Struggles of Marriage and Parenting in Modern Society

Divorce reveals the harsh reality of unequal parenting burdens and emotional exhaustion in modern relationships.

### The Struggles of Parenting and Marital Discord: A Personal Narrative
* 👶 As a father of an 18-month-old daughter, the narrator reflects on the sacrifices made since his wife became pregnant, including **missing social gatherings** and personal hobbies like **golf and gym**.
* 🕛 He describes his nightly routine of managing household chores until midnight, while his wife, on parental leave, only cares for their daughter until late at night, leading to an **imbalance in their parenting responsibilities**.
* 😠 The narrator highlights the tension in their relationship, where his wife's **mood swings and irritability** have become commonplace, and he often feels **hurt by her remarks during arguments**, particularly regarding his **work life**.
* 💔 He expresses frustration at the perception that his work is a form of rest, while she struggles with parenting, leading to a **cycle of complaints and misunderstandings** that exacerbate their marital discord.
* 🏡 After suggesting a divorce, he reflects on the emotional relief of moving to his parents' house, where he feels he has **rediscovered happiness and a sense of refuge** away from the ongoing conflict.
* 💼 The narrator also touches on societal expectations and pressures faced by men, noting that despite the sacrifices made for family, they often feel **undervalued and misunderstood** in their roles.
* 🔄 As he contemplates the future, he grapples with the implications of potentially **reconciling with his wife**, who has hinted at returning if he **apologizes**, which he views as a reflection of the **deep-rooted issues** in their relationship.
* 🗣 Ultimately, he questions the **fairness of traditional gender roles** and the **challenges of modern marriage**, pondering whether the sacrifices made are worth the **emotional toll they take on both partners**.

I will start by reading a blind submission. I am planning to get a divorce. This is a story from an SK Telecom brother, dated August 14, 2023. There is a story I haven't seen in 2023. I am a father of an 18-month-old daughter. Since my wife became pregnant, I have only attended three company dinners and gatherings with friends, and I haven't played golf or gone to the gym at all. After the pregnancy, I put everything aside. My wife is currently on parental leave, and during the week, after work, I would help with household chores from midnight to 1 AM. Although my wife is on parental leave, she would only take care of the baby until late at night on weekdays. I assume she took care of our daughter during the day, but in the evenings, she at least had some time to rest thanks to me. On weekends, I naturally took on the primary responsibilities. My wife finds parenting itself difficult, so she is always sensitive and tends to get angry depending on her mood.

Getting irritated has become a part of daily life. That irritation was mentioned in yesterday's story. Brothers, the story from yesterday started with irritation and ended with irritation. When I get annoyed, I would say things without hesitation. During arguments, I would say, You get to rest at the company, which hurt a lot. The words during fights were, You get to rest at the company, right? What does that mean? If the person going to work gets to rest, then what about the person at home? So, I always say this, but it’s really an interesting characteristic of Korean women. It’s one of those fascinating traits. What did the pilot say? The pilot told her husband, Did you go on a first-class trip? She asked if he went on a first-class trip. Well, there aren't taxis yet, but if the husband had taken a taxi...

Did you have fun as a driver? Did you enjoy being a driver? I think that's how it goes. What about office workers? Did you have fun on your vacation? Oh, vacation with the company. The things the other person does seem so easy, everything they do looks comfortable. Everything they do feels easy to criticize. I really don't understand how this happens. Honestly, the delivery people are just, you know, riding their bikes for fun, right? They come back from riding their bikes. But if we think about it, the easiest thing to criticize is... wait, what's the deal with the gas prices? It's just playing with my favorite child at home. Of course, I have to feed the child and change diapers, but it's just playing with them, right? This is the hardest job in the world. Why? Because I'm doing it. What I'm doing is the hardest job in the world.

One reason why wives must work is that women who work never complain about their jobs. If they did, it would be like belittling themselves. They constantly say how hard it is to go to work. When they are at work, they talk about having depression or experiencing anxiety, and they call their boyfriends or husbands to discuss their colleagues, like how Mr. Kim or Mr. Lee is doing, and they wonder why no one empathizes with them. They spend the whole day doing this. However, when I suddenly have to take on parenting, even though I was working just a few months ago, I forget everything right away. So, my brother, you went to work to have fun, right? If you had fun, then come home and help with the parenting a bit.

I do some housework, and after spending the whole day at the company, I come home and relax. That's how it is. So during the week, after work, I manage the household until midnight. I can't say I'm grateful for that. On weekends, my husband is fully engaged in childcare all day long. But when I express my frustration, my wife says, You go to work and take a break, right? I was really hurt and wanted to argue, but I hated the idea of raising my voice in front of the baby. Whenever my expression showed any displeasure, I couldn't help but think that it might lead to trouble. My wife keeps saying how hard it is, complaining and pushing my buttons. But my husband is human too, and there’s only so much he can take. When his mood drops, it will surely show on his face.

At that time, it feels like there's a knife at my throat. I need to relax my expression. If I don't, it feels like I'm going to develop postpartum depression. Just a quick comment can really set things off. From my husband's perspective, he might think, Oh no, my wife seems to be in danger of depression lately. If things go wrong, she might really fall into depression. That's a big deal, and he feels helpless about it. 

My wife took a year of maternity leave and has been back at work for about three months. She thought of the two months after returning as an adjustment period. So, she used her one year of maternity leave and took that time off. After that, she worked for about three months. Now, she is thinking of going back to playing screen golf for an hour a day starting from this third month after returning, and she plans to do it every other day after work.

My wife is into fitness, and I used to think that fitness was a great hobby. These days, however, it seems like that's all people do, and it doesn't look appealing. I can't completely criticize the fitness industry; I have been to gyms myself. But when I see female members, they always talk to you even if you haven't signed up for personal training. They pass by and say, Oh, you're here! Why have you come after such a long time? Have you been working out? If you say you haven't been consistent, they will insist, You can't do that! You need to come at least five times a week! 

And then they ask, How's your diet management going? I mean, I don't have a dedicated nutritionist or personal trainer; I just haven't signed up for personal training. What about men? They just walk in through the door...

PT sessions come and go, right? It just passes by. Is this it? Is this really the end? At first, I was a bit nervous, but after some time, I stopped worrying. Men just let it pass, you know? That's how it is, brothers. Male members don't even say hello. I think when wives go to the gym, even if they don't quit, it feels a bit awkward. So yesterday was my workout day, and suddenly I got a call asking if I could take care of the kids. I asked what was going on, and they just said they were tired. I wondered if going out was that hard, and they ended up getting angry for asking. They just said they were tired, but then suddenly, after a while, there was a delay, a time gap that was unexpected. You really need to understand this well.

At first, I was asked what was going on, and I replied, Oh, I'm just a bit tired. But then, the time difference hit me hard. I thought, Can't you just take them with you? Why ask so many questions? Just bring them along if that's what you want. The time difference really affected me. Suddenly, my husband asked something, and I could see my wife getting angry for no reason. I thought, Is she also upset about this? I just asked a simple question. I asked if it was really that hard to go once. While I was holding back, I finally spoke up. I realized that the man was really putting his life on the line with what he said. He was talking about what the woman said, but there was no escape for her. It was a clear rebuttal. What did that mean? Well, if my husband is right, then the office is just a place to rest, so why would I be tired after resting all day?

Do you have a plan for after work? Where do you think you can go without dying? I hung up because I feel like I'm going to die if I have to live with someone like this for the rest of my life. I suggested we get a divorce, and now I've been at my parents' house for two weeks. I'm currently talking to them and getting help. When I actually talk about it like this, I have nothing to say. My husband just goes to work and spends the whole day playing around, right? When he comes home, shouldn't he at least do some housework? He has been playing all day, and now that he has to go to work, he finds it hard and tiring. That's why my husband says the same thing, and I have nothing to say. It's something he said himself. All this time, when he was at work, I was handling the household chores, and when I go home, I have to deal with my wife's irritation and his nagging. After work, home has not been a refuge for me; these days, it feels more like a place to visit my daughter.

I feel like I've found my smile again, and I'm happy. The situation is the same; the only difference is that my wife was here and then she was gone. I've found my laughter and returned to a happy life. Suddenly, it feels like a happy ending. I’ve rediscovered my joy. I wonder when the last time I truly laughed was. There will always be an empty space left by my mother, but I will do my best to live twice as hard with my daughter so that we don’t feel that emptiness. After my wife left, I often worried that I had taken my daughter’s mother away from her. However, last night when I heard her say that if I apologized, she would come back, I felt certain. It's surprising that someone who has just found happiness would receive a sudden call saying, Hey, it’s tough, but if you apologize, I’ll come back. It sounds like she’s trying to persuade me. From my wife's perspective, her mother is probably saying, Hey, aren’t you going to come home soon? You better beg and come back quickly.

I'm entering like this, and why is this ex-wife's daughter doing this? Now that I'm 60 and thinking about getting older, like 70, the thought of having to support her makes me angry. You should hurry and put on makeup or go in quickly. What are you going to do when you get old? You know about your ex-wife's situation; can you live well? What can you do? While you’re paying child support and working, can you live your whole life like that? Do you know how happy it is to live under a husband who supports you like that? As I slowly listen to the stories, I feel anxious. I'm scared, thinking, Oh no, this is a big problem. But whether I can apologize or not, this is one of the diseases that is definitely in our country's genes. It's one of the diseases. Is it just one in a while? No, it’s not. There’s a disease that makes you die when you apologize, called death by apology. It’s all there, so what’s being said now?

If you apologize, I will come in. You should apologize first. In this situation, if the wife claims custody, what are the chances of me getting the child? It's almost nonexistent. The probability of her taking custody is less than 20%. There must be a really serious reason for that. For example, if the wife committed a crime or was involved in gambling, then there would be a serious reason. Cheating alone is not enough; it has to be something very severe to take the child away. There's nothing we can do; the country is like this. What can we do in a country like this? Our Pongpong Telecom... Anyway, I hope you find your smile again and wish you happiness in the future. The absurd demands of the female officer... We don't even know how to set up a tent. What kind of unit are these people leading?

Some kids who can't even set up a tent are giving orders. A one-person tent, right? This isn't a two-person tent. It's really small, just for one person. Anyway, whether it's a brother or whatever, they’re going to set it up. But what exactly did this say? A soldier said he received an absurd request from a female officer: during next week's training, could he set up a tent instead of the female soldiers? This guy, who’s in the middle, asked, Hey, can you set up a tent for next week's training? I said, I don't know how to set up a tent. But he insisted, Please set it up. It's an order from a superior. However, we learn how to do this during training. When we were at basic training, we learned how to set up a tent during outdoor training. How can a non-commissioned officer not know how to do that and ask a soldier to do it? If they can't do it, they should do it after work.

After work, just watch YouTube and practice a bit. Watching YouTube, I feel so embarrassed that I can't even say such things. Because the moment you do something like that in the military, what happens right after? You get ignored. I asked a sergeant for help, and it seems like it's more of a dismissal of female soldiers. The response was, Set up the tent right now. The furious battalion commander said, What is this? Next training and everything else, female soldiers, set up your own tents. They were urging the soldiers to quickly set up a tent that they themselves couldn’t even manage. The battalion commander has now stepped in. The angry commander said, How can a female officer not even set up a tent? This reminds me of when we had to build an extra bathroom because of a female officer. The officer said, I can't set up a tent. It's so embarrassing, no matter where you go.

It's humiliating. Now, let's move on to the next topic. Even if a blind doctor has a lot of money, they are lonely. After opening their practice, they earned without limits, making the most from insurance. After five years, they bought a 50-pyeong apartment in Banpo. Among doctors, they earned the most. But the problem is, the wealthier they become, the worse their relationship with their wife gets. Look, brother, we always talk about this. So, divorce might not happen, even if you earn a lot of money. But just because someone makes a lot of money doesn't mean their relationship is good. Now, it’s almost to the point where they say they are living for the kids. The wife is a full-time semi-professional, but she quit right after getting married. It's not surprising; it follows the national rules. Living as part of Korea's upper class is thanks to the husband, but she doesn't appreciate it. She always argues and gets angry. The kids are in an English kindergarten, and living in the upper class is due to the husband, isn't it?

Why did it come to this point? They don't even acknowledge 0.1. Isn't it natural that I earn that much while living? Others say, You only make 200 million a month. But others earn 1 billion a month. What am I supposed to do with 200 million? Buy an apartment, pay off loans, and then there's nothing left. I can't even buy a Chanel bag without worrying. That's how it is. My husband is frustrated. I wish he would acknowledge me a bit more, but he doesn't acknowledge me at all. I feel so lonely, and there's no money spent on myself. I've said this many times: the earner and the spender are separate. A doctor hardly has time to spend money. They see 200 patients a day, sometimes even 300 patients all day long.

When I go home, what do I do? I just collapse from exhaustion and fall asleep while watching TV. Then the next day, I wake up and go to the hospital to see the doctor again. My husband has a lot of money to spend, but he doesn’t have time to spend it. As for me, I’m a full-time housewife, and there’s a maid who helps with the housework and a sitter who takes care of the kids. I have nothing to do. I just go out all day long, wandering around. I carry a credit card that my husband gave me, a 5,000-won limit card, and I go shopping, meet friends, eat out, and keep wandering around. So, my husband doesn’t have money to spend on me. He works all day long, and it feels like he has no affection for me. In fact, it seems like there is no love at all. We’ve tentatively agreed to live together only until the kids grow up. Where is my life headed? The kids are so beautiful and lovely, but it’s been ten years since we got married.

Is divorce the answer? What is this? From my perspective, the slaughter has already been completed. My husband is currently giving me a credit card and living expenses each month, which is quite substantial. I can use it as much as I want. I’ll take as much as I can and, since I have my own separate account, I’ll just move a few hundred million into it to prepare for the future and for retirement. As for retirement, what about severance pay? This is severance pay. I’ll take care of my salary and calculate all the severance pay, and I currently have about 1.5 billion won saved in my account. The severance pay will yield around 2 billion won if I sell my 50-pyeong apartment in Banpo. Adding various assets and such, I think I can get an additional 1 billion won, making it around 3 billion won total. I need to have at least 400 million won, so with 3 billion won in total...

I bought a building and now I have 1.5 billion won to buy an apartment. The plan is now perfectly set, right? Even the doctor is living this kind of life. I told him to exercise and arranged personal training, but my wife ended up having an affair at the gym. My image as a soldier is completely gone. This was mentioned earlier, and now the military taxes are slowly eating away at me. What happens in this situation is that instead of being soldiers or officers, we become just burdens. In a war, we should quickly set up defenses and prepare tents, but we have to set up our tents and also help them with theirs. The act of setting up tents itself is very dangerous. If missiles or grenades fly over, it could be deadly. Simply put, it’s not helpful.

If a war breaks out, I feel like there will be claims of physical contact with the North Korean military, and discussions about compensation will arise. The ongoing controversies surrounding female soldiers and police officers are truly significant issues. Some people in administration may not understand, but in actual deployment, there is no need for women. Can an officer not even set up a tent? Girl Scouts can do it, but this is not about Girl Scouts or any youth organization; the military is a place that protects the nation. It's really a lack of understanding from certain individuals. The battalion commander should be questioning whether this is even a military. The female quota system should be abolished immediately; if a war breaks out, everyone will die. A competent battalion commander is what a soldier should be. Please become the Minister of National Defense. In that case, what difference does it make whether a soldier is male or female? When it comes to actually setting up a tent in a real situation, they are just stammering, not knowing what to do.

I need to do it. First, do I need to put the pegs in the ground? Oh, what does this shape look like? Is this the back? Is this the front? How do we do this? Using the hammer, now, oh, look. Okay, quickly, everyone, hit it. Why are you doing this? Well, Company Commander, Platoon Leader, are you all doing well? I came to see if you know how to hit the pegs properly, you guys. Then I took out the tools and wrote down, First, put in the pegs. Spread out the outer layer and then insert the stakes. Only then did I learn how to do this, while being a bit confused, and in the end, I couldn't hit them. I brought a few soldiers and said, Come here quietly, set up the tent. Can you just set up the tent once? I wanted to touch the chest. Oh, this is not it. Just joking. This is from a long time ago.

Isn't this something that came up in a movie or something? Suddenly, it came to my mind. Next, it's about being blind. If you're a man, never get married. In today's world, it's always the man who loses out. Especially if you work for a big corporation or come from a wealthy family, you should avoid it even more. When you get married, if you earn money, they will still complain that it's not enough, and the man ends up becoming a servant. Men earn money through hard work, not through leisure. Since women have a more relaxed lifestyle, when they come home, they expect you to do everything. So, they impose a 70-30 division of labor. Why? Because I didn’t have fun, but you did. Where did I have fun? You had fun at work, right? That's how it ends up. This kind of unfairness has become the norm in society. Men are at the bottom of the social hierarchy in South Korea, worse than the dogs raised at home. Once you get married, you’re just putting on a leash.

I didn't know I could be like this. However, if I live alone without getting married, I can live without envying anyone. They say that being unmarried leads to loneliness, but these days, being single is the trend, so is there really time to feel lonely? It seems better to just date. I thought marriage would mean I wouldn't feel lonely, but I regret getting married every day. I want to be single again. Hey, how old is someone born in 2001? Oh, they would be 22 years old, right? Now, I am 33 years old. Wow, I live in Seoul. I married a Pakistani woman who was born in 2001. She's 22 years old. I bet she must be pretty. Is that a tattoo? Oh, it can't be a tattoo, right? No, but she is pretty. I thought Pakistani people generally had darker skin, but the Pakistani men I have seen all had darker skin. She looks almost Caucasian, doesn't she? Right? Her skin color doesn't seem like what you would expect from them. She must be very pretty.

Isn't it strange? I mean, do people really edit wedding photos with apps? I don't think so. This is supposed to be a Pakistani woman, but it seems more realistic. However, this isn't it, right? This is high-quality free stock photography. Is this AI-generated? What is this? Oh, it's from Turkey. This person is... No, people in Turkey also wear this type of clothing. Do they have to wear two layers? It seems like they do. That's freedom, right? Freedom of choice is the answer. I should study more about the pants rule. But what is it? It’s about not having meals with colleagues of the opposite sex. What is the pants rule? A lecturer at a university in Seoul was excluded from teaching after posting something reminiscent of the pants rule on their personal social media. It was a message opposing the fence that appeared at a women's organization rally.

When I go to a women's university, I tend to walk while only looking at the ground. I didn't commit a crime, but I thought it was safer that way. The Pence Rule refers to a guideline that aims to prevent legal issues, but it also has roots in a discriminatory perspective. It originated from remarks made by U.S. Vice President Mike Pence, who stated that he would never have dinner alone with a woman other than his wife and would not attend events where alcohol was served without her consent. This implies a defensive stance. Is it wrong to be faithful in a marital relationship? This is a form of discrimination. The notion of walking while only looking at the ground at a women's university is a confession that views women's bodies solely through a sexual lens. The Pence Rule emerges from a perspective that consumes women merely as objects. If you think about it, it's about avoiding the gaze, and looking down at the ground.

The reason for this is that they feel guilty themselves, and that's why they only think in that state. They are looking at the ground because they are not confident. So, what should they do? Should they only look at the ground? If they do this, then this happens, and if they do that, then that happens. They walk while only looking at the ground. Why? Because only looking at the ground means that they see women's bodies through a sexual lens. You confessed this directly. Yes, this is the situation we are currently facing. The answer is the pence rule. Looking at this, if we only consider the end, we need to make sure that men directly engage using any means necessary. It would be best if we could manipulate them to come alone and make them mumble to themselves. I can't live like this anymore; every day is so scary, and I'm anxious and want to die. I'm afraid that person might come looking for me.

The damage is so great that I feel I need psychological treatment or therapy. I want the perpetrator to be punished. Even though I didn't ask for it, they talk about it as if it's a delusion. A person with a conscience wouldn't do this unless there was a compelling reason. In the case of the Jun-taeng incident, it is generally difficult to find evidence, but the statements made today were very specific, so it seems possible to pursue punishment. After hearing the investigator's words, I felt more assured and believed that it was possible. Now, it's just a matter of time before the 5,000 comes out. I should get a credit card, buy a Chanel bag, and move out of the goshiwon by paying the 500 deposit for a one-room apartment. It's done, it's done. I have actually applied this and seen the effect, so I recommend it. If used actively, it can greatly help the lives of men. Investigator, if you are a man, please make sure to change to a female investigator.

Make a request. This is extremely antisocial, and you are sharing methods of committing crimes. How is this not punishable? If I go somewhere and write a three-page A4 document on how to commit fraud, is that acceptable? I wonder if that's okay. A woman in her 40s, unable to pay her rent, caused a violent incident when the eviction agents arrived. Eviction, in this context, means that a person must vacate the house. If they refuse to leave, eviction lawsuits are filed for forced eviction. This usually happens when the house is auctioned or in similar situations. Anyway, the fact that she couldn't pay rent suggests a certain scenario we can easily infer. She hasn't paid rent and continues to live there, which from the landlord's perspective means they have lost the security deposit.

I have to go out, right? I'm holding on without going out, but if I just carelessly take the key and do it, it's dangerous. Breaking in is a serious matter; you can't just do that because the rent wasn't paid. It's not easy to cut off electricity or gas either. These days, due to human rights issues, it's not simple. Even if you file a lawsuit, it takes at least six months. You have to go through that process to get a judgment and then proceed with forced execution. However, here, the tenant held on. They were holding something, like a knife, and they endured.

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The narrator, a father of an 18-month-old daughter, has sacrificed his social life and personal time since his wife's pregnancy.

He shares the household responsibilities with his wife, who is on parental leave, but their differing moods and frustrations have led to constant irritation and arguments.

The narrator reflects on the challenges of parenting and the difficulty of empathizing with each other's roles, ultimately questioning the dynamics of their relationship.

The speaker struggles with managing household tasks after a long workday, feeling unappreciated and frustrated.

The wife, after a year of maternity leave, is now back at work and planning to return to fitness activities, while the speaker feels overwhelmed by the pressure of childcare and the dynamics of the fitness industry.

The speaker also experiences tension with their partner over childcare responsibilities, leading to feelings of helplessness and frustration.

The narrator experiences exhaustion and frustration due to a difficult time difference and their husband's behavior.

Tension escalates, leading to a suggestion of divorce, and the narrator finds solace at their parents' house.

After the wife's departure, the narrator rediscovers joy and laughter, while also grappling with the challenges of co-parenting and the pressure of supporting their ex-wife.

Custody Chances and Military Training Absurdities

The wife's chances of gaining custody of the child are less than 20%, with serious reasons like criminal activity or gambling being necessary for her to lose custody.

A soldier is given an absurd request by a female officer to set up a tent for training, leading to frustration and anger from the battalion commander.

The discussion also highlights the loneliness and relationship struggles of a wealthy doctor, despite their financial success.

The narrator feels unacknowledged and lonely despite earning 200 million a month, while their husband, who works long hours, has little time to spend with them.

They lead a life of wandering and shopping with a limited credit card, causing frustration in their marriage.

The narrator has a plan to secure their future and retirement by saving money and investing in property, but feels burdened by the challenges of their current situation.

Controversies Surrounding Military Gender Quotas and Marriage

The speaker expresses strong opinions on the need for a competent battalion commander and the abolition of the female quota system in the military, arguing that in a war, everyone is at risk.

They share their experiences with setting up a tent in the military, highlighting the confusion and lack of direction.

The speaker also discusses the challenges of marriage for men, feeling that they lose out and become servants, and expresses a desire to be single again, while also commenting on the beauty of their young Pakistani wife.

The Complexities of Gender Dynamics and Social Rules

The speaker reflects on the use of apps for editing wedding photos and questions the realism of stock photography.

They discuss the "pants rule," which aims to prevent legal issues but has a discriminatory perspective, and share their own experiences of feeling unsafe in a women's university.

The speaker critiques the Pence Rule for its objectifying view of women and expresses anxiety about the current social dynamics, feeling overwhelmed and scared.

The Impact of Trauma and the Struggle for Justice

The narrator feels the need for psychological treatment due to the trauma caused by a perpetrator's actions and desires punishment for them.

They discuss the difficulty of finding evidence in such cases but feel more assured after hearing specific statements from an investigator.

The narrator shares their personal plans for financial independence and highlights the challenges faced by tenants in difficult situations, emphasizing the complexity of eviction processes and the struggle for justice.