Gender Roles and Financial Struggles in Marriage

A public servant, previously a cancer patient, earns 280 million won monthly, facing marital and financial challenges due to role reversal and career change.

### Discussion on Gender Roles and Responsibilities in a Marriage Where the Husband, a Cancer Survivor, Works as a Public Servant
* 👩 The husband, a cancer survivor who worked at a major company's research lab and later became a public servant, is earning **280 million KRW per month**.
* 💰 The wife's perception of the husband's salary and the financial burden varies among individuals, with some feeling like a "**beggar**" and others expecting a **certain standard of living**.
* 🏠 The couple's decision to live in Seoul due to **educational reasons** and the husband's reluctance to move to a more affordable area in Gyeonggi Province despite **financial concerns**.
* The fear of cancer recurrence and the husband's need for **regular check-ups and lifelong medication**.
* 👫 The wife's resentment towards the husband for **not working and leaving all household chores to her**, as well as **pressuring her to sell investments**.
* 🔄 The online comments highlighting the **reversal of gender roles** and the husband's behavior being **criticized** in that scenario.
* 💔 Concerns about the husband's **ability to support the wife in times of need** and the importance of **mutual understanding and empathy** in a marriage.
* 💭 Reflections on the stories shared and the realization of **what truly matters in a relationship**.

Hello, nice to meet you. I brought an issue that was a hot topic on the news recently. It seems like a public servant who worked at the Supreme Court, previously worked in a major company's research lab, got cancer in their 30s, and left the job due to the illness. Then, they unexpectedly passed the exam for a career position as an emergency service worker. It seems like they quit their job on their own. Oh, but it's impressive. They must have passed the exam in one go, right? Maybe it's possible to pass without taking other exams due to their experience working in a major company's research lab. I'm not sure about it. Anyway, their spouse was worried about how they would make a living, telling them to just work at the major company, but the person said they couldn't do that and decided to work as a public servant. Their monthly salary is 280 million won, so they left their job.

I didn't quit, I just tried applying once and got accepted. Then I said, Okay, I will change jobs now. But I couldn't do it. I said I can't do it. My husband was insistent. It's not that bad to receive a monthly salary of 2.8 million KRW. I mentioned it every time. The standards vary for each person. For some women, when their husbands come home with a monthly salary of one million, they cry and wail, saying our household is ruined. There are people like that. Most people would be impressed if someone earns a million monthly, but it's different for each person. Some say, Because of you, I feel like I've become a beggar since I can't earn money. The wife says it's hard, that she sees her husband as 1.5 times more than herself. If the wife earns around 4.2 million KRW, she seems to earn around 4 million KRW. And she also has to repay the mortgage. And lastly, the husband saves money, whether it's the weekend or weekdays, always coming home to do the housework, saying it's my responsibility to save money.

I always eat at home, so I prepare all the rice, side dishes, and soup. I used to take care of everything. At three o'clock, the kids probably... Previously, my husband worked in a major corporation's research lab, so his salary was much higher than mine. There are so many things I want to say. My husband has suffered so much until now. He even had a life-threatening illness, cancer. Normally, he has been through a lot. Oh, what, he's going to enjoy being unemployed? No, he works as a public servant and earns 280 million won. If the wife earns another 400 million, how much is the total income? Isn't it 700 million won in total? If that's the case, it's settled. Why worry so much? If you sell the house and move, that should be fine. If you can't pay off the house loan, your life will be ruined. I really don't understand. It depends on the situation. If it was like that, then that's how it was. It was tough, especially dealing with cancer. Do you know what's the scariest thing about cancer? It's the recurrence, right? If you haven't received a cancer diagnosis...

Hiding like this more than people and suddenly coming out from some part is very dangerous. You always have to worry about your health, even if you say you are cured. You should always get frequent check-ups and you have to take medicine for the rest of your life. If cancer patients can't afford the mortgage in Seoul, they should move, living in the Gyeonggi Province area will be more than enough. Risking your life for something as useless as a house in Seoul is more important than your husband. If your husband couldn't handle it, quit working, there must be a reason for quitting. I'm just like that. I simply don't like working, don't like doing anything. I don't think someone who is like that would have the qualifications to enter a large company's research lab in the first place. If you feel like you have to do something, even if you don't like it, you are the kind of person who knows how to do it.

It's about having the qualifications. It's not just blind praise. Still, despite getting this disease and losing interest in work, saying, I can't do this anymore, if that's the case, from the wife's perspective, it's not about saying, You've been through a lot, not even talking about it. They say public officials earn about 280 million won a month. Okay, I got it. Now that the income has improved a lot, even if it's not too rural, let's move to the Seoul metropolitan area, a bit closer. Let's work hard together and try. Take care of your health and let's do that. How nice would that be? But now, since I can't make money, I do all the housework, just sit there, lying down and playing around. Is this what humans do? That's what I'm talking about. If you can't earn money, how do ordinary couples like us usually do? For example, if the husband earns well, let's say, on average, 4 to 5 million won a month, then it means 2.3 million won.

Usually, when a wife earns, it's around 1 to 1.5 million won. Generally, the ratio itself is like that. If the husband earns around 4.5 million won, the wife earns about 200, 250, or 300 thousand won. Then they call it dual-income, sharing household chores and childcare equally. At that time, it's natural for the husband to earn more. But look, when the wife ends up earning more, it feels so unfair. They feel like they've become the head of the family. Oh, the wife is having a hard time? What's so hard about continuing to do what she used to do? It's not physically hard; it's mentally hard. Suddenly feeling like you're at a loss. Originally, since the husband earned more, I just benefited and lived comfortably. But now that I earn more, I feel like I've become a fool. This kind of thinking arises. Now, let me read the last part. The wife pressures periodically to go out and earn more.

Invest in cancer patients who have received a cancer diagnosis. I tried to invest in them to make money, but it is prohibited to have a second job. That's why I want to run away. I just want to escape. On weekends, my wife rests lying down, while I always prepare side dishes and meals like a servant, giving them throughout the weekend. As I have lived like this for a few years, I have no self-esteem at all. Every day is really tiresome, and I don't even want to talk to my wife. Why did I become a public servant? Did I meet the wrong wife? But my wife treasures me dearly and lives by saving money, paying off loans little by little. But I want to stop. So, why is that loan so important? I lived in a dying region just before this. So, when I worked for a large company, I actually lived in the countryside. My wife moved from Seoul to the countryside with me after we got married, leaving her previous job.

I used to work part-time in the provinces by throwing away pocket money. After changing jobs, I moved back to Seoul. My income decreased, but why did I move to Seoul? I don't quite understand. I bought an apartment there and of course, I have a loan. If I have a loan, my wife will naturally have a hard time. I suggested moving to a nearby area in Gyeonggi Province where the cost of living is more affordable by giving up the lease, but we can't move because of education. So, we are stuck not being able to do this or that. It's not because of education; it's about living in Seoul. Kids study well if they live in Seoul, and they don't study well if they live in the provinces. There may be slight differences in details, like sending kids to academies or various environmental factors, but I don't think you have to go through so much trouble just for that one reason to live in Seoul. Let me read some comments. I feel sorry for my wife paying the children's education expenses with the loan.

If I think about the possibility of cancer recurrence and handling medical expenses, my wife's shoulders seem too heavy. If I changed jobs without prior consultation, it seems like I did not understand the store situation honestly. Of course, who would want to get cancer on purpose, right? But I think I burdened my wife too much, so she may not have peace of mind. Let's try to help each other as a couple and come to a good agreement. Finally, going off on a tangent and pretending to be good, oh, really, it gives me the chills. No, think about it as if the gender roles were reversed. So, let's switch it up. My wife has been earning around 400, while I earn around 600 to 700 per month, working like that and then getting cancer. Oh, honey, what should I do now that I have cancer? It's so hard that I can't continue this job. I'm not saying I won't work, but let me work as a public official and earn 2,800 a month, while my husband earns around 6.

My wife, who used to earn 700, suddenly goes down to 280, and I'm so frustrated. I told my wife, You can't do this, you can't change jobs. We still have to pay off our debts, manage things, handle living expenses, how can we live like this? No, no, honey, I'm sorry, I really can't continue working at that company. I can move, I can do something else. Since then, the husband doesn't even lift a finger at home. The wife, even though she's somewhat recovered from her treatment, her body is not back to normal or something similar. While the wife works all week, on weekends, she prepares meals for the whole week, soups, side dishes, rice, and does household chores all day long. The husband just watches. Then the husband says to his wife again, Honey, could you look into selling the investments? We were earning 670, suddenly dropped to 280, our income is cut in half.

Hooked out, how am I supposed to handle this? Honey, please look into investment opportunities. Oh, but I wanted to try a side job, but it seems to be prohibited. Think about a story like this. Will there be people commenting like this? Oh, my husband seems uneasy. His shoulders look burdened. How could the wife just decide on something without discussing with her husband, wanting to hang out or something, she must have done it without any agreement. Doing things like that without any discussion, making the husband carry all the burden and even clearing all the debts for the children's education, isn't that what the wife did? The wife seems too much. Would comments like this really be posted? Next, when you change jobs without seeking your wife's understanding, and now you expect your wife to understand you. Let me rephrase it. When changing jobs, you should seek your husband's understanding.

Doing things unilaterally without asking and now saying that the husband should understand you. These kinds of comments make you wonder if you married the wrong woman. Slowly recovering from the shock, but instead of resolving the issue directly, it turns into a confrontation or a power struggle. Empathy that women used to share extensively among themselves is like a distant star to the husband. That's right. That's why when a man doesn't have money, women's behavior is considered sincere. It gives me goosebumps. So, if we take a look at the last comment once, just because it says, Can't earn money, suddenly the husband is no longer a person but a cash dispenser. The husband ends up taking care of all the household chores and is pressured to sell investments. And what does the husband say in the end? He just sighs and wants to escape. I always feel like I'm just existing as a servant. It's not simply about a man doing a bit more work. It goes into various detailed aspects.

No, my wife's gaze towards me, her way of speaking, intonation, and accent have all changed. So, I feel like I'm living like a slave. I'm not twisting a big deal; it's just that I clearly feel this way in the current situation. There's no need to overthink this. Just switch the roles of men and women, and the problem is easily solved. If you switch the roles, a husband who treats his wife like this becomes a total jerk. He gets criticized online and could even end up in a half-page news article. He pressures his wife who has cancer, asking if he can't invest in her. He's the one at fault. If you switch the roles, you'll either feel pain or realize that the situation has become quite unpleasant. That's when you can understand the other person. If it were me, I would just let go of a wife like this. I would never live together. Well, when cancer reaches a certain point, the treatment...

It's all because of that. That's why public officials can work again. But you shouldn't work. You should take at least a three-year break. Let's assume that you stopped working after receiving such a judgment. What do you think happened to the husband? Either he does all the housework under pressure or just leaves. He might leave with the divorce papers. Now, the bottom line is exposed. In that situation, how can you live together? Oh, I might get into a traffic accident later, get injured somewhere, or become unable to work. When a difficult situation comes, will he abandon me? Such thoughts arise. How can you maintain a marriage? Anyway, I don't understand why there are so many cases like this. As I read the stories, I also get quite angry. Why do they want to throw away something so important for something insignificant? It's nothing at all next to me.

My husband is much more precious. I might also be in pain like this later. At that time, my husband can take care of me like this. And I want to marry someone I truly love. But now, the prospective groom says he might not be able to afford an apartment or his salary might not be good enough, so he gives up on marriage. There are many heartbreaking stories like this, but I hope you can have the wisdom to see what is truly important. With this, I will conclude the video. Thank you. Goodbye.

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A Public Servant's Unconventional Career Change and Financial Struggles

A Supreme Court employee with a history of cancer left the job for a career in emergency services, despite concerns about their salary.

The decision to switch careers was influenced by the spouse's higher income and the need to repay a mortgage.

The couple's total income would be 700 million KRW if the wife earned an additional 400 million KRW, alleviating financial concerns.

The Impact of Cancer on Work and Housing Decisions

Cancer survivors are advised to prioritize their health and continue with regular check-ups and medication.

The suggestion is made for patients struggling with housing costs in Seoul to consider relocating to the Gyeonggi Province.

The text also discusses the challenges and dynamics of spousal income and the impact on family roles and mental well-being.

Struggles of a Public Servant Supporting a Cancer-Stricken Wife

The person is feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of supporting their cancer-diagnosed wife and their financial situation.

They are struggling with their low income, the burden of a loan, and the challenges of their living location.

The person is conflicted about their job, their wife's well-being, and the impact of their financial decisions on the family.

Financial Strain and Marital Expectations

A wife's significant pay cut leads to frustration and financial stress in the marriage.

Despite the wife's health struggles, she takes on the majority of household responsibilities while the husband remains inactive.

The husband's expectation for the wife to handle investment decisions sparks criticism and questioning of marital roles and responsibilities.

Miscommunication and Gender Roles in Marriage

Unilateral decision-making and lack of empathy make the husband feel unappreciated and like a mere provider.

The husband ends up shouldering all the household chores and financial pressure, leading to a sense of being trapped and unvalued.

The situation highlights the impact of gender roles in marriage and suggests the need for better communication and understanding between spouses.

The Struggle of Balancing Work and Marriage

Many people are forced to choose between their career and taking a break, impacting their relationships.

The fear of being abandoned during difficult times can strain a marriage.

Financial concerns and career pressures often lead to heartbreaking stories of giving up on marriage.