Asking Parents for Financial Help: Tips and Considerations

Adult children should clearly communicate their struggles and provide solutions when seeking financial help from their parents, respecting their decision.

### Navigating the Delicate Balance of Financial Assistance for Adult Children
* 💡  When adult children are struggling financially but their parents are in a strong financial position, it can be challenging to navigate the conversation about **potential assistance**.
* 🔑 " This money is a very taboo subject, and it's hard. And once it comes out of your mouth, you don't get to **get it back**.
* 🗣  Clearly communicate the struggle and need to your parents, making sure they understand it's a **legitimate concern** and not just a want.
* 🤝  Provide a solution and show that you are actively working towards **improving your financial situation**, making it a **win-win scenario**.
* ❌  Avoid making it transactional, as the assistance should be driven by the **relationship** and not just a **financial exchange**.
* 🤔  Mentally prepare for the possibility of a "**no**" answer, respecting your parents' decision and not creating **friction in the relationship**.
* 🧠 " You don't know their full picture either. If your parents tell you 'no,' just know there must be **more going on than you realize**.
* 💼  Financial planners can play a crucial role in navigating these difficult conversations, balancing the **emotional and analytical aspects** of the situation.

[Music] All right, so let's talk about the other side of the equation. Let's talk about maybe, and I don't want to say more delicate because neither of these is more delicate than the other, but this is a hard one. What if you're the child? What if you are someone who is in the messy middle, or you are at a stage where life is hard, and you are struggling right now, and you do happen to know that your parents are in a financial situation where they are on sound financial footing, and you've come to this realization. Okay, I know that life will be okay one day 'cause Mom and Dad have done great, but man, you know, it's going to, when, if, if they live, they're going to live a ripe long life, and I'm going to hit all this money 30 years from now. Man, I don't know if it would really help me. It would be life-changing. It would be trajectory-altering if maybe I had some of that help now as opposed to later. How do you do that? Well, 'cause that one can

be real dicey. Be careful. Yep, this is the first thing. We'll get into some actual tips here, but I do want to tell you to be careful 'cause I think it's a part of the human condition. We're all somewhat selfish. Oh yeah, so you might be in a situation to where you think that, hey, this is a no-brainer for Mom and Dad to help me. I'll just bring up my concerns, my wishes, and you know, and they should help me. Just make sure that you, you just be careful 'cause this money is a very, it's a taboo subject, and it's hard. And you know, once it comes out of your mouth, you don't get to get it back. So that's why this is definitely a measure twice, cut once before you even go down this path. And I would challenge you to really make sure your heart, make sure your, your, your mindset, and what, and your perspective on this situation is actually going to be heard the way you think it's going to be.

heard because this this could be very challenging so let's talk about some what to do and what not to do. Here's the first what to do: clearly communicate that there is a struggle present. Explain to your parents, hey, here's what's going on, man. I really, I really, the school system we're in is not wonderful and there's a great school but we just can't quite get the tuition together, but we really want that to be the education there. Clearly communicate that there is a need and that that need is actually a need and not a want, and that there's a goal behind why you're trying to achieve that thing. If you can clearly paint the picture for them, it will seem less like it's this emotional, visceral thing where you're just trying to get into their back pocket, and I think if they actually see it's something that you need and not something that you want, the parents are going to clue into that, they're going to recognize that it is a legitimate concern. Well, and the second thing we put

was provide a solution. Now what we mean by that, this is not meaning your parents are the solution with their money check there's. It means that you is part of this cuz think about about any good presentation if you're going to have a hat and hand moment to where you're the adult child coming to your parents humbly asking for their help. You don't want to seem like you're asking just for what it potentially is a straight up hand out. You need to show them that this is a win-win scenario, meaning that you are part of the solution. And I'll give you I'll give you an example on this. In the book millionaire Mission, I shared that as soon as I got into my my adult life, I think a lot of people into this is that I all my adult decisions added up much more than I could have ever realized when you start paying your first apartment even with roommates you start paying your first apartment. You get your first car payment to get you to your your job that's actually going to

be your wealth-building engine. And then you got your lifestyle choices that you have to figure out. How often am I going out to eat with my friends? How often am I taking my girlfriend out to eat? How often, you know, all these things groceries and how we're splitting up adult life kicked my butt and I ran up some credit card debt and I'm not I'm not proud that this happened to the point that I just couldn't make the math work and I had to call my father and I said, Look, um, I can't. I'm $300 short. Which, you know, is it was very humbling but I shared with him that I would never make this mistake again. I was already trimming certain things, was going to start, you know, taking my lunch to work and all. I shared the solution. And then I'll tell you internally it tore me up inside to know what to do, disappointment I was to my parents to have this perceived success I graduated, got my first big job, and then here I was coming right back to them asking for money 'cause

I couldn't do it on my own. I made sure internally that I said, Look, you're never ever ever going to put yourself in this situation again. And I created a solution for myself. So there's nothing wrong. I did the right thing instead of paying the high in credit card debt. But you got to make sure that you're providing a solution so this doesn't look like you're just asking for a handout and you're going to just keep repeating this cycle over and over in an unhealthy way. The other thing you have to do is mentally prepare yourself when you go and ask someone a yes or no question. You need to be prepared that if the answer is not what you were anticipating, you need to make sure, Are my parents actually willing to do this? You can lay out your struggle and you can lay out the solution. You can lay all this out. But at the end of the day, it's their money and they get to choose if they help or not. And if their answer is no, you need to be okay with that.

need to recognize that it's their choice to make. You cannot storm in there and begin demanding, Mom and Dad, I need this help, you got to do this, you got to do this. That's going to create friction in the relationship that you do not want, and they may say, Hey, we'd love to help, but we can't. You have to respect that, and you have to be comfortable with their no being a no, or else it's going to lead to a very negative and bad, and let me save some relationships here. You don't know their full picture either. I think about, and this is a childhood story, but I remember I wanted a go-kart so bad when I was a kid, and I knew my dad made $40,000 a year, and I had done the math, and I was like, Why is my dad not buying me a go-kart? He can afford 20 or 30 go-karts, you know. But what I was doing, what I call go-kart math, rightly named, because what I wasn't

realizing was hey as an adult you have more ages. You got kids education. You've got, you know, all the after-school things. You've got all the groceries. You've got all the expenses that nobody tells you as a kid that you have. You know, if your parents tell you, No, I want you, because for the sake of the relationship, just know there must be more going on than you realize. 'Cause maybe if you have siblings, there's already stuff going on there. Or maybe they have, they're not in as good a financial situation if you might have been led to believe. You've seen that bow in your own life where, you know, you thought some things were going to be funded certain way, and then you find out, Hey, parents just didn't have the money. That's right. So, so don't make false assumptions, um, and be careful because you don't want to ruin the more powerful overall relationship. So that's what to do. Let's talk about what not to do. These are Big make sure you don't create this as a transactional thing. Hey, Mom and Dad.

I need this, so you should give me this. And it's a transaction. This, if they choose to help you. And if this is something that's a part of your financial plan, it needs to be driven by the relationship and not the transaction. If you let the transaction drive, and it just feels transactional, nobody wins in that scenario. It's not good for you. It's not good for your parents. It's not what the original tweet of this show was getting at. That is a very, very different thing. So be careful not to let it turn into purely transactional. Yeah. And I hope for my audience that maybe is on the side of this where you are the adult, you've done well, you've saved well, you've planned well, and you know you're ahead of the curve. I hope you will kind of look at your life and say, Hey, how can I use this as a blessing now? Because what is great, and I love this, was from the original tweet, is that if you can make memories with your children now, if you can help

them out with maybe some of those educational goals, or some of those other struggles that they're having at this moment, versus just waiting for 20-25 years in the future where they're old, you're old, and those assets never got to actually connect and let you actually see the fruit of all your hard work, all your discipline, and all your labor. Let's figure out how we do this in a healthy way, and that's what a good financial planner can do. I love that it was a financial planner that shared this tweet. I love that we're fee-only financial planners, that we get to share this content with you guys, because this is the hard stuff that I do think makes financial planners help. We, in a lot of ways, are the moderators between some of these hard life decisions on how do you navigate the emotional stuff, the relationship stuff, but also get the math and all the analytics stuff that a lot of people just take for granted. How do you get the perfect balance on that? A lot of times, it means taking the

What to Do vs. What Not to Do If You Have Boomer Parents

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How to Ask Your Financially Secure Parents for Help

It's important to approach the topic carefully, considering the sensitive nature of asking for financial assistance.

Clearly communicate your struggle and the genuine need for help, emphasizing that it's a need and not just a want.

Avoid making it seem like a selfish request by painting a clear picture of why you need the assistance and how it will impact your future.

Taking Responsibility for Financial Mistakes

Taking ownership of financial decisions is crucial, including seeking help from parents.

Demonstrating a proactive approach and a willingness to change can turn a financial crisis into a learning experience.

The emotional impact of asking for help should drive a commitment to avoid repeating the same mistakes.

Overcoming Financial Struggles and Asking for Help

It's important to create a solution for financial struggles rather than relying on handouts or repeating unhealthy cycles.

When asking for financial help, be prepared for the possibility of a "no" and respect the other person's decision.

It's crucial to approach the situation with understanding and respect, recognizing that the other party has their own financial circumstances and limitations.

Managing Financial Expectations Between Parents and Adult Children

Adult life comes with unexpected financial responsibilities like kids' education, after-school activities, and groceries, which are often not taught in childhood.

It's important not to make false assumptions about family finances and to avoid creating a purely transactional relationship with parents.

Instead, financial support should be driven by the overall relationship and not just based on give-and-take.

It's crucial for adults to use their financial stability as a blessing to create meaningful memories with their children, as highlighted in the original tweet.

The Role of a Financial Planner in Navigating Life's Tough Decisions

A good financial planner can help individuals connect their current assets to their future goals.

Financial planners, especially fee-only ones, serve as moderators in navigating the emotional and relational aspects of financial decision-making.

Balancing the emotional and analytical aspects of finance often requires taking the client relationship to a deeper level.