if I won the lottery. You keep saying lottery. Now I'm thinking it's like financial, like that's what needs to change. Well, yeah, to go to the next level is financial. I mean, you look at people like Andrew Tate. He's [Music]. All right, everyone who got a subscription, there should be a hundred thank yous at CEO and CEO. Is that all you got? I mean, you transformed to the highest level. I don't have a higher level.

transformation when you go Ultra Instinct. I guess you're like, I guess you're done, but uh, is that all you got, right? And I guess he, he, he's valuing this. This is great. Like, maybe I'll get you some McDonald's tomorrow, right? Thank you for this, this uh, session. Um, so for that Miracle question, because I kept going to money, it is money for me, 'cause when I think of like, it's not money, security. Yeah, it is security, right? Well, same thing, right? But um, I think of like, you, it's so easy to go to the next level when you have money. There's that guy Andrew Tate. He paid a bunch of people $50 to make a TikTok about his clips, and no, he paid like a 100,000 people that [ __ ] or something like that, and to spread his message on the internet, which is a great game plan, but obviously, you invest a lot of money in that marketing style, right? So yeah, only John would hire a zurka cult member as his therapist. No, this is not someone

from my Discord. What the f—no, no, no. He's just a man I met on the street. He needed a place to stay, and uh, turns out he's based as [__]. Um, I guess I would ask you—no, no. I guess I would ask you, uh, can you get Eden to talk to that one cuck who wants to be a streamer? The one whose girlfriend, Jettah—no, say no. I gave up on that guy, right? H. That guy's a troll. I guess my question would be, um, I guess my question would be, u, I. I guess my—is it better to be creative or disciplined? I would say disciplined, right? Because it's always a mental health game. Would you rather be an artsy student or a [__] high-functioning lawyer? Um, yeah, I'm going to go with discipline because discipline is the only remedy to a lot of mental health issues. If you think about what depression is, what anxiety is, they require a—it's so paradoxical to think that these mental health issues

can only be resolved by that um by different part of your brain like it's you that has to engage in it right. We recognize addiction as a disease, but we also recognize that the treatment, the cure for that disease um, is a sense of discipline, a sense of motivation to to want to stop and get sober. So, I want to go with the one that protects your mental health. Although creativity is kind of sick like Arts, I'm surprised you say that John because you're an artist. Yeah, yeah, I mean um, there a lot of philosophers have said that once you lose your sense of wonder and creativity, this death of your soul is next right, that if you stop that creative process, you're stopping that innocent kind of childlike part of your brain, that that neurogenesis happening starts to fade right. And so like a high functioning lawyer who's just all about let's say numbers and his clients right, let's say a high functioning lawyer who's never creative, he can also fall into despair very easily right. So, you would have have

to be a what a disciplined creative person. Yeah, it's both. It's both or well how how do you be creative. What do you mean from like a yeah like a lot of artists musicians blah blah blah they'll use weed or something to get a little more creative and it does work sometimes but like how do you keep creative right and uh cuz create to me creative is curious about your work right like if you're making painting and you're not curious about that [ __ ] painting you're doomed. So I'm this is just off the dome right now but um in my mind what I think of is uh you have to drop the societal stuff all the restrictions that society places on us what Freud called the super ego if you can sort of push that away cuz I think that's sort of what like you're saying like drugs kind of do right you you stop carrying about what other people think right and I feel like that ex opens up a different part of your brain and we can get into like the the

neuros psychology of it. But so that would be like a you would be like a you'd be sober but you'd be high. Like when you're high you don't care what Society thinks. You have to master that in a sober version. You have to remove all the walls that we put up um as the all the different ways that Society sort of socializes us. Like if you think about it we're animals but we also have no no but listen to me we're animals in the sense that we have the ID what Freud would call the ID and everybody and know that [ __ ] this is like basic um psych 101. Like the Primal animal part of ourselves. Then we have the super ego which is the opposite of that. It's the societal super structures that we have. But imagine if you could find a way to tame that ID without um without those sort of societal blocks or whatever. Isn't it weird how now that the society will push

hookup culture onto us that's kind of like pushing the ID and that beastly nature back. It's like pumping it back into the masses. Yeah, of course, this is the end of the West. We're, this is it. This is it. What if you live a life just for like Andrew Tate, just [__] and [__], partying and all that, and disciplined. But like, let's say like a player. Can a player ever be, can he, can he ever be complete? Like a 40-year-old, let's say a 40-year-old guy who just has [__]. 'Cause I always thought marriage would be the solution to that guy. That's damn, that's a good question. I don't know what the hell. I don't know. Yeah, it probably doesn't work for everybody. I like, I can't see you for me. I'm like in a relationship. I'm planning on having a family. But I don't see it for you. No, he's a globy. He's not a flat.

earther. He doesn't even look into that. He doesn't even let me talk about it, and I'm afraid to ask him because he might get up and leave. But do you know that the Earth is flat? Okay, never mind. Ask him if self is just an illusion. John, what do you think? Um, yeah. What did the Japanese have to say? You have one mask that you don't take off ever to anyone, and it's who you are. Then you have another mask for your family, a mask for friends, and society, right? Right. But, uh, yeah, there is underst. I mean, if you think about it, right, we all walk around as phonies, and the people who are less phony, then we look up to those guys, right? I never understood that question, the illusion. Like, in the way I see it, it's like having a strong sense of self is the only buffer you can have against the outside world, a dangerous world. Yeah, it's sort of like an armor. We call it

the inner Citadel. What the inner Citadel. Okay, you have something to retreat to when things become very damaging. That's why I was mentioning when something traumatic happens, we lose our sense of self. We build an identity from the trauma. So, what we try to do in therapy is how do we create a sense of continuity that goes back past the trauma. So, if I build up this identity with my family rings and I lose my grandmother, a piece of my identity is so cracked that I feel shook, shook. I'm shook forever. It's not actually losing the grandmother; it's really losing a part of your life. Yeah, also grandmother, yeah, but right. Um, oh, so it's like a warping of your reality that you can't handle. Yeah, yeah, correct. That's why it's so dangerous, man. Like, you have to be very careful about, like, why should we judge a homeless guy if he, like, his whole family died and [__] and he had the worst hand in life. He's been given the worst

hand. I would. I would be faster to say his mental health is strong, that he didn't kill himself like he lost everything. Since becoming a counselor, I can't judge anybody for anything. It's the... and that's why, like, when I hear John, like, Yo [__] this guy [__] that, yo, but like, they're all pedophiles, like, you just say random [__] and, uh, I'm like, Man, it's like, I can't 'cause I work with this day in, day out where I just, I see what's happening behind the scenes. You don't see what's happening behind the scenes. You just see the sort of... sometimes I wonder how dangerous empathy can be because if I go to, let's say, a man named, uh, Tyrone and I want advice from Tyrone, if Tyrone empathizes with me too much, he becomes human to me, and I'm scared 'cause I'm damaged in human. But if he cannot empathize and just gives me badass...

advice. He's this iconic thing I'm striving to be. So sometimes I think empathy can weaken family and friends a lot because let's say your dad, if he's iconic, never cries, right? He'll do more for your mental health than, right? But he would do more for my mental health being that iconic Superman than him empathizing and crying with me, of course. Um, yeah, well, there's like a place for both, right? Sometimes like you just look if somebody empathizes with you, that's the deepest connection you can have that expels that sense of isolation and loneliness that we talked about. But on the other hand, yeah, if you have like some buffer against, you know, the dangers of the world and it's your father, that's very powerful. Not too many people have that. But then the question becomes as you get older and your parents become frailer, which is I think a lot of us, and you start, that image starts to crack, you become very exposed to the dangers of the world because now there's no protection.

and that's why a lot of people can't go past their parents. They can't go past their father subconsciously. They don't want to because that exposes them to the dangers of the world. I'm kind of embarrassed. Let me un-VIP say like he thinks you're defending pedophiles and uh that's so embarrassing. I usually the VIPs are smart. Sorry dude that is so embarrassing. Like I don't you don't even have to explain it. It's uh like my VIPs keep saying weird no I know I know no the guy just can't understand. He's an idiot. He's totally all right. Hold on hold on hold on no no no don't be turned off by that guy. Someone said how do you deal with impostor syndrome identity. I swear yeah yeah you you have to have listen you have to

build up a sense of confidence and trust in yourself, right, and recognize that what is the worst-case scenario, really? What is the worst-case scenario? And by the way, now I'm just kind of speaking more openly, but I would say the worst-case scenario in today's day and age is not even being broke, but it's walking in and watching your wife getting [__]. Yeah, facts. Yeah, work the mic better. Yeah, yeah, he needs to really hit the middle of the base, the base of this mic. Ask question. All right, what are the last questions before he goes? All right, I'm going to the beach with him and his girlfriend tomorrow because he did this for me. So, what are the last questions? I got you, bro. I got now. Now we're even. The root of depression for most men. He did say it's an identity thing, right? Yeah, I agree. I'm not going to debate that. Well, if I'm being honest, I think

there has been sort of like a push to destroy um the inherent identity we have in being men, right? Like, you remove um men from their like duties as men. Of course um, they're going to take away part of their identity, and of course that's going to, and then of course they feel guilt and shame for ever wanting uh, forever like having any masculine sort of like personality traits. Like, you're causing them to feel shameful for that. Of course, there's going to be a sense of, listen, shame is what is shame. John, do you know what it is? You go, It's a feeling that there's a part of our self that is unacceptable. So think about that. That's a very like powerful way to view it, right? There's a part of you that's unacceptable. How could you make peace with your identity if there's part of you that feels unacceptable? N yeah, that's interesting 'cause like masculinity would be such a big part of a boy's identity, and if they strip that, that's like 80% of who you

are or who you're trying to be. Pass me a cigarette. Take appreciate the subscriptions and on um how do you get people to see the light and I think he said that he's a soundboard to his clients that they talk talk talk and they eventually yeah cognitive distance and then they eventually come to to to do they actually say hey I saw the light or does it take a while. I'll be honest breakthroughs don't happen that often whoa yeah mostly like I said what we're trying to do is we're trying to compound small benefits we're trying to break away from that symptom maintenance cycle that's the term we use for it for by the way I mentioned all these words these terms because I think um you guys could then just go Google it but for breakway is there relapses after a what is that called a break or breakthrough yeah is there a relapse after most of the them uh the problem with addictions is that there anytime um something unexpected com comes up it's a high risk uh factor.

for relapse or in those cases, you know, if there's a breakthrough, there's a usually what happens um just sort of more theoretically now speaking, and I guess just in the clients that I've worked with, there's a sense of complacency that comes up, and then you know, you let your guard down, and then you find yourself hanging out with people who drink, for example, and you know, from there, it's it's a quick two-step to relapse. uh someone said, What's his take on your breakup? I don't know what he means by that. We didn't really break up, but um give a better question. Sorry for these guys. Ask Eden if our values are inherent and universal or if they come from our upbringing. He says it's both, not a 50/50. No, there are some you should. Everybody should value themselves. You should have a sense of um of respect and and trust in yourself and um and except that even if you have a sense of you can make mistakes and there can be consequences for your actions, even if

you trust yourself, so if you make a mistake, that's no reason for you to stop trusting yourself. It's a reason for you to think about what caused you to make the mistake and fine-tune it. Does that make sense? Yeah, all right. I had one dude in Discord privately message me. Uh, I got to lock that thing up, by the way. But he said, he said, Yo, John, how come after your breakup you made all this money and did a 22-30 hour stream? Why didn't you like go through a grieving phase after your breakup? And I'm like, What are you, a [__]? And then I realized when I was 20 years old there was a grieving phase for really. I think you should just go back to work. I mean, my passion, I don't think I could ever be into a woman more than my life's work because my life's work is right. Your identity is my, yeah. So you value, you value, and we were raised that way. That's one of those values that maybe aren't like universal.

but definitely in our family, we really valued work ethic. Calling somebody lazy, or like you were saying earlier, this is the biggest insult in our family. You'd get up, you'd work like 90 hours a week just to make up, just to fix a reputation. But there [ __ ] I forgot, there's something I wanted to talk about. You'll come to you. No, I I I still remember. I was having a strong month on Twitch. It was like a $40,000 month, and I sent it to our dad, and he's like, That's it. And I'm like, Yo, this family is satanic, dude. I don't like this, bro. I want some positive reinforcements. But uh, what do you think of army-style shaming, you fat [ __ ] for someone trying to get in shape? If I'm being honest, I we just talked about it. Shame is, that's one of the most powerful human emotions we can experience. It's not good. You don't want to shame somebody. You don't want them

like I said, why would you want them to feel like part of themselves is unacceptable? You know why our dad pisses me off so much is when I told him how much money I made that month, and I sent him the thing. He said, I don't care about your dollar amount. Show me your hours. I was so ashamed 'cause I was doing 30 [__] hour streams again and again, and I wasn't sleeping for a month. And he's like, Show me your hours. And I'm like, No, I'm not showing that part [__] man. Like, he used to do that to our uncles too when our uncles would make big bucks. He'd be like, Show me how many jobs you got. But uh, is shame required for growth? Um, yeah, it can be. Oh, good one. Can be. Give me a better question. Yeah, better questions, guys. Let me end up. I remember what I was going to say, something for you guys to take home. You need to address mental health issues that come up. You cannot suppress them. You cannot

repress them you can of you know you can only deflect them and honestly when you don't address them for a long time they start to manifest physically. So if you start to notice like what we call psychosomatic symptoms like the migraines, not being able to sleep, like grinding your teeth, like all these different things, that's a sign that the mental health issues have become so intense, so frequent, and so long-lasting, which is what we always assess for frequency, duration, and severity. Who, oh, there's a formula, of course, of course, brother. They're manifesting physically now, and so you know that's a symptom of a late-stage, a more severe mental health issue. Yeah, so they go through something bad and the frequency, what, triples? Uh, yeah, so the frequency goes up, um, the duration goes up, so it becomes longer-lasting, and the severity tends to increase quite dramatically. And severity would be like, let's say you go from biting nails to biting them till they bleed. Yeah, okay, so that's like the

intensity. Oh wow, there's a formula. Damn, I got to write down these words 'cause that's so much easier, and no therapists know it. Dude, there's so many online therapists who can't. They don't even have one of these. The way they do therapy is like they're winging it. They don't go back to their books. I guess there's a lot of professional athletic coaches who suck, who are like, Yeah, just do more push-ups. And I guess it's like that, like those coaches who suck. No, like technically we're getting to the same place. Do you know what I mean? Like those therapists, they don't need to know this. I like to know this because if I'm charging somebody that much money, I can't. Like, I feel an immense amount of shame sitting there and just not having anything to say. I want to be able to give yourself a hug. Yeah, give yourself a pat on the back. Can you ask him the correlation between dreams and mental

health yeah well it wasn't my take. Yeah, Freud said the crazier and more wild the dream, the more it means something to you, right? But dreams are unfulfilled wishes, right? Yeah, yes, but also um, if you find you're having more dreams, that could be a sign that you're not getting enough stimulation in your day-to-day. So I'm of the mindset, there's this saying in counseling, everything is Grist for the mill. I have no idea where it comes from, but it's just this idea that everything that we experience could tell us something. If there's a comp, there's a compensatory factor that's very heavily involved in the brain, in our psychology. And so if you're not receiving enough stimulation, first of all, porn becomes more, these sort of cheap substitutes become more enticing. Food porn, um, you know, from that dreaming perspective, maybe you're dreaming more. So yeah, when I, when I'm extremely, have an extremely stimulating week, I can't remember one dream. Wa, I never thought of it like that.

yeah, when I'm really killing it in life, there's very little. Yeah, oh my God, my dreams are so vivid when I'm depressed. Yo, W, that is... I never looked at it like that. Oh my God, when I'm depressed, I want to... Yo, when I'm depressed, I want to sleep more to experience more of those dreams, get more stimulation. Oh wow, oh that is so brilliant. Oh, I never looked at it like that. Oh my God, when I'm depressed, I'd be like, Can't wait for a nap. That's so true. I'm just curious, in the one hour that we've spoken, this is probably like 10 sessions' worth of material. Because of course, we're like, you know, the therapist shouldn't be talking for more than... We should be talking less than a third of the time. Okay, there's a lot of people who don't really know what counseling is, so they're kind of waiting on the therapist to explain things. But I will say, um, I hope you guys are able to take some

of this stuff, um, apply it to your own life, save yourself some money, you know. No, these guys are actually stupid 'cause when they'll be like, This is the best advice, Cira, or Your brother's giving gold, gold, this is gold, but they won't write it down. And I always say, If you don't write something down you learned, you can only really know it at like a superficial level, right? When I want to learn something, right? When I want to learn something, I write it down and draw a picture of it and draw everything that connects to it, um. But obviously, this isn't like real therapy, this is just like theoretical psychological foundations. I'm just explaining the way things work, so don't, you know, don't come after me if it doesn't work for you. Have you noticed a lot of a man's problems can be solved by realizing learning is play and learning? Like when you're young, life is so awesome because you're stimulated in learning and you're like, Wow, Bill NY, but when you're a man and

you go, Oh, I got to figure it out. Yeah, there's a meteorite. I got it. Blah blah. There's a meteorite coming to kill us all. Right? When you think you've got everything figured out, you start to become really stupid, right? Like I do, you know. Most philosophers, if you give them any crazy hypothetical, they never say, I wouldn't be in that situation. They always explore it. But nowadays, if you say, What if your wife turned into a dragon while you're being a [__], they'd be like, Dragons aren't real, John. And I'm like, Damn, that is like... that is how... yeah, that is very shallow thinking. That's why I really loved H, right? H was always exploring those. He was my best guest. Um, okay, what was... what is your take on um... um... someone said medical disclaimer. Uh, I guess my final question to you would be um... what is fulfillment? Because you... when people say it's different for everyone, I disagree. Fulfillment... H, I'll go first. Go ahead. I'd say fulfillment is your craft.

that bounces against your family. So, if I'm a professional boxer, my kid is going to be a professional boxer, right? So, it's my craft bouncing against my DNA, my family, and that. How much like can you experience a better life than I'm a painter or I'm a musician, and then my kid's a musician, and I'm bouncing off my life's work, my life's experience against my own DNA. Yeah, but that seems like really subjective. Okay, here's what I would say. If there's, um, and I'm going to go back to this because I obviously, this is one of the most profound things I discovered in counseling. If there's a sense of continuity, and if there's a, uh, between what experiencing internally and externally, that is the single most profound thing I've come across in my years of counseling. That there is a congruence and continuity between the internal and the external. 'Cause that's all we are, you know? It's our sense of self living in this world or whatever it is.

right. Having this experience, there has to be that continuity. You can't be living in a vacuum, that's kind of the... and you can't have, like, the world sort of imposing its will on you, so there's a balance there. I think when that continuity flows, when your internal is manifested externally in the life that you're living, that has to be fulfillment. That's... yeah, I think that's why the best a man can feel is when a plan comes together. And I don't mean when a plan comes together perfectly, but when you're adapting on the fly, right? When you're winning, adapting on the fly. No, this is... we're live on Twitch. Um, yeah, when a plan comes together, like, I'm going to stop eating meat, which is stupid, but... and you actually do it, and you're smiling, and never eating meat, like, you're really living at your highest frequency. How do you build a stronger sense of self after trauma? I'd say sublimate. So, a lot of people, what they do with their trauma is they make

it their life's work. Let's say, uh, have you seen those people who they get raped and then they make it their life work to uh, rape activism and how to prevent it? Those people, they have infinite fuel for their career. I wouldn't even call it a career because they're really getting paid in saving their themselves from their, well, they see everyone, every victim as their, their themselves when they were young, right? So that mission, right, their life's work happens after that trauma, right? So sublimation would be the strongest tool to uh, to trauma. Um, Al, yeah, sublimation is really good, of course, but also you have to go back and how would I put this? There has to be a sense of continuity um, that exists prior to the trauma, right? So like I mentioned earlier, there's this idea that when something traumatic happens, it feels like our life is starting from that trauma point. You mean it feels like our life is like if you, let's say, get into a car accident and you know, it's very traumatic for you, all these the

seat belt all the less no okay but okay hold on all the lessons that um you learn all the um like I said all your schemas all your belief systems shift to live in accordance with that idea of the trauma no no no stop stop there's there's a dude who spelled he said if life gives you lemons do a lemonade look not only did you butcher that [__] quote you [__] idiot look how he spelled Lemons with two M's and he started spelling Lemons with an e but lemonade he made it lemonade with an i so it's like you had it you had a piece of it correct but for lemonade it changed that tell me that guy that's hope that man's hopeless you got to admit there's not no one can save that guy even if he's ESL he he doesn't have even if he's some ESL he has no excuse cuz he started Lemons with an E right I know he added an extra M I'll forgive

that he's ESL, but if you start at Le and change at lemonade with lemonade, you know that that guy has the worst DNA on Earth. You know it wouldn't be an ESL problem, right? There's no continuity between his lemon and lemonade. That guy is [ __ ] hopeless, and he said, I know bad writing. Look how he wrote writing. Look how he wrote writing. wri i g HT i n g. This guy with the pink right here. Look at my mouth. That's hopeless, bro. This guy's hopeless. Oh my god, dude. I want this guy to write a whole essay. That would be the greatest [ __ ] uh Eden. How do I stop wanting people's approval, and how do I stop acting on it? Yeah, when you want people's approval, it is again an identity issue, right? Because I don't think a doctor wants anyone at the bar's approval. He's a doctor. Yeah, um, yeah, John, you're right. Um, it's not... How would I put it? There's a

lack of a sense of identity in yourself. And when I say identity, I mean you don't have a good foundation of your beliefs and your values. And so, you become very susceptible, again, to the external. You become susceptible to the environment, which could include other people. If you have an idea about where your values are, where your boundaries are, what your struggles were, what your timeline is, where you see yourself in 5 years, you've checked off the past, the present, the future. You've checked off all these different areas, and then you have a sort of a cheat sheet to refer to. Oh, what do I care if this guy approves of me or not? I know that I'm living consistently with my values. For example, I think the checklist is the most important thing. If you think of a man as just a surfer, right? Let's say you have a 100-viewer stream, but you do it every day for years. You're just really waiting for opportunity, which is that wave that gets

you to the higher view count, but now if you're not streaming every day, that opportunity comes. You're going to suck at streaming, right? So, it's really just being upright on your surfboard and, you know, waiting for your waves, right? If you're smart, you go to the waves, you know where opportunity is. But, uh, yeah, um, oh yeah, I was saying, um, guys, here's a free, um, free thing you can try. Go on Google and search up a list of values. Go through the values, circle 15 values to start with, then prune it, bring it down to 10, and then ultimately bring it down to five. Those are your core values. Ask yourself along the way, Why did I drop this value for this value? I think that's a very powerful exercise. Then you have your values, you have a cheat sheet for what you know, what you know, um, you'd have to sort of be doing to live your life, you know, and to feel a sense of fulfillment. Believe me, when you start, when you started doing that, when you

start taking a sense of pride when you remove that element of shame. When these things come together, it's the most powerful thing, first of all, and second of all, um, it's going to act as a buffer against the traumas of the world. You have something internally to look at. If you are struggling with something traumatic that happened to you, you need to go back and assess whether there is a strong sense of self still, 'cause trauma can destroy your sense of identity. It shifts it. Like John said, the best term you said all night, it warps your reality. That's very powerful. I want to use that in session. Yeah, so um, so uh, like I so stupid. He said, Find your values on Google. So stupid. That's no, no. He thinks you need Google to do this easier. Yeah, it's a lot easier. Yeah, he's an idiot. He's literally an idiot. Uh, I always say, If you show me your search history, I'll know who you are. If you're

watching Minecraft all day like you better start a Minecraft channel you know what I mean if that's your passion or whatever but anyways guys uh and um basically um here here's what I would do how do I reintegrate a sense of control over my life um how do I build a routine that's going to you know if I start to fall off that routine that would be a good indicator for me immediately that something's gone wrong you know it's hard sometimes when the stress builds up over months you can identify it but you can say to yourself I haven't been to the gym three times this week I've eaten like [ __ ] three times like whatever four times this week um so routine um help um reintegrate or if you have to create a sense of identity if you've never had one and um and uh and reintegrate control over your life I think you know how reading and writing is like talked about as oh humans are really being developed because of these skills

there's nothing more powerful than writing. If you think of writing down, like let's say Ten Commandments, instead of that, let's say it's your routine, right? And you print it out and laminate it and put it on your wall. You cannot have a day where you're off that routine because it's plastered against your, you know, it's on the wall. No, no, you can have that day, but it's more likely you'll do it if it's on your wall, right? So, you need to bounce the idea back and forth and just kind of like learning stuff. When people learn stuff, apparently, the more you touch the idea, it makes zigzag lines between understanding, right, right in your brain, right? That you have to keep going back and forth. Yeah, so I like writing. Yeah, I like pictures too. Yeah, drawing, writing things out. Listen, you're always going to strengthen memories. You're always going to strengthen experiences if you can consolidate them in different parts of your brain, add a visual component, add an

auditory component, add a somatosensory, so like writing it out, like the act of using your hand to draw it out or write it out, so adding a sensory component, and incorporating an emotional component that's going to help consolidate memories a thousand times better. Yeah, this is the first time in my life I'm actually reading books, doing audiobooks, listening to audiobooks, and doing stuff I never did in high school or even as a young adult, and I realized, damn, learning is so easy if you draw little comic books next to your footnotes. For me, the comic books really help, right? And, uh, all right, we good? Um, I think we are good. Is there anything else or end this stream off with one last one? Uh, do you want me to finish? No, you want me to finish on you external when you write stuff down. He's saying you externalize it. All rightz, friendly page in no fat. You donated $5. Thank Eden for us and bring him back whenever he is able to. I would

like to hear more of his knowledge and psychological takes. Yeah, I never actually ask these kinds of things when I have sessions with E, but man, I still remember when you told me, Look at your analytics for when you smoke weed and you don't, and look at how much more money you're making when you don't smoke weed. And I never ever smoke weed consistently ever again. I was like, Wow, you're good at this. And you always spoke to me about money 'cause I don't really. Even when I quit smoking for like a year and a half, you were like, Uh, you'll stream better without it. You never said, Oh, quit 'cause it's unhealthy. You knew exactly what my psyche is about. Like, I was trying to fetch a dollar in this. He should go on Joe Rogan. Yeah, no, him and my older brother are geniuses. Like, imagine if I didn't have, if I couldn't bounce my ideas off you guys. I would be a caveman bouncer idiot, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

no um I'm G really. I'm just going to wrap it up on my way, not yours, okay? Believe in God, get the life experience, and then flex your Dragonite title right when you're a Dragonite doctor, lawyer, someone in the world. Even Schopenhauer said the last component of a man's true happiness and fulfillment is being famous for his craft. I never knew famous, you know, like when the whole tribe knows you are that blacksmith, you are that guy. Or if you're Hassan, you're that 90-day fiancé Watcher on Twitch. That's what he does, yeah. I'd love for you to talk to us on [__]. He's probably the... you would shock him because he says the fun... talk to Dr. K. He sounds like an IDI. Say it again. No, is that rude? Yeah, who cares. Uh, no, I was just saying like Dr. K. I saw some of his [__]. He's awful. He's so bad. Psychiatrist from Harvard, yeah. Know

what they're teaching these days, that's crazy. I don't think he's a psychiatrist. I don't know if it's like laziness or what is it. He's not a psychiatrist. He's a psychiatrist, isn't he? He's like, he's an MD. He's a doctor. Oh my God, yeah, yeah. When I watch Dr. K's stuff, I never have like a, oh, a profound moment. Like, no, he like fights me. He's like, yeah, but you're thinking this, right? She's like, no, I'm not thinking that. He's like, yeah, but you want to think that, right? Can we do a video where you react to Dr. K? Would you show your face too? Uh, yeah, if I like, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. We should do a debunking Dr. K. Yeah, I think uh, the best part of Dr. K is that he's uh, he's cute. He's cute to talk to, so you feel comfortable. I've never like seen that approach where like, yeah, go ahead. No, I was just saying like, I've never seen that approach where he

like is fighting the client to tell them what they think. What do you mean? I don't know. Like, it's so um, there's a saying in counts like, Oh, we don't have answers, we only have questions. And he's like, Got all the answers. To me, that just sounds like ego. It's just like, Oh, like, I want to tell you what your problem is. I know it's a little bit, but I'm a hater. Yeah, when I watch Dr. K, my child was convincing me to like him, and I bit my tongue for so long. Where is he now? And I don't know where he is now, but uh, dude, there's people who said Dr. K is better than Jordan Peterson, and I was like, What? Because uh, have you noticed for self-help, right? Jordan Peterson says dumb [ __ ] but for self-help, he's pretty good. Yeah, he's really good. I always say like, Yeah, what? Like, politics aside and everything, like, when he sticks to his craft, like, he obviously knows his [ __ ].

that's a guy who did the research who yeah I don't know anyways guys I'm I'm going to take off guys have a good night and um yeah thank you for coming and I'll see you at our McDonald's date I guess right right yeah that's it guys I guess uh we'll try and do another one but it would be funny reacting to Dr. K because uh I guess what happens if your therapist cries in front of you is that what do you think of that you no comment he's got no if a therapist cried in front of me I'd be like there's my coach right it would be tough for meag yeah okay last thing but just imagine imagine you're in the darkest place of your life and you go to you know you put that last ounce of faith in in a therapist and you show up and they start you Jordan Peterson CRI no like you like I've gotten emotional like some of the stuff that like my clients have told me but I like you look away or something

you know, and I usually I'm pretty good about like not like I won't cry or anything like that, but I like it does like get you some of the stuff you hear that is the cutest thing is that a lot of the clients for a therapist, they uh for a good therapist, they see you guys as like superheroes, right? Yeah, yeah. So, it's not good, it's not good to yeah, your ego will like explode if you feelers, even doctors feel like superheroes, you know that, the way people talk to doctors, right? All right, thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen. That was Dr. K, that was Dr. K. Iine someone called Dr. K, Dr. Ketamine chat. You have no soul, dude. Don't ever insult Dr. K here, okay? Dr. K gives great advice, like um, that thing he once said, uh, you know the thing, what was that thing? If your brother's a superhero, you are a supervillain. Hey, I'll take that any day, as long as I'm someone, right? As long as I have identity, right? And and

identity. I'll take that any day, any day, right? Very good, he says, right. Um, oh, we have another question. All right, no, no question is okay. Yeah, that's Eden Zurka, ladies and gentlemen. You can, are you on any platform or Google or anything? Yeah, you should be on like zero. He has zero followers on Twitter. He doesn't take social media serious. But uh, if you like his stuff, give him a five-star on uh, no, okay, don't. Oh, okay, I thought it was like you could do it on Linktree or what do you guys use? Link, LinkedIn, what? What? I've never even Googled you, bro. Okay, yeah, don't do it. Don't just leave him alone, guys, and don't email him. There's one guy who emailed, there was one guy who emailed him when he was on vacation in Europe, and he said, um, he said, he's like, gave you a bunch of presents, wine, all that. That guy was so sweet. That was so sweet of him. Like, he had a big basket when he came home. I was

like how come my people never give me a basket, you know? Yeah, yeah, um, what is good? What is good toxicity in a relationship? Someone's asking what the [ __ ] he has a great relationship. Mine's toxic. He's an awesome dude. Someone asked when are you starting OnlyFans when he gets some fans. Ah, no final question for your brother. Does he eat the box? I don't. Do you want to answer this? He says no comment. You want to answer it? Yeah. Should I answer for you? Should I answer? He said never. No, no, never answer. Never answer. He says never answer this question. He's [ __ ]. He's saying what are you guys asking? They always ask the crazy [ __ ]. I can't have professional song because of this chat, right? We had a bunch of people are like I love you. I love your questions, but dude, your chat, I can't come on. Someone said what does he think of crystallized ice IQ? Oh my God, that's meth, bro. That's crystallized meth.

question someone said same laugh yeah who copied who though right is he Roundy uh no comment ask your brother if he sees anything wrong with virtual streamers and people watching people pretend to be virtual characters. I don't think he knows what a vtuber is azk uh azk says love the zeras. It's funny because he's obsessed with atic culture. I'm more of a Mayan guy, but he loves the was it the atics that has like this weapon that cuts a horse's head off clean yeah. Would you guys want to see us do a uh age of Empire stream together? That's his favorite game and Rome Total Wars cuz this computer can anyone help me download Age of Empires tonight uh the first one because him and I this is all we play growing up. We're obsessed and we we were so cheap we'd make a long hallway of arrow shooting Towers so no one could get in like we were [ __ ] we broke the game dude and I think Age of Empires is in my top.

three best games of all time. What would you say? He loves Mario Kart 2, and he loves Nintendo Switch. He's more a [ __ ] Zoomer, but uh, Age of Empires was our Obsession. Big Daddy type [ __ ]. Someone said Desert Fox says Rome Total War is [ __ ]. What do you think of that then? It's got a cool name, Desert Fox. Yeah, he says you're a [ __ ] loser. Rome Total War is good. Rome Total War. He says Rome Total War 2, and you like AO3 too, right? AO3 sucks for me.

ZHERKA LIVE w/ TWIN BRO PSYCHOLOGIST HOW TO REWIRE YOUR BRAIN TO MAX OUT FULL POTENTIAL PART 2

Zherka Mission

The Impact of Identity on Men's Mental Health

The loss of traditional male roles and the push to shame masculine traits are contributing to men's depression and identity crisis.

Setting boundaries and making small lifestyle changes can help individuals align their lives with their values and goals.

The "Miracle Question" is a useful tool for identifying desired life changes and goals, emphasizing the importance of financial security and discipline in achieving personal transformation.

Being creative involves curiosity about one's work and pushing away societal restrictions.

Mastering a sober mindset that disregards societal expectations can unlock creativity.

The complexity of identity and trauma plays a significant role in shaping a person's sense of self and how they navigate the world.

The Impact of Empathy and Identity on Mental Health

Empathy can create a deep connection and alleviate feelings of isolation, but an iconic figure, like a father, can provide powerful protection from life's dangers.

As parents age and their protective role diminishes, individuals may struggle to move past them, leading to a sense of exposure to the world's challenges.

The discussion also highlights the impact of societal pressures on men's identities and the potential for shame and guilt when traditional masculine traits are challenged.

The Impact of Work Ethic and Mental Health

The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-trust and using mistakes as a learning opportunity.

They share their family's strong work ethic and the shame associated with not meeting expectations.

The conversation also highlights the significance of addressing mental health issues and the correlation between dreams and daily stimulation.

The Impact of Depression and Trauma on Life

Depression can lead to vivid dreams and a desire for more sleep, offering stimulation and escape.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of writing down lessons learned for deeper understanding.

Fulfillment is described as the continuity between one's internal experiences and external life, with trauma often driving individuals to make their pain their life's work as a form of healing.

A person's desire for approval often stems from a lack of a strong sense of identity and values.

Creating a checklist of core values can provide guidance and a sense of fulfillment.

Establishing a routine and assessing personal struggles can help reintegrate control over one's life and build a stronger sense of self.

Writing has a strong impact on routine and memory consolidation, especially when combined with visual, auditory, and sensory components.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of bouncing ideas back and forth for better understanding and learning.

They also share their personal experience of using comic books and audiobooks to enhance their learning process.

Reflecting on Therapy and Life's Challenges

The conversation touches on the emotional impact therapists can have on their clients, with some clients viewing them as superheroes.

The speaker humorously discusses the challenges of being a therapist and the awkwardness of handling emotional moments.

They also share personal anecdotes and playful banter about their upbringing and shared interests in gaming.