Hello, I'm Teacher Ji, and today I want to talk about the process of a wife being groomed by a man she is attracted to. Please subscribe and like this video. I had the opportunity to study grooming sexual violence, and as I looked through the materials, I realized that women who cheat often experience grooming by their lovers. So, I prepared this topic.

First of all, grooming refers to the process where the perpetrator manipulates or intimidates a vulnerable target to make them dependent, ultimately leading to sexual exploitation. Typically, when we talk about grooming sexual violence, it often involves adult men targeting children, adolescents, or female students. Therefore, schools also provide education to children about grooming sexual violence, primarily warning them to be cautious of adults they meet in chat rooms and similar situations.

So, to talk about grooming sexual violence in a nutshell, it refers to a crime where someone intentionally approaches a vulnerable target, manipulates them psychologically, and builds intimacy to easily exploit them sexually while ensuring that the secret remains hidden. Now, when we consider why grooming sexual violence emerges in the context of a wife's infidelity, it can be due to the wife being socioeconomically or emotionally vulnerable, making her a potential target for such crimes. For instance, if she has been suffering from depression for a long time or has a personality that is quite dependent, and there are issues in the marriage that prevent her from relying on her husband, she may seek someone to talk to or depend on outside of the marriage. In such cases, it becomes very easy for her to be targeted. This can happen both online and offline, but nowadays, grooming occurring online is becoming a very serious issue.

So now, it's something you can commonly see in mom cafes. My husband and I just can't communicate at all, and he can't provide me with the emotional support I need. I can't even talk about what I'm going through, and whenever I say something, he gets annoyed and says things like, You're only saying that because you're comfortable. I just need someone to talk to. Many people ask me if it's okay to meet a boyfriend online, without ever meeting in person or having a sexual relationship, just for conversation. So, it seems that even ordinary housewives don't have much resistance to online chatting and think it's possible to make friends through it. It makes it easy to meet men in this way. However, when I comment on such posts, I say, Yes, it can be for conversation, but the other man...

Are the intentions of the conversation purely platonic? The men on these apps usually have sexual motives, so I often say that one should never engage in such interactions. Nevertheless, such incidents are quite common online. In offline situations, we often see cases involving teachers and students, coaches and athletes, and so on. Additionally, there are instances where a wife struggles to adapt to a new workplace, and her direct supervisor takes care of her, treating her well, saying things like, If you do well with me, you won't have any problems at work. This grooming leads to sexual relationships. Men who approach in this manner tend to show understanding, empathy, and attentiveness, offering advice and counseling while developing a close relationship. They also provide material support, giving gifts and taking her to nice restaurants and cafes, places she doesn't visit with her husband.

They show places that you wouldn't normally see, captivating you in this way. They need to offer something enticing so that the person will rely on them. These women know very well how to make someone depend on them, trust them, and follow them. They approach by treating their partner well. As they get entangled in this way, it doesn't matter how much age difference there is or what someone looks like; the fact that this person listens to everything they say and takes care of them makes the woman feel good. As they continue like this, it leads to a deeper relationship, creating secrets just between the two of them, developing into a relationship that they can't share with others. So far, this sounds just like any typical romance, right? I often say that infidelity, in their eyes, is also a form of love and romance, but grooming is particularly different.

The point is that it isolates the person from others. In a way, since we are having an affair, if it deepens, we become dependent on each other, have many conversations, and frequently call each other. Just that alone constitutes an affair. At that point, the wife cannot share this relationship anywhere. If she talks to a close friend, she fears being criticized for cheating, so she can't say anything. It's even more difficult to talk to her husband about it. Therefore, the relationship between the two becomes a secret just for them, which further isolates them from those around them. She inevitably becomes more dependent on this person. Once this dynamic is established, it becomes very easy for the man to gaslight the wife. Even if he makes strange demands of her, she can't talk about it anywhere, and it's already too late for her to refuse.

Once she becomes emotionally invested, that's when gaslighting starts to take place. Even if the two do not have a sexual relationship, after establishing this dependency, the man will create sexual opportunities. For example, he might casually bring up something sexual, send provocative pictures, share adult content, or when they meet offline, he might initiate some form of physical contact. If the woman were in a normal state of mind, she would likely think, What a crazy person! This is sexual harassment! However, because she has become so deeply dependent on the man, she cannot refuse. Women's sexuality often has this dynamic; even if I am not particularly aroused by someone, if that person likes me and I also have feelings for them, then even if I dislike the situation...

There is something that matches that, so it develops into a sexual relationship. As that happens, it creates a structure where one becomes more dependent and exploited like a sexual slave. At that point, one cannot talk to anyone about it. Even if one wants to end the relationship, it becomes difficult at that time. The man has already incorporated all of his personal information, his wife's information, and even the children's information into their conversations, so he would know everything. Therefore, if one says, Let's stop seeing each other, the man might threaten them. Before even making threats, he psychologically manipulates his wife, saying, I truly love you, and you have a family life. You don't need to feel guilty. You're just living with me because you can't break up anyway. Isn't it the same as being divorced? This isn't an affair.

By offsetting the wife's guilt, it makes her sink deeper into the affair. The counselor mentioned that what frustrates husbands the most is that their wives treat the other man better than they ever did for them. For example, when we were intimate, she was worried about getting pregnant and insisted on using condoms, but with that guy, she doesn't use condoms at all. She even went as far as getting an implant in her arm for contraception to have unprotected sex with him. She engages in positions with him that she never did with me, and this really angers the husbands. However, it's important to understand that it's not necessarily that the wife genuinely wants to do these things; rather, she has been gaslighted and conditioned by the other man. She has been brainwashed to do everything he wants.

You might want to take a look at this. What's really bad about this grooming is that the wife has a certain amount of dissatisfaction in her home life. If that man inflates his grievances based on her dissatisfaction, it leads to the question: how have you lived in such an unhappy marriage until now? He might say, Divorce and come to me, or If I divorce, will you divorce too? while having no intention of genuinely caring for her. This kind of manipulation can lead the woman to ultimately abandon her family. So, at this point, the wife comes home, demands a divorce, and starts packing her things. However, when you see how these women live after leaving with their packed bags, it's often quite pitiful. For example, they might have lived in a perfectly fine 30-pyeong apartment, but they think that living with the other man will allow them to truly live as themselves.

Running out and thinking about going into a house, the place I went into was a very small one-room studio, like a one-room office. But when you go there, there's only a bed. Seriously, there's just a bed and a table where I've had sex and eaten. I thought I was living authentically, so I ran out and lived like that. It really makes you wonder if one could make such a decision without being groomed. I mean, how can a grown woman, not a child, be groomed? She's just obsessed with sex; she's doing it because she likes it. How is she a victim? I'm the victim, and she is definitely the perpetrator. Of course, I think that way, and it makes sense. However, this man is psychologically manipulating his wife, who originally wasn't like that, and suddenly she becomes like this because of him.

After meeting, if a person suddenly starts talking about things they never mentioned before or if they suddenly seem strange, you might think that they have been groomed. So, what should you do if someone has been groomed? Generally, I mentioned that you should not engage in conversation with an unfaithful spouse. You should not even think about having a conversation. Trying to persuade, coax, or logically argue with your wife will not work; she will not come back. She has already become a slave to the other man, and whatever the husband says will just sound like nagging to her. She might think, This man still doesn't understand me. He should have treated me better from the start. As a result, she will only grow more distant from her husband, and there will be no chance of her returning. In such cases, you must also eliminate the other man.

I will never give up on this woman. I am her protector, and I have the rights and responsibilities regarding her. You, if you don't let her go, should be prepared for your life to spiral out of control. I have to warn you in this way to separate this man from her so that my wife can come back. You must remember that there is no way for her to return if you continue to deal with this woman. 

And even if she does come back, how can I live with a woman who has been with such a strange man? That's something to think about after she returns. After all, she is the mother of my children. Even if we get divorced, I can't allow her to be with someone like that. It would affect my children's lives forever. What if, in the end, he ends up getting involved with my kids? So, I need to make sure to separate this woman from that man, and getting a divorce is better for me too.

It's good for women and also good for our children. If you think that way, you just need to keep pushing forward without worrying too much. There might be another issue to consider: why did the wife fall for such a guy? If we think about the psychological aspects, it could be that this woman is going through a tough time, feeling lost and lacking a sense of ethical responsibility, and being impulsive. While these factors are certainly there, it’s also important to recognize that she might be dealing with underlying depression or some unmet needs in her relationship with her husband. The husband should reflect on this and try to understand. You need to think carefully about how to bridge the gap with your wife when she returns. That's all for today. If you come into the cafe or watch this, I’ll share thoughts on how to deal with a wife who has strayed, how to communicate and act, and how to navigate these situations.

There are many written columns and also many articles about parenting, so I hope you come into the cafe to read or see them. Hello everyone, see you next time.

멀쩡한 여자가 불륜 성노예가 되는 과정 Ep.112 [이거나고거나]

멀쩡한 여자가 불륜 성노예가 되는 과정 Ep.112 [이거나고거나]