Please... Please. Just come in here. What? Damn it. I did not put this under the tree because of your Father. Is it...? MOM! Thanks. Are you freaking kidding me? Merry Christmas.

Is this my last one? Looks that way... What is that? This is mine! That is yours, this is mine? Yeah. There is no way this is a Wii U. Oh, wow. A brown shipping box. It looks like it came from UPS like two days ago. Do not hate on the brown box. What is this? Really, Mom? Open it up. Open it up. No, I see what...Yeah. (Laughter) Are they not adorable? No, Mom. I mean... If I was twelve. I am twenty-two years old now! Put them on, Jess. I am not. I am not. That is embarrassing. I would not wear that! Just put them on. This is ridiculous. CUTE! They hurt my ears! Cute. Oh, you can just sashay your pretty little self around town. Ow! What are you doing? Well, I think they light up. Yes! Oh, my goodness, it is so cute. Oh, my God that is hideous.

(Want some coffee?) (Unanimous: Yeah.) Some more tea... What the hell? (Laughs) Oh, God... What the hell did he do? Jesus Christ. Oh, well this is just over-dramatic. What are you doing? You always have to filming me! Wait, are you serious?! Yeah, I am serious. Jesse, you should... You should NOT be doing that! Enjoy the home video for Christmas! Jesse, this is not the right way. Yeah! You want some on you?! Jesus Christ, dude! You want to catch aflame?! Dude. Calm down! Look. There is no going back if you do this. It is not fair that you get an Xbox One that you did not even ask for... And I get... Nothing! NOTHING! Jesse, Christmas is not about like just what you get. I do not...Oh, yeah?! You know how much it means to me! Are you really going to do that?

(Laughter) Jess, you have to look at yourself. It is adorable! Oh, yeah. It is just what I wanted... I need to get me some. There is really... No way! Are you... You asked for an Xbox One? No... Thank you so much. Great... Another gaming console... I am going to go start breakfast. You guys gave him an Xbox One? You did not even ask for that? I did not give them a list or anything. What? You did not get what you wanted, Jess? No. No. I got the reindeer antlers! You asked for those? I think they are cute. There is really... Are we having ummm... Cinnamon buns or waffles or what? Yeah, how many do you want? We are having waffles. Oh... You want any waffles? NO! (Laughter) You do not want any? I do not want any waffles!!! (More Laughter)

I wanted one thing for Christmas. I wanted one thing... Oh, shi- Dad. Dad, stop! STOP! Look. LOOK. Dad! Dad. Dad! Dad! Dad. Dad! Look. Look, I wanted one thing. Dad. Dad! GET OFF! GET OFF ME! I AM GOING TO TELL MY THERAPIST! I AM GOING TO TELL MY THERAPIST ABOUT THIS! Yeah, I do not care. Stop! Get out of here! Get the fuck out of here! (Girlish Screams) Mom, you have to pull the pin! Get off! You have to squeeze the...OH! Use two hands, Mom! Oh, my God... Way to ruin another family holiday...I love to do it! If it was not for your Mother, your ass would be out to the curb! Well, at least she actually CARES! Jesse! Please, come in here. Stop.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude. This is meant... Ah, Jesus... Dude. You know, screw this holiday! You know, what does it even matter. Oh, my God. What the hell are you doing? What does it look I am doing?! These games have fried your mind, have they not?! What do you mean? FRIED MY MIND?! YOU HAVE NO IDEA! Yeah, I have every idea. I do not even know why I still have this on! You ruined the stinking holiday! What ails you? Jesus. You. Hey! I got you a grill! I got you a grill! I got you a grill. For Christmas, alright?! Yeah, but I already have a grill. Jesus Christ. Look. Look. What ails you? No, I am not going to do that. Look. What are you...Jesus! What ails you?! Look...These games are getting in your head! No. I got you...All I wanted was one thing...

Psycho Kid Torches Christmas Tree

Scripts