Substance Abuse: A Journey through Addiction and Recovery

Gabriela battled drug addiction, from marijuana to cocaine, seeking control but ultimately losing it, leading to a wake-up call.

I searched the internet, people on Google. When what did I have to apply insulin to snort a line of powder, did you do this research? I did marijuana. No, it didn't fascinate you at all, right? It wasn't a drug of choice. No, I didn't define it. My ex-boyfriend didn't smoke. I also smoked exactly there. It was there and and Ok. I stopped smoking in 2019. Marijuana. Then you completely removed marijuana. I removed it because it was giving me anxiety. So I said this guys I smoke so I don't get anxious and I'm getting anxious getting more anxious. So then I'm not going to smoke there. I stopped smoking. Then why screwed up? Because I thought I had control. Well, I stopped using marijuana so I stopped with all that. I wanted exactly you. My illness made it like that. Uhu. That's what I wanted. That's what I wanted. That's what I wanted to deceive you. Exactly mine amusingly Zinho amusingly of addiction.

the lack is the lack of control, right? I decided that I'm going to open it like this, right here, and the privileged people who watch this podcast will know. They will know what drugs I used, more or less, right? So what happened, I stopped smoking marijuana and I continued drinking. It's because what happened to me, I mixed marijuana and alcohol and imitated. Uhum. So I said, man, either I'm going to have to smoke, or I'm going to have to drink on the go. It won't be possible to do both because if I do both, I'm going to get sick. So I said, oh no, don't do it. It makes sense to smoke and stay like that in the middle of a square, right? It's easier to drink and smoke at other times to make other combinations, not for being outside the house, right? Exactly, exactly. Oh my love, thank you. Can you put it here, Rose? Rose, can you take this one from here now? Let me put it here. We don't waste it. We're in Brazil anyway. And then I chose

to drink, right? No, I didn't smoke. I only smoked at home and stuff when my parents traveled too because they never allowed me to smoke when I got home and stuff. And that was it. And then in 2016, I tried cocaine. Uhum. I kept drinking. I kept drinking. I tried cocaine, but I was 17 years old, so I was terrified of cocaine. Terrified, terrified, terrified. It was one thing if someone said cocaine. I'd say, Keep it down, keep it down. That word is heavy. It's, Oh yeah, crackheads, ahem, they are evil people, you know. You had this vision. He used it, and I was like, [ __ ] dude, I don't know what. And then sometimes he hid it, okay, we went to a carnival and started selling drinks, right? Mat with vodka, and I, like a good drug addict, couldn't sell it. Ah, because you drank it, of course. Of course, I understood, right? I drank, so I was manipulating myself a lot, man. I couldn't sell it. Because

I drank. And then, besides not being able to sell it, I was definitely going crazy, so I wouldn't be able to sell it even beyond what I consumed my own product. In sales product that is the mistake. Because it was a loss, it was Doo. The loss was the loss, it wasn't the painting. I don't know if Bobi was still giving it for free, exactly who. I don't know if I've already given it to, right, because I think it's always Cola. Some amho exactly ours the ams no and the friends they are not here for. Oh, don't let me buy to help you, that's how you give it to me for free, put it away, put it away, those are the friends, you know, who want it for free, not the ones who want to help, but anyway, right, anyway. And then I got really crazy one day and I told him, look, I want to try cocaine. Oh, but you didn't say you didn't like it.

it's because in your head cocaine wouldn't let you t. So in my head cocaine, I don't know about you. I didn't have any idea, I just know that I was really crazy and wanted to try it, and that was it. Uhum. And as the beautiful drug addict that I was, I was going to do what I wanted, regardless of anyone not wanting to go with me. I'm going alone, yes I am. I'm going to fix it, I don't care, you're going with me, you're not going bye-bye. You're going, then, let's go. It was like this, I understood, so we went to his house, we used it, my daughter, the world was perfect for me, for Gabi, perfect, super Gabi, super Gabi, that was it, that was it. I was really crazy at the time boom. I woke up, I started to get loving, I loved it, everyone loved, even the dog that was lying there on the street. Oh my God, I love.

you so much. It's wonderful. It was a love that happened, you know. It was a sensation. Euphoria. Literal euphoria. Really euphoria. And it was a very good feeling, very good. It was something like this, man. I don't want it to end, which is the famous first sensation of COC, exactly which is what I was looking for the whole time and I never achieved it. It happened to me at that time. I was still drinking you pure, right? And then I started. I just smelled like that and I spent a day from Friday to Saturday smelling it. I smoked a joint at the end of it to see if it would go down a little, sleeping. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. I can't eat. I can't do anything. I can't eat food. It turns into gum. I can't eat it. I can't sleep. It's really impossible. Whoever sleeps like that, my God, understands the person. I'm going to tell you.

my entire progression. I'm going to tell you my entire progression. You, you're going to finish this podcast, you're going to say, You're really dead, you're dead, thank God, but thank God, thank God, but like that, I smelled it all night, and then I smoked in the morning, and we ate and slept. Uhum. And then I was like two months without smelling at the beginning in 2016 like that, and then giving the illusion that I had control, that I had control. I didn't want it one day. I didn't want it, it ended, you know, if I don't want it, who's going to force me, nobody's going to force me, I do what I want powerful, and I was the show of the Powerful, Powerful. Then I FIC stayed there for a few years like that. There was a time I ended my relationship with this boy, we broke up. I forgot about existence, you know, for, I don't know, about six

months or 8 months. I don't know. I left it. I didn't leave it. I left the dust. I left it there. There was no reinforcement there either, so there was nothing. There was nothing. I was just. I just wanted to drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. And then I just remembered. Now, before that, before I dated him 2000 and 15, 2015. There was a time that I stopped drinking and was only using LSD for 9 months. You replaced the alcohol with LSD. I replaced it. I stopped drinking because I can't use RSD and Baby. I always vomited. I was always either one or the other. Or one or it was the other. And I always preferred LSD because it made me hallucinate. It's a feeling like that. It wasn't Euphoria. It wasn't anything. It made me hallucinate even literally from reality. It came out of reality. There came a time when I stayed in my room. My air conditioning. It was close from the window on the side of my bed. I lay with my face in the air conditioning watching.

psychedelic videos on YouTube for 10 hours. Uhum, it was like this static in P. You know, like a zombie, like a buzz outside of the world, outside of reality. Yes. And then I, I, I stayed there for a while, so I'm going back to after I started dating. I didn't end my relationship. I was at theater college, right? I have a degree in performing arts, that's cool in quotes, right? I didn't get the diploma missing S. I say you're going there. I'm going to finish. I'm going to finish. I'm going to go, but I couldn't. I couldn't complete my active addiction at that time. Uhum, it wasn't allowed, right, but then I was doing nacal. Uhum, a good college, nacal, great, excellent there, normal, very normal people, okay. I left college to have a beer, my people, everyone in quotation marks did it, yes, everyone did it, I just couldn't do it, but Everyone hated beer, but

you went drinking it because the others were drinking it. Drinking vodka, uhum, ah, you drank the vodka while they drank the beer. Uhm, I said guys, everyone is sitting here drinking a beer, and I'm really crazy. I'm going to have to learn how to drink that. Then uhum T learn to drink beer, people, because otherwise you'll be screwed. Because beer was something for you, not for you. It was something that I drank and gave myself one, but I managed to make a full face. Uhum, the beer was already bitter like lemon. I did it like that. I couldn't hide it in any way, so I had to learn to drink it, you know, learn to like it, yes, learn to like it, pushing your taste again, attacking your personality. PR exactly to be able to compose with the rest was bad. PR me adapting there. PR adapting again was horrible. I don't remember much about the taste of the beer, but I know I still thought it was bad. Uhum, I didn't like it, right, beauty, when I started, then there was one, um, there was a time when there were

some parties at Unirio. It was Styrofoam, the name Styrofoam. What a cute name, right? Also cute. It was outside. It was cute. That name was popular with everyone. Outside, it was outside the college. The drink styrofoam was tinkling several times. I've seen it. And it was outside. Everyone was standing, and everyone. IMP, my God, temp me, something super. Comfortable, there was no light. Yes, it was that light. Underground street, a party super. Look at the beautiful scenery. Exactly exactly that was it. Uhum. And then calm down. I forgot, no problem. You were talking. We were saying that you came to PR to get to cocaine. It was the bar da da da da na mureta Hebrew mureta. I've been there a lot too, haven't I? Vape, but yours was a styrofoam cup. I went to the styrofoam cup because it was free. Oh, that's also it. The drink is free.

too from Z opoz Minho no no, but we could be there listening to music. Ah, I see, it was like a party that was held every Friday - fair, and it was just the music. Someone would put on a song, and it would stay there, that was it, that was it. Beauty, and then there were lots of styrofoam bottles selling drinks. Selling the drink, you would buy it if you had money. If you didn't have it, you were there enjoying it. So she ordered it there, right? So I asked someone like, she said being dependent, woman, it's much easier, someone always offers, offers something, yes, but never my friends, no, that's why never my friends, my friends wanted my money, exactly. Now, those who didn't know me were there wanting to drink me, you know, that was it, that was it, and then I left college. I stayed there for a while in the bar with them, drinking, drinking. When I was Altinho, I went to this place to meet other people.

then I started to get really crazy in these places. So I said like that, because then I'll go up and then I'll wake up. I'm sure I can stay longer. Exactly what you thought, like, I found the way. Now I'm going to do it. I was just embarrassed, uhum, like that. And then I started aa. Then I said like [ __ ] the problem is in the vodica, that's it. The problem is the vodica. I have to stop drinking. V always. Magical solutions. The problem was marijuana. Then take marijuana. Then LSD. The problem is LSD, right, not perfect, perfect, vodica is the problem. I have to drink only beer. How come people are uhum [ __ ] people are calm, everyone sits down drinking and laughing. It's time to leave, go away, no one vomits. Uhum, there. It was yours, your new love, it was Serv, that's what I have to do, uhm, I'll adapt to this, I'll do it, I'll almost vomit, the thing.

going down, I'd push, right? Everyone drank beer. Oh, and I'm very good, this is very tasty, really. It's cold, right? I got used to it, right? I got used to it, then I started to get really crazy about beer powder solution powder powder uhum. I think it's normal, right? People go and drink a beer at the bar, so I stayed there for a while for 1 year and a half, 2 years on this map, you know, that thing like that a lot. Baby, I was already completely devastated, devastated, I just didn't realize, I just didn't realize, I'm thin, I'm today, I'm 56 kg at the time, I was 52, but like this sucked here, dark circles, I have a photo on mine and you're being Diabetic, like Um, you take insulin, you tend to get fuller, girl, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't search on the internet, people on Google, how much insulin I had to apply to.

smell a line of powder. You did this research, I did it, and I couldn't believe it. They said there I had to apply insulin. So every time I snorted, I applied. I snorted and applied. I got home sometimes with IPO. Sometimes I got high, which was above 500. Oh, you could have a hyperglycemic or hypoglycemic coma. Really, God didn't want to take you. He could, but it's a very trustworthy site, right? It explained this to you. Anyone who could give me the answer I wanted was there. I didn't need to research much. I just wanted something, the answer I wanted. Example, it was certainly someone who could only be trusted if he gave you the answer you wanted. I wanted if someone gave me an answer that was the opposite of mine, they would say, Hey, did you get it from where exactly did you get it? Sources, sources, sources here. Sources here tell me, huh, not for me. I wanted, that's what I wanted. So that was what I was going to get. Somehow I understood in my head, that's how.

it worked, so I started to feel sick with beer. You know, and with powder. Then I was like that, okay, so I'm going to try to reduce it. The beer and increasing the powder is because the coupa was starting to be the beer's beer. At one point, there was already a crisis with the beer and it always didn't work. So I started reducing the powder by increasing the beer. Then it wasn't working. So I said, Dude, you want to know, now I give it to God because I no longer have the slightest control over anything. And I remember, dude, I remember that day clearly. There were two days that I remember as if it were today. I went into the bathroom like that in Lapa, right? That's where I lived. I went into the bathroom and then I don't know if I can move here like I did and so on, or it's a bit of a trigger. It's good, right?

put a little more on that day. I smelled it, and that day I put a little more on it. I smelled it, so I said [ __ ] three times at once. G, it's having an effect, no, not what I wanted, exactly. It was the first time, never come back. I had to use it more then I stopped and started talking to myself in the bathroom. I said this man three times, three times. Gabriela, you're using it a lot, huh? Ah, I don't think it's normal, right? I think people are like that, eventually they'll have their first never too much effect, but keep looking, right, keep looking, that's what it's for, that's that, that's the search. Exactly. It's not going to happen, there's always someone who sells it and says no, but there's one that's wonderful, baptized pure effect, right, these sellers of wonderful solutions always have, always have, always have.

and but there comes a time, man, and I remember sometimes flashes of several times. I was in a place there in Lapa where I don't even know what I was using. You already I didn't even know how to use it. I just wanted to use it. Uhum. I just wanted to use something. There you had already lost any control of yourself. What control. That's what I'm saying because until then you had an illusion. You didn't have an illusion but there you were already like. I didn't even know what I was doing to you anymore. I already admit that I'm out of control since I'm out of control but that was it for me too. It was only that night that control came back. When I woke up sober, I understood. I'm going really crazy. Because I want to go really crazy. I'm not going too crazy because I know I want to go crazy. So I 'm going. I'm really wanting to go crazy, everything is in control. I'm wanting to go crazy, you know.

that was my thought. Justification. It was my justification. I thought everything was fine. Well, n

DEPENDENTE QUÍMICA CONTA SUA HISTÓRIA COM AS DROGAS - Gabriella Bogo (Uma Adicta por Aí)

PodPeople - Ana Beatriz Barbosa

The speaker discusses their history of using marijuana, their struggle with anxiety, and their decision to quit.

They also talk about their experience with mixing marijuana and alcohol, and how it led them to choose drinking over smoking.

Additionally, they share their brief encounter with cocaine at 17 and how it terrified them.

The speaker describes their intense desire to try cocaine and the euphoric feelings it initially brought.

They struggled with the inability to sleep or eat while using the drug.

Despite periods of attempted control, they ultimately experienced a long-term addiction and a difficult breakup.

Struggling with alcohol, the speaker switched to LSD for 9 months to hallucinate and avoid vomiting.

They dropped out of theater college due to their addiction but felt pressured to drink to fit in.

The experience of forcing themselves to like beer to fit in with others at college was unpleasant.

The name "Styrofoam" became popular for outdoor parties near the college.

The parties offered free drinks in Styrofoam cups and were a place to listen to music and socialize.

The narrator struggled with alcohol and drug use at these parties, eventually realizing the need for a change.

Struggling with Addiction: A Personal Journey

The individual describes a downward spiral of addiction to beer and powder, leading to health issues and a loss of control.

They talk about seeking validation and information online, as well as their dangerous behavior to support their addiction.

The person ultimately reaches a point of surrender, acknowledging their lack of control over the situation.

The speaker reflects on the excessive use of a substance and its effects on them.

They acknowledge losing control and the desire to go "crazy," seeing it as a form of justification.

This reflection comes after a sobering experience and a realization of their behavior.