Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Oh my God. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. I knew it. Shut up. You are such a tattle. It's not a crime ring. I just got to get my hands on that $900. There she is. Damn it! Oh, God. You okay? Yeah, I'm fine, Mom. Oh, what the hell were you thinking? What happened? Well, it's not a big deal, okay? There was a party and people were drinking, so the police showed up and everybody ran. So I did, too. And I started climbing down this fire escape. And then I heard a cop yell to put your hands up, so I did, and I fell... onto him. You could have been killed. Haley. You're supposed to be an adult. How could you do something so childish? Okay, okay, okay, okay, let's- let's calm down. We're all a little tired and cranky.

Best thing we can do right now is get out of here, go get some waffles. I don't want waffles, Phil. Okay? I'm upset, and I wanted to go with this. All right, I got some bad news here. Um, this afternoon, Haley has to appear before a disciplinary board, which will decide whether or not she gets kicked out of school. What? Oh, wait, wait. No, I got that wrong. Ah! Oh, no, I got it right. Yes, score. One for me. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Oh my God. Wow. What were you thinking? One of the kids had an I.D., and she bought some drinks. Mhm. I tried one and then another one. Stupid. Yes, yes, it was stupid. But you are really lucky that this did not end as badly as it could have. This is why we always say to you when you drink, you make bad decisions.

I know, I know, I just- One minute, you're having wine coolers at home, coming in the next game of Truth or Claire sweeps your high school. Thanks for not yelling at me. Oh, honey, that would just be cruel. I'll wait till you feel better to yell. I don't think I'll ever feel better. Does this happen every time you drink? Yes. Yes, it does. Dad, how long is it going to take to get her out of there? A long time. Oh, honey, don't worry. Mommy is gonna be out soon. Don't panic. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You're not going to that party, young lady. No, I'm not going to the party. I'm just going downstairs. With your purse? Oh, come on, just cover for me this one time, and I- I'll drive you wherever you want. I want to go to the Museum of Tolerance.

Fine. How far is Tolerance? I can hear the two of you scheming out there. Don't you dare leave this house! Oh, why do you have to be such a psycho control freak? Okay, you know what? Just for that, you are grounded one week. Oh, that's good parenting. Okay, two weeks. Want to double it? Keep talking. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fine! Four weeks. Four! Double it again and make it ten weeks. Oh my God. Do not hear how much you need to study? I give up. Oh, so close. Shut up! Don't worry, you'll get it. You know, a lot of famous scientists are women. They're fat though, right? Come on, Alex, it's time for your cello lesson. How's the tutoring going? Are you familiar with the term throwing good money after bad? Are you familiar with the

term Dunphy, party of one because you will be. Girls. Haley's coming along really well, Miss Dunphy. Good, good. Well, the key is to take a lot of little breaks so you don't get frustrated and want to quit. Got it. I was talking to David. Come on, sweetie. I'm just saying, she's never going to get a job. And how do we know the right Middle Eastern businessman wouldn't treat her great? I left my shopping list inside. For the record, we thought she could live with you. Like I'm going to tell any of you where I live. Oh. Haley. What? We only do this when I get one, right. Okay, okay. I can't tell you how hurt and angry this makes me but you've been late too many times. I'll need your keys. Daddy, no. I'm so sorry. Honey, I didn't hear you come downstairs.

You couldn't sleep either? Uh, yeah, no. There's just, like, a lot on my mind with graduation and what to wear. How does this look? Wait a second. You're carrying your shoes. How am I supposed to judge the whole outfit? Put them on. Oh. You are charged with public drunkenness, resisting arrest, and assaulting a police officer, all of which obviously violate our school's code of conduct. Sir, if I may speak on behalf of my client. Who are you? I'm Mitchell Pritchett. I'm Miss Dunphy's attorney. We require students to speak for themselves. There are no attorneys allowed. You shouldn't even be here. What if I just sat in this chair and was really super quiet and I just listened? I'll allow it. Knock it off, Aiden. Miss Dunphy, is there anything you would like to say in your defense? Actually, I have no defense. I was drinking.

I am underage. I ran from the police, and even though it was an accident, I injured an officer. I am very, very sorry. I've made a lot of bad decisions since I've been here, and it's time I take some responsibility. Like sometimes in the dining hall, I slip my pinky under the scale when they weigh my salad. Also, I've missed more morning classes than I've been to. I don't know what the policy is on dating TAs, but I think I broke it... twice. Oh, and if we're going to be completely honest on my application to get in here, I lied about the fact that I wasn't- Objection. On what grounds? Oh, he gets to say it. Miss Dunphy, Miss Dunphy, we appreciate your candor. Is there anything else you'd like to add? Go Wildcats? Oh, boy. That's not even our mascot. For whatever it's worth, Dylan was very

responsible last night. He's a good guy to have around the house. Hm, where are we going with this? Well, since I can't move in with him anymore, he can't afford his apartment, so I was wondering if it would be okay if he could stay with us for a couple of weeks? Sure. You know what? Why don't you guys take our room? Aw! She's being facetious. Sarcastic. Dylan no stay. What? Oh, come on. He helps out a lot. He's very handy. Really? The guy who locked himself in his car. You are in no position to be asking for favors, young lady. Here. Drink this. It's for your hangover. It smells gross. Then you better drink it fast. Mhm. Yeah, I'm gonna throw up. Oh, oh! What's a hangover cure? No. You have something you want to say to us?

Uh. Let me help you out here. Fake IDs. What? Mhm, Haley tried to get her and her friends some fake IDs. I wasn't going to use them for drinking. We just wanted to get into this club to see a band. She took a bunch of money from them, and then she lost it. How much? $900. Oh my God. Oh. It's not my fault. I gave money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off. What happened to your face? Oh, I ran into a door. Oh. What happened to your face? Dad hit me. It was an accident. I was trying to open up a band-aid. What's wrong with her? Growth spurt. What's wrong with her? I drugged her. I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine. All right. One thing at a time. Hayley, how are you going to repay your friends? I don't know.

I know. You go there with a couple of guys. She's got to get the money back. Who is this kid? A guy at school's cousin's friend. He lives in Gardena. Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police. No cops. We can't afford a scandal right now. Claire's running for town council. To help us before, when I thought you could take care of the children. I take my eye off the ball for one minute, and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye, and one running a crime ring. Well, to be fair, Hayley started her crime ring when your eye was still on the ball? It's not a crime ring. I just got to get my hands on that $900. The party is, like, around the block. I'd be gone for two hours. Yeah, that is two hours you could spend studying. I have been studying all weekend.

No friends, no phone. Just me alone with books. I feel like Alex. You're never alone when you have books. Really? Is that what you want me to turn into? Sweetheart, listen to me. This is the SATs, okay? It is not some stupid science quiz. Hey, if science quizzes are so stupid, why do you put mine up on the refrigerator? Because we feel sorry for you because books are your friends. Yeah, she wasn't studying last night. She was video chatting the whole time. Shut up! You are such a tattletale. Take it down. Whoa, whoa. What's the hot topic on the view today, ladies? Dad, can you just please tell mom that I can take a two-hour break and go to a party? No, ma'am. I'm not stepping into that one. We're not playing good cop, mom. A one and a two. Silent night. Oh my God, what was that?

I'm sure it's fine. Here we go again. Silent night. That is your daughter screaming. Lily, are you okay? The forgotten boy. I heard him, he's in there. All right, let's get him out, huh? Make sure that he doesn't bother- oh, God. Oh, God.

Modern Family | Haley Can't Stop Getting Into Trouble

Dev Patel, the writer, director, and monkey-masked vigilante you are 🥺

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