Matt R's Insecurity and the Patriarchy's Harmful Effects

Matt Rif's desperate appeal to patriarchal masculinity perpetuates a system that targets men and undermines their mental health.

### The Patriarchy's Impact on Men: A Critical Analysis of Matt R's Comedy
* 🎭 Matt R's rise to fame through TikTok and Netflix has brought attention to his **controversial comedy style**, which often targets his **primarily female audience**.
* 👫 Matt R openly expresses disdain for his **80% female audience**, seeking more male fans to align with his desired **"boys' club" image** in comedy.
* 🧔 🏻 Matt R's behavior reflects a **deep insecurity about his own masculinity**, as he strives to conform to patriarchal standards despite his **proximity to femininity**.
* 🎭 By analyzing Matt R's comedy and audience interactions, the text explores how the **patriarchy perpetuates harmful gender norms and expectations for men**.
* 🧠 The text delves into role theory and its application to men, highlighting the **constant stress and conflicts** imposed by patriarchal masculinity.
* 🏛 It critiques how the patriarchy commodifies masculinity, using consumerism and media to **reinforce harmful gender stereotypes**.
* 👥 Through personal anecdotes and external research, the text reveals the **emotional toll of patriarchal expectations** on men's mental health and relationships.
* 🌐 It concludes by emphasizing the importance of **understanding and dismantling the patriarchy's impact** on both men and women for **true gender equality**.

I hate Matt R. I hate the way that he walks. I hate the way that he talks. I hate the way that he dresses. Forget Kendrick Lamar. I am the biggest hater, which is exactly what Matt Rif wants. Let me explain. Most of you were probably introduced to Matt through his 2023 Netflix special, Natural Selection. This was the first time his stand-up reached such a large general platform, if you don't count Wild 'N Out. Look, you're mixed. I want to be black. Let's make a lifestyle. Previously, he was what the New York Times called a struggling road artist. He self-produced a majority of his projects and used crowdfunding to get them off the ground. Yet another special made for you guys, by you guys. No streaming service, network, studio behind it. It's just another product for you guys to enjoy. Meanwhile, he used TikTok to bring in viewers. By late 2022, Matt was quickly becoming a viral comedian. It's been amazing, man, and it has genuinely just been from TikTok. And it's, I'd say

like, I'd say like, August was when everything began to change. August, August of last year, as noted by his friend Zach Justice, allegedly. Mass rise of stardom was unlike anything the culture has seen before. Comedy is a man's sport. It's a place for gritty, strong men to gather after a hard day at work, body sweating, muscles hopping in a dark room with other tired, strong men. But uh, Matt's audience is different. It's primarily women. You could see it in the crowd shots, in his comment section, in his follower list. It's a deviation from what Matt considers the norm. In Matt's words, his audience is 80% women. Of the remaining 20%, he theorizes that 15% are boyfriends accompanying their girlfriends, making 95% of his audience contingent on women. Based on these numbers, I have a higher percentage of men in my audience than Matt R does, which if he were to find this out, would kill him on the spot quicker than an original recipe Coca-Cola would a Jin Z American. We always say that Victorians.

wouldn't survive our Apple Vape but our predecessors were being prescribed electrocuted coochie and heroin for a regular cold. You're the one not surviving your Vape, Jimmy. What I'm trying to say is that Matt hates his demographic. It confuses him, it disgusts him, and he won't let you forget it. You need a male audience, okay? Talk about football and cars. I know, uh, I really do need more of a male audience at my live shows. To me, I've always gone for the tone of like, I just wanted to feel like a hangout with the boys. I'm not pandering into a female audience, I'm not. I'm doing the stand-up, it's mine, right? It breaks my heart that so many guys just won't give me a chance 'cause I'm like, dude, we could be best friends, you just never know. Which is strange, it's not ideal, it's really comedy is supposed to be for people who have like

[ __ ] up senses of humor who are like, I'm here, I'm drunk, I'm gritty, I've had a time already, to laugh as some [ __ ] up [ __ ]. 90% women coming to these shows, which weren't always for the right reasons, and they got there and maybe they didn't like my comedy, and they go, Well, maybe I wasn't a fan for the right reason, which is fine. And no women understand what I'm talking about at all. My favorite thing is like, so in the beginning of the show, it's always this, the boyfriend's always like this, and the girlfriend's always like this. By 30 minutes in, the girlfriend is like this, the boyfriend is like this. I'm like, Good. And then like 20 minutes into the show, they realize like my comedy is so much more for guys than it is girls. Wait, is patriarchy women or matriarchy women? Matriarchy women. It is pchy is male, yeah, subscribe to the patriarch Matt, not only wanted to.

be taken seriously as an artist, but also as a man in the esteemed Boys Club of Comedy. His audience was becoming a problem, and here's how Matt decided to fix it. Ahead of his Netflix special, he sat down with Variety and stated, One thing that I wanted to tackle in this special was showing people that despite what you think about me online, I don't pander my career to women. I would argue this special is way more for guys. The first minute of Matt's set consists of him explaining his complex relationship with Baltimore. He calls it a ratchet city, which has connotations, and then he launches into a spiel about a memorable lunch he had there and the hostess who, like, seat you at the restaurant, had a black eye. Like, yeah, I feel bad for her, man. I feel like they should put her in the kitchen or something where nobody, nobody has to see her face, you know? And I was like, 'Yeah, but I feel like if she could cook, she wouldn't have that black eye.' The next 20 minutes of jokes follows

a similar structure. Women, women civil rights, disability, disability, dick. There's a kind of astonishment in watching a man pushing 30 make jokes you can only hear on a high school bus. Like, oh my God, like, can we talk about like the political and economic state of the world right now? Natural ction received a whopping 18% on Rotten Tomatoes. Viewers call it cringe, boring, corny, and low brow. Vulture called it uninspiring. And me? Well, let's just [Music] say, truly, the only reason his special got any attention at all is because Matt used the tired charade of offensive comedy. The internet exploded over his domestic violence joke. And you know what Matt did in response? He realized the error of his ways, apologized for his Mups, and vowed to never do it again. Well, no, he posted a link to his Instagram story telling those offended that their issues would be solved by clicking on that link. Instead of an apology or even really just a better joke, Matt's link LED his audience to a website selling

helmets for disabled people. Let's see who gets offended, the punch line being ableism. Ha. My issue is not that Matt Re is offensive or edgy, because he's not. He's a watered-down version of every comedian before him, trying to appear anti-woke because he knows there's a market, and he's not even doing it well. As Rolling Stone deduced, you can hear this [__] anywhere. If the only way you can make someone laugh is through forceful shock at your own cheap absurdity, maybe you're not that funny. If I'm not mad at Matt Re for his humor, then what's this video for? I started off by saying that I hate Matt RI, but that's not true, kind of. I hate what he loves. I hate that he's willing to throw his audience under the bus because of some contrived binary. I hate his blatant and desperate attempts to appeal to patriarchal masculinity. Most of all, I hate that Matt R himself as an individual is not the problem; his behavior is.

simply the end goal of a predatory system that targets young boys from birth. In a way, Matt is a victim of the patriarchy. Look, I know it's hard to see Matt RIF as anything other than a frat boy villain. I resisted at every turn, every article, every clip. And you know what? I came to realize, yeah, he's still a frat boy villain. You will not make me vindicate a man this corny. Except, except I realized that placing the sole blame on Matt R ignores the entire system behind him. We have to take our time and look beyond the rage bait because caring about Matt RIF means caring about men worldwide, our partners, our sons, our brothers, our friends, our dads, hell, even our local barista. It means caring about the system that plunders, exploits, and violates everyone for the sake of domination. While men are granted privilege when they conform to the patriarchy, they still find themselves in a loveless, anxious, confusing spiral of shame and isolation. I want to get to the bottom of this.

first I want to flesh out Matt R.'s hatred for his feminine audience and show how it perpetuates a patriarchal lie that is femininity being inferior and superficial. Second, while Matt admires the patriarchy, I seek to prove that it wouldn't spit on him if he were on fire and the last of the Earth's water had dried up in the flames. In fact, the patriarchy is an active system that exploits and harms him. The more Matt is pushed by it, the more insecure he gets, and the more he tries to be affirmed by it, the more he spirals. Men are facing a major crisis, as Matt R. would say, this one's for the boys. [Music] It went a lot better in my head. 2011 marked the beginning of my intense relationship with fandom. One Direction's first studio album released late in the year. Fun was rising in popularity, and I was planted in my tween bedroom, walls covered floor to ceilings in posters, eyes burning from constant laptop use. Desire and me were inseparable; this was the case for most.

girls my age. The Bible at the time was boys, boy bands, and fanfiction, but these interests were a double-edged sword. I had other interests outside of the quote-unquote stereotypical ones. I was a big fan of wrestling. I loved playing video games with the men in my family, but none of these interests were as belittled as my love for boy bands. I realized early on that to have feminine interest was to be uncultured. Us fan girls were often called hysterical, naive, juvenile, and unsophisticated. This is exactly what the patriarchy wants. At its most basic level, the patriarchy refers to a system that favors men over women. This leads to the villainization of femininity. Take, for instance, the 1981 height report on male sexuality. This report surveyed thousands of men across age groups and found that being called feminine was offensive, enraging, and insulting to men. To be called 'like a woman' by another man is to be humiliated by him, one participant said. Another declared, I would defend my

masculinity almost automatically I may appear soft, but I carry a big stick. The implication of the height report is that being compared to a woman, especially as a man, is dehumanizing. It incites rage, violence, and defensive behavior. These feelings don't just show up when someone is called feminine; they become pronounced even if a man is in proximity to femininity. 5 Seconds of Summer is a great example. They became global superstars in 2014 after their single She Looks So Perfect went viral. [Music] Despite having a more rock sound, Five Sauce was slated to be the next One Direction. They had a gaggle of girls following them wherever they went, resulting in chart-topping albums and overnight success. But this still stoked insecurity. Five Sauce wanted to be rock stars, but the media considered them a boy band, relegating them to the zone of femininity. In 2015, Ashton Irwin, the drummer, told Rolling Stone, 75% of our lives is proving that we're a real band.

we didn't want to be just for girls. Okay connotations Irwin's statement implies that appealing to a large feminine demographic, especially a young one, makes you unserious as an artist. The only fate worse than that is to be the young fan herself. I love them. I don't care what anybody thinks. I love the Beatles. For them, I'll always love him, even when I'm 105 and an old grandmother. I'll love him and Paul McCartney. If you all listening, Adrian from Brooklyn loves you with all her heart. Numerous articles have been written about the fandoms of such musicians as One Direction, The Beatles, and Justin Bieber. Most of them focus on portraying fan girls as an abnormality, odd, unstable things with too much time and not enough culture. The Washington Post referred to fan girls as ritual shriekers. Paul Johnson of the New Statesman references hysteria, writing that fan girls are the dull, the idol, the failures of their generation. We simply don't see this kind of sentiment apply to men and boys while men's expressions.

are certainly limited by the patriarchy. They're still allowed to show interest and passion, so long as it adheres to masculine standards. Are you serious? It's not my fault. Seriously, just break the table. It's not my table. That's not my fault. They freaking suck at everything. Interception. Women are damned if you do, damned if you don't. Rachel Shakur told Vulture that men's pop culture obsessions are treated like Hamlets. They tell it over and over again from different perspectives. That's all fine, obviously, but women audiences are trained to not take their own stories seriously. Besides not being taken seriously, fangirls are also accused of being superficial. We see this most often today aimed at fans of K-pop. Back in my day, however, people used this argument against One Direction. They believe that my only purpose for listening to their music or supporting their growth as artists was simply because I found them hot. Of course, I think there is definite truth to fandom being a young girl's introduction to desire and relationships.

and also there's nothing wrong with finding someone attractive. But people ignorantly believe that girls are incapable of supporting something beyond wanting to [ __ ] it. This is precisely what Matt R does with his audience. He often implies that his fan base is incapable of finding him funny simply because they're women. He accuses them of being fans for the wrong reasons, which weren't always for the right reason. Well, maybe I wasn't a fan for the right reason. I might lose some over time for people who aren't fans for the right reasons, meaning that they think he's hot. Now I do notice a pattern of Matt R's fans being flirtatious with him and complimenting his looks. These fans do tend to be women. However, Matt has nearly 30 million followers across his social platforms. As many times as I see people flirting with him in the audience or leaving thirsty comments on his social media, I see just as many women who engage with his humor, women who compliment his quick wit, who support his

shows to admire his supposed skill. Matt doesn't seem to care about this, though. He stereotypes his entire feminine audience as superficial, only following him because they find him attractive, which is totally subjective. Matt even stated in an interview once that he really prides himself on having fanboys because at least he knows men have pure intentions when they come to his comedy shows. No, I appreciate every dude I get, you know what I mean? 'Cause it's like, I know their intentions are nothing but purely comedy-based. This behavior is super common in fandom spaces. Rob NX told Evening Star in 2020 that he was a major fanboy in his youth, but his interest in bands was always treated with more respect than his fellow fangirls. He was thought of to be a real fan, a tasteful intellectual in a sea of mindless groupies. I'm getting mad, so we're taking a break. Sit back, relax, maybe even go get a snack while I tell you about today's sponsor, Babbel, in one of my most recent.

videos. I told you that I'm using Babel to freshen up my Spanish. My partner is Mexican, and so I'm frequently immersed in Spanish-speaking environments. Most of the time, I just kind of sit there, which is really more of my fault because I understand pieces of the language, but I'm just not confident in speaking it, and you will not catch me slacking any longer. Babel is one of the top language learning apps in the world, and the reason they're so good is because they feature intuitive lessons that help you learn language through real-life conversations. Their lessons are created by over 650 language experts, helping you learn practical conversations about business, relationships, and more. I've already learned how to greet people, I've learned how to introduce myself and others, and I have been dominating the Spanish alphabet. I've also recently learned how to roll my Rs by mimicking what I hear in my lessons. [Music] Seo, hey. Babel is scientifically proven by researchers at Yale and Michigan State to help you start speaking a new

language in 3 weeks. It doesn't matter where you are in your journey, if you're a beginner or you're intermediate, because Babel will meet you where you're at. Their fun and engaging lessons can help you start or recommit to your language learning goals. If any of this sounds good to you, you can click the link in the description or scan the QR to get 60% off your subscription. Make sure to tell me what languages that you want to learn and why. Thank you to Babel for sponsoring this video. Now let's crawl back inside Matt R's drawline. Matt R has an interesting proximity to femininity. His fan base is primarily women. Medicin accuses him of allegedly getting plastic surgery, which is culturally associated with femininity, and he's regarded in the comedy world as a pretty boy, a name that has feminine connotations. Matt just a pretty boy, he don't got jokes, he not even funny to me. Shut the [ __ ] up. I heard you got lip filter, I heard he got jaw surch, I heard

he gay, he gay. If we were to go by patriarchal standards, Max's proximity to femininity is emasculating. To be relatable to women, to be admired by them, is to be inferior under a system that expects you to dominate them. I would argue that Matt Ry feels insecure about his relationship with masculinity. He feels inadequate, like he's just reaching the standard but falling short every time. Believe it or not, the patriarchy actually makes a lot of men feel this way. To understand this better, we have to understand something called role theory. It sounds scary and complex and hard, I know, but I promise I'll ease you in real nice. So, role theory just refers to how we understand and perform gender. There are five pillars of role theory: expected role, enacted role, role ambiguity, role conflict, and role overload. Expected role and enacted role just refer to our expected gender roles and how we perform them. A woman's expected role is femininity. Feminine people are expected to be docile, domestic, beautiful, and sweet. They can perform this through

Behavior, but are especially encouraged to perform femininity through their appearance. Oftentimes, the expectations we place on gender become too overwhelming. For instance, women are expected to be all of these things while also keeping up with the ever-changing standards of womanhood. One year, her body is expected to look like this, and the next, she's supposed to look like this. The goal is always moving, and she remains inferior through it all. This is called role ambiguity, a complex and ever-changing set of gender rules. When someone is asked to perform multiple contradictory roles at once, this is called role conflict. Both role conflict and role ambiguity lead to a special stressor called role overload. This is marked by psychological and sometimes physical distress. Did all of that make sense? I noticed that when we talk about gender distress, we rarely talk about men. This most likely stems from the fact that men are a privileged class, and it's hard to view them as distressed by a system that we are told that they benefit from. But men have been effectively silenced and manipulated by

the patriarchy making it difficult for them to express their pain. Franklin Trishia argues that the interest of patriarchy lies also in the confusion of men in teaching men who will not conform how to alienate and despise themselves and even alienate and despise men who do conform. If we apply role theory to men, we see that the patriarchy has them under constant distress. Role overload and role conflict dominate their lives. They're often fed mixed messages about what it means to be a man, leading them to constantly analyze their performance of manhood. Usually, no matter how much they try to be the perfect man, they realize that they're unable to reach this ideal. Look at you and tell me how by any stretch of the imagination you can call yourself a man. This leads to anxiety, depression, anger, and pain. Masculinity is like femininity in the sense that it's not stable or an obtainable gender role. Also, like femininity, masculinity is very westernized and Eurocentric. Michael Kimmel argues that what we consider the

most acceptable form of masculinity is often white American masculinity. Masculinity that is middle class, middle age, and CIS hetero. This kind of masculinity sets the standards for other men, against which other men are measured and more often than not found wanting. Non-white men are often excluded from Eurocentric masculinity. For instance, East Asian men are stereotyped as effeminate, with their masculinity being used as a joke across media. Disabled men find themselves in a similar situation, wherein ableism has become so normalized in our society that their masculinity is often questioned and made into a joke. Black men's relationship with patriarchal masculinity is equally as interesting to me because they're usually viewed as hypermasculine, and yet they are barred from expressing patriarchal masculinity. Under a Eurocentric model, men are supposed to be providers and protectors. They're supposed to be breadwinners with established corporate jobs. Meanwhile, systemic racism makes it hard for black men to embody patriarchal standards. Black men are the highest incarcerated.

demographic in the United States, which of course isn't by accident. Their drawn-out trip to prison usually begins in their youth with systemically racist practices like the school-to-prison pipeline, as well as forced poverty. Not only that, but black people, including black men, are often denied access to education, wealth, and resources. How can black men undertake the hegemonic role of masculinity, like being the provider, breadwinner, and protector, when they are systemically pushed into concrete cells and systematically disenfranchised? How can most men who are not a part of the elite ever meet the standard? Obviously, I can't speak to every experience of manhood, so I thought I would reach out to my newsletter subscribers and see what they're cooking over there. If you want to learn more about my topics ahead of time and have a chance to submit your thoughts to be read in a video, make sure to check out my newsletter linked in the description. The first submission reads, As a transmasculine person, I can attest to the chokehold patriarchy has on...

masculinity. It's a full-blown Monopoly. The social pressure in transitioning to a mask identity often demands giving our all to embody the man, including adopting every harmful stereotype attached to manhood. Stating you're a man, being acknowledged as such by women or queer folks, is not enough to become the man. You have to be accepted by other already manly men and then keep fighting each other forever, trying to over men one another. This next submission reads: I'm a man, but in a way, I reject a lot of what's called masculinity on the grounds that it causes more harm than good. Off the top of my head, being unemotional, being work-focused above everything else, and not seeking help with problems have caused me and other men that I know an incredible amount of harm. Unquestioning acceptance of these toxic forms of American masculinity is at least partially responsible for mental health issues I face today. Despite all of that, I'm still seeking to be more masculine. In a way, I'm searching for a masculinity.

that doesn't fall into the same harmful patterns. CJ States my relationship with manhood in the patriarchy is complicated. First and foremost, it is an ingrained yardstick of what proper expectations are for men in general. That, of course, means white, cisgender, Christian, traditionally masculine, neurotypical, and traditionally attractive men are at the top. They are what I should aspire to be and what I should consider the gold standard. I'm not doing too well in that aspect. Gay, fat, atheist, autistic, and although I like a hike, I'm not chopping down trees with my bare hands or drinking beer by the gallon or anything. This yardstick affects my everyday thinking. I find myself judging other men by this all the time. Every tick against those desired traits is a diminishing value, a sign of not measuring up against that yardstick. I have viciously beaten myself up when I have fallen short of it and have taken that same bludgeoning to other men. Maybe it's a way to compensate for my own inadequacy, but it's also sanctioned by the patriarchy itself. I'm

not the first person online. I've heard admit that they do this with other men. Raphael States, as a trans man, I feel that I have somewhat conflicting relationship with masculinity. This reliance on other men to shape and define one's masculinity, I think, is what leads men toward toxicity. I also want to be clear that I don't think men are born toxic, or that toxicity is inherent to masculinity. Men learn to be toxic because they think being toxic equals being a man, and the men around them reinforce that because that's also what they themselves were taught, and most importantly, they don't see their behavior as toxic, they see it as simply being manly. And lastly, Tammy States, read the whole Matt rif thing, never trust a man who looks like he's keeping the letter m stored in his cheeks. These submissions are very eye-opening. Out of the nearly 60 emails I got, I would say that a great majority of them argued that aligning with patriarchal masculinity was almost second nature, even when someone didn't

want to perform this version of masculinity they felt forced to in order to feel safe or to keep slake friends or keep their family and this makes sense B Hook talks about patriarchy being ingrained into our minds as soon as we're born for men especially they socialized their entire lives to align with patriarchal masculinity hooks argues that after the mass protest of the Vietnam War mass media was used as a propaganda tool which targeted young men and engaged in heavy-handed brainwashing to reinforce psychological patriarchy today small boys and young men are daily inundated with a poisonous education that supports male violence and male domination one way these ideals are enforced is through consumerism we've talked about consumers exploitation a lot on my channel but mainly in regards to femininity the interesting thing about the patriarchy is that it also targets men when it comes to the commodification of gender while women are sold Beauty insecurities in order to boost sales men are often sold products that promise to make them real men Rachel

K. Alber specifically looks at the history of gun sales, which targeted adolescent boys. There's the infamous Remington Campaign, which was heavily criticized by the parents of Sandy Hook. There's JR15, which markets itself with the imagery of babies, and most importantly, there's Jay Stevens' ad from 1909, which promises that their gun will be an incentive to manliness. Violence has been consistently marketed to boys from their youth, stating that it will help them achieve ideal manhood. Real boys play with rifles; good men go to war; masculine men die for their country. Men are even taught to view themselves as machines from a very young age, primarily through the media they consume and the toys they play with. Barbie, while girls are socialized to covet Barbie's body, house, and boyfriend. Boys are socialized to covet the guns, cars, and muscles of their action figures. Both toys serve a purpose in teaching kids their proper gender. Therefore, men are supposed to be made of steel, barely human. They're meant to transcend the

softness and mortality of the body. To feel, to die, to be harmed is to be feminine. And men are told, just as women are, that their life depends depends on performing correctly. Men who are viewed as weak, feminine, or otherwise unmasculine are threatened, bullied, beaten, killed, and dehumanized, often times by other men who use them to assert their own dominance. If men don't immediately learn these lessons outside of the home, then they learn from their patriarchal parents. B hooks talks about patriarchal fathers brutalizing their boys, not just through violence, but mainly through psychological terror. The patriarch shames their boys, they neglect them, and they deny them love. What law is there say I got to like you want to stand up in front of my face and ask a damn fool ass question like that? To deviate from their gender rules is to be abnormal. To be abnormal puts you in danger. Barring every odd thing he said. Matt R's appeal to patriarchal affirmation is not uncommon, as Bel hook States, most men.

will conform to patriarchy one way or another, but this conformity is quite literally tearing them down. They see themselves as inadequate, but like women, are unable to see that their inadequacy is designed by a predatory system. You are not effeminate, and maybe you are a feminine man or a feminine person. There's nothing wrong with that. You are not a failure; you're a person living under a made-up gender system that tells you that it's helping you while simultaneously killing you. In 2021, statistics note that suicide rates for men were four times higher than for women. The patriarchy keeps men from having deep and healthy relationships with others. Not only does it tell you that communication and vulnerability is feminine and therefore wrong, it also incentivizes you to isolate yourself. It keeps you focused on degrading women and reasserting your masculinity instead of focusing on yourself, your health, and dismantling what actually oppresses you. So I kind of see it this way, right?

patriarchy wants you to be as a man. It wants you to view women as your enemy. It wants you to view women as the only place, the only vessel, the only body, the only people that you can express anger or contempt or frustration to let off steam. Women are the only vessel in which you can do that under a patriarchal system, right? And the reason that is designed that way is because [ __ ] if you realize that the reason you're in pain, the reason you're angry, the reason you can't get out of bed in the morning because you are just you feel so alienated from your person, from your body, from your soul, the reason you feel like you are nothing, the reason you feel like you are TR trash is because of this system above you, the system that benefits everyone but you. And if you realize that, then you're going to try to dismantle it, right? You're going to try to fight against it, you're going to try to undermine it, which in turn harms all of those wealthy.

Elites above you, right? If they could keep you focused on viewing women and minorities as your enemy, telling you that you are special while treating you like [ __ ], making you second guess yourself instead of it, then they win. They get what they want out of you. What we need to understand is that the patriarchy is a hierarchy within a hierarchy. Men are said to reap privileges from the system, and they do, trust me, they do. But those privileges are very limited. As Bell Hooks says, those privileges are not love. The only men who unequivocally benefit from the patriarchy are those above you in the hierarchy, the white, able-bodied, wealthy elites. The system does not care about you. Patriarchal culture really does not care if men are unhappy. Bell Hooks writes, in fact, men are imprisoned by a system that undermines their mental health even as you appeal to it and seek to be reaffirmed by it. When it comes to Matt Rif, I think he's insecure in his manhood, as most men probably are, but are

uncomfortable admitting in interviews. Matt says that he finds himself unattractive. He claims to be a perfectionist when it comes to his looks, body, and even his appendage size. Bit of a perfectionist when it comes to like your standup and or are you kind of like I think with everything uh standup uh F yeah my my looks as well you are dick morphia all that good stuff dickm morphia yeah oh like body dysmorphia of course you think you a small we and he continuously makes jokes about falling short in these categories everything Matt does is stained with the fear of being inadequate and for some men the fear of not being able to attain the right degree of Manliness is often translated into rage men have been given no resources on how to deal with these complex feelings they haven't even been told the truth about the patriarchy and how it affects them despite being awarded certain privileges men are still denied love they're denied attention a space to mourn as Bel hook says it would

be fine if Matt was seeking more men in his audience because he wanted to cultivate a relatable community to share his fears and experiences with. But that is not his goal. His patriarchy masculinity was threatened, and he sought to reaffirm it by throwing women under the bus. He's been told all his life that this is what he needs to do. It's been normalized. It's been prophesized. But that doesn't make it right. Kadesia and Bo is, let me cut the script, Kadesia and Bo is trailblazing this conversation about masculinity and desirability and the patriarchy alongside FD signifier. So I have to stop and give them their flowers right now. Kadisha specifically mentions in their Bear versus Man video that there is an established sense of mistrust between men and women. The way women feel about men comes not from thin air but repeated consistent action, systemic action, and interpersonal action. I think if I had to analyze my own experience with men, I would say that 85% of it has

felt unsafe or unfulfilling, and that since a fear and disappointment doesn't come from phantom feelings or misplaced judgment. I came to those conclusions based on how men in my life have directly treated me. Men use women and children as a way to reestablish their manhood, often through betrayal, subjugation, and violence. They would rather risk total alienation and pain of those that love them and who they claim to love in order to meet some masculinity quota. The sense of mistrust dreses back centuries. For now, we only need to go back 50 odd years to 1971. Matt R's insistence on patriarchal masculinity reminded me of this interview with Nikki Giovani and James Baldwin. Both are brilliant queer writers, both black but of different generations. Baldwin is older than Nikki at this moment, and he represents a very old belief, one that the newer generation today is kind of split down the middle in support of. Prince Shakure did a video about this interview recently and argues.

that Baldwin tends to defend patriarchy. He defends the quote-unquote irrationality of gender, as Prince puts it, and I agree. Baldwin argues that the oppressive structures of white supremacy and the patriarchy have black men by the throat and by the balls, imagery that implies dehumanization and emasculation. Society tells the black man, as it tells all men, to bottle up their pain and their fear. There is no safe space to express contempt or anger or to relieve oneself of hard emotions, emotions that are kind of cultivated by these oppressive systems. There is no space for this except the home, except against the wife and the child. It's not that Baldwin is lying about this phenomenon. There is definitely a pattern of people who take their frustration and resentment out on those closest to them because those are the only people they feel big enough in comparison to. A black man of Baldwin's era couldn't lift a finger against his white boss, but he could go home and beat his black wife and his black children. This is obviously wrong.

the issue is that Baldwin treats this phenomenon as inevitable unquestionable. He tells Nikki Giovani that she can't be romantic about the subject, can't expect better because it's just human nature. Said that's so wrong because what you perpetuate Nikki, it may be wrong. I hate to use those kind of terms, but Nikki, it may you Nikki, it may be wrong. Of course, it's wrong, but we're dealing with human beings, you know. One cannot be romantic about human nature, one cannot be romantic about one's own nature. Giovani, in response, voices something Cosmic kind of problems so that the black men say, In order for me to be a man, you walk 10 Paces behind me, you know what I mean? Yeah, it means nothing. I can walk 10 Paces behind a dog, it means nothing to me. But if that's what he needs, I'll never get far enough behind him for him to be a man, you know what I mean? I'll never walk that slowly. Now look at how she ate that, I don't think.

Giovani is calling men dogs here, but instead is saying that the patriarchy is lawless, and more than anything, it's not women's fault that it's lawless. Patriarchy wants us to believe that gender and sex are inseparable because that makes us believe that hierarchy, violence, and oppression are normal, that we are born to do this. It makes us believe that men are excusable in using women's lives, interest, and bodies as targets to blow off steam. Giovani highlights that it's not about who rules per se, dog or man. It's the entire notion of ruling itself that's wrong. The system of patriarchy is our issue, and maybe we don't have to be romantic about it, as Baldwin says, but we do have to be so, so [__] for real, at least because the pressure is getting wor. More Than This Nikki highlights how insatiable the patriarchy is when she says, I'll never get far enough behind him for him to be a man. She's explaining how exhausting

the system is no matter how much effort you put in, how much you try to meet the goals of the patriarchy, you'll come up short every time. No one on earth can walk that slowly, she says. Matt R's actions are wrong undeniably, irrevocably, horrifically wrong. It's impossible to talk about patriarchal oppression of men without also talking about how they take their frustration and insecurity out unjustly on others. Men everywhere are feeling confused and scared about their position in the patriarchy. They look to other men to assuage these fears, to reaffirm their identity. Some men, particularly on the far right, argue that these feelings stem from the ills of feminism and wokeness. In reality, men are Sleeping with the Enemy, or more likely, they're chained to the bed against their will, forced to be wed to a predatory system. Being online has taught me that when the fear of gender inadequacy rears its head, people become more vulnerable to propaganda. They fall down pipelines and

rabbit holes and often times we lose them briefly or in entirely to Violent conservatism hello everyone. I had the opportunity today to welcome and speak with one of the world's most outstanding current comedians. Young guy 28 years old Matt R who's exploded onto the comedy scene in the last few years. Men are still in crisis. They're exploited and harmed by the patriarchy perceiving that they have nowhere else to go large numbers of men are joining conservative circles to find the Cure. Matt R is not the first and he will not be the last. Let's look [Music] closer hottest balls hottest balls.

Matt Rife, The Patriarchy Won't Save You

Shanspeare

Matt R's Struggle with His Female-Dominated Audience

Matt R rose to fame through self-produced projects and TikTok, but he struggled with his primarily female audience.

He expressed a desire for more male fans, feeling that his comedy was geared towards them.

In an attempt to appeal more to men, he made controversial comments in his Netflix special and openly stated his intention to cater more to a male audience.

Matt Re's offensive comedy sparked outrage, but his behavior is a product of a predatory system that targets young boys.

The vilification of femininity in society perpetuates the patriarchal lie of its inferiority, impacting men like Matt R.

who seek affirmation from the patriarchal system.

The crisis of masculinity is driven by the patriarchy's harmful exploitation of men, leading to insecurity and a desperate need for affirmation.

The Impact of Misogyny on Male Artists and Their Fanbases

Being associated with femininity is seen as dehumanizing for men, leading to rage and defensive behavior.

Male artists like 5 Seconds of Summer and Matt R struggle with being labeled as appealing primarily to women, impacting their credibility.

Fan girls are often belittled and accused of being superficial in their admiration, while male fans are seen as more genuine.

This misogyny leads to the devaluation of female fans' genuine appreciation in fandom spaces.

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Eurocentric masculinity, centered around white American, middle class, middle age, and CIS hetero men, sets the standard for masculinity, excluding non-white men, disabled men, and those who do not fit the mold.

Black men, in particular, face systemic barriers that make it difficult for them to embody the traditional patriarchal role of provider and protector.

The submissions from the newsletter subscribers reveal a complex relationship with masculinity, with many rejecting toxic masculinity and its harmful effects on mental health.

The Impact of Patriarchal Masculinity on Men

Men are socialized from a young age to conform to patriarchal masculinity, which is reinforced through mass media, consumerism, and societal expectations.

This conformity leads to psychological terror, shame, and a sense of inadequacy, ultimately contributing to high suicide rates among men.

The patriarchal system not only encourages the degradation of women but also prevents men from forming healthy relationships and addressing their own mental health needs, leading to isolation and a focus on reasserting masculinity.

The Impact of Patriarchy on Men's Mental Health

The patriarchy creates a hierarchy where only the wealthy white elites truly benefit, while men are limited in their privileges and denied love and attention.

Matt Rif's insecurity and fear of inadequacy are a result of patriarchal masculinity norms, leading to a lack of resources for men to deal with their complex feelings.

Men's mistrust and mistreatment of women stem from the pressure to meet masculinity standards, as seen in historical and modern examples, reinforcing the impact of patriarchy on men's behavior.

James Baldwin's view of patriarchy as inevitable is challenged by Nikki Giovani, who highlights the oppressive nature of the system.

She emphasizes the exhaustion and insatiability caused by trying to meet its expectations.

Additionally, the unjust actions of men under patriarchal oppression are discussed, along with the way it drives them towards conservative circles.