Hello, I am Gu Ja-kyung, who will be conducting the first part of the childcare guide. As a childcare investigator, I meet with individuals going through divorce proceedings at the court, listen to their stories, and help them resolve their issues if possible. Based on my experiences meeting parents and children, I am conducting this childcare guide to provide you with helpful information. So, who is childcare guidance for? It is for both parents and children. Parents may have different perspectives and be in different situations, but if there is one commonality among those attending this education, it may be the position they are in during the current divorce process and the fact that they are the only parents of their precious children in the world. Despite the difficulties of divorce, I believe many of you may have the wish that you would not be as hard on your children as you are going through this process.

During the guidance of raising children, it would be great if you could temporarily set aside external conflicts and take the time to reflect on your own situation and what your child needs. Before proceeding with the education, I will explain some precautions. This education contains general content, so its application may vary depending on individual situations and levels of conflict. For example, in cases involving substance abuse such as alcohol, mental disorders, domestic violence, child abuse, or other criminal issues, the educational content may not be directly applicable. In such cases, it may be necessary to seek help from experts, specialized organizations, or local resources rather than interpreting the educational content solely in a way that benefits oneself. This guidance on raising children is divided into three main parts. First, we will examine the psychological states of parents expecting their second child and their children.

Secondly, we will look into the characteristics of children and how parents can protect their children. Lastly, we will discuss the situation for the well-being of children, and I will talk about the desirable attitude of parents for the adaptation of children after the ion. Please take the time to watch and focus on education for your precious children. As we live our daily lives, we inevitably experience stress. According to research from Washington University School of Medicine, the top two stressors people experience in life are the death of a spouse and divorce. Perhaps the frequent emotional changes in parents who are currently in an ion lawsuit may be understandable, but since parents' emotional states can affect the adaptation of children, it is crucial for parents to manage their emotions appropriately and take care of their mental state in order to react effectively.

First, let's take a look at my current state. It is said that parents go through stages of shock, anger, and acceptance while experiencing the ion procedure, which takes a considerable amount of time. Not everyone goes through these stages in order, and the time spent in each stage may vary, so the emotional stages of myself and the other person may differ. Regarding the ion, the first emotion is shock. Shock feels like being overwhelmed by intense emotions, feeling like there is nothing, and experiencing numbness and anxiety. Sometimes, one may feel anger and anxiety thinking, How could this happen to me? In the fluctuation stage of emotions, opposite emotions such as sadness and uncertainty, calmness and certainty, cross each other. During the ion, repetitive thoughts like What should I do about this? or I'd rather not do this may come to mind.

After experiencing these stages of emotions, eventually accepting the stage of divorce, gradually embracing the reality, and then being able to prepare for a new life. From the perspective of the person who first filed for divorce, they may have already gone through various emotional changes and ultimately made a decision that they have no choice but to divorce. However, the other party may start from being shocked by the mention of divorce. Therefore, since my emotional stage and the other party's emotional stage may differ, it may not be easy to talk to the other party and adjust opinions due to the differences in emotional states. Depending on each emotional stage, efforts such as patience, waiting, and dialogue may be necessary. Understanding that my emotional stage and the other party's emotional stage may be different can lead to a more rational decision. Furthermore, making an effort to understand one's own feelings and choose appropriate responses to emotions is the responsibility of parents.

It is thought that the most common mistake parents make in the ion process is cutting off the relationship with their children during the lawsuit, using the child as a tool to blame the other parent in front of the child. Prolonged estrangement of the child includes not only physical but also psychological aspects. Sometimes parents express a desire for the child to meet the other parent after the lawsuit is over, saying it would be nice if they met after the lawsuit. However, upon closer examination of the reasons, it can be seen that the parents are worried about whether the child will blame them for the divorce decision, or whether they will speak negatively about the other parent to the other parent's child. In this way, it is important to reflect on whether there is an intention to sever the bond between the other parent and the child. Furthermore, blaming each other in front of the child includes not only direct blame but also unconscious cold looks, and more. I hope you will reflect on whether you have unintentionally tried to sever the bond between the other parent and the child. Lastly, words spoken out of sorrow by stepparents who assist in raising the child,

When children hear words that they thought were directed at them, they may internalize that criticism. Children, like trees growing from the will of both mother and father, can naturally take that blame upon themselves when they hear that one root is rotten. Therefore, please be cautious. Lastly, in order to gain an advantageous position in their parents' divorce lawsuit, some parents ask their children to write false testimonies or unilaterally bring the child to court. In such cases, children may develop resentment towards the other parent, and these emotions can strain the relationship between the parent and the child. As mentioned earlier, due to excessive stress called ion, parents may experience a state of uncontrollable anger. However, words spoken in such emotional turmoil can cause significant harm to the children. Failing to understand the extremely anxious and confused minds of the children in the parents' divorce process.

Have you ever been angry without stopping or blaming your child, even in a state of anger? Have you reacted more sensitively to your child's behavior, which is no different from before, even though it is the same? Please examine your emotions and disciplinary methods carefully. When you say these words to your child, you might be too difficult for me, or I'm worried that my child might go wrong, I wonder if you're worried. Also, during this process, parents may overlook their children's wrong behavior due to their pitiful feelings. If you suddenly get angry after enduring it, parents may say, How long have I endured? But children may be confused because they do not know that their parents have endured. Therefore, it is necessary for parents to make efforts to have a consistent attitude. How is our child doing now? Children also experience five stages of emotions in the process of using parents.

Just like parents, it is not always the case that you go through the stages of emotions in order. At one stage, you might even think, Will my parents never accept my second child? and at another, Will they come back to live together? These are stages where you cannot accept your parents' demands with hopes like that. The stage of anger may lead you to think, How could my parents do this to me, saying they love me? Did they abandon me? You might get angry thinking that your parents made a decision without considering you. In the bargaining stage, even though parents may seem unfamiliar, children might think, If I study well or speak nicely, maybe mom and dad will change their minds, trying to meet their parents' expectations. Parents may feel at ease thinking that their children have grown up, but they may also feel uneasy.

It is necessary to consider whether your child is making a difficult effort. The following is a stage of depression. At this stage, children may suddenly become indifferent to their parents' conflicts or show signs of helplessness in daily life such as academics or relationships with peers. As children go through these stages, they also reach a stage of acceptance. When they reach this stage of acceptance, children understand that there is no change in the love of their parents and that even if they do not live together, the affection of the parents remains the same. They adapt to reality by accepting this fact. While children experience various emotions, parents should fully accept their children's emotions with a mindset of You are also going through a hard time and cooperate together to help their children adapt. Furthermore, since children may express emotions that they cannot express to their parents at school, parents are advised to communicate with their child's teacher to express the emotions that the child finds difficult to express to the parents.

It is also necessary to check whether the child's daily routine is being maintained well. In the ion process, a typical emotional response that children show is guilt and fear. Children, with their self-centered nature, may think that conflicts or disputes between parents have occurred because of themselves. Therefore, parents need to let their children know that It's not because of you. Furthermore, since children can feel great fear of unexpected changes, parents should inform them of the current situation at the child's eye level. Children may be thinking about many things like Where will I live in the future? or Will I be able to see Dad or Mom? Most importantly, it is essential to explain to the children about what is changing and what is not changing due to the ion. For example, there may be changes in daily life, such as moving to a new house or changing schools, but it is crucial to explain that the love and care from Mom and Dad remain unchanged.

It is necessary to listen well to the worries and concerns of children and convey the parents' mindset of respecting their opinions as much as possible. Furthermore, before explaining to children, parents should prioritize supporting and cooperating with their children on when and how to talk about interest rates with their children. So far, we have looked at deeply troubled families between parents and children in the previous section. Next, in the second part, we will examine children's adaptation to changes.

재판상이혼 자녀양육안내 Part 1

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