- Have you ever gotten completely lost in a video game and wondered, Why can't I have this sort of focus and dedication in my actual life? That's because, in life, you don't understand the game you are playing. (characters blooping) In this video, I'm gonna lay out in painfully simple terms exactly what the game of life entails, how it is played, and why you have failed to advance as far as you would like. And of course, I will give you the cheat codes so that you can warp further ahead. Let's get into it. (bright upbeat music) Now, video games are something known as finite games. You have a strict set of conditions that, once met, the game is over. You beat the dragon and save the princess, and you win. You beat up the bad guy and save the world, and you win. You fucking destroy whatever that thing is.

(monster roars) I guess you win. But life is what's called an infinite game, and the goal of an infinite game is to keep playing as long as possible. This has a series of counterintuitive consequences that mean you have to approach the game differently. You don't necessarily always wanna beat the bad guy and save the princess, because that would mean you no longer have some goal by which to improve yourself. That is, it's no longer clear and obvious how to continue the game. - I'm fine, okay. We're fine, aren't we? - Ah, we're good here, mate. - This is what's called an existential crisis, and don't worry, we'll come back to it. (bold subtle music) Most video games are designed so that there are a series of levels, and each time you advance from one level to the next, you gain a special skill or ability or knowledge.

that will help you improve and conquer the next levels. So, in video games, victories will make your characters stronger, and defeat will cause you to remain the same. (keyboard smashing) But in the game of life, it is your failures that make your character stronger, and successes that cause you to stay the same. Therefore, paradoxically, the point of the game of life is not necessarily to win at everything you do, but rather, to continuously build your character through failures and setbacks in as many useful ways as possible. But don't worry, as long as you are active and engaged with the world, this is not difficult. As an infinite game, life has an infinite number of ways to kick you in the balls and make you feel like a failure. The question is how you choose to handle those failures once they come. Because handling failures in life is completely different than video games as well. In a video game, if you fuck up a mission,

you get to retry that mission 1,000 times until you get it right, but in life, if you fuck up a relationship, the only way to get it right is to get it right in the next relationship. (bright upbeat music) Video games give you the quests, and you get to design the character, but in real life, you are given the character, and you have to design the quests. Again, video games have clear conditions which you have to meet to win. Most games lay these conditions out in excruciating detail, going as far as walking you through every tiny thing you need to do to be a winner. The fun then is in designing or adapting or choosing your character to accomplish these quests. Do you wanna be a lawless barbarian, or do you wanna be a noble sorcerer? Do you wanna just break a bunch of shit? In the game of life, there are infinite quests, yet you are limited in your abilities and knowledge.

Therefore, the goal is to find and choose the best quest to suit your character, to allow you to play the game as long and meaningfully as possible. And this brings us to our first cheat code. (bright subtle music) In video games, you generally wanna rack up as many side quests as possible to level up your character and get sick loot, but in the game of life, side quests are a fun distraction at best, and waste years of your life at worst. In this day and age, it is incredibly easy to get sidetracked onto a bunch of useless side quests and vanity tasks that have no actual impact on the quality of your life. A huge hack to winning the game of life then is to simply be more focused and obsessed about your main quest than other people. So, the fewer side quests the better. In video games, side quests tend to be kinda lame and little more than glorified errands.

But in real life, the side quests are generally sexy, exciting, and seductive. Now, this is gonna be incredibly difficult to forego, but the more you can give up the dumb side quest, the more you'll stay on track with your main quest, leading to a happier and more fulfilling life. It's not easy, it's not fun, but that's the whole thing about being the hero, is you have to give up stuff. (bright bold music) In video games, you know who your character is from the first moment you start the game. You know how well you can run, jump, pick up things, or shoot a gun. In some cases, you even get to pick who your character is and all the traits that they have. You can be like a badass night elf with gigantic. Well, anyway, the game of life is weird because for the first few decades, you don't actually know who your character is.

You don't know what you're good at, you don't know what your talents are, you don't know what you're gonna enjoy pursuing, or how you're gonna respond to adversity. Therefore, the first goal of every new character in life is to simply gain self-knowledge. Figure out who the fuck you are, and what you seem to be inclined to do. This means lots of experimenting. Go out and try some simple quest lines and see how far you can get. Join the Debate Club. Oh wait, you hate speaking in front of people, have social anxiety. All right, maybe do like the Math Olympiad or something. Oh wait, you're terrible at math. Okay, well, maybe try solving a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. You suck at that too. Okay, well like, maybe become this kid. (bright harmonica music) Boom, now you're a hero! I learned at a young age that I was terrible at sports,

but I also learned that I was highly creative. Now, I got pushed into a lot of lockers and had my sexuality questioned by mouth-breathers with the IQ of a T-Rex, but today, that adversity has merely helped me. I'm able to create things, put 'em out into the world, and not give a fuck if morons don't like them. The process of getting to know your character over time will continue throughout your life, but the bulk of that realization should happen while you're still young. (bright upbeat music) If you're struggling to understand your own character and what quests will actually make your life meaningful, then therapy can be one of the most useful cheat codes to get ahead on this process, and that also brings us to the sponsor of today's video. BetterHelp. BetterHelp is like the video game version of therapy. You can log in at any time and access your therapist remotely,

over text, or even through a Zoom call. Your therapist is kind of like Cortana and Halo, or Chadley from Final Fantasy VII. Always up in your business, pointing out when you're bullshitting yourself or fucking up your quest lines. The best thing though is that with BetterHelp, you can always switch therapists. You can do so at any time and there's no questions asked. I would've given anything to get rid of that nosy prick Chadley, but alas, Cloud was too cheap to pay for a real therapist. - I'm just here for the paycheck. - Use the link in the description below to get 10% off your first month, or go to betterhelp.com/markmanson, and get started learning about your character today. (bright upbeat music) Choosing the right quest is arguably the biggest and most difficult component of winning the game of life. Strong quests reveal character and build skills. A quest to live abroad for a year is great,

because it will teach you many things about yourself, and you can develop communication skills, relationship skills, self-confidence, independence, all that good shit. Bad quests though obscure your character and waste skills. An example of a bad quest is like drinking all 268 beers on tap at the lager house near your old university. It blinds you to your own character and wastes precious time, energy, and mana. Another bad quest is only trying to own a fancy car. Not only does this quest not build many skills, but it's likely motivated by hiding who you are from the world, not revealing it. And actually, this is kind of the biggest mistake that people make when choosing a quest. They mistake someone else's quest line for their own. You owning a Lamborghini is likely not your own quest line. It's the quest line of the marketers working at Lamborghini, or some douchey YouTuber who wants you to envy their quest line.

Many times in life, people will try to impose their quest lines on you in hopes that you will complete it for them. This could be your parents wanting you to go to a certain type of school, or a partner who wants you to fix their emotional problems, or a company who's just marketing their useless shit to you. Do not be seduced by other people's questlines. It's easy to give in and try to chase other people's dreams because it relieves you of the responsibility of choosing your own. (bright subtle music) Now, boundaries sound like a wishy-washy term that your Aunt Margaret says before giving you a tarot card reading, but boundaries are actually an incredibly practical and important relationship tool that I would argue everybody should know and learn. Now, the core of boundaries is simple. You cannot complete other people's quests for them, and no one else can complete your quest for you.

and if people try to complete yours, or if they ask you to complete theirs, it's your responsibility to tell 'em to fuck off. - No! You should learn the meaning of the word. - If you don't tell 'em no, not only will you waste your precious time and energy, but you will prevent them from advancing in their own quest, thus wasting theirs as well. (bright upbeat music) Now, here's a harsh truth. Once selected, your ability to advance in your quest will come down to three things. Your character traits, your ability to focus, and your ability to stomach failure and setback. Your character traits are a given. It's your job to discover them and then leverage them. We've talked about that. Your focus is based on your ability to turn down useless but exciting side quests, and enforce boundaries. The progress is really gonna be proportional to your ability to stomach failure. Unlike video games, in the game of life,

setbacks and failures are what make your character stronger. Put another way, grinding levels in a video game means winning tons of easy battles over and over to gain experience, but grinding levels in real life means losing hard battles to gain experience. That's why. (bright upbeat music) Most people hate failure because they feel judged or embarrassed in front of others. If you feel this way, it's probably because you do not understand your character enough, or you're living too much on other people's quest lines, not your own. As a result, most people develop an aversion to failure. They would rather spend their lives whittling time away on small, meaningless quests that prop up the delusions of their character, rather than risk failure at a big, meaningful quest. But if you can learn to enjoy failure, if you can learn to enjoy the feeling of trying something, having it not work, and then learning what to do instead,

you will become unstoppable. You will progress further and faster than anyone else, and you will truly accomplish great feats like a true level 99 hero. - This is where the power lies! - All right, get ready! (bright upbeat music) - There's a final boss in a classic video game named Mike Tyson, who once said, Not everyone who hurts you is an enemy, and not everyone who helps you is a friend. It's important to realize that while on your quest, there will be many people who naturally align with your quest and many who do not. This is inevitable. The challenge in the game of life is less about avoiding enemies than simply recognizing who and what they are. Enemies are people who would try to divert you from completing your quest. Some enemies do this because their quest and yours contradict one another, but most enemies do it simply because they envy the progress that you've made or that you could potentially make.

They falsely believe that you progressing in your quest somehow diminishes the progress that they've made in theirs. This is the envy trap. When we see others advancing far in their quest lines, it sometimes makes us feel inadequate in our own, but this actually makes no sense. We are different characters. We usually have no idea the sacrifices that other people have made in their quest. It's important to simply stay focused on your own. You don't know what people gave up for their successes; therefore, it's impossible to truly envy what they have. Put it another way, you cannot envy the benefits of someone's life without also envying the costs. And finally, there will be people who will naturally align their quest with yours. These are special people, and you should take great care of them when you come across them. Not only because they will aid you on your quest, but because all of the clichés are true.

Victory is really only worth experiencing when it's shared. (bright upbeat music) It's counterintuitive, but helping other people with their quest will make it easier to advance in yours. This is because you will build alliances and goodwill towards your goals. People will share information, knowledge, and skills with you. They will help protect you from diversions and lame side quests, and they will have your best interests at heart. And other times, they'll just love you. Basically, the more you try to help other people win, the more they'll try to help you win. This is the opposite of the envy trap. Let's call it the charity cheat code. Nothing gets you further ahead than giving away progress to others. This is a weird loophole in the game of life. The grand illusion that we all seem to fall for, time and time again. That we mistakenly believe that we must be the hero and the world should be our sidekick,

when actually, the opposite is true. There is no hero, and we're all each other's sidekicks. Thanks for being my sidekick. I could actually use some fucking help. No, no, no, no. Fuck! God, I fucking dodged! I fucking dodged! That's bullshit! (bold electronic music)

Life is a Video Game, These Are the Cheat Codes

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