Understanding the Gain-Loss Theory in Attracting Women

By initially showing interest and positivity, then gradually assessing her, a man can naturally make a woman more attracted to him.

### The Gain-Loss Theory: A Key to Attractiveness in Dating and Relationships
* 👫 The Gain-Loss Theory suggests that people are more attracted to those who initially offer **negative feedback but then switch to positive feedback**, compared to those who are **consistently positive**.
* 🔍 A study by the University of Minnesota found that women were more attracted to evaluators who started with **negative feedback** and then shifted to **positive feedback**.
* 🔀 In dating, this theory suggests that men can increase their attractiveness by initially showing some **evaluation** and then gradually becoming more **positive**.
* 🧠 This strategy can be applied by making statements that show **discernment and evaluation**, such as "I wasn't 100% sure about coming over to talk to you, but you seem interesting."
* 😂 Additionally, displaying traits that make women feel sexually attracted, such as **humor or confidence**, can enhance the effectiveness of the **gain-loss method**.
* 👩 In relationships, the gain-loss theory can be used to maintain attraction by occasionally showing **evaluation and rewarding behaviors** that are considered attractive.
* 💑 By adopting the role of the evaluator, men can create a dynamic where women feel the need to **win their approval**, leading to **more satisfying and balanced relationships**.
* 💡 Ultimately, the gain-loss theory offers a valuable perspective on how to **navigate dating and relationships** in a way that **enhances attraction** and **maintains healthy dynamics**.

most guys go through their entire life never discovering the secret that you are going to learn in this video which result in women liking you 781 more. This secret is very easy to use, and it requires you to make a simple adjustment to how you approach an interaction with a woman, and it applies when you're first meeting a woman, when you're on a first date with a woman, and even when you're in a relationship with her. The secret continues to work, but when a guy doesn't know this secret, he will often look on at other guys who seem to have a certain something with women, and he'll never be able to figure it out. The other guy will start interacting with some women that he likes, that he finds attractive, and they will like him. They will try to impress him, they'll be trying to win him over, and the guy who doesn't know this will look on and think what the heck is going on there, right? What is he saying? What is he doing? Well, that's what you're going to understand.

in this video, so essentially, there was a study that was published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, and it was called Gain and Loss of Esteem as Determinants of Interpersonal Attractiveness. The participants in the study were 80 female students from the University of Minnesota, and essentially, they would be interviewed by the experimenter and another person participating in the study. After they participated in the interview with the experimenter and the other person in the study, they would, quote-unquote, would accidentally overhear themselves being talked about. They would either hear themselves being evaluated and talked about from a negative to then positive assessment of themselves, or positive all the way. So just positive-positive or negative all the way, so negative at the start, negative at the finish, just unfavorable evaluations of them. Or the evaluation would start out positive and then end negatively. So which of those four do you think would make a woman like the evaluator more naturally? Most people would assume that if the evaluator was talking about them and started out giving positive feedback.

about them and saying positive things about them, and continued on. Then the female students would say, yeah, I like that evaluator. I like that person. Right? But as it turned out, they liked the evaluator who started off with some criticism of them, started off with negative assessments, and then went to positive. So I'll explain what you can say and do when you're around a woman in terms of a dating context and relationship context in a second, but first I'll read some quotes from the study to help you further understand how it works when A expresses negative feelings towards B. So when the experimenter or the evaluator expresses some negative feelings about the female student being B, B probably experiences some negative effect, for example, anxiety, hurt, self-doubt, anger, etc. If A's behavior gradually becomes more positive, his behavior is not only rewarding for B in and of itself, but it also serves to reduce the negative state previously aroused by A. Therefore, the total reward value of A's positive behavior is greater, essentially meaning that if the woman was made to feel a bit

anxious, a bit uncertain, a bit hurt initially, and then she was made to feel accepted, to feel like she was held in the esteem of the evaluator, respected, admired, appreciated, valued, and so forth, then that would make her feel better, and it would be more valuable, right? So, for example, if she were to be reviewed and the feedback was just positive, positive, positive all the time, then it can be assumed by the woman that the evaluator just likes everyone, or that's just how they are, they're just positive, they just tend to look on the bright side of life, they don't really have much discernment or standards, or they tend to just be nice and give nice feedback all the time, so that is seen as less valuable compared to feedback from someone who does have some discernment, some standards, right? So, they don't like certain things, but they do like other things, right? So, that seems like a more real response. So, the researchers called this the gain-loss Theory, and the gain-loss theory in and of itself just giving

negative feedback initially, and then changing to positive feedback, is not the most effective method when you're going out there starting conversations with women, or starting off a first date with a woman, or you're in the midst of a relationship or marriage with a woman, and you want her to like you more. Instead, a way to help you understand it is to think about how women behave when you first meet them. So when you first meet a woman, without her having to give you negative feedback, she actually uses the gain-loss method. In that, initially with most women, they will have an A about them where they are assessing you, they are evaluating you, they aren't 100% sold on you from the beginning. The woman may be friendly, she may be interested in the conversation, but you will sense an air about her, an energy, a vibe that you have not gained her esteem, to use the word from this particular study. So it's about gaining the esteem of another person, gaining the favor, gaining the respect, gaining the admiration, being likable to the other.

person so she will have an air about her where you haven't yet gained her esteem right, and when you continue to interact with her, and she shows you more interest, then it feels like you're quote-unquote winning her over, right, which is why a lot of guys try to search for things like how to win a girl over, how to win a woman over, because women are usually in that position where they are the ones that guys are trying to win over. But you can actually flip the script, and you can use the gain-loss method for yourself so that women try to win you over, and you don't have to be mean, rude, or nasty to do that, just like women don't have to be mean, rude, or nasty to do it. Essentially, it's either going to be you or the woman who takes on the role as the evaluator, as the one who is being the selector, making the decision on whether or not the other person is likable enough, if they have gained your esteem. In almost all cases, men do not take on the role as the evaluator.

put that over to the woman, and they are hoping to be liked by her. They are hoping to gain her esteem. Yet, how do you do it right? So it's not a case of walking over to a woman and giving her negative feedback about herself, and then standing there chatting to her, giving her negative feedback, and then eventually changing to positive feedback, because that's just not going to fly at a bar or a party or any sort of social interaction. Women will get annoyed by that. But instead, it's about the energy that you project and some of the things that you say. So, for example, I've spoken about the energy in terms of how women tend to have an air about them where they are assessing you, but you can also say something like this: You know, I wasn't 100% sure about coming over and saying hi to you, but you are very interesting after all. I like your take on some topic that she was talking about. It shows me that you're not just a pretty face; there's a brain in there too.

or when we first started talking, I thought you were quite shy, but your confidence is shining through now. I like it. Essentially, by saying something like that, it shows the woman that you have some discernment, that you have some standards, that you have some taste, that you are assessing her, that you are evaluating her. But you're not doing it in an overly arrogant way. For example, you're not saying something like this, You know, I wasn't quite sure about coming over and talking to you, but I mean, now that I'm talking, do you kind of seem interesting? I mean, I mean, you might have a brain. That is being arrogant, it's being rude, mean, and so forth. But when you're just being more easygoing about it, but you're also showing that you have some taste, you have some standards, you are thinking and noticing things about her, it makes her see that you like her not just for her physical appearance, that her behavior is something that is starting to win you over. As a result, in most cases, a woman

then naturally feels a desire to win you over. More. She starts seeing you as a cool guy compared to if you were just positive all the time. Now, I want to point out here that it's actually fine to be positive from the beginning and be positive throughout the interaction. And you can still get results with women. But there has to be something about you that is making the woman feel sexually attracted. So, for some guys, that's going to be that they're tall and good-looking. For other guys, they're rich, or they're famous, or something like that. But for a guy like me, when I was interacting with women to pick them up before I settle down, what I had to do was actively display some traits that would make the woman feel sexually attracted to me. And one of those traits, for example, I teach the eight personality traits that naturally attract women in my ebook The Flow, which you can also listen to as an audiobook. One of the traits is humor, and specifically the type of humor that I teach is playfully challenging humor.

playfully challenging humor is where you playfully challenge the woman, and therefore she feels attracted to you because you have the balls to do that. You have the confidence to do it, you have the social intelligence to do it, and it makes her feel girly and feminine in comparison to you because you actually have the masculinity, the balls to do something like that when interacting with a woman. So, for example, if you're interacting with a woman, you ask her what she does for a living, and she says that she's a dentist. Most girls will say, Oh, wow, yeah, that's impressive. And how long have you been doing that? And how do you enjoy your work? And so forth. And when I used to say those sorts of things, women would have a nice conversation with me, we'd get along, but there'd be no sexual spark, right? And when I figured out how to use playfully challenging humor, and I started doing it, I would then say something like this to a dentist. A dentist, all right. I have dentures, can you tell?

playfully challenging the woman in the moment. I'm not being rude to her and trying to make fun of her or anything like that. I'm just creating a playful challenge in the moment, rather than just being accommodating, being reassuring, being nice all the time. I'm playfully challenging her, and therefore, I'm showing that I have some balls, right? To have the guts, the courage to be able to say something like that to her and risk her potentially not liking it. But women get it, they understand that type of humor, they see it as flirting, they enjoy it because it makes them feel girly and feminine in comparison to you. They like to feel a bit challenged, they like a guy who isn't afraid of them but is still being a good guy. So, another example is this: You're a dentist, okay, well look, I brushed my teeth today, okay? Just take it easy, keep those drills away from me. And with that, you're just playfully pushing her away a little bit, and you're showing that confidence, that courage, the social

intelligence to be able to do that. So, the thing is, you can start off being positive with a woman and continue being positive. And as long as you are displaying some traits that are making her feel sexually attracted, and you know what to say and do to flow from one step to the next, then you will get results with most of the single women that you meet. However, if you want to bump up your attractiveness a little bit more, then you can start out by letting the woman sense that you are evaluating her, that you're not fully sold on her yet. Yes, you may find her attractive, you may like her, and you're showing some interest, but there's an air about you, there's a vibe where you're evaluating her, you're not quite sure yet. And women pick up on that. And as it has been proven by this study and by my experience as well going out there and picking up so many women, they like that. They like to be in the position where they feel like they need to win you over. Now, I'll point out that

a lot of the time that I was out there picking up women, especially initially for the first few years, I was just doing positive, positive, right? I was starting off in a positive way, showing some attractive traits, being positive, and moving the interaction forward. Yet as I gained more experience and I became a lot more confident in my attractiveness to women because I had so much evidence that they found me attractive and that I could go out there and pick up women on any night I went out, I started to develop an air about me, a vibe about me where I was truly assessing the woman. Because I knew that if I didn't like her, right, I could talk to another attractive woman and get her instead. So when I was interacting with an attractive woman, I wasn't thinking to myself, okay, I'm just going to display attractive traits and I'm going to sleep with this woman no matter what, but I was truly assessing her and wondering whether or not I would want to spend more time with her in the bedroom or have a dating relationship.

with her and so forth. Would she actually be an enjoyable person to be around? Because if she wasn't, then as I said, I could just talk to another attractive woman and make her feel attracted and flow from one step to the next with her. If I liked her more and it gets to the point where you in the position that most women are in in the dating scene, where most women are in the position where they are saying yes or no to guys, they are the ones who are in the position as the evaluator. They are deciding whether or not the guy gets the chance. And you really can be in that position from the start if you want to. You can just take on that position as the evaluator. But for me, it was something that took me a while to figure out. Right initially, I was just happy to be going out there and picking up women and being just positive and starting off in a positive way, continuing the interaction in a positive way, and getting laid every weekend that I went out. I was happy with that. But it gets to

the point where you really do believe that you deserve to be the evaluator, and as it turns out, it actually boosts your attractiveness to women. Right, so you become more attractive to women by putting yourself in the position as the one who is initially assessing her and not sure about her and her behavior. How she's coming across is winning you over, and therefore you start to like her more, and she then feels excited about that because to pull another quote from the study, a gain in esteem is a more potent reward than invariant esteem. So invariant esteem means that it's never changing. You're just always getting positive feedback. You're always positively accepted. And similarly, the loss of esteem is a more potent punishment than invariant negative esteem. So going from a person saying good things about you to then saying negative things about you and not liking you feels like a more potent punishment than if it's a person just always not liking you. So for example, in the dating scene, a lot of guys will walk

up and start a conversation with a woman, and they'll be positive they'll really like her because of her appearance. But as they start to talk to her, they won't be able to handle certain parts of her personality. Right, she might not be very reassuring towards him. She might be a little bit challenging for him to talk to because she's the sort of woman who needs a guy to be more confident around her. She doesn't want a guy that needs her to be reassuring all the time and constantly letting him see that she likes him, she approves of him, and so forth. She's a woman who wants a guy who approves of himself. So what will often happen is that a guy will walk up to a woman, and he'll be positive, he'll be nice to her. But then as the conversation continues, he'll start to dislike her because she's not being reassuring and warm and loving and caring towards him. She seems a little bit indifferent, and he then starts to dislike her and starts to be a little bit less nice in the

interaction potentially become rude in the interaction, and potentially show her that he doesn't like her based on his body language and based on his reactions to her, and potentially how he walks off from the conversation. In a situation like that, she will really dislike the guy because it feels to her that he just doesn't understand her, right? He started off being positive and he gave her that positive assessment and evaluation based on how she looked, but then he changed his behavior towards her and his treatment of her, and saw her in a negative light because he couldn't handle the conversation with her. So, a woman who's confident in herself and wants a guy who is more confident than her doesn't want to be with a guy like that in a relationship because it's going to require her to not be herself. She's going to have to really pander to him and be more soft and gentle with her words than she wants to be, than she is naturally inclined to be, and therefore she's not going to be herself. She's going to feel like she's putting

on an act for him, and she has to basically baby him and mother him. Therefore, she's really going to dislike a guy like that. However, if that same guy with the same physical appearance walked up to her and initially had an air about him where he was assessing her, he was being positive, he was interacting with her, keeping the conversation going, showing some interest, but he had an ear about him where he was assessing her, and he wasn't feeling uncomfortable and awkward because she wasn't being reassuring all the time, she would respect the fact that he wasn't 100% interested in her just based on her appearance alone, and that her behavior would have to be likable to him in order for him to truly like her. And what that does to women is that it brings out their more friendly, easygoing side. Women become more loving, more warm, more open. Now, of course, she will still be a bit challenging, and she will still want to see that he can be confident when she's not being reassuring, but because she is in the presence of a man.

that is making her feel attracted, and has taken on the role as the assessor and the evaluator. She is then naturally inclined to be the one who wants to be accepted and approved of. She is the one being evaluated. Now, if she's extremely confident and wants a guy who's more confident than her, then she will realize the position that she's in, and she'll continue to be challenging. She'll continue to see if he can handle it, and if he can handle it, then what happens with women like that is that they suddenly soften, right? The woman suddenly shows that loving warm side of herself that she rarely shows to other guys. And because you've been able to bring that side of her out, and she knows how rare it is, she then likes you so much more. She then feels like she needs to have something happen between you and her. She doesn't want to stuff it up, and she then makes herself easier to pick up. Okay, so the gain-loss method in terms of relationships and marriages. So what often happens with a couple, they start

off being positive towards each other, and if the man starts off being positive towards a woman and then changes to negative, she can really dislike him for that. If a man was positive at the start and continues to be positive, then she will like that too, right? It'll be comforting, it'll be secure for her. But what adds more likability to you and gives you a bit of an edge in the relationship where the woman is trying to impress you, and she feels the excitement of wanting to impress you and to make herself look beautiful for you, to make herself more feminine and attractive for you, is when you take on the role of the evaluator while still being loving and respectful towards her. So it's not about being in a relationship and just giving a woman negative feedback for days or weeks and then gradually changing to say something nice about her instead. It's partly about what you say, and it's partly about having an air about you that lets her see you find her more attractive when she is behaving in certain ways or when

she presents herself in certain ways. Now, that doesn't mean only show interest in her if she does her makeup and wears a nice, tight-fitting skirt. If you do that, then she'll feel like she isn't attracted to you when she is wearing her pajamas and so forth, and therefore she won't feel very attractive in the bedroom. Right when she's lying there in bed at night, she will potentially feel insecure about how she appears to you. It's important to let her see that you find her more attractive and that you are more interested in her if she is behaving in ways that are attractive to you. You give her more affection in moments like that when she's behaving like that, and that essentially puts you in the position where you are the evaluator. And for most relationships, most men don't achieve that. What they achieve instead is that the woman is in the position as the evaluator, and the guy is always trying to do whatever he can to hopefully be liked more by her and live up to her standards.

thing is, with women, you can never please a woman 100%. If you give a woman everything and do everything for her, she might feel happy in that particular moment, but then she's not going to be happy about this or that. She wants you to do this, wants you to do that. She's not happy with this, she's not happy with that, and so forth. It's a never-ending thing, and you should not put yourself in that position as a man where you're hoping that if you just do everything, then one day she's going to say, All right, you've done enough, now I'm going to like you forever, now I'm going to be attracted to you forever, and I'm just going to be nice to you all the time. Instead, you need to bring that side of her out. And as I said earlier in the video, it's either going to be you or the woman who's in that position, and as a man, it's better for you to be in that position, and for the woman, it's better

for her when you're in that position. She is happier, and it has been proven by this study. And I can tell you from my experience as well, a woman is so much happier in a relationship when she's loved and respected, but when she also feels that desire, that need to impress you, to win more of your esteem, to win more of your liking, to win more of your love. So the thing is, in your life as a man, you are going to approach your interactions with women in a particular way, and the way that you approach your interactions with women is going to cause them to feel a certain way about you and treat you a certain way. And there's nothing wrong with putting yourself in a position where you are treated well, where you are respected, where you are loved, where a woman feels like she wants to win you over more and more. There's nothing wrong with doing that, and best of all, it actually feels better for the woman. So it's a win-win for you and the woman.

This Makes Girls Want You 781% More (Scientifically Proven)

Dan Bacon

A simple adjustment in how you approach interactions with women can make them like you 781 more.

Research shows that starting with some criticism and then transitioning to positive feedback is more effective in making a woman like you.

This study, published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, found that this pattern of evaluation creates a greater reward value and reduces any previously negative feelings in the woman, ultimately making her like the evaluator more.

The Gain-Loss Theory in Building Relationships

The gain-loss theory suggests that starting with negative feedback and transitioning to positive feedback is not effective in building relationships with women.

Women often use the gain-loss method when meeting someone new, initially evaluating the other person and then showing more interest as the interaction progresses.

In the context of building relationships, it's important for both men and women to take on the role of the evaluator in determining mutual likability and esteem.

The key to winning a woman's esteem is to project the right energy and make thoughtful observations about her.

It's important to show discernment and standards without being arrogant or rude.

Displaying traits that naturally attract women, such as playfully challenging humor, can help build sexual attraction.

The Power of Playfully Challenging Humor in Attracting Women

Using playfully challenging humor shows confidence and social intelligence, making women feel attracted and feminine.

It creates a flirty and playful dynamic, different from just being nice and accommodating.

By subtly conveying evaluation, a man can increase his attractiveness by making the woman feel like she needs to win him over.

The Evolution of the Speaker's Approach to Dating

The speaker initially focused on displaying positive and attractive traits to pick up women.

Over time, he became more confident and shifted to evaluating women, believing he deserved to be the one in control.

This change in approach was based on the idea that being the evaluator would make him more attractive to women, as it provided a more potent reward than constant positive feedback.

Men may initially be drawn to a woman based on her appearance, but struggle to connect with her if she doesn't constantly reassure them.

However, a confident woman who expects a man to be self-assured, rather than seeking constant approval, will dislike this behavior and not want to change herself for the man.

On the other hand, when a man shows interest beyond just physical appearance and is comfortable with the woman's independence, it brings out the woman's more positive and loving side.

Women are often in the position of being evaluated and approved by men, but if a man shows confidence and challenges her, she may soften and show her loving side, making her more attracted to him.

The gain-loss method shows that a man's positive and consistent attitude can make a woman feel secure and comfortable in the relationship.

Taking on the role of the evaluator while being loving and respectful can make a man more likable and give him an edge in the relationship, creating excitement for the woman to impress him.

Building a Positive Relationship with Women

Trying to please a woman 100% is an endless cycle of dissatisfaction, so it's better to focus on bringing out the best in her.

Research and personal experience show that women are happier in a relationship when they feel loved, respected, and also have a desire to impress and win over their partner.

By approaching interactions with women in a way that garners respect and love, it creates a positive dynamic where both parties benefit.