Self-Love and Independence: The Key to Happiness

Self-love and personal growth require hard work, not reliance on others for validation.

### Embrace Self-Love: The Journey to Independence and Confidence
* 💬 "You can't allow this person to leave because there goes also your **confidence and your happiness** that goes along there with them."
* 💪 Seeking help from a personal trainer or a structured program can kickstart your journey toward self-improvement, including **nutritional advice to support your goals**.
* 📩 Engaging with your community through social media can provide **valuable support and insights**, just like Daniel did by reaching out with his question.
* 🧠 It's essential to recognize that relying on others for validation can lead to **codependency**, where your happiness **hinges on someone else's presence**.
* 💔 The process of self-discovery and self-acceptance is challenging but necessary; it requires **hard work and the willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about oneself**.
* 🚀 Building self-esteem and confidence is about **taking actionable steps towards change** rather than seeking comfort in the opinions of others.
* 💡 Happiness is not given; it is **earned through consistent effort and dedication to personal growth**, which ultimately leads to a **more fulfilling life**.
* 🌟 Remember, success and self-worth are not defined by others; they stem from **recognizing your individuality and the unique contributions you can make to the world**.

YouTube, what it do man, it's your boy Josh. We back up in this thing with another one. We woke up this morning, it's another beautiful day, all praise to the most high man. Let's get it man. I got a very great question from a supporter, from Daniel to be exact. He asked a very great question which I said man, I have to do a video topic on this because so many men, I bet that watch my channel and also women, could relate to this as I can relate to this. And this takes me down Memory Lane reading his question. But he said, Hey Josh, I came across your go ghost video on YouTube today and I've been at that state for the last couple months, last few months, where I just seem not to be comfortable with my own thoughts. At the end of the video, you mentioned reaching out to your Instagram, so I shoot you a message. Yeah, for sure bro, you got to send me a message. As you highlighted in the video, it's a sign of being a weak man if

you can't be comfortable on my own without seeking the love and validation from someone else. The video made me realize that the root problem to this is I don't love myself as much as I should. I know what I have is valuable, but I don't know why my mind lets what this girl did to me some time ago override that and make me believe that I need her validation. She's a toxic attachment. Essentially, what I'd like to ask you is what are the steps towards learning to love yourself before loving anyone else. How can I be okay with being by myself and stop worrying about the uncontrollable? Very great question, Daniel, and honestly, it will probably take me days to talk about that entire process, man, but I'll try to summarize it up for you, man. First, I'm going to tell you guys about the problem, man, about how we find ourselves in these problems typically where we are in a position where we're trying to move on, trying to break free of this relation, relationship, and no matter what, we keep on

going back to this person, and we feel like what this person has said means a lot, and we put a lot of stock in ourselves. We don't like what we see in the mirror; we don't accept, you know, the things that I'm going to tell you exactly how we ended up in that problem to begin with. You see, you see, so usually kids when they grow up, and especially when they're in puberty, they start noticing all the differences and noticing how people don't look the same as them, wondering how some people may look a way in which they inspire to look, may have certain attributes, may have certain skills and traits. And so growing up as a kid, you know, you're not going to talk to kids, or a kid is not going to be approached and be like, Oh, you got to work on this, you got to self-improvement, y-y. They're not going to know this. They don't know that the way that they are, they have the ability to change it. A lot of people based on who they are, they're

ordinary, just average self. They think that there's nothing they can do to change it, and it doesn't really occur until later on, and when you get older, Oh, I can do something about this, or I can change the way you see growing up. As kids, we may have insecurities, we may have things that, that, that, that, uh, you know, may make us not feel the best about ourselves. And so, what a lot of people tell us, what they do is, Oh, accept who you are, love yourself, it's okay, it's not that big of a deal. So, it's not that, you know what I mean, which is cool. Basically, what they are saying is to accept yourself, there's no changing who you are. And I agree with that. I say accept yourself to a certain extent. I say accept yourself to the things that you cannot control, the things that you cannot change about yourself. For example, your height, you cannot change your height, you cannot change your skin color, you cannot change a lot of things. Well, you probably can change a lot, all those

things that I named off, but let's just keep it simple. Like, it's 2024, you basically change about everything, but bro, just keep it, you know what I'm saying, without going through any sort of like crazy surgeries or nothing like that, or anything that's, you know, extremely excessive. That you know who you are, accept who you are. Me, for example, I'm a 5' s black man. There ain't nothing I'm going to. I can't sit here wishing and hoping that I could be the tall white guy. That's something I'll never be. You have to just be like, bro, that cannot be the only way of success. That right there, you have to tell your mind that just because that person I'm inspired to be, that type of person, or look like them, that is not the only way or the only version of success. It's crazy, but to help you let this sink in, there's 8 billion people on Earth. Ain't none of us a single carbon copy of each other because

we're not meant to be alike. We're not supposed to be the same. Nobody is supposed to look exactly like you. That is where your individuality comes in, and you need to embrace it. You need to be the guy, Oh, I'm not seeing somebody who looks like me, who comes from this background, that does it like this and does it like that. Then you need to go ahead and trailblaze it because there can be success for. Success is not shared. Success is unlimited, and the success is reserved for the people that just want to get it, who won't set excuses for themselves, who won't worry about the things they can't change, and let that allow them to say an excuse for them not to work towards their success. Seeing success on somebody else and thinking like, Well, only success is reserved for those type of people. That's not the case. Success is destined for you, bro, and you can reach it no matter about what you can and can't change. So, I get it when they tell you to

Change yourself or accept yourself, especially over the things you can't control. But the things that you can control, you have to change it. You notice that no matter how many times you keep on having a pity contest or you keep on asking your girl or your so-and-so for reassurance. Babe, do you think I look fat? No, you don't look fat. Babe, do you think I look fat? No, you don't look fat. No matter how many times they tell you, I accept you for who you are, the person's who's the most important person's opinion in all this matter is that person is you. And if you don't, if you think you're fat or you think that this needs to go without, and you don't like that about yourself, and you can change it, change it. Because what we allow people to do is we say that said thing like, Hey, this is what I'm battling with. This is what's not making me happy. Please, somebody come along and make me feel good about myself so I don't have to work and earn my happiness.

especially if it's something that I can change. So, you got people that say, Oh babe, don't worry about it. It's good. You're good. You're good. Everybody's going to tell you the answer in order for you to accept who you are when you ask for pity when you're down about yourself. No matter how many times you ask that sad person what they think and do they think this and they think that, they can all tell you the answer that you want to hear, the answer that's going to make you feel real good, the answer that's going to keep you comfortable. But the most important answer, the answer that you want to keep ignoring, is the answer of what you think. And as long as what you think subconsciously, you don't even subconsciously, you don't even really have no control over it. You don't even know why you don't, why you think the way it is. You think the reason why you don't like that about yourself is 'cause you simply don't like it. And if you could

change it about you. You would change it in an instance, especially if it's something that you can change, that's something in your control. That's the problem. We don't want to change those things. We don't want to embrace who we are and change the things that we can change because it requires hard work. Oh babe, I'm fat. Oh babe, I'm fat. Do you think I'm fat? No, I don't think you're fat. Whole time, you know you feel like you're fat, and you think you're fat, no matter if you got a yes or a no from everybody in this entire planet saying, No, you're not fat. You're still going to think you're fat, and it's still going to be, it's still going to burden you because it's something that you, it's something that you think about yourself. It's your self-esteem. Nobody outside of you can help you with this matter. Only you can. You need to stop thinking that, Oh, all they got to do is tell me a compliment or tell me that it's okay, and then I'll

feel good about myself. It'll only make you feel good temporarily because that source of you actually agree. Because like I said, man, if you don't like it, you don't like it, and that's the only thing that matters, which is enough for you to change it. No amount of people can tell you to accept it, which is going to change how you think. No, the reason why you think that way is because you don't like it, and you want to change it. I'm telling you to change it. The only, that's the only way that this problem is going to go away. So that's the problem that we ended up fueling ourselves into, is thinking that somebody else can just come around, accept us, telling us it ain't all that bad because we can't accept who we are. And since this person accepts us for who we are, we ignore all the things that we should be working towards, focusing on the things that we should be changing. This person right here accepts us and doesn't make us change, and

Changing is hard. Changing is transforming. Changing is difficult. Who wants to do that? It's going to be hard. I want to stay comfortable. I want to stay at ease. I don't want to do. I don't want to waste too much energy. So, give me the person that's going to accept me for who I am and let me just allow them to continue to build my self-esteem as opposed to me trying to build my self-esteem myself. And then you continue to unburden and give all these duties to the said person to make you feel good about yourself. It's the other person's responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. That's what we've tricked ourselves. That's what we have tricked ourselves into thinking when we get into relationships. Women, men, everybody thinks that when they get into that relationship, you're that other person is supposed to make them happy when that's not the case at all. Because when that said person leaves them and is no longer with them, there goes your happiness.

there goes everything you loved about yourself. It's all gone, and now the only thing that you're faced with are all the things that you hate about yourself. You see, the reason why that happens is because you allowed something that was out of your control to have control over something that should be in your control. So now you feel like the only way that you can be happy is if you are with this person because they allowed you to ignore all the bad things about yourself. They've allowed you to live in comfort, and when they're gone, you start feeling insecure again. You start feeling, you start allowing your thoughts, and they start overpowering, and you need that person that's going to come over there and overburden and say, No, you are enough. You did no see. This is the hard part. We need to, if you guys heard my last video about breaking last bad habits, cutting out those bad habits immediately, because the longer we allow it to grow, the more comfortable and the more dependence we have on it being there, and then we want to keep on

to that one body part in the I think it was Matthew chapter 8 said cut out your hand even if it's just your strong hand cut it out immediately if it's if it's causing you to sin before it affects because it is better to lose one hand as opposed to losing the entire body you see if you allow a negative attribute to to grow it has the ability to affect the entire body the longer that you allow yourself to depend on somebody else without without addressing that you need to be taking care of this of yourself that's that's when codependency starts go at its maximum that's why we got girls throwing girls and guys throwing temper tantrums whenever they face with rejection when they face that that person is no longer wants to be with them because this person right here allowed them to be your your your ordinary self they were able to silence all the negative thoughts you thought about yourself you were able finally once to be happy and then whenever they choose to leave which you have no control over

what you have, what you can't make somebody do, that's when you start going crazy because you're trying to control the uncontrollable. You can't allow this person to leave because there goes also your confidence and your happiness that goes along there with them because you've been outsourcing as opposed to going to the source from within. The reason why you haven't been going to the source from within is because it's hard work. Don't look for an easy way out. Do you think I should? Do you think this is okay? Do you think that I should keep this? Or do you think I should do? No, don't ask them that because they're always going to tell you the answer that's going to keep you most comfortable and that's going to keep the least amount of stress. They don't want you to feel worse about yourself. They want you to be at your best. They don't really care about the problem as much as you do. You care about the problem. You

think about it. When you're not even with them, you daydream about it. You think about it in your sleep, wondering how you can live with this. Because I'm here to tell you, you're not supposed to live with this. This is not supposed to be a part of your life. Happiness has been told to us that happiness is just given out to anybody, that whatever makes you happy, just do it. No, bro, happiness is earned. If you realize that, Oh, the reason why I'm not happy is because I think negatively about myself, and you have the ability to change it, change it, and then see how good you feel about yourself. Because I can tell you something that makes me happy. What makes me happy is me realizing a change that needs to be made, and me implementing and putting that change in action, and putting the hard work and putting the repetitions behind it day in and day out. What makes me happy is seeing the fruits of my labor, seeing the success of staying consistent, staying committed to

those things that I wanted to change. I noticed that there was a change that needed to be made. There was a problem. I figured out a solution, and I saw it through. And now here I am, achieving the success, and I got lifelong prosperity, lifelong peace. Now since it's now since that problem is no longer a problem in my life, but now it's solved. That insecurity thought, that thought that keeps you thinking low about yourself, is not going to be solved until you implement and you constantly stay committed to this change that you've placed in order so that you can receive the benefits and the blessings that come with it. That is how your happiness will be earned. You've been thinking that your happiness was supposed to come from this relationship, come from this person being in your life. And then whenever it feels like they're trying to leave you, it feels like your entire life and everything of who you are and everything that brings you happiness is going along with them. That's not supposed to be the

case. That's why it's so important for us to love ourselves prior to getting to the point where you guys have been caring about what everybody else's opinion without. But so you don't have to care about your own opinion and your own thoughts. I'm telling you to put the work in because once you put the work in, I'm telling you, once you achieve the results and you've gotten that swagger and that confidence about yourself, you'll notice a drastic change that the only opinion and the only thoughts that you care about is these ones right here in between these ears, not worrying about what they say, he say, she say. You don't care. You've realized what makes you happy in life, and you realized that what's going to truly make you happy is what you take care of, take control over in here. Stop looking for the easy way out. Stop looking for somebody to reassure you and validate you. If you feel self-conscious about it, it's because you don't like it, and you want to change it. Change it. Stop

procrastin stop looking for somebody to accept you. Stop some. If you feel like you're not at your best, say it and get at your best. The only way that you're going to be happy and be at your best is if you work for it. But you're constantly looking for somebody else to do it for you. You have to earn it. You have to. When you get into that relationship and you haven't put the work in to be happy on your own, for you to stand on your own two feet, you're going to find yourself being a go-to person for the person who you can't even go to. You'll constantly deal with being disrespected and tolerated because you'll allow that as long as it doesn't make you change, as long as it doesn't cut out, as long as it doesn't make you cut off your stronger hand. You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You have to get comfortable with changing, that's with habits and that's also with people. I knew what it's not. It's no

longer than what you thought it was at the beginning. That's life. You win some and you're going to lose some. When it comes to building up your self-esteem, I'm telling you to do something different because whatever situation, whatever negative thing you got into this, whatever this person is, and it's making it harder for you to detach yourself. Remember how you're feeling right now and realize the reason why you're feeling this way is because you've allowed it, 'cause you didn't do the work necessary beforehand. You didn't get happy on your own. Instead, you looked for somebody else to make you happy. They make you happy, it gets you by, so you don't have to accept the lesser version, the ordinary version, the version that you can't stand. And then when they left, here you are back to where you started when you first got with them. You've made no progress. You've been in relationship after relationship after relationship, and you're wondering why you can't find a body that makes you feel good and makes you feel like you got good self.

self-esteem and for guys. Y'all making it seem like none of these girls made me feel confident. None of these girls made me feel like I'm the man. You are supposed to feel like this on your own, regardless of who's in your life and who's not. You should still be thinking, Man, I'm still a... I still... I'm doing my thing out here. I still got other things going for my... It ain't the end all be all. Okay, I took a L. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to keep it moving. Ah, yeah, that hurt a little bit, but it ain't nothing. You know what I'm saying? Let me go ahead and deal with this pain. Let me not cower out like a little... You know what I'm saying? Let me not... You know what I'm saying? Start crying and start feeling, Oh, but it's hard, and I just missed them, and I just feel lonely, and I don't know. Like, can you just accept me for what I was? Because I can't accept me for who I was.

because I refuse to put the work in, because I'd rather sit there and complain about my problems and look for somebody else to fix them, as opposed to me fixing them on my own. You ain't going to feel good about yourself until you show yourself something to feel good about. I tell guys all the time, you don't get confidence by doing nothing, by not putting no work in. You get confidence once you see what you're capable of, once you see your abilities. The reason why you're not confident in your ability is 'cause you know your abilities are trash. You know you suck right now, but instead of you getting in the gym, getting your practice reps up, finding out ways for you to get better, you just looking out for somebody that just accepts you for, Hey, I know I'm ass right now. I know I'm not at the best state, but you know what I'm saying? I'm good enough for you. Okay, cool, all right. I don't got to put no more work in. I don't got to put, I don't got to strive.

for nothing. I can just, you know what I'm saying, relax, chill, kick it, you know what I mean. I don't got to do nothing. I already got my girlfriend married. She already going ahead and say she love me. She said, All right, I don't got to keep working on myself. I don't got to keep doing nothing. I can just be the regular Smuggler dude. And you know what I'm saying, I'mma feel confident then when she get up and leave you. You wonder why you can't let her go. Now you looking stupid, now you looking desperate, looking like you can't live your life without somebody else being there. What do that look like, man? I don't know how I'mma live my life without you. What you trying to say, bro? What you trying to say? What are you trying to say? I can't live my life unless I got this person. They, I need them. You don't need nobody, bro. You came into this world alone. You going to leave this world

alone. You don't need nobody, bro, especially somebody that's not uplifting you and making you feel better. But you allow it because they accept you, all because you can't accept yourself, because you refuse to put the work in so that you can accept yourself. Trust me, but before I started this improvement, before I started focusing on getting my life better, bro, best believe, bro, I was looking for anybody that could, you know what I'm saying, who liked me. And boy, I used to see, I used to make up s before they even happened, some problems that ain't never happened. I just thought of them and tried to prepare for them as best I could, always thinking of the worst. Oh, if this person leaves, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do. Oh my God, if are they out cheating right now, 'cause if they're all cheating right now, I'm still gonna take them back, but I don't want them to hurt me. They

keep cheating but I want them to hurt me. I don't want them to hurt me. They keep cheating, but I don't want them. How? How can I stop them from cheating? How can I stop them from doing something that's out of my control? How can I control the uncontrollable? How can I stop them from leaving me? 'Cause I need them, 'cause I need them, 'cause I need them, 'cause I... 'cause I can't be by myself, 'cause I can't do my own thing, because when it comes to my happiness, I depend on them to give it to me. When it comes to me having confidence in myself, I depend on them to give it to me. I... I don't think really good about myself. I don't like whenever I start thinking negatively about myself and all the things that need to change in my life. What I like to do is just ask my partner or ask the person who accepts me, and I say, Hey, do you think this needs to change? And they say, No, it doesn't need to change. Uh, I feel all good about

myself. I feel all better. That's what happens, bro. I'm telling you to break the process right now, bro. I'm wishing somebody told me this at a younger age. I learned this out at the age of 22, and every single woman, every single relationship I've passed since then, I've been able to move easier. The heartbreaks have been less and less. Not saying that I don't get heartbroken or that I'm cold or heartless or anything like that. No. When somebody leaves my life, I be hurt about it. Trust me. I'm telling you that's not the case. That's not going to be the case. But I'm able to move. I'm realizing that some I'm will. I've been there before. I've been able to go through that transformation phase of not having somebody in my life when I got used to them having in my life. I've had to go through that train. I've been through that. I've been through this.

struggle. I've been through that pain, and that's why I and I've gotten through it. I've gotten on the other side because I've trusted in the process, and I chose me, and I used my logic and my sound reasoning. And now, since I'm looking on the better, I'm looking back and saying, Man, I'm so glad I stuck to it. I'm so glad I did. I'm so glad I didn't give up. You're not gonna feel confident about your say about yourself the next day or maybe next month, maybe even next year. You got to keep working on it to make yourself proud of what you see. If you're not confident, if you got low self-esteem, that's your body telling you, that's your mind telling you that where we are right now is not acceptable, and we need to make a change. He right now as soon as possible, but you keep ignoring it because it's uncomfortable, and you don't want to change it because it requires sacrifice, and it'll take time because what you'd rather do is

you'd rather just sit up at the crib on the couch eating Cheetos, hoping everything will just take care of itself, hoping your happiness will just continue to be there when you ain't did nothing to deserve it, did nothing to earn it. So man, Daniel, that was a very great question, bro. Thank you for asking it. Like I said, we could have talked about that topic for days. That is the root fundamental. That's what I'm so passionate about this topic because that is what kickstarted it all for me. I was tired of feeling empty in my life whenever somebody left, somebody that wasn't even meant to be in my life. And I knew that, yeah, we should probably split, but I'mma keep on having them right here because I'm not happy unless I'm with them. That's not how it's supposed to be designed. That's not how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to be happy on your own, earn your happiness, put the work in, make yourself proud. You're not going to

be happy just on the simple Oh, I'm happy. Be happy, okay? No, you earn happiness when you realize the work that you've been putting in, and you get it, and you earn it. What'll make you happy is if you had a better body. You go out there, and you earn that body. What'll make you happy is if you had better control over your financial situation, and you got a better job. So, what you do is you put that work in, you get a better job. You're tired of yourself not feeling attractive as you possibly can, so you start investing into your skincare, you start investing into the right clothes, you start investing into the style, into the things that will make you feel attractive. Instead of you investing time and energy and stuff on somebody else, on what somebody else thinks, or what somebody else thinks you should be doing, do the work that is necessary, bro. That's all I got for y'all boys, man. So, if y'all need to contact me, click the link down below in the description, man. You guys can talk to me.

one-on-one talk to me about whatever life situation you may be in. If you guys need a training program, 12-week training program, my personal training program also has some nutritional advice in there. Make sure you guys go and snag that if y'all need some help getting started. If you guys also, I would like to send any questions like this young man did here today, Daniel. You guys can DM me through Instagram, or if you guys got any comments or just want to say what's up, you guys can also send me a DM, say whatever you got to say, man. I'm very accessible. Before y'all go, man, make sure y'all like, comment, subscribe, share the video. I'm holl at y'all boys.

Nothing will hold you back more than this.

Josh Holt

Learning to Love Yourself Before Loving Others

The speaker realizes their struggle with self-love and the negative impact of a toxic attachment.

They emphasize that happiness is earned through self-work and not dependent on others.

The key to building self-esteem is to take responsibility for one's feelings and make positive changes, rather than seeking validation from relationships.

The Impact of Self-Perception and Dependency on Others

Self-perception issues often stem from childhood and puberty, leading to a desire for validation from others.

Many people struggle with dependency on others for happiness and self-confidence, feeling powerless to change their circumstances.

True happiness and self-improvement come from taking personal responsibility and putting in the necessary work to achieve one's goals.

The Journey of Self-Acceptance and Change

Many people struggle with insecurities during childhood, often feeling powerless to change their self-image.

While self-acceptance is important, it's also crucial to recognize and address the aspects of ourselves that we can change.

True happiness and confidence come from within, and it's essential to stay committed to personal growth and change, rather than relying on external relationships for validation.

Changing is difficult, and many people seek comfort and validation from others instead of working on their self-esteem.

Relying on a partner for happiness can lead to pain and dependency.

True happiness and confidence come from within, and it's essential to put in the effort to make positive changes in one's life.

Losing control over your self-worth can lead to dependence on others for validation and happiness.

It's important to confront and change the aspects of yourself that you dislike, rather than seeking external reassurance.

Ultimately, your opinion of yourself is the most important, and taking responsibility for your happiness is key to making lasting changes.

The Impact of Codependency and Self-Acceptance

Negative attributes can grow and affect one's entire life, leading to codependency and emotional turmoil.

It's important to address personal needs and work on self-acceptance to break free from unhealthy relationships.

The speaker shares their journey of self-improvement and the importance of prioritizing one's own well-being over seeking validation from others.

Success requires personal effort and dedication; complaining and seeking external validation won't lead to confidence or improvement.

Embracing your individuality and accepting who you are is crucial, as success is not reserved for a specific type of person.

With 8 billion people in the world, everyone's unique journey can lead to success, and it's essential to take action and work towards your goals without making excuses.

The Importance of Self-Reliance and Personal Growth

The speaker offers a 12-week personal training program with nutritional advice and encourages followers to reach out via Instagram for support.

He emphasizes the importance of not outsourcing confidence and happiness to others, urging individuals to focus on personal growth and self-reliance.

The speaker shares a relatable story about the struggle of letting go of someone and highlights the importance of being independent and not relying on others for validation or happiness.