- Why is it so hard? Oh! I did it. Right now, when I opened that thing. Hi, my name is Carrie Berk. I am an author, journalist, and social media influencer. I have almost 3.9 million followers on TikTok, and I just came out with my solo debut book, My Real-Life Rom-Com. Hmm. So I was sitting on the couch one night just eating a cup of cereal, watching TV, and just suddenly could not catch my breath. It was the middle of the pandemic. Class of 2020, no prom, no graduation. It was a really hard year for me to begin with. And on top of that, I just had this sudden internet fame, and I really could see how cruel people could be. I mean, I had 12-year-olds sending me death threats in my Dms. For a while, to me, anxiety was just, you know, the butterfly sensation you get before a test.

or I used to be a performer. I would get those butterflies
before I got on stage. But I realized that it was
so much more than that. It can be something so
painful and debilitating. My heart was constantly racing. I couldn't catch my breath. I wasn't hungry. I had this constant track of
intrusive thoughts in my brain that I could not escape. I had been searching for a light switch that would just turn off the anxiety, and I think it was that moment, like six months into therapy, when I just realized I
wasn't gonna get better. The only thing that was gonna change was the way I responded to it. And like, don't get me wrong, I'm still learning about anxiety and OCD as new symptoms arise, but now I understand
it more than I used to. I take things personally all the time. I'm so oversensitive. I
overreact to everything. I'm just calling myself out right now.

It's so bad. I just overthink every single situation. So I started writing when
I was eight years old. I've written 21 children's
books with my mom. A personal insecurity is that an 8-year-old cannot publish
and write a book by herself. Like she needs help. That negative voice in
my head would be saying, You're nothing without
your mom behind you. You're never gonna have
your own voice as a writer. You're always gonna be in her shadow. All of those voices often get in the way. I mean, I'm very grateful for those experiences I had with my mom, but at the end of the day,
I am not an 8-year-old who writes about cupcakes anymore. I'm a 20-year-old young woman, and I'm experiencing this
crazy world that is adulting. I talk very openly about
my first heartbreak, when I find out he's breaking up with me.

and it almost felt like a form of grief. I just could not stop sobbing. And it sounds silly because I was 16, but at the time it felt
so real and heartbreaking. I had never gone through
something that deep. When we talk about our struggles
in our authentic manner, that's what can really help
people and resonate with them because then they're able to relate to you and level with you. What was that actual moment
like when I got my heart broken? What was it like when
I dropped to my knees and my surroundings went blurry
and my fingers went numb? That's a feeling that
a lot of 16-year-olds who have been in love
will be able to relate to. Once I wrote my book, showed myself, proved to myself that I am good alone as a writer, I realized I didn't need to... I realized I didn't need to... I realized I didn't need to
prove anything to anyone.

And although I love my mom, and I respect her and her work that she does, I'm good alone too.

Influencer Carrier Berk on self-perception, anxiety, and loss

Big Think is the leading source of expert-driven, actionable, educational content -- with thousands of videos, featuring experts ranging from Bill Clinton to Bill Nye, we help you get smarter, faster. Get actionable lessons from the world’s greatest thinkers & doers. Our experts are either disrupting or leading their respective fields. We aim to help you explore the big ideas and core skills that define knowledge in the 21st century, so you can apply them to the questions and challenges in your own life. Other Frequent contributors include Michio Kaku & Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

Head to bigthink.com for a multitude of articles just as informative and satisfying as our videos. New articles posted daily on a range of intellectual topics. ​Join Big Think+ to gain access to an immense library of content. It features insight from many of the most celebrated and intelligent individuals in the world today.

   - Subscribe for daily videos.
   - Business inquiries and fan suggestions welcome.