The Impact of Dating Apps on Relationships and Mental Health

Dating apps create a paradox of connection and disconnection, increasing distress while fostering superficial interactions.

### The Impact of Dating Apps: Pros, Cons, and Ethical Considerations
* 💔  Dating has evolved significantly from the '90s, shifting from **community-based connections** to **online platforms**, which has **increased the number of people meeting partners online**.
* 📱  While dating apps provide freedom and opportunities, especially for marginalized groups, they also contribute to mental health issues, with users experiencing **three times the stress** compared to non-users.
* 🧠  Mental health is crucial for dating success, and services like BetterHelp can help individuals find therapists **conveniently and affordably**, allowing them to **prioritize their well-being**.
* ⚠️  However, the anonymity of online dating can lead to negative behaviors, such as ghosting and harassment, with alarming statistics showing that **56% of women have received unsolicited explicit images** while dating online.
* 😔  The gamification of dating apps fosters a culture of **superficial judgments based on appearance**, which can lead to feelings of **insecurity** and a delay in forming **meaningful relationships**.
* 🔍  To foster healthier romantic interactions, we should adopt an ethic of **"willing the good of the other,"** treating people as **ends rather than means**, and respecting **emotional intimacy and boundaries**.
* 👥  Ultimately, while online dating offers new avenues for connection, it shouldn't replace the value of **in-person interactions** and the **courage to engage with strangers** in everyday life.
* 🔥  Reflecting on personal experiences with dating apps often reveals a chaotic and frustrating landscape, sometimes described as a **"dumpster fire."**

- Dating has never exactly been easy. In the past, say the '90s and prior, the majority of people met their partners through their communities - either through friends and family, or maybe through their work or their church or their school. But then dating apps and online dating appeared, and there's an incredible shift. The number of people who meet their partners online shot up. And in some ways, this is a really good thing. Online dating and dating apps have helped a lot of people. And I think that the added freedom that online dating has provided has been especially helpful for people in marginalized groups who might not have found their partners otherwise. But there are some alarming negative trends that are impacting the way that we live our romantic lives today. - Hey, Big Thinkers. Did you know that people who use dating apps are more likely to be distressed, anxious, or depressed? In fact, one study found that users of swipe-based dating apps face three times the amount

of stress compared to non-users. Taking care of your mental health isn't just important for your overall well-being. It can be a key factor in improving your dating life and relationships. Therapy is an effective way to work through these problems, but it turns out therapy has some issues of its own: like finding the right therapist, fitting into their schedule, getting into their office, and of course, the cost. Today's sponsor, BetterHelp, was created to help solve these problems because you deserve to focus on yourself and make your well-being a priority. BetterHelp is convenient, built around your schedule, and surprisingly affordable. Start by filling out a brief questionnaire to be matched with a licensed therapist who fits your needs and preferences, and connect with them by phone, video, chat, or messaging. If you're not comfortable with your therapist, you can change at any point at no additional cost. Let BetterHelp connect you to a therapist

who can provide the support you need, all from the comfort of your home. You can go to betterhelp.com/bigthink or choose Big Think during sign-up to save 10% on your first month. - For pretty much all of history, people met their partners through their community, their family, or friends- dating apps have changed all of that. You can meet someone totally independent of your normal circles, and you can date them without supervision. But there is something of a downside to all of this privacy too. There's a distinct lack of accountability. You can ghost someone or be ghosted. You can send someone a pic of your genitalia and know that they can't tell anyone about it because who would they tell? People behave, I would say, worse when they're online dating, in part because they're not afraid that their behavior will get out. And some of the stats bear this out. In a recent survey by Pew Research, 56% of women say

that they had been sent a sexually explicit image or an image that they otherwise didn't ask for while dating online. And over 40% of women say that they had been contacted persistently by somebody who they had attempted to cut off contact with before. 37% of women say that they've been called an offensive name while online dating. And 11% say that they've actually received threats of physical harm. Of course, it isn't just women feeling the downsides of dating app pressures. 64% of men say that they've been made to feel insecure by the lack of messages that they've received. And I think that there's something about the level of rejection and constant negativity that some people feel experiencing the apps that actually contributes to a sense of, sort of, malaise when it comes to online dating. I'm not sure that humans were really built to receive the amount of 'in-your-face rejection' that a dating app can give.

The number of people you simply don't match with who- it's easy to internalize- just don't like you as a person. And then there are also what I would call 'the habits of mind' that using dating apps tends to inculcate. Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble and Hinge are set up to sort of 'gamify' dating: swipe left or swipe right on this deck of cards covered in hot people. And it can foster this feeling that there are hundreds, thousands, millions of people out there, so why settle for anyone who doesn't match your specifications perfectly? Of course, there may be millions of people out there, but that doesn't mean that you can or should date all of them. But dating apps do give the illusion that there is always something better out there; that there's no reason to put work into one relationship that isn't perfect when you could just find another one.

and start over again. And I think that that may contribute to a delay in settling down for some people. And then, of course, with dating apps, pictures are incredibly prominent, and often people are judging based on just appearance. If you have a flattering profile pic, if you can take a good selfie, you're much more likely to get a positive swipe. But this really cuts against people who, hey, may not be great with a camera, but have other excellent qualities that don't necessarily show up well on a dating app. And it's actually men who complain the most about this. When people filter, often thoughtlessly, for things like height, say, somebody who doesn't meet those exact specifications but could be great and perhaps a perfect match in many other areas, never gets a chance to shine. And then finally, when you think about dating apps and how you are sort of looking through people's kind of marketing bios of themselves:

the best picture, there may be one line of text that a Tinder or Bumble allows, you begin to look at people as objects. And at the same time, if you're on a dating app, you may be marketing yourself as an object too. So, how can we be more ethical when we're dating and having sex? In my book Rethinking Sex, I talk about the idea of 'willing the good of the other,' which I think of as kind of a broad ethic for romantic and, frankly, other partnerships. The idea is that you try and think of the other person's good, and rank it as highly as you would your own. It's something of the 'golden rule,' but kind of an omnibus. I think that we have to work really hard to treat people as ends, and not just means. We can think more about emotional intimacy. We can have more respect for commitment,

and more respect for other people's boundaries; to respect them as humans, not just images on a screen. And I will also say that online dating doesn't necessarily have to take the place of meeting someone in person. Yes, it is hard to approach someone in the supermarket or at a bar. The idea of building up the bravery and the social ability that it takes to talk to strangers, that's a healthy thing, whether you're using it for dating or not. Or, you could just keep swiping and see if anything turns up. - If you've ever used a dating app yourself, what was the experience like? - Oh, God, it's a dumpster fire.

The data on dating—and the golden rule for better “luck” | Christine Emba

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Online dating and apps have drastically changed how people meet partners, with a significant increase in online connections.

While these platforms have provided freedom and support for marginalized groups, they also contribute to higher levels of distress, anxiety, and depression among users.

BetterHelp offers a convenient and affordable solution for those seeking therapy, with the option to change therapists at no extra cost.

The Impact of Dating Apps on Relationships

Dating apps have disrupted traditional partner-finding methods, leading to a lack of accountability and negative behavior.

A significant percentage of women have experienced unsolicited explicit images, persistent contact, offensive names, and even threats while dating online.

Men also feel the pressure, with many experiencing insecurity from the lack of messages and facing constant rejection, contributing to a negative experience with online dating.

Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble gamify dating, creating an illusion of endless options and fostering unrealistic expectations.

The emphasis on appearance and profile pictures can lead to superficial judgments, disadvantaging those with great qualities that don't shine through.

This culture of constant searching for the perfect match may contribute to a delay in settling down and can prevent potentially great partners from getting a chance.

Dating apps can lead to viewing people as objects and marketing oneself in the same way.

The author advocates for "willing the good of the other" as a broad ethic for romantic partnerships, emphasizing emotional intimacy, respect for commitment, and honoring boundaries.

Online dating should not replace in-person interactions, and building social courage to talk to strangers is important for healthy connections.