Navigating Courtship: Biblical Guidance for Singles

The sermon emphasizes the importance of careful and godly considerations in courtship, cautioning against common pitfalls and urging faith in Christ as paramount.

### Navigating the Complexities of Courtship: A Biblical Perspective
* 🔍 The speaker acknowledges the challenges of addressing courtship, a topic not explicitly mentioned in the Bible, and highlights the **traditional transition from singlehood to marriage** in biblical teachings.
* 👴 The speaker expresses concerns about modern courtship practices, such as **multiple relationships before marriage**, which may **dilute the sanctity of marriage**.
* 💑 Despite these concerns, the speaker does not outrightly condemn courtship, citing his own **5-year courtship with his wife** as an example.
* 📖 The sermon delves into biblical perspectives on relationships, emphasizing the **importance of courtship leading to marriage** with the intent to **honor God**.
* 👩 Practical advice is given for singles considering courtship, including being **clear about feelings**, differentiating **admiration from genuine liking**, and assessing **work and financial responsibility**.
* 🙏 The sermon concludes with a strong emphasis on the **importance of faith in Christ when considering a partner**, cautioning against being **unequally yoked with unbelievers**.
* 📱 A cautionary note is also given about the use of dating apps, suggesting that they may **bypass important aspects of traditional courtship and personal interaction**.
* 🙏 The speaker encourages individuals to seek guidance from the pastor for **personal struggles** and decisions related to **courtship**.

[Music] Good afternoon church, and today we are dealing with a very interesting topic. Though I'm not too sure whether it will interest everyone, but let me say this for a start: as soon as I start to prepare this message, I regret it. Why? Because I realized I've given myself a very difficult topic. And first of all, the Bible says nothing about courtship, which we call dating nowadays, so to speak. The examples and teachings that I've looked through from the Bible is always from singlehood to marriage. And it used to be a singer who went through matchmaking and then straight to marriage. There's only been two components in a person's marital status all the while, even in their conscious mind. It's been like that for our grandparents and maybe some of our parents too. But with the emergence of the modern society, what we have now is from singlehood to courtship. And sometimes not only courtship, but courtship one, courtship two, three, four, five before hitting marriage. Now you see, I understand it's

not that people want to fall out of love during courtship, but things just happen. Incompatibility is detected, or sometimes worse, unfaithfulness is detected. Or sometimes, some of us are simply too young to even make good sense out of a worthy courtship and lured by a potential positive outcome, we jump into it, only to result in breakups. And when breakups happen more and more frequently, we really wonder about the sacredness and purity of courtship. And with those falling in and out of love, what I fear is that it might affect our sense of marital sacredness. Now, falling in and out of love to the modern man these days is common, but you think about it, if you are used to it, what does it do to your state of mind and feelings? How does it affect your understanding of love? How does it feel to be so close to someone emotionally, and sometimes physically, and then after a while realize you are not suited for each other, and then you go separate ways? You see all these

experiences will certainly dilute your sense of sacred marital love, and with each falling in and out of love, it will slowly remove the precautionary sense of self-control that one should have in waiting for their life partner. The moral values that will develop in us will be, Oh, let's try out first. Let's try out till we find the suitable one. We won't know if we don't try it out. Now, if that is the values we have, then courtship is merely an excuse we've created to satisfy our lust. And then we also have to deal with the question about how intimate two persons can be when they are in courtship. And I realize that everyone has different standards, but I can see that these standards are generally getting looser. I saw this in the case many of my um niece and nephews, and some of them are Christians, and people in courtship are happily going on cruise exclusive tour as if they are married, and they post their lovely pictures on Instagram. And after a few

months or couple of year you see a different guy, and then you wonder what happened to the first guy. You know, that kind of thing. Now, of course, having said that, I am not absolutely against courtship. I've been in a courtship with my wife for 5 years before we got married, but I want to tell you how difficult it is to venture into something which hasn't been explicitly mentioned in the Bible. You must know that courtship is not a given in the Bible. It's not so straightforward like marriage. Oh, you have all the rights to get married, and these are the few things you should do and not do in a marriage. You see, it's not so straightforward with courtship. So, with everything that I've just mentioned, I'm just cautioning all of us, singles or young people, on the subject of courtship because the question that kept ringing in my mind for this whole week is that how do I advise this generation about this uncharted waters of courtship, which the

Bible didn't explicitly speak about yet almost now everyone is engaging in it like nothing before marriage so before we we go further let's just give a definition for courtship. Okay now this is what I've came up with aot one because of its complication. Okay it goes like this courtship is the act and period of seeking the romantic love of an exclusive opposite sex with the intent to marry yet consciously restrained by their unmarried status. You notice what I've underlined there. Okay so first it's not if it's not exclusive then that's not courtship that's cheating. Okay and if there's no intent to marry that is not biblical also and last you have to be very conscious of the fact that no matter how much you love each other you are not married yet and that itself set certain critical boundary for courtship and not only premarital sex but I would say even premarital holidays or premarital station right. So my stand is to put it start would be for courtship I am not against.

but I am definitely not proactively encouraging either let nature take its course you know no so be God seeking I would say be sure before you engage in one so with that let me direct you to a passage in the Bible now it didn't say anything directly about CIP here but it from what I've read I want just to get all of us as close as we could be from the scripture so that we infert things as we go along now Genesis CH 2:8 the Lord God said it is not good for man to be alone I will make a suitable helper for him now what do you think you see many many people misunderstood this verse and thought that Adam was somehow impaired emotionally or ment just because he is singer just because he don't have a wife now let me say this understand this Adam was a perfectly normal Satisfied Man even before God provides a helper for him there is nothing missing in man's Constitution there was no physical necessity in a sense that he needs a

partner to be wholesome, so I don't want us to think that by reading that verse, we say, Oh, sing is a bad thing. No, it's not. If it is a bad thing, Paul would not say in 1 Corinthians 7, It is good for a man not to have sexual relationship with women. Now you know Corinthians 7. In fact, if you read the whole chapter, Paul was talking about how glorious and how blessed it is for a man and a woman to remain single. Because then he said, You will be free from concern. Not in a sense that you can enjoy your bachelor's night or spinner's life. No, not that. Paul was saying that it's blessed for an unmarried man and woman because he or she could be fully concerned and focused about the Lord's affair and how he can please the Lord. And that's what we get from verse 32 of the same chapter. So just as I am preaching about moving from singlehood to courtship in today's sermon, I don't want any of us

here to absolutely forgo the consideration of being singer. Okay, I don't want anyone of us to think that it is weird or unnatural for men or women to remain single. In fact, it is glorious. Now, I'm not saying singlehood won't be lonely. Some of you are singer here, you know. My aunt is singer. I read about the theology John Stott, who are singer. They choose to remain single for the Lord, and yes, they have their lonely moments, but they are really undistracted in committing themselves to the Lord's work, and it is glorious. But coming back, we want to ask from Genesis chapter 2, why did the Lord say it was not good for Adam to be alone? Now, you set the context right. Adam was the first man, and it was a preall condition up until this point of Genesis. The Lord's evaluation of his work, if you read through chapter 1 and two, has been positive, with each successive act of Creation being declared by God as good. Each day when God finished his creation, he say it was

good it was good right but after Adam is place in the Garden of Eden that is this first declaration that it is not good it is not good for Adam to be alone so it signifies that it's something something lacking with him but lacking in terms of what listen carefully and that is he lacks a helper to help him accomplish two purposes which God destined for him first now he Adam needs a helper to fulfill the Creator's mandate for Humanity to multiply and exercise dominion over the Earth how is he going to do it if he's alone right there needs to be a helper who has the biological capacity who together with him can fulfill the purpose of fruitfulness multiplication right and second Adam being created in God's image now he being alone cannot magnify the image of God because why because God is a triun being consisting of who the father son and the Holy Spirit and they relate to each other and they love each other fully now the first man cannot bear the image of God fully because until now he has no peer which he can

relate to which he can be in love with fully. Yeah, he can love the dog, he can love the lion. I mean, but they are not equal with him in humanity. Now, you must understand that you see the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit love one another, work with one another in their Divinity. So, it is destined for Adam and Eve to likewise do so perfectly in their Humanity, right? So, with that in mind, no doubt we know Adam needs a helper, not to make him wholesome as a person, but rather to fulfill God's purposes for him, for mankind, for Humanity. So, by that, we should understand that marriage carries certain Divine purposes. Even in romantic love, there is always Divine Purpose. And then I want you to note something very amazing here. Now, you go on to read chapter 2: 21 of Genesis. So, the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of man's ribs, that is part of man's side, and then closed up the place with flesh.

now it is amazing you saw that that woman is taken from man's sight. Now the Theologian Matthew Henry has this to say about the wonderful creation of women: that is, she was not taken from Adam's head where she would rule him; she was neither taken from Adam's feet where Adam could trample on her; rather, she was taken from Adam's sight, which is to say she is to be equal with him, under his arms to be protected, and near his heart to be his beloved. So Eve was created in terms of that position. So there is nothing inferior, and she does not need to feel inferior. She does not need to fight with him for equality. They are equal, but apparently she has a role of subordination to the men, and just as the holy Son is equal to the Father, but he shows full submission to him. And it is important for both the men and women to understand that in the institution of marriage which God has designed, even in courtship, if we understand nothing about headship and

subordination, and men and women just want to come together and pursue, share romantic love, and at the same time live for their own dreams, fight for their own rights, and privileges. That is going to end up with a disastrous relationship, all right, but my job today is not to talk about marriage, okay? I'm going to leave that to Dr. Daniel. She, he will talk about it next week, but courtship is something that leads up to marriage, so I give you some idea because I've said there are no indications of courtship in the Bible, but for courtship to be anything meaningful and biblical, it must be a relationship where we have in mind that it is one that leads up to marriage. And some guys, you look at them, okay, they are plain chauvin, they're not treating you, the women, as equal in courtship, and some girls, and then even in courtship, you look at them, they are not ready to submit to you as a man, right? They're not ready to do so. They're contending with you. Sometimes they put

you down and know and you to think twice about letting that kind of relationship prog ress further or you should just keep on observing first as I say and so though courtship is not equal to marriage it is a time where you test something very critical about the person's character in terms of an exclusive men and women relationship. That is how Faithful Is that person to such an exclusive relationship. Does he or she honor that relationship? Remember, God only made one if for Adam. God didn't make two EES for one Adam, and we know Adam was perfectly satisfied with her. So if there is anything sacred about courtship, it is not supposed to be a Flink, okay? It is not supposed to be a man and women relationship to make ourselves look good or satisfy our loneliness or sensual desires either. It is not meant to fill up a void inside us which is somehow caused by Strife or incompleteness with our family of origin. It must be sacred and approach with merital consideration in mind.

we ask now, how should it happen? Now let's go on to read a few more verses. Genesis 2:22, Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.' Now, I'd like you to notice this thing: when Eve was brought to Adam, Adam was the first to speak. It was him who first professed that relationship with Eve, not the other way around. And I see that as a form of chastity and modesty on the part of the woman. Now, are there days where such modesty is to be upheld? Women these days, as you know, sometimes are really getting more proactive and even proposing to men. You know, I can't think about it now. I don't think times have changed is a good reason we could give for that kind of phenomena, or that we could accept that phenomena as normal. In fact, I would say

that as women are becoming more Godless, they are at the same time losing that modesty that God has put in their feminine nature. And remember, ladies, I'm not saying you should accept every man who comes after you, but if the man is not proactively going after you, if he is hesitant, there must be an inkling in you that he may not necessarily like you enough, and you must not loosely let yourself get into that kind of relationship. In matters of marriage, don't just make do, don't just say, I'll just take anyone that comes along, oh, my biological clock is ticking, you know, clicking, I have no time to wait, you know, that kind of reason. The man must come after you if he is interested in you, so that in a marriage, he will take responsibility for you fully. All right, now I'm going to point you to another story, which, um, the one we've read, a main B of it just now, on how Abraham instructed his servant, Elijah, to look for a wife for his son, Isaac. Now you will somehow

see the same thing you know uh when Rebecca met Isaac. I'm going to point you to Genesis 24 verse 62-65. Now Genesis 24:62. Now Isaac had come from Beersheba, for he was living in Negeb. He went out to the field one evening to meditate, to meditate. Now by that, we are reminded that Isaac has a close relationship with the Lord. And as he looked up, he saw a camel approaching. Rebecca also looked up and saw Isaac. You see, their eyes met each other. Okay, he she got down from her camel. She got down and asked the servant, Who is that man in the field coming to meet us? He is my master, the servant answered. So she took her veil, covered herself. You saw that she took her veil and covered herself. Now Rebecca covering herself with a veil signifies something. It signifies chastity, modesty, and submission. And that's how Rebecca wanted to meet the man she would marry. And I want sisters who are singers to put that in your mind. Your dignity and strength come not from

your beauty but from your Chastity and modesty. Now, from this short passage, you might notice that the Bible is giving us hints, uh, which we should have when we are choosing our partner, or maybe girls, you should take note of this when you are choosing guys. And for single men, you must know what you should possess in getting yourself ready for courtship. Now, before I go on, I like to help the singles in our church. If you want to get married, you know, I want to help you to make careful choices when going into courtship. I like you to have Clarity, okay? Sometimes there are blind spots or mistakes we could unknowingly make when we are considering someone for courtship. Now, first, a few things here. Now, first, I would say when considering someone, be clear about your feelings. Do not mistake sympathizing with someone as liking. Sometimes you must know the difference between sympathizing versus liking someone. And sometimes girls can make that kind of mistake of sympathizing with a guy because of his pathetic situation or background.

but it could be the other way around also. Okay, sometimes we may not know our feelings well enough to make good judgment about courtship, and sympathizing with someone is not good enough to sustain a relationship. Sometimes we may feel good about helping the other person, but you must be able to see and feel him as equal, not as one you should always give in, you know? And people sometimes who self-pity a lot, they easily draw people's attention to them, and honestly, it is quite difficult to be intimate with someone who is very self-absorbed and who always self-pities. All right, if you have that inclination, now you should receive healing before the Lord before even you consider courtship, all right? And I'm not against you, but it's something you should know about yourself when you're considering courtship, going into a more intimate relationship with the opposite sex. Second, listen carefully, you must know the difference between admiring someone and really liking someone, okay? Now, I agree that if you like a person, there would be some aspect of his

characteristics and attributes which will Amire about him. He could be talented, he could be intellectual, he could have a prospective future, he could hold some good positions in school or at work. Now, of course, these are desirable conditions, but ultimately you must differentiate between liking and Sh admiration. It's easy to be drawn to someone with all the A+ condition, all the seemingly good qualities, especially ladies, okay, but understand this, sure admiration will not help a relationship last. You know, being drawn to a person in your heart is different from looking for specs when you're buying a product, you know. And my wife and I were in courtship when I was in NS and she was already working, earning money when I was still a poor student in unid. Then there's nothing special about me, nothing at all. I'm not a scholar, I'm not someone from a fantastic background. There was nothing spectacular or perspective about me except of course I could relate to her, that's all. I wasn't going to be a pastor. I don't have the

slightest idea that I was going to lead a church. It was purely, I mean, pure attraction between us. We communicate, and she felt safe with me. She trusted me, and trusted her, you see, that's the thing about a relationship which will eventually grow. It is not driven by anything material to start with, and you like a person for what he or she is, and usually such relationship lasts. Okay, that's number two, all right, admiration and liking, okay, differentiate that. Third, you must know the difference between wanting a relationship to work versus truly enjoying that relationship. Sometimes it could be that you didn't grow up from a very blissful and loving family, and you are fine as long someone is there for you. You might be feeling a void for love instead of really knowing what love is. Or sometimes you can be so eager to be in a relationship that you ignore the potential red flags in a relationship. There could be something you really couldn't accept about that person, or you hold certain critical differences in your core values, but you choose to

believe that he or she will change in courtship or even in marriage, which most of the time he or she didn't. Or sometimes we want a relationship to work so much that we lose clarity about some differences that could be potentially threatening. Now I'm just giving you a cue, you find out, okay, pray through, ask your heart, and pray to God, okay, number four, okay, and this is a very important one. You must know the difference between looking for the perfect one and looking for the one whom God has for you. Now I've seen singles who ended up with no one in the end because they have that ideal partner in their mind. Now I always say the perfect men and women in our mind don't exist. The perfect men and women will only become a reality when you have married that person for a few decades and you have learned to love him the way God wants you to. Then come that day, you look at him or her, then you realize that's the perfect spouse I've been wanting to have many decades ago, okay.

must come like that. So, on this note, I would also want you to know there is nothing to be upset about if you didn't marry the person you thought you love most. In the end, I mean, you are free to choose by all means, but I will also say, sometimes, the feeling of love can be a deception. It can be an infatuation that blocks your view of the God-prepared person. You know, one of the most renowned pastors who impacted my life was Reverend Stefan. I mean, Reverend Stephan Tong. Okay, I ever heard him share his testimony before. Now, his wife was not his first love. If you know, he once liked a woman, loved a woman so much that he went all out for her and he professed his love for her, and then she rejected him. All right, and eventually, to his grief, she married someone else. He was not a renowned pastor then. And you know, I don't know, probably the women was not captivated by some of his attributes, probably he was short or what. I don't

know, you know, I don't know what it is. You know, but eventually, Stephan Tong met later met this woman who became his wife, and he realized everything good about her. And as he get along with her, he began to realize and understand why did God prepare her for him. She fulfills the function of a wife perfectly. They had four outstanding children. And when Stephan Thong became a pastor and traveled around, now he was not at home 6 months a year. I mean, which women can take it. But his wife could take it, you know. And she fulfills the duty of a wife faithfully and teaches the children faithfully and wisely. Now maybe let me share something. I wanted very much to relate to all of you, especially to guys who are single. You see, some guys have the urge to get married, but they ended up single all their life because why? Because they are looking for Cinderella. You see, we men are easily captivated by physical characteristics. But this is something we have to slowly grow out of it. If not, we

will always have this unrealistic expectation about love all our life. You know, there was once when LKY was asked about whether he believed about love at first sight. I don't know whether you've read that or seen that interview, and someone asked him, Do you believe Love at First sight? And this is what he said, I quote him, he said, I don't believe in love at first sight. I think it's a grave mistake. You are attracted by physical characteristics and you will regret it. Now, I think I'm with LKY in this matter. Okay, now I'm not saying there's anything wrong to choose a pretty wife. I'm not saying there's anything wrong. After all, the Bible did mention Sarah was beautiful, Rebecca was beautiful. But the question is, how beautiful is beautiful to you? And most often than not, a beautiful woman, listen, a beautiful woman who does not fear the Lord will certainly not have a personality that is beneficial to you. Women who does not fear the Lord and simply rely on and take pride in their

outward Beauty tends to have a manipulative personality. She would demand a lot from you and should not be easily pleased. The mindset they have in them since young is, if I have such good qualities and if I marry you, I would really expect a lot from you. You see, I've been in counseling Ministry long enough to see all these played out. Now, I'm certainly not against beautiful women. I mean, to be beautiful is the gift of God, praise God if you are forever beautiful. Okay, by any way, I tell you it's not going to happen, but what I'm going to say is, if you know the gospel, if you know the sins of men, you will know that all the good qualities of men, whether it is qualifications, whether it's Beauty, whether it's worldly successes, High Earnest High positions, all these good qualities without the gospel will simply feed the pride of men, and those Pride eventually will pain the people around them, and that is why proverbs 31:30 says, charm is deceptive and beauty is

fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Amen to that. And so, guys, if you only have eyes for beautiful girls, beware. But let me just give you something old school, okay, something old school, and it never changed throughout the generation. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Okay, as you talk and communicate, as you begin to know deeply the desirable inner person of a man and women, you will begin to appreciate the beauty in him or her, right? I've given you some clarity, okay? Okay, I'm just four pointers in helping you to choose better, but I'm just helping all of you to make sound and meaningful choices. But you see, I will always prefer to touch on the drawbacks, especially when I'm on the subject of courtship. And it is always wise to heed some of the telltale signs that the Bible has warned us about when we're looking for a partner. Then we should not be so blinded in love and end up ignoring about this telltale signs. Now I'm

not giving you a checklist, but I want to remind you of a few critical things to note before diving into courtship, and these are dangerous. Tell two science. Number one, now listen, I seriously advise all of us to avoid dating someone who is sexually immoral. Now, that's a very important point. Avoid dating someone who is sexually immoral. Now, anyone who takes sexual morality loosely cannot be a God lover, neither can he or she be a spouse lover. I cannot emphasize enough that modesty and chastity is very, very important in a relationship. You never think that being a God lover and sexual purity is altogether a different thing. No, it's not. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are

not your own. You were bought at a price, and therefore honor God with your bodies. Now, the way you conduct your bodies sexually will tell you how much you revere the Holy Spirit within you. Now, let me set the record straight, alright? If someone does not know how to keep himself pure sexually, if someone has been slipping around or falling in and out of relationships and has not repented of that sin, he or she is not suitable to be in a courtship period. Now, if one has ever engaged in it before, there must be a real brokenness and conscious effort to turn from those sins and have even truly hated those sins before courtship with him or her could even be considered. Now, I say that as a protection, not a restraint, okay? It's a protection. Now, I want you to be very clear. If he or she still takes all these sexual sins lightly, even if he or she is a churchgoer, he or she should not be in your list of consideration for hardship because chances

are when he got together with you, you will be tempted to sin sexually when you date such a person. Now, even with pornography, now let me say this, let me say this, okay, people are taking this very, very lightly nowadays because if we just ask around, it seems that this kind of sin has become a norm. Now let me say this, I've seen many, many people who are hooked to pornography, married or non-married men. Two things I found out: those who never turn from this sin before marriage will not turn from it after marriage, and next thing, I've never seen a wife who feels confident and safe emotionally when she marries a husband who engages in pornography. Believe me, sexual immorality is the number one enemy to a healthy marital relationship, so you want to consider that before courtship, all right, that's number one. Okay, it's for you to find out, it's for you to pray and observe, and it's for you if you struggle with it to repent of that sin before you even think about C all.

right and second. Okay, second, also watch out for the red flag of excessive pride in your potential suitors. The key word is excessive pride. Now, when you consider going into hardship with someone, ask yourself one good question: is he or she someone who doesn't admit his wrong? Is he or she someone who is extremely stubborn with good advice? Now, you have to know the difference between someone who is opinionated or thinks critically and someone who is bounded by sheer pride. Now, there are some people who simply do not relent, do not listen to good advice because there's some kind of deep inferiority complex which manifests itself through some kind of sheer stubbornness. They seriously lack humility and they could not be put down, they could not be corrected, and once they've been corrected, they will turn even more defiant and stubborn. Such a person is obstinate and imperious to reasoning. Now, honestly, if you have such a problem, you understand that this is not your problem with other people anymore, it is a

problem with God and your very self-image. You will end up tormenting the person whom you are with. And challenges are when you are in a relationship, you will be very, very possessive. Now realizing that before God is the beginning of healing, that's not the end of you. You can be healed by the gospel, okay, but you have to realize that yourself. Repent of your pride before you really consider hardship. Then you will be able to enjoy courtship, okay, so don't think hardship will change you. Don't, because you are going to face more challenges when you have C, okay. So you kneel your pride first. Kneel the pride of yours before God and get that obstacle out of your relationship with God first before you even consider hardship. Because for courtship to work, it requires you to think a lot about the other person, not the other person having to always feed your ego, right? Then third, all right, the way a person manages his or her work and finances is also one thing you should consider. Also, now ladies, listen carefully.

don't have to marry a rich guy, please. Okay, but what is very noteworthy about a guy is whether he is responsible. A responsible guy is one who works and not lays around. Also, he is one who manages his finances well. Also, listen, guys, if you don't do this well, you don't think of starting a family. Now, I think I've said this before, and you've read just now during responsive reading before God brought a wife to Adam. Where did God bring him to? God brought him to the garden, Garden of Eden, right? Put him there to work it and take care of it. Now, what do you see? Before God gives Adam a wife, he puts him to work. And work can be seen in terms of your studies, your career, and your serving. Even there is a sense of purpose and responsibility in his life before a woman is given to him. And as in the case of Adam, a man must be shaped to be one who can take pressure and responsibility in his life, without which he cannot function well as the head.

in the familiar role because taking care of a women involves so much more. Okay, you got to give her a sense of security. You got to take care of the bread and butter issue. You got to take care of her emotions. You got to think about what she says, what she doesn't say, you know, everything else. Know it's very difficult. And then when you have children, you have to provide for them also. Now I'm not saying guys you have to be high earners, and I'm not saying that, okay, don't get me wrong. Don't think by having money women will come to you. No, that's a wrong thinking. Okay, women are coming to you for money, not you, okay? So don't think like that. Don't get me wrong. We women also should not be looking for high earners. And women these days, they are educated, they work, they contribute to family incomes also. And a wise and godly woman, if you read from Proverbs 31, is definitely not one who is spent. She is not materialistic. She makes plans for

her family she thinks ahead so to speak, but men taking the role of headship has to be the first to think about the family future and survival. A good man takes it upon himself to provide for his family, with the wife willingly helping with what is lacking. So when you consider someone for courtship, now you want to know whether this person first has a sense of purpose, and second, whether he is responsible. And all this is shown in the way he manages his work and finances. He must not just have aspirations; he must also have consistency. He must deliver, not just have big dreams. Okay, you see, I've met people in church who sometimes have big dreams about what they're going to do in the future, and sometimes I, I, I encounter some people who overspiritualize the will of God in their life. They say, God calls me to Mission, God calls me to church work, I want to serve the Lord. I mean, nothing wrong about wanting to serve the Lord, but the problem is they've always have dreams and it remains as dreams. Big

Dreams, but they never materialized. They couldn't. They led the steps to it. They are aimless after graduation. All they say is, I have big dreams. I have aspirations, but I don't want an 8 to five job. Now you be careful about such a person because they never deliver. They always have that big aspiration that cannot be materialized. And I have seen guys in their 60s telling me what kind of business they are going to venture into and how much they will make in a few years' time. But as soon as I turn to the wife, she just shakes her head. So, such a man never has a proper job that lasted more than a year. He is always hopping from one job to another, seeking new ventures, thinking how to make it big with the next business opportunity. Now be careful about that. Now as I'm preaching about this, and there's a lot of reflection we should have, especially for guys and also for girls when you how you choose people, you know, choose man. Okay, I don't want to destroy your

self-esteem, but no, this is something that we should come to the Lord and pray for breakthrough. And I'm coming to my last point, and I want to emphasize there. I leave this to the last point now. What I'm going to say this because not because this is the least important, but because this is the most important. And the reason I leave this to the last because some of you, despite your shortcomings, I want you to see hope. And some of you, while in the midst of considering courtship, I pray you can see things with absolute clarity. And what is that point now? I'm going to say this, be very clear beyond what I've just said just now. Faith in Christ is still of utmost importance. Faith in Christ still of utmost importance. Now, whatever I mentioned about the earlier negative attributes, whether it with past sexual sins, excessive pride, or you fall short in your work responsibility and management of finance, it can be forgiven, it can be corrected in Christ, in Christ. But if someone is not genuinely in the faith, even though he

can be free from those undesirable conditions or attributes. He may develop new ones. He may develop new ones. No, so never put hope in good human attributes, and unregenerated life cannot go far against this sinful environment. Different faith never holds together. So although we've heard this many times, I just want to say again, I think we should never make light of 2 Corinthians chapter 6:14. And here it goes: Do not be Yol together with unbelievers, for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what Fellowship can light have with Darkness? I think preacher has explained this before very carefully, and a yoke, I mean you should know it is a wooden crosspiece that is fastened over the two necks of two animals, right, we know that. So in this sense, the Bible is warning against a situation where a Believer is buying together in decisions in actions with someone who has values and purpose which is totally incompatible with that of the Bible. Now it can be used to refer to

close friends, very close friend, and it more so, I would say, refers to marriage. So, if you are dating someone of different faith or someone of different doctrines, chances are, I would say, you are taking a very big risk. Believe me, romantic love or friendship, no matter how close it is, can never supersede different beliefs and values. Similar values and beliefs are fertile ground for love to grow and blossom, and that is why the Bible warns the believer against yoking with unbelievers. Now, you don't buy into terminologies which some modern churches have invented and say, Oh, he is not an unbeliever, he is just a pre-believer. I don't know why you say that. Don't buy into that. You know, the Bible never talks about pre. You underline for me anywhere in the Bible, is there a terminology called pre-believer? Nothing. The Bible only says there's unbeliever and believer, that's it. Okay, so if he's still an unbeliever, refrain from getting into a relationship.

with him be careful when you even want to consider going into intimate relationship with an unbeliever unless you're very sure he has been converted and he shares more or less the same conviction with you as a Christian. Don't consider him. It's a safeg Godard for you. Now I'm not saying, listen carefully, by saying that I'm not saying that two person's Faith must be on par before they get together, but let me say this: if one person is very clear about a Kingdom's directed Life, very clear that I'm living for God and his Kingdom Purpose, and he lives his life on Earth here for an eternal purpose, while the other one is a pseudo lukewarm Christian with much of his goal Earthly centered, but then he's baptized, or she's baptized, now do you think it's a wise choice to have both of your yoke together? So what I mean is you need to give time and space for God to work through in matters of Faith. Baptism itself is not a clear

indication. Just doing the sinner's prayer or even growing up in church is not a clear indication. Sometimes, you have to talk to a person, know him, know her, what he truly believes, where his purpose is, where is he heading to, what is he studying for, working for. No, you have to be clear about those things, okay? Don't rush into it. If you are spiritually mature, one, you give the other person enough time to know about you and your faith, including the values and beliefs that go with it. Believe me, you will not miss a good opportunity. You will only end up with a wrong choice if courtship happens too quickly. Now, because that's, I said, once you are into courtship and then if he is still not aligned with you in your faith, yet it is very, very difficult to convince him or her how important your faith is. Very difficult, okay? So, some Christians always make this mistake repeatedly, and they end up disappointed in their love life again and again. Now, listen, you keep to God's directives if you really want

God's best. Okay, I'm almost done, but before I end, I want to address something which is very prevalent in this era, and that is the use of dating apps. Okay. Now, the Bible didn't object it outrightly because this is a 21st. Obviously, this is a 21st-century invention, but preacher has ever mentioned before about its downside, and it should be used with extra care if you really must use it, and she have cautioned about the potential danger of trying to know someone whom we are totally ignorant of about their background. Now, I'm not going to repeat what she said. Uh, but for me personally, I try to be as objective and as practical as possible. I know this is like a demand and Supply thing, you know, sometimes I know there is a demand, but demand don't meet Supply, or it could be a mismatch of demand and supply, and so the dating app and the algorithm behind the AI help fix the problem. It helps with a possible match and then hoping that things can move in its natural cost. I mean, we all

know what it does, right? And Tinder, all this stuff, you know, we all know what dating app does now. But let me say this at the end. I know this is an in thing now. I used to think this is an in thing nowadays, especially for JZAC. You know, JZAC. J JZAC are people born within the year of 1995 to 209. Who is JZAC? Can you raise your hand? Come on, JZAC. Why are you so shy? You're not like JZAC. Okay, between 1995 to 209, you are born between. Okay, just raise your hand. JZ. Hey, by the looks of it, I know more than half of you are JZ. Okay, stop trying to be shy. Okay. Oh no. Now let me say this. Okay. Now I thought it was an in thing for Jen Zen. But recently I was pleasantly surprised to read from a recent UA survey that despite its seemingly popularity, dating apps are being used by only 24% of Singaporeans, with only 36% being Gen Z. So if you use it, if you use it, you

are the one in four person in Singapore okay and then J Zack only wanted use it I thought two3. I thought 80% of the people are using dating apps it's only one3 okay and I was uh pleasantly surprised to read that people are actually beginning to lose confidence in dating in the dating pool dating app why because simply put young people have come to realize even with approaching a relationship there must be an extra effort to mingle with people to engage in in-person interactions and sometimes to overcome the shyness or inertia to communicate or even to face the disappointment of rejection and if that unfortunately happens then you have to pick yourself up again learn something from it you see that's part and parcel of approaching courtship. It prepares you for courtship and eventually the response possibilities of courtship and later on marriage but the dating app simply just removes all these difficulties totally and conveniently produce a matchup say if things doesn't work for this one and say things don't sound good through

texting and then just offed it. Called this off back to the app again. Try again. Get another matchup. You see, I don't, I don't really like this because you see, with that, we learn nothing about meaningful engagement in the process. We learn nothing about say, sitting down with schoolmates, with colleagues, with Bren of different gender, and also trying to understand people of the opposite sex through various forms of interactions. And sometimes we have to learn that getting into courtship isn't instantaneous. We shouldn't expect like every girl I know going to become my girlfriend, every guy I know that I'm just set my eyes on here, and straight away very soon within a month, he's going to be my boyfriend. It doesn't happen like that. It's not supposed to be instantaneous. You are choosing, you are making choices, you are interacting, and then it's finding the right person at the right time at the right place. And we don't need algorithm to determine compatibility. And sometimes you will realize romantic love comes a long way.

it starts from creating genuine connections from scratch, and then unexpectedly your heart is being captivated by someone suitable, and then you get into the trail of romance. So my advice is, um, don't try to get across this natural process, which sometimes it's needed from singlehood to courtship. So I'm not being absolute in this. I'm just offering you my good advice, all right? So that's about all, okay? Singlehood to courtship. I hope you have learned a lot, and if you are struggling a lot with this, please come to Pastor personally. I understand these things are very personal, and you have your own unique conditions or problems that you're struggling with. You come to me. I'm glad to help you through, okay? Come, let's go to the Lord in prayer. Father, we thank you so much, much, uh, for this message, and I pray that this sermon that you've given could offer us some clarity into the matters of courtship. And we know, Lord, uh, it is instinctive in us to want to have a

partner, a life partner, to get married, to have children eventually. Lord, help us if this thing is important to us. Let us have the faith to trust you in these matters and to be careful and godly in our considerations, starting from courtship. So, Lord, I pray that you minister to every one of us, young and old, and I give thanks to you in the Name of Christ. We pray, amen. [Music]

LCM English- Family Month Message 2: From Singlehood to Courtship

The Life Church and Missions

The Complexity of Courtship in Modern Society

The concept of courtship has evolved in modern society from a direct path to marriage to a more complex and uncertain process of falling in and out of love.

This shift raises questions about the impact on individuals' understanding of love and their ability to maintain sacred and pure relationships.

The speaker cautions against the dilution of sacred marital love and the loss of self-control that can result from the modern approach to courtship, emphasizing the need for a God-seeking and conscious approach to romantic relationships.

The Divine Purpose of Marriage and Singleness

Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7 are about the benefits of remaining single to focus on pleasing the Lord, rather than considering singleness as a negative thing.

The creation of Eve was to provide Adam with a helper to fulfill God's purposes for humanity and to reflect the image of God through the relationship between man and woman.

The design of marriage includes equality between man and woman, with the woman having a role of subordination, emphasizing the importance of understanding headship and subordination in a relationship.

The Importance of Courtship and Marriage in Biblical Perspective

Courtship is seen as a sacred time to test the faithfulness and honor of a potential partner, according to the story of Adam and Eve in the Bible.

The emphasis is on approaching courtship with a mindset of marital consideration and the importance of the man taking responsibility for pursuing the woman.

The passage also highlights the need for clarity in feelings and the difference between sympathizing with someone and genuinely liking them when considering courtship.

Admiration and liking should be differentiated in relationships, as pure attraction and trust are more important for long-lasting connections.

It's crucial to distinguish between wanting a relationship to work and truly enjoying it, to avoid ignoring potential red flags.

Understanding the difference between looking for the perfect partner and the one meant for you by God is essential, as unrealistic expectations can hinder finding a fulfilling relationship.

The Importance of Inner Beauty in Relationships

A person's inner qualities, not just their outward beauty, should be valued in a partner.

Sexual purity and a repentant attitude are crucial considerations before entering a courtship.

Excessive pride and stubbornness are red flags to watch out for in potential partners, as they can greatly impact the relationship.

Courtship should start with humility and a focus on the other person, not being driven by pride or selfishness.

A potential partner's work ethic and financial responsibility are crucial factors to consider for a successful relationship.

Above all, having faith in Christ is the most important aspect to prioritize in courtship and marriage, as it can bring forgiveness and correction for any shortcomings.

The Importance of Faith Compatibility in Relationships

Being unequally yoked with unbelievers is warned against in the Bible, especially in the context of close relationships and marriage.

The decision to be in a relationship with someone of different faith should be made cautiously, allowing time to understand their beliefs and values.

Rushing into a relationship without faith alignment can lead to disappointment, and the use of dating apps should be approached with care, considering the potential dangers of connecting with someone whose background is unknown.

Dating apps are not as popular in Singapore as they may seem, with only 24% of people using them, including 36% of Gen Z.

Many young people are losing confidence in dating apps and are realizing the importance of in-person interactions and overcoming the challenges of courtship.

The speaker advises against using dating apps to bypass the natural process of building meaningful connections and encourages seeking guidance if struggling with courtship.